Disclaimer: I don't own anything Harry Potter, blah, blah, blah….

Chapter 4: Out of My Eyesight

"I didn't seem to know what I was missing
Just seems so out of my eyesight…"

I sit in Arithmancy, and think of him holding my hand. Although it was for medical purposes, it still was him, holding my hand, his fingers brushing against my cold skin, making it feel like it was on fire. He has calluses on his fingertips, I suppose from working with so many potions ingredients. He is so intelligent, and he is so mysterious. Both are traits I admire him for.

As I work assiduously at my assignment, I can't help but think of him. It is so strange, at one point; I actually paid attention in class. I still look the part, not like some of my friends who don't even bother to look like they are working. Bloody dolts they are sometimes. The class is silent, consisting only of Malfoy, Pansy, Blaise, a smattering of Ravenclaws, one Hufflepuff, by the name of Cecilia Adams, and a quiet Gryffindor, Adam DeFoe. It's a rather small group, but it is a difficult course, and only a handful of students ever pursue it after the required years. I enjoy the class, and welcome the structure of the subject. I need to stop thinking of him, and get back on task…

When the bell sounds, everyone turns in their assignments, and I sign my name to my scroll, and look up, and see something peculiar. It's him, and he is talking to the professor, about something. I see his eyes catch mine, and for the second time in one day, our eyes have found each other. His eyes are so dark, and they seem so enchanting. They say a person's eyes are a window to their soul, and I do believe that to be so. I look at him, and he shifts his attention back to the professor, and then turns around, and heads for the door. I drop my scroll on the desk, and I hurry out the door with all my things, so I may catch up to him.

I have to walk rather briskly, because he does not walk, he floats. It seems that he hovers above the ground, his movements so liquid, that they make my heart melt. I trip on some random object in the hall, probably a bit of rubbish, and all you can hear is the crash, as my books slide out of my arms, and onto the floor. Luckily, I stuffed my papers in my bag, because then I would never pick them all up. He turns around, and looks at me for a moment, and then turns around and continues walking. I look at him, and struggle to pick up my books. I manage to get them up, and with a shout, I call out, "Professor Snape!" He turns, and looks at me, and sighs.

"Yes, Ms. Granger? What is it now? Have you decided to become more like that annoying Tonks of late? Or is it just natural clumsiness that has finally surfaced. I do hope that you don't get as bad as Neville."

"No, its just…its just…"

"Spit it out girl!"

"Thank you."

"For what? Oh, do you mean for healing your hand? I am required to help students in need, its part of my job. Do not think I was being sympathetic to you or your trivial tribulations. I have more problems to deal with. Now if you excuse me, I have more important matters to attend to."

I watch silently as he makes a half turn, and begins to glide down the hall. Why does he have to be so incredibly insensitive? Why must I love someone so brilliant, but yet so cruel and troubled. I want to help him, and I want him to know how I feel. But with an attitude like that, I am reluctant to share myself with him. I head off to the library, and again I see the same portrait, so beautiful and serene. I wish life could be so simple….

The library is quiet, and I get all of my homework done for the weekend. It is a Hogsmede weekend, and I have to attend, because of my Head Girl duties. I can finish catching up on my Transfiguration later. It's almost dinner, and I want to get rid off all this baggage and books. I head off to the rooms I use, near the Prefect's showers. It is nice, having rooms that are all your own. After sharing with Lavender and Parvati, for so long, its nice to have some peace and quiet. The only problem is that it's so far from the Portrait hole, and my friends. And there is the issue of Malfoy being next door. But since he started going out with Pansy, he has relaxed more. I think its funny, that after all this time, he still is mean and totally vain. But slowly, Pansy is changing that. That girl is talented. I know she is ornery sometimes, but she can be quite agreeable as well. After her parents were sent to Azkaban, she has become a whole new person. She stays with her aunt, in Moorshire, and she seems to like it a lot better. At least the bruises are gone, and she looks happy. Not everyone in her family is evil, I suppose…

I get up, and I spot Dean, as he is walking out of the section on Herbology. I go over to him, and I say, "Hello Dean."

He smiles at me, he has a rather nice smile, and says, "Hi Hermione, Harry said you wanted to talk to me at dinner, and it's almost dinner, so would you like to walk with me?"

I really wanted to go put these books down, and then go to dinner, but how can I refuse, he was so sincere. "Sure Dean, let's go. So what did you think about those blood roses? I think they are very…"

Later, when we reach the Great Hall, and sit down to dinner, Dumbledore calls us all to attention. Dean looks at me for a moment and smiles, and then looks up at Dumbledore. I look at him as well, wondering what the news could be.

"As you all know, the big Spring Ball is next Saturday. There is to be a vote, and we shall crown the King and Queen of the ball!" there was whispering going on about the tables, that bit of information was new. "Well, actually, students, there is going to be a special tournament beforehand, a Double Quidditch match, with one final face off, and then everyone will be able to have a ball at the dance. I hope all students will attend, dates or not. Thank you everyone, and now dinner." With a wave of his wand, dinner was served.

