Probie's Coffin

By LMR

Chapter 2: Snugglebunnies with Fangs

A.N.: Wow, I was really thrilled with the responses, keep them coming. A few things. Okay, goofy me, I thought since her name was Caitlyn it would also be Cate. Okay, go fig, English is weird. Since it seems to drive everybody nuts, I'll go with Kate. And yes, I suppose the lack of McAbby fics (sounds like a fast food item) is largely because everybody knows they're "playing house" anyway. Obvious, but not enough for me! I especially feel kinda threatened on that front as it seems they (the writers) are up to something with Jimmy (just a hunch). Me no likie that. I would also like to issue a formal apology to Erin from last week's episode: You were a very nice character, and when McGee first looked at you and I said, "Oh, she SO needs to die!" I didn't really mean it. . . much. Abby didn't mean to kill you with those poison arrows she was looking at you with, either.

Disclaimer: Hi, ho, Kermit the frog here! LMR has asked me to do the disclaimer for this chapter, which makes sense, seeing as myself and Miss Piggy are passing the torch to these characters for the, uh, distinguished title of weirdest couple on TV. LMR wants to, uh, let everyone know that she doesn't own NCIS or anything related to it, except for Eleanor, so, without further ado, here is Probie's Coffin chapter 2, Snugglebunnies with Fangs. Gee, I, uh, wonder if there's anything on this cockamamie site about me. (Gulp).

Snugglebunnies with Fangs

Eleanor breezed through the main office, able to walk easily today with loose blue jeans and an Alf tee-shirt, not to mention much more forgiving shoes. She was almost to the door of the stairwell that would take her down to the lab, when she heard a loud voice and stopped short.

"Tony!"

Eleanor popped her head back into the room, intrigued. Definitely not a normal office.

"Where did you put my day planner, you little toad?" Kate raged, fumbling through her desk drawers. (My apologies to Kermit. It has been a delight and a pleasure to work with you, my little green friend.)

Tony looked at her calmly, eyebrows raised. "Day planner?"

Hmm. Maybe Abby hadn't been exaggerating. Eleanor wondered vaguely what a carrot was doing on the carpet next to her shoe. Somebody must have dropped it, they couldn't have really-" Her thoughts were interrupted by Gibbs.

"Eleanor." He paused to look at the wardrobe, from the crystal around her neck coiled in metal to the rainbow wristband. "Now you look like somebody who works here."

"Casual?"

"Mental case." But he didn't seem the slightest bit disturbed by the thought, so Eleanor decided not to push it. "You going to the lab?" Eleanor nodded. "Good, go down to autopsy in the basement, get the file on the Danielowski case from Ducky, and bring it up to Abbs when you go."

"Ducky? Um, no problem."

She turned back to the melee. "Kate, I think he's sitting on it." She had, in truth, no reason to suspect for a moment that he was, but she supposed that it would make for a good spectacle. She supposed correctly.

"Stand up!"

"Don't wanna, I'm comfy."

"Tony, stand up!"

He grinned. "Make me!"

"Gibbs!"

"Kate, I can't make him stand up. You don't have probable cause."

"He's Tony. Isn't that cause enough?" Tony stuck out his tongue. "I can't believe you, you are such a baby. Gibbs, permission to use force?"

"Permission denied, Todd. Now I'm going to the bathroom, I will be in there for five minutes and I can't hear or see anything from there." He smiled. "Have fun." He winked at Kate on the way out. As soon as Gibbs was in the bathroom door, Kate dived.

"Hey!" Tony was caught completely off guard, not expecting her to just grab for it blindly.

"You little ratfink, you were sitting on it!" Kate sounded a little too surprised about that.

Tony was annoyed. "Well, if you didn't believe her, why. . ." He shook his head and went back to his computer, muttering something about not even that time of the-ow!"

Kate smacked him with the planner before he could even finish his pejorative. Eleanor waved sweetly and headed for autopsy.

In the cold white room were two men, one, Jimmy, whom Eleanor had met briefly before, and an older man who reminded her of Yoda.

"You know, the word autopsy actually comes from the Greek autopsia, meaning seeing with one's own eyes." He was explaining this to the younger man as he pulled out and set aside an eyeball. The idea behind it was that the victim could give an eyewitness account of his or her own death."

Jimmy looked terribly uninterested. Eleanor cleared her throat. "Oh, hello, Miss, my apologies. I didn't see you there."

"Ducky?" She ventured a guess, hoping she didn't sound rude.

"Yes, indeed, and you are?"

"Eleanor. I'm assisting Abby for the week, from Norfolk. Gibbs requested the Danielowski file for her."

"Oh, yes certainly. Just let me clean up here. Oh, dear. I hope you don't mind the gore, Eleanor." He washed his hands.

