Standard disclaimers apply. Thanks for all the lovely reviews.
Chapter 3
Sandy sat by Seth's bedside for two hours. Mostly Seth slept, and when he was awake, he said very little, though he tried to seem indifferent about the whole ordeal. It was obvious to Sandy that while he was trying to be mellow so his son wouldn't worry, his son was doing the same thing in hopes that his father wouldn't worry. It was mind blowing; when had Seth grown up so much that he felt that he had to protect him?
Sandy checked his watch, wondering when Kirsten would show up. He was sure that the results from the tests had to be in by then. He almost considered hunting down Dr. Pearson and demanding the results right then.
Sandy traced Seth's hairline gently with his fingers. Crazy kid with his crazy hair. He smiled faintly. It probably wasn't anything big. Probably nothing. He was just being his usual hypochondriac self. Seth was a healthy sixteen year old boy. He was just under a lot of stress, and who could blame him? He had a heavy course load, a new brother, and a sort of girlfriend. He'd had only one out of those three last year. Stress, that was it.
He sat back in his seat, and crossed his arms. When Kirsten got there, they'd get the results, and they'd find out that absolutely nothing was wrong with their son. Nothing at all.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ten minutes later, Kirsten and Caleb entered Newport General Hospital. Ryan had given up pacing, and sat dejectedly on one of the blue chairs, his body scrunched up. His forehead was wrinkled in tense concern. When he caught sight of them, he stood up quickly.
Kirsten wrapped her arms around Ryan in a gentle hug. She was glad that he was there, both for Seth and for Sandy.
"Ryan, how are you?" She asked quietly, stepping back tentatively.
"Fine, fine," Ryan replied, appearing uncomfortable in Caleb's presence.
"Have you seen him?" Kirsten asked, trying not to appear overly worried.
Ryan nodded, swallowing. He'd never felt so tongue-tied. "Sandy's with him now. He's lookin' pretty good." He paused. "Visitor's hours are over though. They kicked me out."
Kirsten closed her eyes and nodded, not knowing what to believe. Her little boy was in the hospital, and so far, she had no clue how bad it was.
Dr. Pearson appeared before them suddenly, a clipboard in one hand, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Mrs. Cohen?" He asked.
Kirsten nodded. "Yes. Are you Seth's doctor?"
"Yes, I'm Dr. Pearson. If you'd follow me, you can see him now." Dr. Pearson paused. "We have the results from his tests, and when you're ready, I'll give them to you and your husband. I'll be in the conference room; it's right across the hall from Seth's room."
"Okay," Kirsten replied. "Ryan, we'll be right back." She gave him a gentle smile. She glanced up at Caleb. "Um, this is Seth's grandfather. Could he come with me?"
Caleb gave Dr. Pearson a steely look that basically said that he'd lose some vital organs if he didn't allow him to see his grandson.
"That'd be fine," Dr. Pearson said. He nodded, led them to Seth's room, and quietly walked across the hall.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Sandy."
Sandy turned around, and a weary smile fell across his face. Kirsten was a sight for sore eyes, and never had she looked more beautiful than she did right then, in her slightly wrinkled business suit, with her long blonde hair disheveled and askew. God, she made the whole world beautiful, Sandy realized at that moment. It hadn't even occurred to him that her absence contributed to his fear, but when he saw her standing there, he knew that whatever the outcome, he and Kirsten would be able to lean on each other, and somehow, it'd be okay.
"Hey baby," he said in a tired voice. He enveloped her into a big hug. He glanced up at Caleb, who for once didn't look at him with unabashed hostility. He gave him a hesitantly grateful smile.
"How's Seth doing?" Kirsten whispered into Sandy's shoulder.
"He's a big brave dog," Sandy replied, kissing her forehead gently.
"Dr. Pearson said the results are ready, when we're ready," Kirsten said softly. "I'd like to see him for a minute before we go, okay?" She paused, her fingers brushing gently over Sandy's stubble. He hadn't shaved that morning. Somehow, her mind latched onto that unimportant fact, and for a few seconds that was all she could think about. She blinked suddenly. Sandy was staring at her, concerned. She forced a big smile. "Are you ready, hon?"
Sandy nodded, eyeing her curiously. He turned to find Seth awake, blinking the sleep from his eyes, and sitting up. He rubbed his eyes with his fist, like a little kid who'd been up too late the night before. He saw Kirsten and gave her a tired grin.
"Mommy!" His greeting got the reaction he wanted: laughter. Kirsten couldn't suppress a little chuckle at her son's antics.
"Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling?" Kirsten strode to Seth's bedside, and kissed his forehead. She brushed a few errant curls off of his face.
Seth gave her a lopsided grin. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry." He saw Caleb looking nervous, standing by the door. "Hey Grandpa. Come on over here; let me see how you've grown."
Caleb gave a tiny grin, relaxing a little, and stood beside Kirsten. He patted Seth's knee comfortingly. "That's my grandson, always with a joke." He winked. "I'm surprised you don't have a girlfriend."
Seth's eyes widened. "Oh, but I do," he replied with fake excitement, clapping his hands together. "Her name's Summer." He didn't mention the fact that they were pretty much "secret friends." He finally had something to throw in his grandpa's face; so what if he was stretching the truth slightly?
"Good to hear." Caleb punched his shoulder lightly. He perched himself in the chair beside Seth's bed. For once, he didn't want to interfere in their lives. He actually looked fairly ill at ease, a stretch from his usual dignified demeanor.
Sandy put his arm around Kirsten's shoulders. "Seth, your mom and I are going to go talk to the doctor for a minute, but we'll be right back."
