A Jewel Outshone
Disclaimer: Professor Tolkien owns it all. And all dialogue I borrowed from PJ's script.
A/N: I love both the books and the movies, for their own reasons. It is entirely possible to love both, and yes, I did read the books before I saw the films. You have to be able to appreciate that they are trying to convey the story in very different ways with different media and that does require differences. I'm not defending every change PJ ever made, but I can see reasons behind all of them, and only one truly bothers me. But that's another rant for another time.
He should have known. Why did he always expect it to be different? Only disappointment followed such foolish thinking. Cruel, bitter, numbing disappointment. There was absolutely nothing he could do that would better himself in his father's eyes. The elder son was competition he could not match, for reckless valor was prized above thoughtfulness and cunning. What did it matter then, that he had tried his best and failed, as his father had never had the confidence in him to begin with? He would always be second best, or the lesser son, if even that. There was no way around it; there was no way to win. But he didn't want to win. Unlike his brother, he knew that would not always be an option, and was not discontent with that fact. What he wanted was for his father to love him.
"You wish now that our places had been exchanged. You wish that I had died and Boromir had lived…""Yes. I wish that."
The words had wounded him deeply, but distantly. The pain was not new. Whatever he did, he could not measure up. He remained overshadowed even long after the source of that shadow had gone. But while the pain was a dull, pounding ache in his soul, it caused some small part of him to die. The tears that fought their way to his eyes were only proof of why he was not good enough, and that thought, to his horror, made it harder to will them away.
They stood there a long moment, in the heavy silence. The halfling watched the exchange, aghast, not believing in his innocence that such cruelty could be possible. Faramir noted the presence, his heart giving a bittersweet twinge at the hobbit's reaction. He was not sure whether the pity worsened or relieved some of the burden.
The worst thing was, while he wanted nothing more than his father's love, Faramir did not regret the way he was. There were no harbored dreams of becoming another Boromir, no desire to become like his father. Valor and boldness had their place, but could they not see that the world would come to ruin if they could not accept that more important things should be considered.
The world and everything in it hung on their foolish pride. But what did it matter? Defeat was inevitable, in the force of this tide that threatened to consume them. Their control extended no further than Minas Tirith. A city quickly becoming overwhelmed against the massive legions of swarming filth. What do you want, Father, if not to hear that we are in dire need of aid? That we cannot face this alone? That these walls are not invincible? You do not have Boromir, you have me.
"Since you were robbed of Boromir, I will do what I can in his stead."
His voice shook, ringing with an eerie, empty quality. It would never be enough.
No matter what he did, Boromir was and always had been the light of his father's life, a pride and joy. Whereas he, Faramir, was a hindrance, a failure.
Just once, could Denethor bestow any kind of affection, or even recognition? Just once?
Father, I may die doing your bidding. Will this at last make me worthy? A son worth loving?
Having nothing left to risk, Faramir dared one last attempt to break through the stone walls that suffocated his father's heart. "If I should return, think better of me, Father."
A cold voice replied. "That will depend on the manner of your return."
Even in death, Boromir outshone his brother. Whatever he did, it would never be enough.
A/N: This scene really struck a chord with me, so I had to write about it. Not sure if I'm satisfied with the result. What do you all think? And I was considering writing another short piece from Denethor's perspective.