Ch 10. Extra: The Seasons from a Different View

ATTENTION: THIS IS A REWRITE OF CH 1-3 FROM YOH'S POV!

The sun bids farewell to the day, spilling its colors for the endless sky to drink up. Its orange juices saturate the world vividly, leaving a taste of honey and citrus on my tongue. I almost think I can touch it so I reach out with my hand (only the air drips through my fingers).

Like you. Anna. A brilliance elusive to touch.

I'll accept the scene before me for what it is. It's simply the beauty of the sunset. There's no need to touch it; I'm content with that fact.

And for her I will wait patiently. I will let the silence sit in between us just a little longer. Until she may open her heart up to me again. Until I know how to ask her.

Things have a way of working out, doesn't it? It will all work out.

The family apprentice stands behind me. I know she has been watching me for some time now, not realizing I feel her presence. The sounds of her breaths are light and steady. And her heart is loud enough for me to hear…

But I don't want to think about that right now.

I shift my focus back to the sun and its impending departure from the day. I spend a lot of days like this now. What do you do after you've caught that dream, the one that seems to elude you from a far? Before I even realized it, the distance had been closed in and it was right in front of my face. I grabbed it, that dream to become the Shaman King. The bruises, blood, and anguish that I had endured along the way grows surreal with time, its existence nearly forgotten if not for the faint scars the battles left on my body.

So yes, I am now the Shaman King.

Just hearing those words seemed so promising as I carried through each fight, one by one, tearing the obstacles away. Until there was nothing left, except for the throne that assured all my wishes would come true. So I achieved the ends and made everyone else's dreams come true as I had sworn. Only, I was left feeling empty afterwards. Would I have been an empty person before, had I not came with a dream? Am I an empty person now having already fulfilled my dreams?

I don't want to believe that a person gains something only to lose something else.

Besides, things should work out in the end.

She comes back after the sun has sunk beneath the horizon. Her steps are light, just like everything else about her. She is quiet, in a way different from before. Even her dark eyes that used to encompass a stubbornness and determination so fierce, you could almost burn from her gaze, has lost its glow and seems clouded by nonchalance. She had always been aloof, but her heart had always been with me. Now she walks and talks like a shell, her heart somewhere else.

I don't budge from my spot, and remain seated on the wooden decks of the porch. My hands are behind me, supporting the weight of my upper body as they press against the smooth wood; I imagine it has been sanded down with age.

I feel her watching me. I feel her watching Tamao. I feel her watching Tamao watch me.

The moment stretches on forever, until finally she decides to speak. "Tamao, when will dinner be ready?" It comes out soft, but somehow a little cold.

"Ha—hai, Anna-san. Uh…Gomen---" Tamao apologizes, whether or not she realizes such things are unnecessary. It is instinctive of her to apologize, as if being startled is a fault of hers.

"Welcome back Anna," I say simply as I turn her way and grin. She answers with a blank expression and then quickly turns to Tamao to ask her again about dinner.

Anna seems deliberate in ignoring me.

A few more questions are directed towards Tamao before Anna leaves. "Then, I'll be in my room for now," she says.

How long has it been, since our relationship has been so strained? Maybe things don't improve when I say, "Tamao, are you making my favorites today?" while Anna is still within earshot. Perhaps my words are deliberate too.

I don't like it.

Tonight the moon casts a blue light, basking the world in navy hues.

I slide the thin papered doors of our bedroom to find my wife sitting in that same luminescence. Her cheeks are highlighted by a rosy flush and I realize that she has just come out of the bath. I gaze steadily as she grooms herself, becoming entranced by the red comb as it weaves back and forth through the wet strands. The luster in her pale golden locks stirs the sudden desire within me to entangle my fingers in them.

Her crème-colored robe is loosely tied and slips off on one side, exposing a shoulder and a bare neck. And for a moment, I forget about the increasing silences between us. I forget about the many times she avoids my eyes. I only remember that I miss my wife.

I want to embrace her again.

I reach for the single lantern that burns in the corner of the room and I put it out.

I look at Anna who just puts her comb down, face devoid of all expressions. It is still blank when I walk over and kneel down in front of her.

My hands grasp her shoulders and I gently push her down onto the futon. My heart beats louder in my chest as I do so. Her body feels cool as I enclose hers with mine. My lips hover above hers, and still no reaction, even as I fix my eyes on hers.
And then a flicker of defiance burns in her eyes.

"My hair is wet."

"I don't mind, Anna."

"But I do," she states and suddenly I feel the firmness of her small hands on my chest, pushing me off, crushing something from within me. I end up on my backside, with elbows propped on the futon. She leaves me staring at her back again, leaving me to study her as she slings her long hair over a shoulder, revealing the skin of her back.

She continues combing. I study her features. Study the definition in her shoulders blades, the arch in her back, and the glow of her flesh that is peeking out from her loose robe. My heart aches at the sight.

"Goodnight…Anna," I say, wanting, but unable, to slip the word "my" between goodnight and Anna.

"Goodnight Yoh." But I am unable to sleep.

August 10, 2005-- I went back and read the previous 9 chapters, only to find myself feeling unsatisfied. There were a lot of things I wanted to revise, so that the story flow is much clearer. I came to the conclusion that I should experiment instead, and retell parts of the story through Yoh's point of view in the present tense, with slightly different details. I may or may not continue. I don't know, it depends on whether I get bored with telling the same story or not (and whether people want to read the same story).

10/30/05-Light clean up.