The smile faded from Seth's face. Sandy felt his heart sink. He knew. He knew the results were in and he was scared. He reached out and patted Seth's face lightly. Seth growled and pretended to bite his hand. Sandy laughed nervously.
Seth nodded, fiddling with the medical bracelet on his wrist. "Okay..I'll see you in a minute. "Grandpa and I will have a scintillating discussion on world politics and ebonics."
Everyone laughed edgily. "We'll only be a few minutes," Sandy repeated.
"Yep. Give me the full report," Seth replied, smiling.
"Count on it." Sandy gave a little wave, and the couple slipped out the door.
"You ready?" Kirsten asked, taking Sandy's hand.
"I'm ready," Sandy said, kissing Kirsten's hand gently. "Let's go."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Pearson sat, hands folded, behind a large wooden desk. Sandy and Kirsten quietly sat in the two chairs facing him.
Sandy wanted to say something, wanted to ask what was wrong with his little boy, but he wasn't sure he could open his mouth without screaming at this point. He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to reassure himself that Seth was a healthy teenage boy. He had to be. Sandy couldn't handle it if he wasn't.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen," Dr. Pearson began, clearing his throat. He paused, exhaling loudly and folding his hands.
Kirsten's heart sank. Seth wasn't okay; she could feel it. Sometimes you knew before anyone told you that everything was turned upside down.
"Seth has leukemia."
Sandy closed his eyes, letting out the breath he'd been holding in. The world was spinning before him, and there was nothing to hang on to. His son had cancer. There was no way.
"You're..you're sure?" Sandy wasn't aware if the raspy, choked voice coming out of his mouth was his or not.
Dr. Pearson nodded sadly. "You'll probably want a second opinion, of course, but I'm afraid the results will almost definitely be the same. Now, I'm not going to assail you with information right now; I can only imagine how you're feeling right now, but I want you to be aware that leukemia is treatable and beat-able. Seth can go home tomorrow afternoon, but we'll need him on the oncology floor by next week. Before you check him out, we can set up a schedule for treatment, discuss symptoms, side effects, everything to that effect."
Sandy glanced over at Kirsten. She was crying silently, her face twisted into a look of absolute pain. She looked over at him, and squeezed his hand gently.
Kirsten saw Sandy's eyes pool up with tears, and she knew that he was liable to break down at any second. She rubbed her smooth hand over Sandy's, her fingers lightly tracing over his gold wedding band.
"I'll leave you alone now, let everything sink in. I understand you want to be the ones to tell Seth?" Dr. Pearson asked, arching an eyebrow. He stood up.
"Yes. Yes, I think that would be best," Sandy said quietly. He stood up and reached his hand out to shake Dr. Pearson's. "Thank you, doctor."
Dr. Pearson nodded, looking somber. "Take as much time as you need." He quietly slipped out of the door.
The silence was overwhelming.
"Oh, God, Sandy…what are we going to do?"
Sandy embraced Kirsten fiercely, feeling the tears escape his eyes at last. He inhaled deeply, inhaling her perfume and her comfort. All of the little feminine touches that he teased her about, but loved and adored about her at the same time. She knew how to keep him calm, which, the past proved, was a difficult task. Sandy knew he had to be the strong one, but he couldn't. He couldn't be strong. Any second now his knees would give way, and he'd be on the floor. He couldn't handle this. Seth was his child. The kid he'd held in his arms, tucked in at night, read stories to. He couldn't be sick. It wasn't fair by any means.
Kirsten returned her husband's hug, needing something real to hang on to. She needed to cling to Sandy, inhale that woodsy scent that he always had, the one that wrapped her up in its arms, taking her home. That's where she wanted to be: home. Home, with her two healthy sons, and her wonderful husband, and no worries at all. She couldn't stand strong when it came to Seth; he was her little boy, and she'd do anything for him. She'd take the cancer away from him and set it on her own body if she could. But it was impossible. And that killed her.
Neither of them said a word.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ten minutes later they emerged from the conference room, their eyes puffy and red-rimmed, but the tears had stopped. They'd agreed that they couldn't cry in front of Seth, and didn't leave the room until they were certain they could keep their emotions in check.
Kirsten grabbed Sandy's arm as his hand neared the doorknob of Seth's room. Sandy turned to face her, putting a hand on her waist. His eyes betrayed how scared he was, and he sniffed.
"Are you going to be okay?" He asked gently, running his free hand through Kirsten's hair. "God, you..you have the most beautiful hair," Sandy stuttered, feeling a fresh wave of tears brewing somewhere inside. He couldn't even stop the words that poured from his mouth.
Kirsten embraced him tightly. "We'll be okay, Sandy. All of us. We'll get through this."
They stood in the middle of the hallway, hugging each other fiercely, for what seemed like an eternity. Sandy finally pulled back a little.
"We have to do this," he reminded her.
Kirsten nodded, trying to smile, but failing. "Who's going to stay with him tonight?" She rubbed his arm lightly, using her other hand to swipe away some of the tears that still clung to his cheek. He did the same for her.
"Do you want to?" Sandy asked. "I mean, you could, but you've been in the air half the morning. You could go home, change out of the business gear and take a bubble bath. I could stay."
Kirsten considered it for a moment, knowing Sandy wanted to stay with Seth just as bad as she did. "No, sweetie, you've been here all day. You must be exhausted. I'll be fine here with Seth." She paused. "And somebody has to explain all of this to Ryan. You're better at talking to him than I am."
Sandy nodded. "You're probably right." He sighed, leaning against the door. "So, we tell him now."
