Chapter 10 Fallen Angel
The end of October was defined by the changing of the air and leaves of the Forbidden Forest. The reds, golds and browns mingled together. Autumn always came upon me suddenly. As if the season changed without my realizing, the subtlety of it seemed as if overnight.
The last Tuesday was ordinary for everyone else but was marked by a large raven swooping low to deliver its burden in front of me, the light streaming through the windows of the Great Hall making the raven iridescent with shades of blue and purple.
The envelope was plain upon first glance, with only my name scrawled elegantly on the front of it. The other side was not so plain as it bore a black wax seal with a snake coiled around the letter V.
I tucked the envelope into my black school robes. Draco pushed his breakfast away obviously no longer hungry. I glanced up toward the Head Table where Professor Snape gave an imperceptible nod of acknowledgement.
I continued to eat as if nothing was amiss although the food tasted like sand to my parched mouth. I went through the motions of the day, attending class, making small talk of assignments. Looking around myself, I felt displaced. It was the first time I've felt that way in awhile, knowing the wheels of destiny led my path. These children surrounded me, going about their inconsequential business, believing that others would fight the impending war, leaving them unscathed.
After the last class for the day, Draco grabbed my hand and pulled me to his room. As soon as we entered he silenced and warded the door.
He turned looking at me expectantly, through the fringe of his ruffled hair. I sat in the leather armchair designated as mine, and pulled the envelope from my pocket. I held it, turning it over until he sat as well.
Using my thumbnail I broke the seal and pulled the letter out, and read.
iDear Miss Mercedes Xavier,
I am extending an invitation to you, as I have heard much about your talents. I request your presence on All Hollow's Eve. Be in the astronomy tower at 9:30, escorted by Mr. Draco Malfoy. I have arranged transportation. By all accounts I'm positive I won't be disappointed.
V/i
After a few moments the letter as well as envelope disintegrated in my hands, leaving only a trace of ash. I sat back in the chair with a heavy sigh and looked up to Draco.
"So?" he asked.
"We are to be in the astronomy tower Friday night at nine thirty."
"I don't want you involved in this, Mercy."
"I haven't a choice, Draco, you know yourself once recruited refusal is not an option."
Draco stood and started to pace angrily. "My father is behind this."
"I've no doubt, but even so, you know that Voldemort would want me eventually." Draco cringed at my blunt use of his name, but I would not show that fear.
"Do you have any idea what they do to female Death Eaters? Are you prepared to take orders and do what is ordered of you, without question?"
"No, Draco, I'm not. But I think you forget my advantage."
"Mercy, that's what scares me most. They will find out and exploit your advantage, making it a weakness instead. That's what they do."
"I know," I paused, weighing my next choice of words. "You are joining them and I worry that I could loose you, after all you are the mortal one."
"Yes, I am, but that is a problem you could easily rectify, but you refuse." He shouted.
This was not going well, "I only mean that if you go then I go and neither of us have the choice anyway." He opened his mouth to refute, but I cut him off. "Draco, I understand you chivalry, but I'm telling you right now I don't need it. I've witnessed things that would make your stomach turn. I've committed atrocities that would horrify you. And I have lived through worst. So please think for yourself there, do not try to sacrifice your own neck for me and trust that no matter what I will survive. I have enough strength for that but I do not possess enough power to save you or Embrace you."
He fell silent and sat, defeated. I understood my words could be harsh, but in most instances, harsh words could mean survival or defeat. Loving reassurances was only and illusion and times like these called for brutal honesty.
//////
Friday came quickly, as all days that you dread always do. Preparations were being made all around the castle for the All Hollow's Eve ball. Draco had Head Boy duties to attend to and I found myself more anxious without him near.
I realized how dependant I had become on him, and I hated to feel dependant, it made me feel weak. He had become my only sort of companionship and entertainment. And that was dangerous. On the other hand there were things I couldn't share with Draco, since his mind was open to invasion since he hadn't been trained in Occlumency. He knew of course what I am; he also knows that I've been recruited to be a Death Eater. He doesn't know that I plan to relay valuable information to the other side.
Draco doesn't want Voldemort to win, but he believes he will. He will do what ever he has to in order to survive, and I don't fault him for that. How could I?
Snape knows of course but we haven't had much opportunity to discuss anything of importance, and therefore I found myself standing outside his office waiting for him to answer the door.
The door opened and after I stepped through the threshold he looked up form his desk. "I am very busy, Miss Xavier."
"I see that, Professor." I motioned with my hand to close the door, knowing that careless use of wandless magic unsettled most wizards. I sat in the wooden student chair, without being asked.
