Divine Commiseration

Chapter 7: Jaded

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Rurouni Kenshin, including the God!-I- Wish-He-Was-Mine, Sou-chan!

Author's Note:

::lays on the ground, staring up at the ceiling hoping that something inspirational will come into her head:: Oh dear... can we just say this was the hardest chapter to write? Not to mention the length... Argh. I'm so used to writing cringes 800-900 word chapters (not including author notes/responses to reviews). It's pretty hard trying to change your writing style (more serious and thoughtful of the characters now) and the length.

Sorry, but I won't be able to update for at least two weeks. I'm going on a vacation to LA, and am told that if I brought my seven pound laptop, I would be the one carrying it around. shudder And I don't dare put it in the hotel room... I have things against hotel rooms, even if it is going to be a Hilton. Well, just to make up for it (and here I go, editing the second chapter), here's a longer shudder chapter. Enjoy!

Makimachi Misao stretched her legs out into the warm sunshine, her unwanted tears disappearing as she flashed one of her usual, happy smiles. "So... Soujiro... How are you going to entertain me now?"

Soujiro blinked, completely surprised at her childish request. "Huh?"

The ninja girl sitting next to him giggled softly. "Amazing, genius response, Tenken. Here, I'll use small words and speak slowly so you can understand me. How are you going to keep me from getting bored?"

Rubbing the back of his head, a habit, Misao noticed, and looking slightly embarrassed, Soujiro shrugged. "I'm sorry, Misao-san. I don't believe I know how to." He smiled, one that almost reminded her of a child's, save the emptiness, and stared straight into her eyes. "You are quite amusing, so I'd think you'd be able to entertain yourself."

Misao blushed slightly, a tad bit embarrassed. "Yeah... But it's not everyday that you get a smiling murderer sitting next to you, and not have him pull out his scary dagger and stab you in the heart."

Soujiro shrugged. "Killing isn't something incredibly... rare, as you make it sound. It happens all the time... The strong live on to see another dawn, and the weak depart for another world."

"How can you say that? There are plenty of weak people, I mean, physically, but they're alive and living!"

"That's because they haven't been found yet," was the simple reply.

Misao growled in frustration. She just couldn't get through this boy? Was he an idiot or something? There were plenty of people who didn't know how to live, and they were fine! Take... a lot of the citizens in Kyoto! They had no training whatsoever and all of them were living happily! "Soujiro, what makes you think that the weak always die?"

The Tenken looked at the girl strangely, turning his head back so it was looking straight forward. "Shishio-san told me. And he's right. Because if I was weak, I would be dead right now. But I'm not."

"That's not true! Sure, you're strong and great and all that, but I'm definitely weaker than you, proven by last night, and I'm still alive!"

Soujiro fell silent, his mouth set in a grim line. "That's different."

"How?"

"Because... Well, I'm not sure."

Misao started on a rant Soujiro was not likely to forget for a long while. "No! That's not right! Listen to me, you smiling moron! The weak don't always die, because sometimes... Sometimes the strong protect them! Like Himura! So many people would have died without his help! They're weaker than their enemies but they're still living! That's how Himura is repenting for killing all those people right now!"

Tense silence filled the air as Misao breathed heavily and stared at the blue-eyed boy. "Do you understand me?!"

In Soujiro's now confused mind, all the thoughts he had ever had about his philosophy in life came dripping down into a muddy puddle. No, it wasn't an attack of secrets hidden inside his blank mind, but it was, however, something that let him know—more and more—that he was changing from the hardened assassin he had always thought he was.

Inwardly, he smiled jokingly, laughing at his own little joke. Perhaps he was like Himura. Didn't Shishio often tell him about how his predecessor, now pathetic and weak, had once had another side to him? It was not the rurouni side he had now, but rather an amazingly heartless and sadistic killer that had been nicknamed the Hitokiri Battousai. Maybe that was him, the swordsman prodigy, the Tenken, outwardly, and the poor sniveling Seta Soujiro inside.

No, he had no good feelings about the child he had been. That child could have gotten him killed... That child was so weak, he wasn't even smart enough to stop crying during the beatings, or do something about the abuse.

He grimaced at the memories he had tried so hard to block. Then wiped them from his train of thought, instead concentrating on the ideas that were now corrupting his mind.