"Right." Kirsten kissed him gently on the lips. "I'm scared, Sandy." She sighed. "He's just a little boy."
"I know," Sandy replied quietly. "I'm scared too." He turned the doorknob, and they stepped inside.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"His name's Captain-"
Seth stopped talking as soon as the door opened. He took one look at his parents' puffy eyes and ashen faces and knew something was wrong. His heart sank. He clutched Captain Oats a little tighter.
Sandy saw the brief flicker of fear on Seth's face, which quickly melted into a calm, passive expression. He was trying to be strong again. He'd seen their faces and known they had bad news. God, Sandy loved him.
Caleb saw it too, though he couldn't hide the worry and anger on his face. Anger at what, Sandy wasn't sure, but there was definitely anger. He sat stiff in his chair, a livid scowl dominating his features.
"So," Seth began, trying to sound casual, "what's the verdict?" He wrung his hands nervously without even realizing it.
Sandy and Kirsten approached his bed, Sandy's arm resting comfortingly on her waist.
"Seth," he began slowly, grasping his shoulder with his free hand. "Seth, you-you have leukemia." There was no easy way to say it, so he'd just said it. He couldn't stop his body from shaking.
"Oh." The blank expression on Seth's face never wavered. He'd already slipped up and let his true fears show; he wasn't about to do it again. He stared intently at his blanket.
Sandy tried to meet his gaze, but Seth refused to look up. He rubbed his shoulder gently. "It's treatable; Dr. Pearson said so himself."
Seth nodded. He finally looked up, his eyes slightly red. He gave the tiniest of smiles. "Oh."
"Your father has to take Ryan home, but I'll be spending the night here with you," Kirsten said, her voice a little shaky. "Dr. Pearson says you can go home tomorrow."
"That'll be good," Seth said quietly, his voice choked.
Sandy looked over at Caleb. "Caleb, we can set up the guest room for you if you need it." Caleb's house was being remodeled, and Sandy wasn't sure what kind of state it was in at the time.
Caleb nodded, his face drawn tightly. "I appreciate that, Sanford." Somehow, he called him Sanford without the usual malice that using his full name seemed to entail. He stood up and brushed imaginary crumbs off of his jacket. He walked over to Seth. He bent down and gave him a stiff hug, clearly not accustomed to physical affection. "I'll be back tomorrow, son. Sanford, I'll be in the waiting room."
Sandy nodded. Kirsten took Caleb's former seat, allowing Sandy a moment with Seth. Sandy smiled in appreciation.
"Seth, kiddo, look at me, please," Sandy pleaded. Seth finally met his gaze. Sandy gave him a smile. "I'll be here tomorrow when you check out, okay?"
Seth nodded, his chin trembling dangerously.
Sandy lowered his voice. "And I know this is scary, son, but it'll be okay. This is treatable, and you're a strong kid. And through everything, you have your mom and me, and you have Ryan. No matter what. I promise." Sandy paused. "Okay?"
Seth nodded. "Yeah. Thanks. Thanks a lot."
Sandy hugged Seth tightly, his hands rubbing gentle circles on his son's back. He pulled back a little, and kissed Seth's forehead tenderly. Seth didn't even protest the overt sign of physical affection, something he usually balked at.
"I love you, Seth," Sandy whispered.
"I love you, Dad," Seth replied, tears in his eyes. He stubbornly refused to let them fall.
"It'll be okay," Sandy repeated, patting Seth's knee gently. He didn't want to leave, but he knew he had to. He saw in Seth's eyes that he didn't want him to leave either. He had his hand on the doorknob, when Seth finally spoke up.
"Does Ryan know?" He asked, trying to maintain a steady voice. It was obvious that Seth wanted to see his brother as well.
"No..I haven't told him yet," Sandy replied.
"Let him know I'm okay, huh? I don't want him to worry." Seth gave his dad a small smile.
"Okay," Sandy answered. "I'll see you tomorrow, Seth." He nodded toward Kirsten, then left quietly.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sandy leaned against the wall, closing his eyes and swallowing a lump in his throat. How could he be strong when his little boy was sick? His kid had cancer. He shook his head. He had to keep going, for Seth and for Ryan. He was the adult. He wasn't allowed mental breakdowns.
His stomach rumbled suddenly, a reminder that he hadn't eaten since breakfast. He wasn't entirely sure his queasy stomach could handle food, but, on the other hand, maybe it would stop the uncontrollable shaking. He spied a candy machine a few feet away, and shuffled over, pulling a few coins out of his pocket.
He spied a Hershey bar that was calling his name. He needed chocolate. There was some chemical or other in it that was supposed to make you feel better. Did it make your son's cancer go away? Whatever it did, Sandy needed it. He slid the coins into the slot, and hit E3. Nothing happened.
A jolt of anger surged through Sandy's body. His son was sick, he couldn't do a damn thing about it, and he couldn't even get a fucking candy bar to try and soften the blow even slightly. An angry sob escaped his lips, the tears falling yet again. Sandy reared back and kicked the candy machine, kicked it again and again, feeling the anger flow through his leg and attack the stupid machine.
He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder gently, and his leg finally stopped. Sandy felt the anger drain from his body and he was empty. His leg throbbed slightly, he was breathing shakily, and he was empty. He looked over his shoulder, and was shocked at who he saw.
Caleb was rubbing his back softly, a knowing look on his face. Sandy was in numb disbelief as his normally venomous father-in-law hugged him. It was completely surreal, he was crying while Caleb Nichol was comforting him. His arch enemy, one half of the former Gruesome Twosome was comforting him. He didn't know how to react.