He sat back in his leather chair and looked at me expectantly.
"I was just curious as to what to expect tonight."
"I can only tell you to be respectful, kneel when it is your turn, keep your eyes downcast, and speak only when spoken to. Other than that you are on your own, it cannot seem as if you were coached, it shows weakness."
"Is that all?"
"Oh, yes, females are expected to wear revealing clothing."
I simply smirked, thinking that the business is the cause and I see no reason to advertise my body as if I were a two Knut whore. I stood, "Alright, thank you for your time Professor." I smiled and left the room.
I headed for the library hoping to find distraction from the mood I was in. I encountered Hermione, sitting at her usual table in the back, writing on a long scroll of parchment.
"Hello, Hermione."
She looked up startled, "Oh, Hi, Mercy."
I pulled a chair out and sat opposite her. I could feel tension and sadness in the air but she was putting up a valiant effort to conceal it.
"What's wrong, Hermione?"
She chucked softly, "Do I look that bad?"
I understood the implications of her question, "No, you look fine. I'm an Empath, I can feel emotions."
Which of course was true, but I didn't feel this was the appropriate time to go into detail of what that is and that I choose whom to feel. I learned a long time ago that if I felt everyone's emotions all the time I would go insane from the overload in a matter of days, so I learned to focus on who and when, in order to narrow it down. I have to be in the same vicinity as them, of course, but this particular gift I only open myself to it once in a while especially since I'm not to comfortable with my own emotions, never mind anyone else's.
She looked up and shook her head and smiled slightly, "You are full of surprises."
"Mmm, yes I suppose." I smiled back, "So, what's going on?"
"Harry and I decided to end things. We realized we were better off as friends."
"Do you not agree?" I asked cautiously.
"No, I do, it's just ... I don't know."
"I understand."
"Can I ask you something personal?" I nodded for her to continue. "Do you love Malfoy?"
I was slightly disconcerted by her question, as that was the last thing I expected for her to ask, especially since I really didn't know the answer to that myself. "I care a great deal about him. Why?"
"Do you think it's easy to confuse friendship with love?"
"Yes, but understand there are many levels of love, and close friendship is love in its own degree."
"Did you have friends at Durmstrang?"
"No, not really, friends I thought I had turned on me, so now I'm careful at whom I consider a friend."
This was turning into a deeper conversation than I was necessarily prepared for. But I have noticed in my time here, that Hermione was only close to Harry and Ron, we both lacked the close friendship with girlfriends who could talk about other issues, rather than school and Quidditch. I wasn't really comfortable talking out in the open, though.
She stood and started packing her books away, hurt starting to flow off of her, and I understand that she feels that I'm being standoffish because I don't want to befriend her, which was far from the truth.
"Hermione, I'm sorry if I've been a little vague in my answers, but maybe we can get together sometime without as many ears."
She looked up and smiled genuinely, "I'd like that, Mercy."
We talked for a few more minutes about a few of the assignments due this week when I felt his presence drawing near. Hermione looked over my shoulder and scowled, he placed a possessive arm around my waist, "Granger" he acknowledged.
"Malfoy." She returned.
"I'll talk to you later, Hermione." I turned and pulled Draco with me before he had a chance to instigate a fight.
//////
Once inside his room he placed his hands on my hips pulling me against him. His eyes darkened in lust, searched mine before I pulled his head down I licked his top lip and pulled away teasingly.
He smirked down at me and roughly pulled me into a fierce kiss, his tongue massaging mine. I felt his need through our constrictive clothes and moaned into his mouth. He picked me up and carried me to the bed, where he lay me down, none to gently.
He quickly unbuttoned his shirt as I pulled my blouse over my head. We both finished undressing ourselves, eyeing each other hungrily with each exposed piece of flesh.
He climbed on the bed toward me like a panther stalking it's prey, leaning down to bite my hip and working his way lazily up my body, paying close attention to my breasts. I weaved my fingers through his silken hair pulling him closer as I arched up to meet his tortuous mouth.
By the time he reached my throat I pressed my head further into the pillow offering myself to him as his hands journeyed from my thighs upward. I purred in response to his nimble fingers parted me to delve into my ready folds, focusing on my clit. He growled in a primal possessive response as he replaced his fingers with his ready prick, teasing me, only giving me the slightest friction across my entrance and my pulsing nerves, waiting and willing for me to plead for mercy.
The build up of pleasurable torture was exquisite. I lifted my hips in silent pleading, adding my eyes and slight pout to which he smiled at me, enjoying his superior position. I scowled back at him, my patience starting to wear thin, as I debated on whether or not to take control.