Was it true...? Yes, he had heard rumors of it before, but never from someone who actually knew his future opponent personally. Himura was now repenting for the countless deaths he had caused? It was almost funny, if you thought about it, in a sick, twisted way... The assassin of the Battou sword style... Now the wanderer Himura Kenshin.

"Well?" The pushy ninja girl's could-be sweet voice interrupted his train of thought, which was already fragile as it was.

He looked at her, his haunted eyes peering—it seemed—right into her soul. "Misao-san... Do you trust me?" The real question followed through in silence. 'Do you trust me even though I'm the murderer that was supposed to end your life not even a full 24 hours ago?'

She looked taken aback at his sudden question. "Err... What do you mean, trust you? With my kunai? With the Aoiya? With—"

"With your life, Misao-san."

Misao tilted her head, leaning it to the side in a childish manner. "Well... Yeah, I suppose. I mean, even if you were ordered to kill me by a stupid mummy, you didn't... So yes, I trust you with my life."

'You shouldn't, little ninja girl... You really should not trust me. Only the weak trust another being so easily. But... It seems you are not one of the usual weak fools you see around so much.'

"Why?" she demanded.

Soujiro shrugged again, questionable glances in his eyes. "I was just wondering." He licked his lips uncomfortably. "It's... rather particular to meet a girl like you on a... mission, I suppose."

"A girl like me?" A twinge of outrage was barely suppressed in her voice. "What do you mean? Are you saying I'm different from other girls? Am I ugly or something?"

Soujiro nearly choked from the change in the girl's mood. How could someone just... do that so easily? "How did you do that?" He voiced his thoughts exactly.

"Do what?" She poked him hard on the chest. "And you didn't answer my question!"

"You just... Well, you were calm one moment and all of a sudden... You were angry. How did you do it?" Childish wonder lit up in his eyes.

Misao sputtered nervously. "W-what? What do you mean? Aren't you used to people getting mad after being insulted?!"

"Not like you. Shishio-san doesn't lose himself to anger like you do... Not like a warrior charging blindly into a sword." Seeing her pouting face, he immediately followed up with another comment. "Not in a bad way, of course, Misao-san."

Her eyebrows raised, still a bit furrowed, she pouted. "Don't you understand... emotions? At all?

"Not quite." The statement was final, and even weasel-like Misao knew not to continue questioning.

"Soujiro, you've asked me a question but every question I ask you, you never answer!" Misao paused and looked at Soujiro, who didn't seem to be paying attention to her. "Soujiro?!"

"Hmm..? Oh. Sorry about that, Misao-san. What were you saying?"

"Oh God... I'd almost thing you were a regular guy if I didn't know you were a blood-thirsty killer. Anyway, Soujiro... Why are you still talking to me?"

As if it she jolted the reason why he was there back into his brain. "I have to go," he quickly said.

"Soujiro! Not again!"

He grabbed her hand and stared into her eyes. "I have to go. I'm sorry..."

Once more, Misao's breath caught. The look in his eyes... For once, it seemed almost... human? But his tone... Was he really going to... He was going to fight Himura... And although she knew that when Kenshin won, he would still be alive, she couldn't stop the guilt from entering her mind.

'What if Himura doesn't win? Will Soujiro... Will he kill him?'

Soujiro could practically feel the tension running high as he arrived at the Temple of the Six Arches. He had left abruptly when he remembered why he was even outside... and felt the slightest tendril of a swordsman ki.

He ran back to the temple, arriving once more into Shishio's grand room, where he was sprawled out against silken pillows, Yumi at his side.

"They'll be here soon, Shishio-san," he said, a huge grin on his face. "I felt some ki."

Shishio Makoto had a sense about him like a boy waiting for the feasts of the New Year. He had a snide looking smirk on his burnt and bandaged face, and his pipe was tilted at an angle of a man who knew exactly what and how he was going to get whatever he wanted in the world.

"Excellent. Where are Anji and Usui?"

"Anji-san is meditating, and Usui-san... Well, I think he's already in his room." Soujiro glanced at Shishio, the innocent smile still on his face.

"The Battousai should arrive in a few hours, then. Are they on foot?"

"I believe so, Shishio-san."

