"I have finished falling…"
I have been so tired. So hard is this battle. Not the battle with the Dark Lord, but the battle within myself. I wish I could be free of all the torments, of all the pain. But life is different in this way. Life is not so simple.
I wish, lying here at night, that I could be free to tell him. Tell him the truth. Tell him how much I love him. I, Hermione Jane Granger, am a pathetic loser. I can not even tell the man I am deeply in love with, that I love him. I wish I could be Harry sometimes. He is able to say what is truly on his mind. I say things, which are studious and bookish. Nothing that I truly feel comes out. My friends don't care. They are too wrapped up in Qudditch matches or in their own sordid sex lives. I don't want sex, at least not yet. What I want is for him to love me. That is it. It is so simple really. It is far from simplicity.
Today we have a double potions exam. I know I have nothing to worry about, but I can not help it. It still pains me that I freak out over something I know so well. Potions has been my favorite class, because it challenges me, not like the other classes I take don't. It's just that it's his class. And he means the world to me. When did I start to fall for him? I really don't recall. But I know that when I fall, I fall, hard.
As I enter the classroom, he tells us that he expects utter silence, for this is the test that defines our grades for the term, not the final exam. He says that the final exam is just a hurried form of potions and free response questions; this is a test that will make you think. He is brilliant. He tells us that he will now see how talented we truly are at potions, and what a surprise, that everyone is scared. Except the talented Ms. Granger, who is never afraid of a test. She actually studies for an exam, whether it is the final or not. This is no quiz. This is a test. Sit down, and begin. Part two, the potion-making section will start in 25 minutes. Begin you insolent children, or should I say children attempting to be young adults.
As I work diligently at the problems at hand, I sneak a look at him. He truly is handsome. With that sour look on his face, he looks rather snarky, but I know his true face. Underneath that coy façade, he is a handsome man, who is passionate about everything he sets his mind to. I heard Dumbledore's assessment of Snape one day. He said that he was the most brilliant wizard he has ever encountered, and not just at potions either. He said that Snape was talented at everything, and that one day, Severus would succeed him as the next Headmaster. He knows that McGonagall thinks that she will be the Headmistress, but Snape is so much more powerful. I find this interesting. Rather like politics to me. But it doesn't matter. I love him. I love…him….