"Sandy, we should talk," Caleb said quietly. He led him to a nearby chair, as he took the one opposite it. "We don't have to worry about Ryan; he's asleep in his chair."
Sandy wiped the tears from his eyes, feeling embarrassed for having cried in front of Caleb. He wasn't used to showing his emotions so freely. While he was an affectionate husband and father, a fact that Seth usually resented, he wasn't good at showing his pain.
"Sandy, I know we've never gotten along in the past. Our contempt has always been mutual," Caleb began, folding his hands.
"No argument there," Sandy rasped, chuckling slightly.
"Yes," Caleb agreed, nodding. "Whatever our past, I know how you feel." He paused, staring at his hands, twisting his wedding band around on his finger. "Before Kirsten was born, I had a son."
Sandy narrowed his eyes in confusion. He'd never heard anything about Kirsten having a brother.
"Kirsten never told you, because she never knew," Caleb said, as if reading his mind. "His name was Thomas, and when he was three years old, he was diagnosed with a fatal renal disease." Caleb sighed. "He needed a kidney transplant in order to survive more than six months." He rubbed his face with both hands. "They never found a match."
"Oh, God," Sandy said softly.
Caleb held up a hand. "Don't say you're sorry," he requested softly. "I'm telling you this, Sandy, because those six months were the hardest of my life. Losing him was the most painful experience I've ever gone through, even more painful than when my wife died. Moving on and having more kids was difficult. I went through a period where I wasn't sure if I could go on anymore. What I'm trying to say is that I understand. I know how much pain you're in right now, how scared you are. I can put my contempt on hold for awhile, if you will."
Sandy nodded. "I would like that." It was still surreal, Caleb Nichol showing he had a heart, but he appreciated it to an extent that he couldn't vocalize. His body was still shaking, and his heart still pounding, but he could make it through the night.
Caleb patted him on the shoulder, before standing up. "I'll take my car to your house. I can set up the guest bedroom myself."
"Thank you," Sandy said quietly. "I'll get Ryan and we'll meet you there."
Caleb nodded shortly, and strode away briskly. Sandy stood up, weary from the day's events. He wiped the tears off on the sleeve of his jacket. He had to find Ryan and take him home, explain the situation. He sighed, and walked down the hall.
Ryan was hunkered down in a blue plastic chair, arms folded, fast asleep. While Seth looked vulnerable and young when he was sleeping, Ryan looked angry and tense, his face scrunched up like a bulldog. Sandy jostled his arm slightly.
"Ryan, Ryan, pal wake up. We've gotta go home."
"Mmmmm," Ryan groaned. "What about Seth? I thought you were gonna stay with him." He yawned.
"Kirsten's with him tonight," Sandy explained in a soothing voice. He helped Ryan out of his chair. "He'll be home in the morning. C'mon, kiddo."
"Is he okay?" Ryan asked, as they walked out of the hospital's sliding doors, Sandy's arm around his shoulders. He yawned again.
Sandy remained silent. He had wanted to tell Ryan when they were at home, maybe over a slice of pie or something. He'd wanted to put some distance between them and the hospital before he had to explain the whole thing again. But, he really couldn't wait. He couldn't lie to Ryan, or prolong telling him. He didn't need Ryan angry at him at that moment.
"Sandy?" Ryan asked, concern and fear sparking in his brilliant blue eyes. His voice was panicked. "Sandy, what's wrong?"
They were in the parking lot now, right in front of the Range Rover. Sandy scratched the back of his neck wearily.
"Seth has leukemia," he said quietly, hating the word. The L-word. The worst swear imaginable in his world.
"Shit," Ryan hissed, closing his eyes. Fatigue, and the shock of the news hit him, and his knees buckled. Sandy grabbed him before he could fall.
"Don't you go out on me too," Sandy said quietly.
"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered. "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Shit." He paused, and then quickly turned back toward the hospital. "I need to see him." His voice held an intensity that Sandy hadn't heard since the whole Oliver debacle.
Sandy grabbed Ryan's arm firmly. "Look, there's nothing you can do right now. He's probably sleeping. Just come home with me. You need a good night's sleep right now. Lord knows we all do. We're checking him out tomorrow," Sandy said. "Okay?"
Ryan didn't say anything, but his eyes kept darting back and forth from Sandy's shoes to the hospital.
"Okay, Ryan? Please, son." Sandy squeezed his shoulder gently.
Ryan nodded finally. "Is there anything I can do?" He repeated.
"He'll be back in the hospital within a week or so, but I'd like it if you made his time at home worthwhile…you know? I'd really appreciate it." Sandy smiled gently at Ryan, who wouldn't look at him.
"No problem," Ryan agreed quietly. "How's he doing, I mean really?" His blue eyes finally flicked up to meet Sandy's, and Sandy saw a disturbing amount of emotion in them. And there was still that anger. That severe, intense, practically paralyzing anger, the emotion with which Sandy was the most familiar, the kind that crippled you until you finally found a release for it. Kids Ryan's age shouldn't have that much anger.
"He's scared," Sandy admitted, "but he's being strong." He wasn't sure how much Ryan could handle at that moment.
Ryan nodded. He shielded his eyes with his hand, not wanting to let his tears show. He reached out to open the car door.
Sandy put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. Ryan turned to look at him, a tear trailing down his cheek.
"Look, if you need to talk about this.."
"Okay." Ryan nodded. "Okay." He slid into the car, obviously just wanting to be left alone with his thoughts for awhile.
"Okay." Sandy walked around to the other side of the car, hands still shaking. "Okay." But he had only one thought in his head:
"What if it's not okay?"