Shishio made a sound of contentment, then turned back to Yumi, who promptly fed him another bite of mochi. "Then, Soujiro... Why don't you go do whatever you want? It'll probably be your last few hours as a being who has not tasted power? Imprint that memory, that feeling, into your brain." He chuckled. "Of course, I doubt you'll be feeling anything."

Soujiro nodded. "Yes, Shishio-san!"

Turning his back, he started his way back out. Just as he turned, Shishio called out another comment. "Oh, the rest of the Juppon Gatana should be arriving at the Aoiya, soon, perhaps an hour. A total victory will be called... Besides... I think it would be a nice touch if the Battousai's woman was hurt, don't you think, Soujiro?"

Soujiro twisted back his head, mouth still curled upwards. "Yes, Shishio-san!" With that comment, he walked out of the room.

Soujiro walked out of the maze-like temple with a mind marred with different thoughts. Part of him wanted him to just let Misao's friends die, while another part of him knew that she had already suffered when her idol, Shinomori Aoshi, had betrayed them, and should not be weighted down with defeat again.

What did he truly think? He still had enough time to get Misao back to the Aoiya, yet what about him? He needed her to teach him... More, about life.

No... For once in his pathetic life, he needed to not be selfish. He needed to let her go. For once, something had to be sacrificed.

She was still in the same spot he had left her, but this time looking slightly sleepier, and definitely more bored.

He ran to her, his eyes hinting at desperation, while his mind still didn't know what he was feeling. "Misao-san!"

Her head jerked up to stare at him. "What? You're back already?"

He shook his head with a fervor she had not ever seen him display. "Misao-san, this is important. Only three of us are going to be at the Temple. Anji, Usui, and I. The rest... The rest are going to attack the Aoiya. They will need your help."

Misao's eyes widened dramatically. "What?! They're not all going to be there?"

"No. It will just be me, Anji, Usui, Hoji, Yumi, and Shishio-san. Your friends... They could die."

"What can I do?! You told me to stay here and— You're letting me go back?"She could not seem more shocked.

"Yes. But you have to hurry, Misao-san." Soujiro paused for a second, trying to think. "I'll take you back to the road. When we get there, just walk straight. You'll arrive at the outskirts of Kyoto... I think you can find your way from there. But you have to hurry, and be careful. The Juppon Gatana will be there... And they will kill you if they find you alone."

Misao gaped at him, the news stunning the senses out of the poor girl. Without waiting for her to argue, he picked her up, once again bridal style, and ran.

Once again, Misao could barely breath, the speed, the wind howling as it passed her ears, all amazing her that someone human could actually run that fast.

He dropped her gently as they arrived at the road. "Misao-san, this is where I leave you. I'm sorry for all the inconvenience I've caused you... What you've said to me in that one day... Well, it's changed me."

Misao looked almost tearful to see him go, and it scared him. No one had ever cared about him the way she seemed she did. "Soujiro, what's going to happen to you?"

"I'm going to fight Himura-san..." He said the obvious.

"No, but what if... what if he loses? Will you kill him?"

Soujiro didn't know what to do. Should he tell the truth? No... He didn't know himself. "I don't know..."

"Please... Don't kill him. Himura's a good man. Don't do it. I know you aren't heartless, Soujiro!"

Soujiro winced and looked to the ground. "I can't promise anything, Misao-san."

Misao, without warning, grabbed his hand. "Soujiro, be careful. And don't die. I won't forgive you if you die."

Soujiro's brain flashed warning signals. What was she doing? Caring about him... How would he mask his ki now? How would be fight if his mind was clouded with thoughts of her?

"Misao-san... I promise... That one day, I'll find you again. And when I do, I'll be someone different." He looked up to her tearing eyes. "Go now... You have to. Help your friends."

He couldn't bear to say anything else to her, or hear what he wanted to her say. Without a second glance, he tore his hand away from her small ones, and ran... ran away.

After all... He couldn't afford any more questions.

Ending Note:

End of chapter, and I'm sorry about the inaccuracies. I know that I've made some time line errors, but for the sake of the story, they will have to be made. Don't worry, I know I made those mistakes, but I can't really change them. Sorry if this chapter seemed a little rushed, but I've covered most of the important points that I had planned to make, and the rest of the story will be more action packed. I'm guessing there will be about three more chapters, epilogue is a maybe, probably no sequel. Still, hope you enjoyed this one!

