Disclaimer; I have some good news, okay, unless you're a sexy banker lady, then it sucks. I don't own evo. I own the OCs and the demented storylines that will spawn from this tale. I also made some non-OCs more powerful because they were kind of lacking in the punch department. Later, I may even change the genders of some characters. AU of an AU remember?

Shoutout

Rougefan; I don't even know what I mean by that. And to the other question, you'll find out (evil chuckle)

RW; Sorry, I don't mean to put any pressure. I just like to know where I helped with stuff.

COBRA Base

"I am the dancing queen, young and sweet! Only seventeen, oh yeah! You can dance! You can di-ive! Having the time of your li-i-fe! Oooooo-ooo-ooh! See that girl! Watch that scene! Dig it the dancing queen!" Sang an incredibly drunk Baroness.
"What set her off this time?" Cobra Commander whispered to Destro.
"Preration: Wake is going down without a hitch." He replied.
"In that case, where the booze?"
"Oh, Lord."
"Oh quit complaining."
"I'm my muse! I'm my rhyme! I'm the fire warming this heart of mine! When I hear me say I love you, Baroness, do you know how much I do?"
"That's interesting." Said a Cobra trouper to the Baroness Personal Guardswoman he was trying to pick up. "I didn't know the Baroness knew who Michael W. Smith even was." The guardswoman, who happened to be Chun-Li, rolled her eyes and wondered how the trouper knew about him himself. She moved her hand slightly toward his pants and let off a small energy blast. He fell to the ground, semi-conscious with pain, but would live to screw another day. To ward off suspicion she held up a tazer and made like to blow a smoking gun. Several troupers, looking side ways at her, abruptly whistled and slowly backed away. Chun smiled inwardly. It was good to be a mutant. She exited amid much relief to the men scared for their ability to procreate. She was feared.
She made her way through the base to her private quarters. After sending a dispatch to her receiver, Collective, at Interpol, she decided to amuse herself by increasing her salary and obtaining several advances, none of which were recorded. She soon grew amused and decided to file things away randomly in a large filing cabinet that looked very like white marble, which it certainly was. Something that looked very like white marble. After this, too, grew tiresome, she decided to read files on the Misfits and several members of Project Warpie. Here are some:
Trinity

Real Name: Brittany, Daria and Quinn Delgado

Powers and Ability: Multiple respiratory systems allow water-breathing, genius level intellect, ability to form a psychic gestalt which allows some telepathic abilities, telekinesis, projection of psionic energy infused neural electricity and telepathic bond. Individual abilities of Brittany and Quinn unknown. Daria possesses the ability to imprint suggestion, allowing her to manipulate the thoughts and desires of others. This ability may be rooted in psychometry. Advanced Martial Arts training.

Celery

Real Name: unknown

Powers: Cells possess white chlorophyll and an elastic state, possibly derived from bio-electrically charged cytoplasm. This allows extreme stretching and elastic resiliency.

Static

Real Name: unknown

Powers: Creates an electric field on the molecular level that stabilizes molecular vibrations, which cancels out phasing, teleportation abilities, negates some energy powers, disrupts machinery, some astral abilities and senses cerebral and neural energy, and can create minor electric shock.

After a while she grew bored and decided to sleep, which was to dream, perchance to be. Or not to be. Soon, Chun-Li found herself reciting Shakespeare in her mind and soon realizing that Douglas Adams may be one and similar with Wonko the Sane. She continued to have random thoughts and soon fell asleep. She dreamed about flying, disembodied ears and driveways surrounded with oak trees. When she woke up she concluded that she had been watching too many paranormal documentaries, and began to plan a vacation at the Myrtles and stopped when she realized her coffee had been spiked. Instead, she decided to find out what COBRA was planning on Wake Island.