--------------------------------------
End Chapter 3. Please review
Chapter 3
Sandy sat by Seth's bedside for two hours. Mostly Seth slept, and when he was awake, he said very little, though he tried to seem indifferent about the whole ordeal. It was obvious to Sandy that while he was trying to be mellow so his son wouldn't worry, his son was doing the same thing in hopes that his father wouldn't worry. It was mind blowing; when had Seth grown up so much that he felt that he had to protect him?
Sandy checked his watch, wondering when Kirsten would show up. He was sure that the results from the tests had to be in by then. He almost considered hunting down Dr. Pearson and demanding the results right then.
Sandy traced Seth's hairline gently with his fingers. Crazy kid with his crazy hair. He smiled faintly. It probably wasn't anything big. Probably nothing. He was just being his usual hypochondriac self. Seth was a healthy sixteen year old boy. He was just under a lot of stress, and who could blame him? He had a heavy course load, a new brother, and a sort of girlfriend. He'd had only one out of those three last year. Stress, that was it.
He sat back in his seat, and crossed his arms. When Kirsten got there, they'd get the results, and they'd find out that absolutely nothing was wrong with their son. Nothing at all.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ten minutes later, Kirsten and Caleb entered Newport General Hospital. Ryan had given up pacing, and sat dejectedly on one of the blue chairs, his body scrunched up. His forehead was wrinkled in tense concern. When he caught sight of them, he stood up quickly.
Kirsten wrapped her arms around Ryan in a gentle hug. She was glad that he was there, both for Seth and for Sandy.
"Ryan, how are you?" She asked quietly, stepping back tentatively.
"Fine, fine," Ryan replied, appearing uncomfortable in Caleb's presence.
"Have you seen him?" Kirsten asked, trying not to appear overly worried.
Ryan nodded, swallowing. He'd never felt so tongue-tied. "Sandy's with him now. He's lookin' pretty good." He paused. "Visitor's hours are over though. They kicked me out."
Kirsten closed her eyes and nodded, not knowing what to believe. Her little boy was in the hospital, and so far, she had no clue how bad it was.
Dr. Pearson appeared before them suddenly, a clipboard in one hand, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Mrs. Cohen?" He asked.
Kirsten nodded. "Yes. Are you Seth's doctor?"
"Yes, I'm Dr. Pearson. If you'd follow me, you can see him now." Dr. Pearson paused. "We have the results from his tests, and when you're ready, I'll give them to you and your husband. I'll be in the conference room; it's right across the hall from Seth's room."
"Okay," Kirsten replied. "Ryan, we'll be right back." She gave him a gentle smile. She glanced up at Caleb. "Um, this is Seth's grandfather. Could he come with me?"
Caleb gave Dr. Pearson a steely look that basically said that he'd lose some vital organs if he didn't allow him to see his grandson.
"That'd be fine," Dr. Pearson said. He nodded, led them to Seth's room, and quietly walked across the hall.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Sandy."
Sandy turned around, and a weary smile fell across his face. Kirsten was a sight for sore eyes, and never had she looked more beautiful than she did right then, in her slightly wrinkled business suit, with her long blonde hair disheveled and askew. God, she made the whole world beautiful, Sandy realized at that moment. It hadn't even occurred to him that her absence contributed to his fear, but when he saw her standing there, he knew that whatever the outcome, he and Kirsten would be able to lean on each other, and somehow, it'd be okay.
"Hey baby," he said in a tired voice. He enveloped her into a big hug. He glanced up at Caleb, who for once didn't look at him with unabashed hostility. He gave him a hesitantly grateful smile.
"How's Seth doing?" Kirsten whispered into Sandy's shoulder.
"He's a big brave dog," Sandy replied, kissing her forehead gently.
"Dr. Pearson said the results are ready, when we're ready," Kirsten said softly. "I'd like to see him for a minute before we go, okay?" She paused, her fingers brushing gently over Sandy's stubble. He hadn't shaved that morning. Somehow, her mind latched onto that unimportant fact, and for a few seconds that was all she could think about. She blinked suddenly. Sandy was staring at her, concerned. She forced a big smile. "Are you ready, hon?"
Sandy nodded, eyeing her curiously. He turned to find Seth awake, blinking the sleep from his eyes, and sitting up. He rubbed his eyes with his fist, like a little kid who'd been up too late the night before. He saw Kirsten and gave her a tired grin.
"Mommy!" His greeting got the reaction he wanted: laughter. Kirsten couldn't suppress a little chuckle at her son's antics.
"Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling?" Kirsten strode to Seth's bedside, and kissed his forehead. She brushed a few errant curls off of his face.
Seth gave her a lopsided grin. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry." He saw Caleb looking nervous, standing by the door. "Hey Grandpa. Come on over here; let me see how you've grown."
Caleb gave a tiny grin, relaxing a little, and stood beside Kirsten. He patted Seth's knee comfortingly. "That's my grandson, always with a joke." He winked. "I'm surprised you don't have a girlfriend."
Seth's eyes widened. "Oh, but I do," he replied with fake excitement, clapping his hands together. "Her name's Summer." He didn't mention the fact that they were pretty much "secret friends." He finally had something to throw in his grandpa's face; so what if he was stretching the truth slightly?
"Good to hear." Caleb punched his shoulder lightly. He perched himself in the chair beside Seth's bed. For once, he didn't want to interfere in their lives. He actually looked fairly ill at ease, a stretch from his usual dignified demeanor.
Sandy put his arm around Kirsten's shoulders. "Seth, your mom and I are going to go talk to the doctor for a minute, but we'll be right back."