He kissed me softly, then pulling away slightly to look into my eyes as his resolve to hold back melted, he finally entered me slowly. He rocked steadily, continuing to draw out the pleasure of being together, making me realize this was more than sex, but I was overwhelmed by the prospect of what else it could be, so I pushed it to the recess of my mind to ponder at a more appropriate time.
I wrapped my legs around him when I felt my body begin to tighten as I quickly approached my own nirvana, as he recognized it as well; he shifted slightly to cradle the back of my head with one hand, drawing my mouth to his offered throat. I was beyond the point of being able to refuse, I opened my mouth, quickly piercing his alabaster flesh, sending us both into orgasmic oblivion. The sound and feel of his blood streaming down my throat, drowned out his cry, as I suppressed my own, choosing to dig my nails into his back. I pulled my eyeteeth out and licked the spot to heal it as our movement suspended. He moved to kiss my tainted mouth, I turned away, not wanting him to taste the blood still fresh on my tongue, but he grasped my chin, refusing to be denied, to kiss me deeply, tasting the metallic flavor of himself upon my lips.
I made a conscious note to file this memory into my mind, so I could remember it for all my eternity. I felt whole and complete, and most of all loved. I wanted to cherish this moment as I wasn't all together sure I would ever feel quite the same again.
Draco rolled gracefully to his side, drawing me near, in which we lay like that for what seemed like hours, his fingers winding through my long dark hair, while I caressed his back, in comfortable silence.
I had to ask him what was starting to plague me, "Draco, why did you do that?"
"Because I want you to be strong for tonight," he replied looking down at me. "Are you afraid about tonight?"
"No, I'm just nervous, but I'm not afraid, they can't do anything that hasn't already been done to me."
Draco looked slightly disconcerted by my revelation, as my past wasn't a topic I usually broached and the implications of that statement was evident, and thankfully he didn't press for more information.
I could sense the hour was becoming late and made to move from his arms, but he resisted my movement with a petulant groan of protest. "We need to put in an appearance at dinner and the dance." I said searching for my discarded clothing.
"Fuck 'em," he said nonchalantly, leaning on his elbow, his hair falling in his face, giving off that angelic appearance I adored.
"Darling, Draco, I thought we were exclusive," I said with a sly smile, which earned me a pillow in the head.
//////
The end of October was defined by the changing of the air and leaves of the Forbidden Forest. The reds, golds and browns mingled together. Autumn always came upon me suddenly. As if the season changed without my realizing, the subtlety of it seemed as if overnight.
The last Tuesday was ordinary for everyone else but was marked by a large raven swooping low to deliver its burden in front of me, the light streaming through the windows of the Great Hall making the raven iridescent with shades of blue and purple.
The envelope was plain upon first glance, with only my name scrawled elegantly on the front of it. The other side was not so plain as it bore a black wax seal with a snake coiled around the letter V.
I tucked the envelope into my black school robes. Draco pushed his breakfast away obviously no longer hungry. I glanced up toward the Head Table where Professor Snape gave an imperceptible nod of acknowledgement.
I continued to eat as if nothing was amiss although the food tasted like sand to my parched mouth. I went through the motions of the day, attending class, making small talk of assignments. Looking around myself, I felt displaced. It was the first time I've felt that way in awhile, knowing the wheels of destiny led my path. These children surrounded me, going about their inconsequential business, believing that others would fight the impending war, leaving them unscathed.
After the last class for the day, Draco grabbed my hand and pulled me to his room. As soon as we entered he silenced and warded the door.
He turned looking at me expectantly, through the fringe of his ruffled hair. I sat in the leather armchair designated as mine, and pulled the envelope from my pocket. I held it, turning it over until he sat as well.
Using my thumbnail I broke the seal and pulled the letter out, and read.
iDear Miss Mercedes Xavier,
I am extending an invitation to you, as I have heard much about your talents. I request your presence on All Hollow's Eve. Be in the astronomy tower at 9:30, escorted by Mr. Draco Malfoy. I have arranged transportation. By all accounts I'm positive I won't be disappointed.
V/i
After a few moments the letter as well as envelope disintegrated in my hands, leaving only a trace of ash. I sat back in the chair with a heavy sigh and looked up to Draco.
"So?" he asked.
"We are to be in the astronomy tower Friday night at nine thirty."
"I don't want you involved in this, Mercy."
"I haven't a choice, Draco, you know yourself once recruited refusal is not an option."
Draco stood and started to pace angrily. "My father is behind this."
"I've no doubt, but even so, you know that Voldemort would want me eventually." Draco cringed at my blunt use of his name, but I would not show that fear.
