Alex was in the Swamp alone when BJ came in, a week later. Charles was consistently complaining that she treated the Swamp like her own quarters, which she pointed out, they had been once or twice.

'Hey Alex,' BJ said, sitting on his cot. Alex didn't like the way he was looking at her, and she let him know.

'What did I do now?' she asked, throwing an abandoned sock at BJ. BJ grinned.

'Nothing,' he said. 'I just wanted to talk.'

'Yeah, go ahead then,' Alex said. 'I'm not going to stop you.'

'I hope you've been staying away from your mother's brownies,' BJ said.

'Yeah, yeah,' Alex said irritably. 'Everyone else can have one but me. I know.'

'Got enough painkillers?' BJ asked.

'Yeah,' Alex said, taking the container from her pocket and rattling it. 'The pains have more or less stopped now, so I shouldn't need most of them, anyway.' She put it back without saying anything else.

'So what does your mother and sister have to say?' BJ asked. 'I can never hear enough about home.'

'Oh, they're ok, I guess,' Alex said. Her tone wasn't exactly bitter, but she wasn't as warm as she had been a few minutes ago, either.

'So nothing's bothering you?' BJ asked.

'Except not being able to drink,' Alex said. BJ turned away from Alex and started untying his boots. Alex got up quietly, and went to the Still. She poured herself a drink, and BJ turned around at the chink of glass against glass.

'What are you doing!' he asked. 'Do you want your liver to be operated on?'

'I'm sick of not drinking,' Alex snapped. 'I'm sick of having to face this stupid war when everyone else can forget it. You and Hawkeye have the Still, Colonel Potter has his scotch or brandy or whatever in the safe, Margaret has her own secret stash somewhere, as does Charles, and everyone can go to the Officer's club or Rosie's as often as they want. I'm sick of it.'

'Alex, don't,' BJ said, trying to grab the martini glass, or at least tip the contents out so Alex couldn't drink it. 'What's the matter?'

'Nothing!' Alex yelled. She stumbled backwards away from BJ, and cried out in pain when her leg started playing up again. She sat down on Charles' cot, nursing the martini glass carefully. BJ say next to her, but didn't try to take the drink from her.

'What's wrong?' he asked softly. There was a long pause.

'Everything,' Alex finally answered. 'I've been depressed lately.' She looked down at the martini as if she'd only just noticed it was there. Sighing, she pushed it away into BJ's hands, who put it on top of the stove. 'Nothing serious,' she said.

'Alex, you asked Klinger how many painkillers it would take to kill yourself,' BJ said.

'I said that?' Alex asked. She seemed genuinely surprised. Alex sighed again. 'I didn't know. I thought I was just thinking about it. I wasn't going to do it, you know.'

'I know,' BJ soothed. 'But I want you to give me the painkillers anyway.' Alex handed them over without argument.

'It's just I've been under so much stress lately,' she said. BJ nodded sympathetically. 'The wounded, my liver, not drinking, breaking up with Hawk. I know we sorted that out, kinda, but he's not the same. I'm still a little cold towards him, though he probably hasn't noticed. I wanted it to be like when we first met, but it'll never be like that again, not after what I did.' BJ didn't know why Alex was blaming herself for the break up, and he didn't bother asking. He knew she'd never tell him. 'Then I hear Dani's pregnant—'

'What?' BJ asked. 'Dani's pregnant?'

'Yeah, she mentioned it in her last letter. She's getting married to the father in about a month,' Alex said. She blinked a few times, to try and hide her tears. 'And I'm not gonna be there for it…' She sobbed out loud, then cried onto BJ's shoulder. 'It's unfair,' she muttered loudly. BJ patted her on the back.

'It's ok,' he said. 'We all feel homesick at times.' He tried not to think of his wife and daughter back in the states.

Alex sat up. She shook her head. 'I can't believe I said that to Klinger,' she said.

'It's ok,' BJ repeated.

'No, it's not,' Alex said. 'I've been cold towards everyone, and you've all put up with me. If it had been me receiving this kind of behaviour from someone else, I would have chased them over the front line by now.'

'Alex, nearly everyone in camp loves you,' BJ said. 'With the exception of Charles. We all know you've been going through tough times, and we'd never make it worse by holding your moods against you.' Alex smiled slightly bitterly.

'Thanks, BJ,' she said, trying her best to sound sincere. She loved him trying to make her feel better, but it was hard to act it when she felt like she did. 'Does Hawkeye know?' she asked. BJ shook his head.