Misfit Manor

Arcade was hacking. He was searching Cobra files for references to his teammates and whatever 'Sub-Project Scorpio' was. He decided to for go the long, drawn-out search and put a computer program on it. Instead, he went straight to the source of the lead. He decided to see what the apparent motive was and so, he decided to thoroughly get into Extensive Enterprises.
'Reference Extensive Enterprises'
Referencing…
Referencing…
Referencing
Search complete. Please choose query.
'Funding'
Funding provided by numerous companies and Extensive Enterprises. Please specify.
'Project funding'
Enter keyword to specify type of project type
This was new. Arcade had no idea what type of project he was looking for. The project could be the corporate take over of basket facilities involving for all he knew. Or for all he was using he knew. He pulled up the file he'd hacked and called Airtight.
The Joe was rather… a good word for it was exocentric. He had numerous hobbies and was the best if you wanted some random trivia solved; he was the best to go to. So that was why Arcade was listening to a ring tone and reading a genetic analysis of his friend. He was still listening when he found a reference to Sub-projects Taurus and Leo. That's about when Airtight picked up.

"Hello?"
"Airtight, this is Arcade."
"Arcade! How are things? What are you doing? How are you-"
"Fine, but I need information. Do the words 'Scorpio', 'Leo', and 'Taurus' mean anything to you?"
"Yeah. Zodiac signs. Why?"
"I'll tell you later. But I think you just saved some misfits…"

COBRA Inner Chambers

"Tell me, Mindbender…" Cobra Commander said, as he reclined in his immense, recliner-like, vibrating massage throne. "Why did you only take three of the misfits? You could have so easily taken them all. Or at least the mermaid brat…"
"It is such a simple reason, my liege," said Mindbender with the ease of a salesman who knows he's selling keyholes to an emotionally dependent, wealthy idiot. "To mess with their heads. All we really needed for Z project was the Charkam girl. But I wanted revenge on Avalanche and 11 both. Besides, with 11 we can create more fighters and fix the DNA to obey us. And with the boy, I, personally, want revenge for the whole Coyote thing."
"I watched that…" COBRA Commander. "Just how would you go about doing that?
"Why, by making it a constant threat. Its not really repeated hallucination. It's a split personality that manifests itself as a delusion. So I break feeble Avalanche's mind and then give the Coyote a 'familiar' form and it's all good."
"And how are you even sure it would even obey you?"
"Simple. Gratitude. I set it free in the first place. It would serve me indefinitely because of this. But that's not the clever bit."
"Then what's the clever bit?"
"This is the clever bit."
"Okay, tell me the clever bit."
"The clever bit is I let Avalanche know what's going on when he's under."
"Clever."
"That's not the clever bit. This is the clever bit."
"Get on with it you dolt, before the atman of Douglas Adams sues us for plagiarism."
"Anyway, the 'familiar' form is genetic lycanthropy. Very clever."
"Clever." 'And delusional.' Thought COBRA Commander. 'Ahh, well, it'll be fun to see him fail miserably.'
Mindbender had already left, and the commander was left alone to vibrate without purpose for days on end.

Misfit Manor

Toad sat on the coach. Pietro and Pierre were playing a fighting game to take their minds off things. Suddenly his palm pilot (A present from Roadblock) telling him he had email. He opened the mail and found Kurt had sent it. It read:
Todd
Cerebro picked up the Dreadknocks in Hawaii. This is just an FYI email because we think you ought to know. If you want to respond, you can't. We're on a field mission and this all the Internet power we can get.
Signing off,
Kurt
"Hey, guys!"
The other misfits near him looked up and those who could hear him, but not see pricked up their ears.
"Cerebro picked the Dreadknocks and a possible lead. We're goin' to Hawaii!"

In case you can't tell I'm a huge Hitchhiker fan. I also wanted to update since I'm back and I needed another Cliffy chapter to advance the plot so I could increase suspension and buy myself more time. Besides my muses are moving in and out, new ones are coming in and everyone's being transferred. Besides I can't type like this. I can put out filler space and plot simultaneously, but not pure plot without a lot of undistracted time. It's a curse that comes with an instant karma blessing; I already know the plot of my next three fics. If you're wondering about Kurt's email, you'll find out about it soon.
Until later; Dante.