"Do you have any idea what they do to female Death Eaters? Are you prepared to take orders and do what is ordered of you, without question?"
"No, Draco, I'm not. But I think you forget my advantage."
"Mercy, that's what scares me most. They will find out and exploit your advantage, making it a weakness instead. That's what they do."
"I know," I paused, weighing my next choice of words. "You are joining them and I worry that I could loose you, after all you are the mortal one."
"Yes, I am, but that is a problem you could easily rectify, but you refuse." He shouted.
This was not going well, "I only mean that if you go then I go and neither of us have the choice anyway." He opened his mouth to refute, but I cut him off. "Draco, I understand you chivalry, but I'm telling you right now I don't need it. I've witnessed things that would make your stomach turn. I've committed atrocities that would horrify you. And I have lived through worst. So please think for yourself there, do not try to sacrifice your own neck for me and trust that no matter what I will survive. I have enough strength for that but I do not possess enough power to save you or Embrace you."
He fell silent and sat, defeated. I understood my words could be harsh, but in most instances, harsh words could mean survival or defeat. Loving reassurances was only and illusion and times like these called for brutal honesty.
//////
Friday came quickly, as all days that you dread always do. Preparations were being made all around the castle for the All Hollow's Eve ball. Draco had Head Boy duties to attend to and I found myself more anxious without him near.
I realized how dependant I had become on him, and I hated to feel dependant, it made me feel weak. He had become my only sort of companionship and entertainment. And that was dangerous. On the other hand there were things I couldn't share with Draco, since his mind was open to invasion since he hadn't been trained in Occlumency. He knew of course what I am; he also knows that I've been recruited to be a Death Eater. He doesn't know that I plan to relay valuable information to the other side.
Draco doesn't want Voldemort to win, but he believes he will. He will do what ever he has to in order to survive, and I don't fault him for that. How could I?
Snape knows of course but we haven't had much opportunity to discuss anything of importance, and therefore I found myself standing outside his office waiting for him to answer the door.
The door opened and after I stepped through the threshold he looked up form his desk. "I am very busy, Miss Xavier."
"I see that, Professor." I motioned with my hand to close the door, knowing that careless use of wandless magic unsettled most wizards. I sat in the wooden student chair, without being asked.
He sat back in his leather chair and looked at me expectantly.
"I was just curious as to what to expect tonight."
"I can only tell you to be respectful, kneel when it is your turn, keep your eyes downcast, and speak only when spoken to. Other than that you are on your own, it cannot seem as if you were coached, it shows weakness."
"Is that all?"
"Oh, yes, females are expected to wear revealing clothing."
I simply smirked, thinking that the business is the cause and I see no reason to advertise my body as if I were a two Knut whore. I stood, "Alright, thank you for your time Professor." I smiled and left the room.
I headed for the library hoping to find distraction from the mood I was in. I encountered Hermione, sitting at her usual table in the back, writing on a long scroll of parchment.
"Hello, Hermione."
She looked up startled, "Oh, Hi, Mercy."
I pulled a chair out and sat opposite her. I could feel tension and sadness in the air but she was putting up a valiant effort to conceal it.
"What's wrong, Hermione?"
She chucked softly, "Do I look that bad?"
I understood the implications of her question, "No, you look fine. I'm an Empath, I can feel emotions."
Which of course was true, but I didn't feel this was the appropriate time to go into detail of what that is and that I choose whom to feel. I learned a long time ago that if I felt everyone's emotions all the time I would go insane from the overload in a matter of days, so I learned to focus on who and when, in order to narrow it down. I have to be in the same vicinity as them, of course, but this particular gift I only open myself to it once in a while especially since I'm not to comfortable with my own emotions, never mind anyone else's.
She looked up and shook her head and smiled slightly, "You are full of surprises."
"Mmm, yes I suppose." I smiled back, "So, what's going on?"
"Harry and I decided to end things. We realized we were better off as friends."
"Do you not agree?" I asked cautiously.
"No, I do, it's just ... I don't know."
"I understand."
"Can I ask you something personal?" I nodded for her to continue. "Do you love Malfoy?"
I was slightly disconcerted by her question, as that was the last thing I expected for her to ask, especially since I really didn't know the answer to that myself. "I care a great deal about him. Why?"
"Do you think it's easy to confuse friendship with love?"
"Yes, but understand there are many levels of love, and close friendship is love in its own degree."
"Did you have friends at Durmstrang?"
"No, not really, friends I thought I had turned on me, so now I'm careful at whom I consider a friend."
