A/N: I was sadly disappointed by the lack of DnD humor stories… here it is, people!

Critical Failure

Character Creation

"Okay, hand me your characters."

There was a shuffling of papers as all of the people seated around the table fished out a character sheet from various piles of handbooks, SRD printouts, and sheets of copy paper covered with doodles of elves. Or, people with very pointy ears. With this group, it was usually hard to tell.

Zack, the DM, took the proffered papers and read them though. "Whoa… Gendar the Half-Orc only has three hit points."

Mara, sitting across the table, blushed, taking her character sheet back and flipping her pencil around to its well-worn eraser. "Forgot that first level was max HP," she muttered, scribbling on her sheet."

"No problem," said Zack, perusing the other character sheets. "Tordek… isn't that the guy from the PHB?"

"Uh-huh," called Chris from the kitchen. "I couldn't think of any other names."

"Oh wow, Tordek the Dwarven fighter… how original," said Lianne dryly.

"Oh well," said Chris, clearly not caring. "Ellen, where's the root beer?"

"Under the sink. It's not cold, put it in the fridge."

There was a clunk and a muffled curse; it sounded as though Chris had just hit his head on something. He emerged from the kitchen, rubbing his head and grimacing, with a glass of warm root beer and sat down, sipping the soda. "Eew… it's flat…"

"Told ya'." Ellen rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," Chris said, shrugging and taking another sip.

"Well," said Lianne, looking at Chris's character over Zack's shoulder, "Torek's stats suck! My god, you have, what, only two positive bonuses? And that strength score… the last rogue I played was stronger than that!" She looked imploringly at Zack. "Let him reroll, please! We'll die in the first adventure if our fighter sucks this badly!"

"Fine…" The DM pushed four brightly colored d6's at Chris. Shuffling through the papers he held, he looked at the rest of the group's characters. "Okay… Ellen's playing a gnome bard, looks good… Gendar the Half-Orc barbarian looks okay now, except I can't help but wonder how you got a +3 might composite longbow with first level starting gold.

"Oh crap," said Maia, the game's newbie. "You've gotta pay for gear?"

Everyone rolled their eyes. "Just give him a longbow," said Ellen, as Mara took her character sheet back for a second time.

"Sure. Chris, your character is fine now," continued Zack, tugging his mullet. Shane's wizard is good. And…" he looked more closely at the character sheet he was holding, then stared at Lianne. "You named your Halfling rogue Bob?"

"My female Halfling rogue. And she has blue hair! So there."

Zack rolled his eyes. It was going to be a loooooong session.

A/N: I know it was short as hell, but I'm not feeling inspired later. And I'll get funnier during the game session, I know it will. XDD Review.