Irrational

It was so silent in the apartment now that the storm had passed, she could hear every tick of the clock hanging on the wall in the hallway. Since waking to the sound of thunder, Calleigh had been sitting in the near dark, wrapped in the blanket, unable to sleep, just waiting and worrying, wondering where Tim might be, if he was all right and if he was ever coming home. She found the ticking had a soothing affect on her, the constancy of the sound helped her relax and clear her mind. She'd needed this time to figure things out in her head, to understand why she had reacted to him the way she had. She only hoped Tim would still be willing to forgive her after all she had put him through, he deserved better from the person he trusted most and she had let him down.

The sound of keys in the lock got her immediate attention. She was off the couch before he got the door completely open and pressed herself against him before he was able to it shut behind him.

He tossed his keys at the chair closest to the door and wrapped his arms around her, grateful for her embrace, it had been a lonely few days. She clasped him tightly around his waist as she leaned into his chest, crying softly. He felt her shudder and tightened his hold on her while kicking the door closed behind him. The warmth of her skin seeped through his damp shirts, taking a bit of the chill from him. He softly kissed whatever part of her he could reach and stroked her back, able to hear fragments of muffled words through her sniffles, but not comprehending. He would wait, for now it was enough just to be home with her.

"I was worried about you," she told him, briefly pulling away, looking up at him with red rimmed eyes and tear streaked cheeks. "I didn't think you were coming home and I wouldn't have blamed you. I said terrible things to you and practically threw you out."

"Cal I was always coming home, the storm just held me up." He felt her head nodding up and down from it's position back on his chest. "I shouldn't have left you in the first place. I'm so, so sorry. I won't ever leave you like that again."

"You're freezing," she said, after a long minute of just holding on to him, rubbing her hands up and down his arms in an effort to warm them.

"I'm fine Calleigh," he tried to convince her, but the goose bumps on his arms betrayed him. He tightened his hold on her, unwilling to let her go, knowing she was all he wanted at the moment.

She shook her head, persisted in pulling him over to the couch, grabbing the blanket she had discarded earlier and draping it around both of them after first making him sit. Sitting closely beside him, resting her head on his chest, she cried softly, willing herself to get control of her emotions so she could finally tell him what she'd been keeping from him these past few days.

He murmured soothing words till she stopped crying and he felt her take one last shuddering breath. Pulling back a bit so he could see her, he wiped away the remaining tears and grabbed his handkerchief from his pants pocket for her. She offered him a small smile, which he responded to with one of his own, before gratefully taking the welcomed cloth and wiping her running nose. Pushing her hair from her eyes, he realized he had never really seen her this upset before, he'd seen her cry, but never like this and knowing he was the cause of it added to the guilt he already felt.

His expression grew serious, the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced now as he began to apologize, "Baby I'm so sorry I put you through this. This has been all my fault. I know you were scared and I should've been more understanding about why you were acting the way you were. You can't know how truly awful I feel about putting you in a position where you had to worry about my safety because of my past screw ups. You have to believe me, I will never let you down that way. I promise you and Calleigh, I will never break a promise I make to you. You, are all that matters to me and I can't believe I hurt you this way." He spoke softly and took a deep, audible breath before continuing.

"Cal can you please forgive me?" he asked, looking deep into her eyes, allowing her to see the pain and the burden he was carrying.

"Oh Tim, you don't have anything to be forgiven for." Her eyes filled with tears once more, realizing the guilt he still carried with him and her part in it. "It's in the past now. I handled this so badly," she paused, sniffling and shaking her head, "I should be asking for your forgiveness."

"It's OK Calleigh," he tried to reassure her. He reached out to wipe the few tears that had fallen, but she continued to shake her head at him.

"No Tim, it's not OK. Your gun was fine and I was horrible to you," she told him with a sniffle. "I do trust you and I don't know how to convince you of that after the way I treated you."

"C'mere," he appealed and attempted to pull her back into his arms, but she held him at bay, shaking her head, a smattering of tears still rolling down her face. "You don't have to convince me," he continued, but she put a finger to his lips to silence him.

"I need to try to explain," she began, "this just isn't like me. You know I don't usually act this way, but when Eric came into the lab that day and I thought..." she took a deep shuddering breath before continuing, " and I thought something had happened to you, it was almost like I could see it in front of me and it made me realize that I could lose you in an instant and that, that really scared me. Knowing how much you mean to me and how much a part of my life you are, it suddenly hit me, what losing you really meant. I couldn't shake the image of you lying there..." her voice trailed off and he took her into his arms once more, holding tightly.

"Your gun was something I could focus on, the only factor that could be controlled. I couldn't tolerate feeling scared and helpless, it just made me angry and in my head it was all your fault, because over the past year you turned my life upside down. Until you, I had done a good job of protecting my heart, of not letting anything hurt me... not so much anymore." She moved to look at him, saw his eyes were misty and reached out to stroke his stubbled cheek.

"I don't want to lose you Tim, I just can't imagine not having you in my life. I'm so sorry I pushed you away instead of trying to explain."

"I love you so much Calleigh. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Everything is OK and you don't have to worry about me like that any more." She nodded and put her arms around his neck, pulling him to her and kissing him fervently, which he responded to instantly, the strain of the past few days replaced now by his need for her and hers for him.

"I'm so sorry we had this horrible fight," she told him slipping her hands under his shirt and moving her lips into his neck.

"It was just a fight Cal," he began, then stopped after she moved away from his neck and he saw her eyes widen and mouth open, "OK, it was a horrible fight," he continued, holding his hand up to still her. "We're going to be married for a really long time, it's bound to happen again." He held her cheeks in both his hands, "but please, no more couch," he pleaded.

"No more couch, I missed you too," she grinned at him, slipping the button down off his shoulders and placing her hands under his T shirt again. "You know, we really need to get these wet clothes off you," she murmured, before he captured her lips with his. He slipped his own hands under her shirt and caressed the soft skin of her back.

"Sounds like a plan," he murmured between kisses, then lifted her off the couch and carried her down to 'their' bedroom.

the end