"Not to worry. I'm fine. Poor girl." She looked at the corpse on the table. There were long slashes on her body. "Who did this to her?"

Ducky's eyes betrayed the effect his work had on him. "I'm afraid she did. She cut her wrists, but that seems to have been somewhat of an afterthought. She was found in a tub. It seems she cut away at her stomach, legs, and breasts before trying to bleed herself out. I don't know what she could have been feeling."

"She's beautiful," Eleanor said sadly. It was familiar. "Had she had any plastic surgery?"

Ducky seemed interested. Eleanor didn't seem the type to bring up plastic surgery without a reason. "Quite a bit, according to her medical file. Rhinoplasty, breast augmentation, liposuction. Sixteen, total. Poor thing."

Eleanor whispered, not sure whether or not to give her instinct voice.

"What was that, dear?"

"Dysmorphia," she said, a little bolder. "She felt like her body was an enemy. She had to control it."

"Astute, Miss Eleanor. And quite possibly right. Certainly something to consider in my report. Thank you. Incidentally, how did you. . ."

"Abnormal psych. If the university offers a class about me, I have to take it." She smiled a bit. Ducky handed her the report. "Thanks. It was nice to meet you, Ducky." And why do they call. . .never mind."

"Jimmy spoke up for the first time. "Going to the lab?" Eleanor nodded. "I'll come with you." He deferred to the doctor, if that's all right with you, Dr. Mallard."

"Go ahead."

Jimmy followed her down the hallway, like an excited puppy. Not quite up to golden retriever standards. More like a dinky little pillow fluff dog. "That was really neat!" He forced his face into solemnity. "I mean, it's terrible, but that was smart."

"Not that impressive," Eleanor admitted. "I did take abnormal psych, and I learned a lot, but I remembered that because I saw it in a movie." They entered the lab.

"Hey, Abbs!" Eleanor was already comfortable enough to call her by her nickname.

"Hey, much better threads! You got the Danielowski file?" She asked when she saw Jimmy. She could tell he had just come from autopsy.

"Yup." Eleanor handed it over.

"Bring any good music for today?"

Eleanor shrugged. "I got some Britney Spears." She kept a completely straight face. Abby looked at her with a mix of contempt and disbelief. "Kidding!" Eleanor said, as if it should be obvious. "You like Poe?"

Abby grinned. "Okay, blast the angry chick rock!" Jimmy decided this was a good time to leave the lab, and never come back. Ever. (That was for me.) ;)

They worked on Java, and talked about random nonsense in between the times Eleanor wasn't going crazy trying to remember to put in every single semicolon.

"Oh, by the way, nice work with the planner. How'd you know?"

"I didn't. Thought she'd like to goose him, so why not give her an excuse?"

"Excellent," Abby chuckled.

"But how did you-"

"Vent," Abby pointed. "I can hear pretty much everything from down here." She grinned wickedly.

"I wonder if we could feed them subliminal messages through there, and make them our servants!" Eleanor said in a silly tone.

"Absolutely. Why do you think I'm Gibbs's favorite?"

"'Cause you're cute?" Eleanor pondered.

"Ewww. Hinky. Nothing like that."

"No, not like that. Sweet cute, adorable cute." She squeezed Abby's cheeks. "Like you're a little kitten that always gets your way because nobody can say no to you." She made a pouty face. Abby laughed.

"I was so wrong about you. When you first walked in, I thought you were such a total dweeb!" Eleanor put her hands on her hips like an annoyed child. "What? I said I was wrong. But you're all over the board. You're like. . ."

"Fluff-Goth," Eleanor finished for her.

"Fluff-Goth?"

Eleanor nodded and explained. When I was a teenager, I thought I was kind of Goth, and I really liked all kinds Goth stuff, but it just didn't really categorize me properly. Because I'm also the exact opposite. I'm a romantic, and I like acting like a five year old, and I'm even. . ." She said the word as if it were dangerous. "Perky. So I decided I was a Fluff-Goth. I explain it like I like happy little adorable snugglebunnies. . . with fangs." Abby nodded knowingly.

"That makes sense."

"Wow. Most people just stare blankly and say I have issues!"

"Well, we'll just both have issues together, then," Abby grinned.

There was an awkward silence for a moment.

"Hey, Abbs, I- oh, hi Eleanor." McGee stood in the doorway, as if he expected someone to invite him in.

Abby stared at him, wondering why he was just standing there like a doofus. "What is it McGee?"
"I'm on lunch. I thought you might like to come."

She popped up off her seat. "Sounds great. You wanna come, Eleanor?"

"Sure thing." They grabbed hands and skipped toward the door with McGee following in a stupor.

Oh, dear. That can't be good for Probie! Hmm. Much weirdness happening. Please review and tell me what you think. Go ahead and make suggestions about where you want the story to go. Luv, LMR