"So Hermione, do you have a date to the ball? Harry said you didn't, and I don't. I really want Rachel to regret breaking up with me, and I can't be seen at the dance, dateless. So do you wanna go with me?" Dean said, as he helped himself to a piece of chicken pot pie.

I thought about it for a second. Why did I ever think that he was interested in me? Why would he be? Well, I guess it was okay, going with Dean, because Severus would never go with me, even if he did love me, he still wouldn't go. I stare at my plate, and push my asparagus to the side, and then I push it back over to the other.

"Sure, I will go with you Dean." I say, even though it makes me sad to agree.

"Great, I will meet you in the Common room beforehand, and then we can walk to the dance together."

"Sounds wonderful, simply wonderful…" I say, rather quietly. I look over at Harry, who is winking at me, and wiggling his eyebrows, until Ginny gives him an elbow in the ribs. He just grins, as Dean chats with Ron.

"Good going 'Mione. Now you have a date to the dance." He says before shoving mash potatoes into his mouth, stuffing it as usual.

"I guess so."

"Well, anyway, I have a question about the essay that McGonagall assigned on Wednesday…"

After dinner, I headed up to my rooms, alone, because I wasn't really feeling up to watching my friends snog for the next six hours. Besides, tomorrow is a Hogsmede weekend, and I have duties to attend to. When I reach my rooms, I say the password, and head inside. My rooms are so comfortable, with its modest décor that is suited to my wishes. I don't know how the house elves do it. I head into my sleeping chambers, and I retrieve my pajamas, and walk over to the bath I share with the Head boy. There are charms of course, that keep us from walking in on one another. I start a bath, and I remove all of my clothes, and leave them in a heap on the floor. I step into the bath after I use the loo, and brush my teeth. The water is perfect, and the bubbles I added, sandalwood, and rosemary, is heavenly. They make me think of how Severus smells, all earthy and woodsy. He smells of potions, and of sharp spices. He smells like heaven to me. The memory of the mixture of scents he carries sends a flood of longing into my heart. My mind is consumed by him, and because of him, I can no longer look at my friends snogging anymore. I used to be able to watch them, and not think anything of it. But now, it seems so wrong, and so depressing. I slowly let the water out, the scent of the bubbles remain on my skin, as I get out of the draining water, and grab a towel. I dry myself vigorously, and I think of how soft his hands seem to be. And how dark his eyes are. I look at the mirror, and I look at my reflection. I am not pretty, I think of myself to be a rather plain Jane, which suits me, because of my middle name. I stare at myself, my brown eyes, open and dilated. I look at my hair, bushy, and wild, the exact color of my eyes, the color of dead leaves in autumn. I stare at my breasts, bigger than both of my best friends, but not as big as Parvati's or Padma's. My breasts are only C-cups, but no one would ever know that, because no one looks at me in anyway sexual at all. I look at my stomach, which still has its share of baby fat, but I do not think I am fat. I look at the mound of hair that covers my vagina, and I can see that it matches my head. I look at my skin, pale and not as soft as his. I look at my face once more, and I can see a light dusting of freckles, brown and pale, sprinkled on my nose. They are not like Ginny's or Ron's, orange and bright, but a small detail, that no one hardly notices. I look at my teeth, straight because of a spell. I look myself over once more, before turning my head away, and confirming to myself, that I am not beautiful.

I put my pajamas on, a light airy cotton nightgown, with lace trim on the cuffs and the hem. It reaches just past my knees, and feels light on my body. I go over to my bed, and turn down the covers. It is only half past eight, but yet I am ready for bed. I summon my Transfiguration textbook over to my bed and I begin to read the chapter we will cover right before the end of term, before N.E.W.T.S. I am anxious about taking them, but I know that I will do well….

I hear the wall clock chime the hour, and it tells me that its one am. I have been studying for so long, that my eyes and neck ache. I close my textbook, and set it on the nightstand. With a simple, "Nox" the lights are out, and I adjust myself under the comforter, and stare at the ceiling. I lie here for sometime trying to sleep, but all I can think of is him. The scent of the bath still lingers on my skin; I can smell it as I inhale. I see his eyes in my mind, staring at me, so dark and full of something I cannot place. I think of the glass that was in my hand, and how he got it out. I think of the red blood, dripping from my wound, and how it mixed with the ink puddled on the ground. Red intermingling with black. Gryffindor meets Snape. Red, red blood puddled on the ground. Crimson tears…I love him, I think as I finally drift off, hearing the clock chime three, I love him…

Author's note: This chapter is longer than I expected. How you guys enjoy, and review. I love the insight and comments. Next chapter, Hogsmede, and the week before the dance. To correct my mistake, the lyrics come from Last Fall, by Vanessa Carlton, and not Devil's Dance. Sorry, the lyrics seem to blend together in my mind. Thanks you guys…