'Klinger came to me. We don't know how he would have reacted to your behaviour,' he said.

'Good,' Alex said. Sighing, she stood up. 'I hate this place so much,' she said.

'It's only the war that makes it so lousy,' BJ said. Alex smiled a little.

'I might go see Potter about going on leave,' Alex said, leaving the Swamp.

'R and R?' Potter asked, looking up with a frown.

'Believe me, sir, if I didn't think I needed it, I wouldn't be asking,' Alex said.

'There are a lot of bars in Tokyo,' Potter said. 'You're still not meant to be drinking.'

'I've only got about a week to go, sir,' Alex said. Potter wasn't sure of Alex, he was used to her mucking around with the others, playing crazy pranks, and never being fully sober. The young woman in front of him now looked drained, yet presentable. It was like something had sucked the fun out of the nurse. Maybe she did need R and R.

'BJ and Klinger will vouch for me needing leave, sir,' Alex said, breaking into Potter's thoughts.

'Charles goes to Tokyo for the week in a few hours,' Potter said. 'You can go with him, and he can keep an eye on you.'

'Thank you, sir,' Alex said, not sure if Potter knew about her depression or not.

'Go pack, go enjoy yourself,' Potter said. 'And don't worry about Houlihan, I'll talk to her.' Alex smiled.

'Thank you, sir,' she repeated, more enthusiastically, before leaving the CO's office.

'I can't believe you're going on R and R with Charles,' Hawkeye said.

'You're not worried, are you?' Alex teased, throwing her brush into her bag.

'Of course not,' Hawkeye said. There was a pause. 'Ok, maybe a little,' he admitted.

'It's only because I'm desperate for a break, and so he can check to see if my liver's ok to see if I can drink,' Alex said, holding up a skirt. 'Do you think this skirt is ok?'

'It's not your liver I'm worried about,' Hawkeye muttered. He nodded. 'The skirt's fine.'

'Hawkeye, Charles is not interested in me. I'm too rough for him,' Alex said. 'And even if I was his type, I'm not looking for a relationship, whether it be a one night stand, or a meaningful romance that ends in marriage.' She looked up from folding her skirt. 'I doubt we'll even see a lot of each other,' she said. She dumped the skirt in the bag, zipped it up and gave Hawkeye a hug. 'Don't worry,' she said. 'It'll be fine.'

Alex didn't see much of Charles that week in Tokyo. She mainly went to the bath houses, where the brass flirted with her cheekily, and trinket shops. She didn't know where Charles went, but guessed the gardens, and museums. The two had separate rooms in the same hotel, across the hall from each other. Charles room was large and airy, with a large double bed and heaps of room. Alex had ended up with a small room, cozy and big enough for just her.

It wasn't until their last night in Tokyo did Charles check Alex's liver. It had been exactly a month since Alex first complained of pains.

'Well, you appear to be alright,' Charles said, standing up.

'Let's celebrate,' Alex said excitedly. 'Drinks and dancing on me.' Her time in Tokyo had really lifted her spirits.

'No,' Charles said. When Alex suggested drinking and dancing, he envisioned a horrible hovel bar like Rosie's, full of Hawkeye's and BJ's.

'Come on,' Alex said. 'It'll be fun.' She pushed him towards her door. 'Be ready in twenty minutes,' she said.

'I don't want to,' Charles said sulkily, but the door had already closed in his face. Sighing loudly, Charles went back to his room.

Alex danced from her room fifteen minutes later. Her hair was fluffy from being washed and dried, and she wore a hint of make-up to go with the pale green dress Klinger had given her for her last birthday. She knocked loudly on Charles' door.

'Hurry up,' she yelled. Charles emerged a moment later, still looking sulky.

'I don't want to go,' he said stiffly.

'Well, you got ready, didn't you?' Alex asked patiently. 'Come on, I know a little place a few streets over that you'd love.'

'I doubt it,' Charles snorted.

'Told you it was nice,' Alex said smugly. The place she'd been talking about was a small bar on the corner, decorated elegantly and playing soft classical music in the background. Charles was a little speechless in where Alex had taken him.

'I've been coming here most nights,' Alex said, sitting down at a table. 'Not drinking, mind, but a lot of classy people come here every night and dance. It's great fun.'

'Do you even know how to dance?' Charles asked in amazement, sitting down opposite her.

'Hey, I mightn't be able to sing, but I know a few dance moves,' Alex said, beckoning the waiter. 'Best wine you got, thanks.'