This was turning into a deeper conversation than I was necessarily prepared for. But I have noticed in my time here, that Hermione was only close to Harry and Ron, we both lacked the close friendship with girlfriends who could talk about other issues, rather than school and Quidditch. I wasn't really comfortable talking out in the open, though.
She stood and started packing her books away, hurt starting to flow off of her, and I understand that she feels that I'm being standoffish because I don't want to befriend her, which was far from the truth.
"Hermione, I'm sorry if I've been a little vague in my answers, but maybe we can get together sometime without as many ears."
She looked up and smiled genuinely, "I'd like that, Mercy."
We talked for a few more minutes about a few of the assignments due this week when I felt his presence drawing near. Hermione looked over my shoulder and scowled, he placed a possessive arm around my waist, "Granger" he acknowledged.
"Malfoy." She returned.
"I'll talk to you later, Hermione." I turned and pulled Draco with me before he had a chance to instigate a fight.
//////
Once inside his room he placed his hands on my hips pulling me against him. His eyes darkened in lust, searched mine before I pulled his head down I licked his top lip and pulled away teasingly.
He smirked down at me and roughly pulled me into a fierce kiss, his tongue massaging mine. I felt his need through our constrictive clothes and moaned into his mouth. He picked me up and carried me to the bed, where he lay me down, none to gently.
He quickly unbuttoned his shirt as I pulled my blouse over my head. We both finished undressing ourselves, eyeing each other hungrily with each exposed piece of flesh.
He climbed on the bed toward me like a panther stalking it's prey, leaning down to bite my hip and working his way lazily up my body, paying close attention to my breasts. I weaved my fingers through his silken hair pulling him closer as I arched up to meet his tortuous mouth.
By the time he reached my throat I pressed my head further into the pillow offering myself to him as his hands journeyed from my thighs upward. I purred in response to his nimble fingers parted me to delve into my ready folds, focusing on my clit. He growled in a primal possessive response as he replaced his fingers with his ready prick, teasing me, only giving me the slightest friction across my entrance and my pulsing nerves, waiting and willing for me to plead for mercy.
The build up of pleasurable torture was exquisite. I lifted my hips in silent pleading, adding my eyes and slight pout to which he smiled at me, enjoying his superior position. I scowled back at him, my patience starting to wear thin, as I debated on whether or not to take control.
He kissed me softly, then pulling away slightly to look into my eyes as his resolve to hold back melted, he finally entered me slowly. He rocked steadily, continuing to draw out the pleasure of being together, making me realize this was more than sex, but I was overwhelmed by the prospect of what else it could be, so I pushed it to the recess of my mind to ponder at a more appropriate time.
I wrapped my legs around him when I felt my body begin to tighten as I quickly approached my own nirvana, as he recognized it as well; he shifted slightly to cradle the back of my head with one hand, drawing my mouth to his offered throat. I was beyond the point of being able to refuse, I opened my mouth, quickly piercing his alabaster flesh, sending us both into orgasmic oblivion. The sound and feel of his blood streaming down my throat, drowned out his cry, as I suppressed my own, choosing to dig my nails into his back. I pulled my eyeteeth out and licked the spot to heal it as our movement suspended. He moved to kiss my tainted mouth, I turned away, not wanting him to taste the blood still fresh on my tongue, but he grasped my chin, refusing to be denied, to kiss me deeply, tasting the metallic flavor of himself upon my lips.
I made a conscious note to file this memory into my mind, so I could remember it for all my eternity. I felt whole and complete, and most of all loved. I wanted to cherish this moment as I wasn't all together sure I would ever feel quite the same again.
Draco rolled gracefully to his side, drawing me near, in which we lay like that for what seemed like hours, his fingers winding through my long dark hair, while I caressed his back, in comfortable silence.
I had to ask him what was starting to plague me, "Draco, why did you do that?"
"Because I want you to be strong for tonight," he replied looking down at me. "Are you afraid about tonight?"
"No, I'm just nervous, but I'm not afraid, they can't do anything that hasn't already been done to me."
Draco looked slightly disconcerted by my revelation, as my past wasn't a topic I usually broached and the implications of that statement was evident, and thankfully he didn't press for more information.
I could sense the hour was becoming late and made to move from his arms, but he resisted my movement with a petulant groan of protest. "We need to put in an appearance at dinner and the dance." I said searching for my discarded clothing.
"Fuck 'em," he said nonchalantly, leaning on his elbow, his hair falling in his face, giving off that angelic appearance I adored.
"Darling, Draco, I thought we were exclusive," I said with a sly smile, which earned me a pillow in the head.
//////