Irrational

He sped down the highway, careful to obey all posted speed limits, this wasn't a night he wanted to get pulled over and as much as he felt like pushing the limits on his bike, getting pulled over, or worse, getting into an accident, wouldn't improve his mood any. He was torn, he knew he had to get out of the apartment, they weren't communicating, things were worse now than they were before and they just kept hurting each other. Still, leaving her was wrong, he knew that, and it pained him to walk out on her. What kind of husband was he to walk out on his wife? God, how had they gotten so screwed up in such a short time he wondered.

His anger rolled off him, riding his bike always did that for him, but he didn't feel any kind of relief tonight. In fact, he felt worse instead of better, his heart heavy with guilt. He was as far apart from Calleigh as he'd ever been and he couldn't figure out how to reach her because he couldn't rationalize why she was so angry with him. She just wasn't an angry or unreasonable person, if anything she was probably guilty of swallowing her anger too often instead of dealing with it. Maybe he should look at this as progress. That caused a wry chuckle to escape his lips. Along with trying to figure out what was going on with her, now he wondered if she still wanted to be his wife. The only certainty he knew was that he missed her more than he thought possible and he was frustrated and miserable.

He pulled into the parking lot of the first bar he found that was open, looked decent and had vehicles parked in the lot. There was no one he wanted to see tonight and the bar seemed a better alternative than driving all night. He only hoped the beer wouldn't make him too tired to drive later, he couldn't very well spend the night there, well, at least he didn't think so, although maybe his wife wouldn't care where he spent the night. Fortunately he wasn't on shift until noon tomorrow, which was a good thing because he had to get some sleep somewhere, he'd hardly slept at all the past two nights and it didn't look like he'd be getting some any time soon.

Why he wasn't sleeping was obvious, and it wasn't because the couch was uncomfortable, on the contrary, he'd fallen asleep while watching TV on that couch plenty of times, it was because he wasn't with his wife, she didn't want him and had asked him to leave their bedroom, that's why he wasn't sleeping. He just couldn't figure out what was going on with her.

The day this all began they had gone to bed together after arguing, both upset, but at least sharing the same bed, just sleeping further apart than usual. Calleigh had woken up during the night, in a bit of a panic, as if she'd had a bad dream and it had woken him as well. He tried to comfort her but she'd pushed him away, had been furious with him, for no reason he could figure and she wouldn't tell him why. She just insisted on being alone and he had no choice but to move to the couch, where he didn't sleep at all the remainder of the night. He left early the next morning, before she woke and without even leaving her a note, admittedly because he was aggravated with her for kicking him out of bed and shutting him out. And if he was being honest, that had hurt him.

Later that day he found her alone in the break room at work and he tried to talk to her, but she wanted no part of him. Arriving home late that night he once more tried to talk to her, but she went to their bedroom and slammed the door on him. He got the message loud and clear and spent another restless night on the couch, again leaving before she woke in the morning. This couldn't continue, he decided, he wouldn't spend another night without her, but here he was walking into a bar alone instead of being at home. Nothing made sense anymore he thought to himself.

He gave the interior a quick once over. Kind of a dingy place, it wasn't very crowded, just a few small groups of people sitting at tables, a few more people at the bar. He chose the stool furthest away from anyone so he wouldn't be bothered. It was smoky inside and there was some lousy 80's tune that he recognized playing loudly on the jukebox, a combination certain to make his splitting headache worse.

He ordered a beer and sipped it slowly wondering what Calleigh was doing at home, he couldn't get her off his mind, no matter how hard he tried. He hoped she wasn't packing his things, but maybe he couldn't blame her. After all, he did walk out and it was a terrible thing that he had said when they were at that crime scene earlier. No matter how irrational she was acting, she didn't deserve to hear that. No wonder she looked at him like he had broken her heart, he had. He certainly hadn't meant it, he was just tired and frustrated, kind of like he was still, but that was no excuse for hurting her and now he wondered if they could ever make things right.

Tired, he rubbed his eyes and raked his hand through his hair. He wondered if the bartender had any aspirin, he should have taken some at home but he wasn't there long enough. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard an unfamiliar female voice in his ear and he glanced to his left when he realized the woman was addressing him. So distracted was he, he hadn't noticed she had come in and taken the stool next to him. She was now leaning in a bit too close for his comfort as she repeated the question she'd apparently already asked once and the combination of her too strong perfume mixed with sweat was enough to make him sick to his stomach.

"I said, do you have a light?" she asked flirtatiously, smiling in a way she probably thought was seductive. He couldn't believe he was being hit on, tonight, of all nights.

He shook his head 'no' and purposely grabbed his beer with his left hand and brought it up to his mouth slowly, hoping his gleaming white gold wedding band would not go undetected, although the way this woman was looking at him he suspected the ring wouldn't be too much of a deterrent.

"Can you tell me the time?" she inquired, staring at him with heavily made up eyes, still hoping for a bit more attention from him.

"Ten of ten," he told her succinctly after checking his watch.

She had placed her hand on his arm when he put his wrist down after checking the time and was now lightly stroking it while she rambled on about something, but he was no longer paying attention. It was time to get out of there. He pulled his arm away abruptly and reached for his wallet, throwing a couple bills on the bar before he stood up. She may be interested, but he sure as hell wasn't. There was only one place he wanted to be. He left without so much as glancing in her direction.

He was determined to make things right with Calleigh, to convince her that he loved her and wanted to be married to her, she was the only thing that was important to him, he just wasn't sure she would listen. He thought back to the day in question, when she started acting so distant and angry with him. He stopped suddenly while he was walking as things came together in his head.

'Shit. How could I be so blind and clueless?' he asked himself, vigorously rubbing his temples. It was becoming clear to him what this was all about. Why she couldn't talk to him about it, well that he didn't quite understand, but at least now he had a good idea of what was going on in her head and maybe, why she was so angry with him.

'I should have figured this out that first day, but I was too stubborn and worried about my own feelings. This is all my fault. She's not acting irrational, well, she is, but there's a reason for it. Fear will do that to a person, so will love.' He shook his head. 'I should have tried harder to get her to open up. I should have known. Maybe I knew what this was about all along but didn't want to admit it.'

He made his way to his bike just as it started to sprinkle and some lightning flashed across the sky followed by a loud crack of thunder.

"Shit!" he said aloud to no one. He hoped he would make it home before the heavens opened up making it too dangerous to be on the bike, especially at this hour and when he was so tired. He wished he had thought to grab a jacket, or taken the car instead, but he wasn't thinking clearly when he left home. As he made his way down the highway he could see and hear the lightning and thunder coming closer together. He knew the heaviest rain would be upon him momentarily and he decided to pull off the road when he saw a covered bus stop up ahead. He could wait out the worst of the rain and call home.

He parked the bike and made it to the shelter before he got soaked, a good thing since he didn't feel like getting hypothermia tonight on top of everything else and since the temperature dropped when the storm moved in, it was a possibility. He hoped this would be a brief, albeit heavy shower. He reached in his pocket for his phone, surprised to find it missing.

"Shit!" he said aloud once more, when he realized he had left his phone on the hall table at home, which meant he couldn't call Calleigh.

What must she be thinking? This night just kept getting worse. He put his head in his hands as he sat on the hard bench, grateful to be out of the rain and that he was too cold, too uncomfortable and too miserable to fall asleep. He had no choice now but to wait it out and pray his wife was going to forgive him. He wished he had asked the bartender for aspirin before he left, his head was killing him and at this rate it wasn't going to get any better on it's own.

tbc