The smile faded from Seth's face. Sandy felt his heart sink. He knew. He knew the results were in and he was scared. He reached out and patted Seth's face lightly. Seth growled and pretended to bite his hand. Sandy laughed nervously.
Seth nodded, fiddling with the medical bracelet on his wrist. "Okay..I'll see you in a minute. "Grandpa and I will have a scintillating discussion on world politics and ebonics."
Everyone laughed edgily. "We'll only be a few minutes," Sandy repeated.
"Yep. Give me the full report," Seth replied, smiling.
"Count on it." Sandy gave a little wave, and the couple slipped out the door.
"You ready?" Kirsten asked, taking Sandy's hand.
"I'm ready," Sandy said, kissing Kirsten's hand gently. "Let's go."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Pearson sat, hands folded, behind a large wooden desk. Sandy and Kirsten quietly sat in the two chairs facing him.
Sandy wanted to say something, wanted to ask what was wrong with his little boy, but he wasn't sure he could open his mouth without screaming at this point. He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to reassure himself that Seth was a healthy teenage boy. He had to be. Sandy couldn't handle it if he wasn't.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen," Dr. Pearson began, clearing his throat. He paused, exhaling loudly and folding his hands.
Kirsten's heart sank. Seth wasn't okay; she could feel it. Sometimes you knew before anyone told you that everything was turned upside down.
"Seth has leukemia."
Sandy closed his eyes, letting out the breath he'd been holding in. The world was spinning before him, and there was nothing to hang on to. His son had cancer. There was no way.
"You're..you're sure?" Sandy wasn't aware if the raspy, choked voice coming out of his mouth was his or not.
Dr. Pearson nodded sadly. "You'll probably want a second opinion, of course, but I'm afraid the results will almost definitely be the same. Now, I'm not going to assail you with information right now; I can only imagine how you're feeling right now, but I want you to be aware that leukemia is treatable and beat-able. Seth can go home tomorrow afternoon, but we'll need him on the oncology floor by next week. Before you check him out, we can set up a schedule for treatment, discuss symptoms, side effects, everything to that effect."
Sandy glanced over at Kirsten. She was crying silently, her face twisted into a look of absolute pain. She looked over at him, and squeezed his hand gently.
Kirsten saw Sandy's eyes pool up with tears, and she knew that he was liable to break down at any second. She rubbed her smooth hand over Sandy's, her fingers lightly tracing over his gold wedding band.
"I'll leave you alone now, let everything sink in. I understand you want to be the ones to tell Seth?" Dr. Pearson asked, arching an eyebrow. He stood up.
"Yes. Yes, I think that would be best," Sandy said quietly. He stood up and reached his hand out to shake Dr. Pearson's. "Thank you, doctor."
Dr. Pearson nodded, looking somber. "Take as much time as you need." He quietly slipped out of the door.
The silence was overwhelming.
"Oh, God, Sandy…what are we going to do?"
Sandy embraced Kirsten fiercely, feeling the tears escape his eyes at last. He inhaled deeply, inhaling her perfume and her comfort. All of the little feminine touches that he teased her about, but loved and adored about her at the same time. She knew how to keep him calm, which, the past proved, was a difficult task. Sandy knew he had to be the strong one, but he couldn't. He couldn't be strong. Any second now his knees would give way, and he'd be on the floor. He couldn't handle this. Seth was his child. The kid he'd held in his arms, tucked in at night, read stories to. He couldn't be sick. It wasn't fair by any means.
Kirsten returned her husband's hug, needing something real to hang on to. She needed to cling to Sandy, inhale that woodsy scent that he always had, the one that wrapped her up in its arms, taking her home. That's where she wanted to be: home. Home, with her two healthy sons, and her wonderful husband, and no worries at all. She couldn't stand strong when it came to Seth; he was her little boy, and she'd do anything for him. She'd take the cancer away from him and set it on her own body if she could. But it was impossible. And that killed her.
Neither of them said a word.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ten minutes later they emerged from the conference room, their eyes puffy and red-rimmed, but the tears had stopped. They'd agreed that they couldn't cry in front of Seth, and didn't leave the room until they were certain they could keep their emotions in check.
Kirsten grabbed Sandy's arm as his hand neared the doorknob of Seth's room. Sandy turned to face her, putting a hand on her waist. His eyes betrayed how scared he was, and he sniffed.
"Are you going to be okay?" He asked gently, running his free hand through Kirsten's hair. "God, you..you have the most beautiful hair," Sandy stuttered, feeling a fresh wave of tears brewing somewhere inside. He couldn't even stop the words that poured from his mouth.
Kirsten embraced him tightly. "We'll be okay, Sandy. All of us. We'll get through this."
They stood in the middle of the hallway, hugging each other fiercely, for what seemed like an eternity. Sandy finally pulled back a little.
"We have to do this," he reminded her.
Kirsten nodded, trying to smile, but failing. "Who's going to stay with him tonight?" She rubbed his arm lightly, using her other hand to swipe away some of the tears that still clung to his cheek. He did the same for her.
"Do you want to?" Sandy asked. "I mean, you could, but you've been in the air half the morning. You could go home, change out of the business gear and take a bubble bath. I could stay."
Kirsten considered it for a moment, knowing Sandy wanted to stay with Seth just as bad as she did. "No, sweetie, you've been here all day. You must be exhausted. I'll be fine here with Seth." She paused. "And somebody has to explain all of this to Ryan. You're better at talking to him than I am."
Sandy nodded. "You're probably right." He sighed, leaning against the door. "So, we tell him now."
"Right." Kirsten kissed him gently on the lips. "I'm scared, Sandy." She sighed. "He's just a little boy."