I will not update for two weeks! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I need a vacation, that vacation will definitely let me write more and more. Maybe a two chapter update! That would be good for me, and you guys! I'm still trying to finish this story by the end of August, you know! Well, better stop talking. Hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Responses to Reviews:

Saku: Yes, another chapter! Sorry it's a little late, but I guess that's okay, since you know how long I can make you guys hold out. Teehee.

GoldAngel2: Eeps! I still haven't read your story—I haven't been able to read a lot of anything, except for humor, for the past week. I promise, before this story is complete, I will read and review your story. The last chapter was written all right, for a character definition thing, that is, but I don't want too many like that. That's why I had to have a little action going on in this chapter! Well, see you in two weeks!

xT-Zealot: Update Festival! It better be when I get back from my trip! Teehee. Actually, take your time. If it's a long, well written chapter, I'll update a million times! Thanks for the feedback!

Twilight Sky: Funny thing is, there is this one episode where Soujiro says to Shishio, "Can we torture him with that new device you ordered made?" It was both heartwarming and scary at the same time. Err... Haha. You've actually never read anything with Soujiro and Misao together? Strangely enough, I didn't read too many stories with Soujiro and Misao together either... I don't even know how I got the idea! Sorry for the short response, but I gotta go pack. Talk to you soon!

Rabid Fangirl: Glad I got a new reader! Sorry about having very little Sou/Mi interaction, but I really want to keep them in character. Maybe at the end, perhaps?

MSN-CHAN: Oh, I'm not that upset. I just expected this story to have a little more... Well, action, for one thing. I wanted something interesting to happen... It's okay, though. This chapter pleased me a bit more, since we have something actually going on. They will separate for a little while... but... Well, I'm not going to give anything else away.

KRN-CHAN: Yes, Soujiro will go insane, like he does in the episode, which is what I meant by 'crack'. It is a vital part of the plot, but will turn out okay, I hope. You live in Vietnam? Cool! Looks like I have a reader from a different country! What are some of your other friends? Thanks for the review, and talk to you soon!

JMeg: I don't want Misao hurting Soujiro that bad! His pretty face... It can't be marred! LOL! Glad you enjoyed the chapter, and thanks for the feedback!

Regina-terrae: Hope you had a nice vacation! Here's the newest chapter, and sorry for the delay!

Leishe: You're Carbonated Angel?! ARGH! Update, darn you! I command you! Just kidding. Go ahead and take your time with your writing! Glad you enjoyed the last chapter, and hope this chapter was just as good! Thanks for the review!

Nakashima-Michiyo: Will try to put in fluff, but it's hard to put some in because of... well... you know, the in character thing. The end should prove to be good, though. Sorry for the delay, but I will update soon!

Hana and Kaede: I hope she wins Soujiro's poor jaded heart, too! I'm so glad I gained a new reader, and hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Shinji Ikari: Whoa... Long review, and amazing critique! I'm sorry I can't write as much as most writers, and it was extremely hard to write this chapter since... well... I had to write and edit it in a day. shudder Not the best thing to do for a writer, but I felt it was necessary to inform my readers of my... err... vacation. I think that you do write well, just from your reviews. For one thing (the basics!), you can actually spell, you use correct grammar, and your writing is accurate. Way too many people nowadays don't have those qualities. Sorry about the random Japanese words. I've always been trying to keep that to a minimal, but somehow... it was just rolled out. shudder Glad you liked the bit about his aura and his ambition. I thought it would be okay (and in character) because all the major people around Soujiro are very ambitious. I was still worried, though. About the part about Soujiro's feelings for Hoji... I thought he would harbor a bit of ill will towards him because, during the baptism of fire, I interpreted as Soujiro complimenting Shishio, on his will to change people's thoughts, not amusement on Hoji's part. Fluff is out of question in this fic for now, but I still wanted some of it. Urgh... Retraining myself on that part. Okay, I'll get those three tapes immediately, at least until I get back. Will recheck episodes 46-47 for the arrival of Saitou, Sano, and Kenshin just in case I got it wrong. Well, thanks again for the amazing review!