"I know," Sandy replied quietly. "I'm scared too." He turned the doorknob, and they stepped inside.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"His name's Captain-"
Seth stopped talking as soon as the door opened. He took one look at his parents' puffy eyes and ashen faces and knew something was wrong. His heart sank. He clutched Captain Oats a little tighter.
Sandy saw the brief flicker of fear on Seth's face, which quickly melted into a calm, passive expression. He was trying to be strong again. He'd seen their faces and known they had bad news. God, Sandy loved him.
Caleb saw it too, though he couldn't hide the worry and anger on his face. Anger at what, Sandy wasn't sure, but there was definitely anger. He sat stiff in his chair, a livid scowl dominating his features.
"So," Seth began, trying to sound casual, "what's the verdict?" He wrung his hands nervously without even realizing it.
Sandy and Kirsten approached his bed, Sandy's arm resting comfortingly on her waist.
"Seth," he began slowly, grasping his shoulder with his free hand. "Seth, you-you have leukemia." There was no easy way to say it, so he'd just said it. He couldn't stop his body from shaking.
"Oh." The blank expression on Seth's face never wavered. He'd already slipped up and let his true fears show; he wasn't about to do it again. He stared intently at his blanket.
Sandy tried to meet his gaze, but Seth refused to look up. He rubbed his shoulder gently. "It's treatable; Dr. Pearson said so himself."
Seth nodded. He finally looked up, his eyes slightly red. He gave the tiniest of smiles. "Oh."
"Your father has to take Ryan home, but I'll be spending the night here with you," Kirsten said, her voice a little shaky. "Dr. Pearson says you can go home tomorrow."
"That'll be good," Seth said quietly, his voice choked.
Sandy looked over at Caleb. "Caleb, we can set up the guest room for you if you need it." Caleb's house was being remodeled, and Sandy wasn't sure what kind of state it was in at the time.
Caleb nodded, his face drawn tightly. "I appreciate that, Sanford." Somehow, he called him Sanford without the usual malice that using his full name seemed to entail. He stood up and brushed imaginary crumbs off of his jacket. He walked over to Seth. He bent down and gave him a stiff hug, clearly not accustomed to physical affection. "I'll be back tomorrow, son. Sanford, I'll be in the waiting room."
Sandy nodded. Kirsten took Caleb's former seat, allowing Sandy a moment with Seth. Sandy smiled in appreciation.
"Seth, kiddo, look at me, please," Sandy pleaded. Seth finally met his gaze. Sandy gave him a smile. "I'll be here tomorrow when you check out, okay?"
Seth nodded, his chin trembling dangerously.
Sandy lowered his voice. "And I know this is scary, son, but it'll be okay. This is treatable, and you're a strong kid. And through everything, you have your mom and me, and you have Ryan. No matter what. I promise." Sandy paused. "Okay?"
Seth nodded. "Yeah. Thanks. Thanks a lot."
Sandy hugged Seth tightly, his hands rubbing gentle circles on his son's back. He pulled back a little, and kissed Seth's forehead tenderly. Seth didn't even protest the overt sign of physical affection, something he usually balked at.
"I love you, Seth," Sandy whispered.
"I love you, Dad," Seth replied, tears in his eyes. He stubbornly refused to let them fall.
"It'll be okay," Sandy repeated, patting Seth's knee gently. He didn't want to leave, but he knew he had to. He saw in Seth's eyes that he didn't want him to leave either. He had his hand on the doorknob, when Seth finally spoke up.
"Does Ryan know?" He asked, trying to maintain a steady voice. It was obvious that Seth wanted to see his brother as well.
"No..I haven't told him yet," Sandy replied.
"Let him know I'm okay, huh? I don't want him to worry." Seth gave his dad a small smile.
"Okay," Sandy answered. "I'll see you tomorrow, Seth." He nodded toward Kirsten, then left quietly.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sandy leaned against the wall, closing his eyes and swallowing a lump in his throat. How could he be strong when his little boy was sick? His kid had cancer. He shook his head. He had to keep going, for Seth and for Ryan. He was the adult. He wasn't allowed mental breakdowns.
His stomach rumbled suddenly, a reminder that he hadn't eaten since breakfast. He wasn't entirely sure his queasy stomach could handle food, but, on the other hand, maybe it would stop the uncontrollable shaking. He spied a candy machine a few feet away, and shuffled over, pulling a few coins out of his pocket.
He spied a Hershey bar that was calling his name. He needed chocolate. There was some chemical or other in it that was supposed to make you feel better. Did it make your son's cancer go away? Whatever it did, Sandy needed it. He slid the coins into the slot, and hit E3. Nothing happened.
A jolt of anger surged through Sandy's body. His son was sick, he couldn't do a damn thing about it, and he couldn't even get a fucking candy bar to try and soften the blow even slightly. An angry sob escaped his lips, the tears falling yet again. Sandy reared back and kicked the candy machine, kicked it again and again, feeling the anger flow through his leg and attack the stupid machine.
He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder gently, and his leg finally stopped. Sandy felt the anger drain from his body and he was empty. His leg throbbed slightly, he was breathing shakily, and he was empty. He looked over his shoulder, and was shocked at who he saw.
Caleb was rubbing his back softly, a knowing look on his face. Sandy was in numb disbelief as his normally venomous father-in-law hugged him. It was completely surreal, he was crying while Caleb Nichol was comforting him. His arch enemy, one half of the former Gruesome Twosome was comforting him. He didn't know how to react.
"Sandy, we should talk," Caleb said quietly. He led him to a nearby chair, as he took the one opposite it. "We don't have to worry about Ryan; he's asleep in his chair."
Sandy wiped the tears from his eyes, feeling embarrassed for having cried in front of Caleb. He wasn't used to showing his emotions so freely. While he was an affectionate husband and father, a fact that Seth usually resented, he wasn't good at showing his pain.
"Sandy, I know we've never gotten along in the past. Our contempt has always been mutual," Caleb began, folding his hands.
"No argument there," Sandy rasped, chuckling slightly.
"Yes," Caleb agreed, nodding. "Whatever our past, I know how you feel." He paused, staring at his hands, twisting his wedding band around on his finger. "Before Kirsten was born, I had a son."
Sandy narrowed his eyes in confusion. He'd never heard anything about Kirsten having a brother.
"Kirsten never told you, because she never knew," Caleb said, as if reading his mind. "His name was Thomas, and when he was three years old, he was diagnosed with a fatal renal disease." Caleb sighed. "He needed a kidney transplant in order to survive more than six months." He rubbed his face with both hands. "They never found a match."
"Oh, God," Sandy said softly.
Caleb held up a hand. "Don't say you're sorry," he requested softly. "I'm telling you this, Sandy, because those six months were the hardest of my life. Losing him was the most painful experience I've ever gone through, even more painful than when my wife died. Moving on and having more kids was difficult. I went through a period where I wasn't sure if I could go on anymore. What I'm trying to say is that I understand. I know how much pain you're in right now, how scared you are. I can put my contempt on hold for awhile, if you will."
Sandy nodded. "I would like that." It was still surreal, Caleb Nichol showing he had a heart, but he appreciated it to an extent that he couldn't vocalize. His body was still shaking, and his heart still pounding, but he could make it through the night.
Caleb patted him on the shoulder, before standing up. "I'll take my car to your house. I can set up the guest bedroom myself."
"Thank you," Sandy said quietly. "I'll get Ryan and we'll meet you there."
Caleb nodded shortly, and strode away briskly. Sandy stood up, weary from the day's events. He wiped the tears off on the sleeve of his jacket. He had to find Ryan and take him home, explain the situation. He sighed, and walked down the hall.
Ryan was hunkered down in a blue plastic chair, arms folded, fast asleep. While Seth looked vulnerable and young when he was sleeping, Ryan looked angry and tense, his face scrunched up like a bulldog. Sandy jostled his arm slightly.
"Ryan, Ryan, pal wake up. We've gotta go home."
"Mmmmm," Ryan groaned. "What about Seth? I thought you were gonna stay with him." He yawned.
"Kirsten's with him tonight," Sandy explained in a soothing voice. He helped Ryan out of his chair. "He'll be home in the morning. C'mon, kiddo."
"Is he okay?" Ryan asked, as they walked out of the hospital's sliding doors, Sandy's arm around his shoulders. He yawned again.
Sandy remained silent. He had wanted to tell Ryan when they were at home, maybe over a slice of pie or something. He'd wanted to put some distance between them and the hospital before he had to explain the whole thing again. But, he really couldn't wait. He couldn't lie to Ryan, or prolong telling him. He didn't need Ryan angry at him at that moment.
"Sandy?" Ryan asked, concern and fear sparking in his brilliant blue eyes. His voice was panicked. "Sandy, what's wrong?"
They were in the parking lot now, right in front of the Range Rover. Sandy scratched the back of his neck wearily.
"Seth has leukemia," he said quietly, hating the word. The L-word. The worst swear imaginable in his world.
"Shit," Ryan hissed, closing his eyes. Fatigue, and the shock of the news hit him, and his knees buckled. Sandy grabbed him before he could fall.
"Don't you go out on me too," Sandy said quietly.
"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered. "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do? Shit." He paused, and then quickly turned back toward the hospital. "I need to see him." His voice held an intensity that Sandy hadn't heard since the whole Oliver debacle.
Sandy grabbed Ryan's arm firmly. "Look, there's nothing you can do right now. He's probably sleeping. Just come home with me. You need a good night's sleep right now. Lord knows we all do. We're checking him out tomorrow," Sandy said. "Okay?"
Ryan didn't say anything, but his eyes kept darting back and forth from Sandy's shoes to the hospital.
"Okay, Ryan? Please, son." Sandy squeezed his shoulder gently.
Ryan nodded finally. "Is there anything I can do?" He repeated.
"He'll be back in the hospital within a week or so, but I'd like it if you made his time at home worthwhile…you know? I'd really appreciate it." Sandy smiled gently at Ryan, who wouldn't look at him.
"No problem," Ryan agreed quietly. "How's he doing, I mean really?" His blue eyes finally flicked up to meet Sandy's, and Sandy saw a disturbing amount of emotion in them. And there was still that anger. That severe, intense, practically paralyzing anger, the emotion with which Sandy was the most familiar, the kind that crippled you until you finally found a release for it. Kids Ryan's age shouldn't have that much anger.
"He's scared," Sandy admitted, "but he's being strong." He wasn't sure how much Ryan could handle at that moment.
Ryan nodded. He shielded his eyes with his hand, not wanting to let his tears show. He reached out to open the car door.
Sandy put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. Ryan turned to look at him, a tear trailing down his cheek.
"Look, if you need to talk about this.."
"Okay." Ryan nodded. "Okay." He slid into the car, obviously just wanting to be left alone with his thoughts for awhile.
"Okay." Sandy walked around to the other side of the car, hands still shaking. "Okay." But he had only one thought in his head:
"What if it's not okay?"
--------------------------------------
End Chapter 3. Please review