Standard disclaimers apply.
Chapter 5
Dr. Pearson stood up when the Cohens entered the room. He shook hands with each of them, and gestured for them to sit in the three chairs he'd set out for their used use.
Seth sat in the middle of his parents, and instantly slouched down into himself, as if this would help him hear what he knew he'd inevitably have to hear. He suddenly felt like a little kid again, eight years old, and everything in his world depended on what the adults around him did or said or told him to do. It was like all that teenage independence he'd been working all his life to achieve was slowly draining away.
"Okay, now," Dr. Pearson began, folding his hands. "I don't want to attack you with all the information in one sitting, but I think you need to know at least the basics. I have compiled some reading material for you to go over." He distributed three thick manila folders to each of the Cohens.
"Thank you," Kirsten said, taking hers gratefully. She glanced over at Sandy, who grabbed two folders, seeing that Seth was not making the move to grab his.
"Now, Seth, I can't sugar coat this for you. Do you understand that?" Dr. Pearson asked.
"Yes," Seth croaked weakly.
"There are a few different types of leukemia. Seth's type is known as acute lymphocytic leukemia." Dr. Pearson paused. "What that basically means is that the abnormality in Seth's white blood cells is fairly extreme, and they cannot carry out their normal routine. This type of leukemia becomes more severe quickly. It is the most common strain of leukemia in children, though it also occurs in adults. There a number of symptoms that, if you haven't already experienced, you probably will shortly. These symptoms include fevers, night sweats, frequent infections, feelings of weakness or fatigue, headaches, bleeding and bruising easily, bone and joint pains, swelling of the abdomen, swollen or inflamed lymph nodes, and dramatic weight loss. More violent symptoms will include confusion, vomiting, sores on the eyes or skin, seizures, decreased muscle control, and swelling of the testicles."
"Are all those guaranteed?" Sandy asked, concerned. He licked his suddenly dry lips, feeling his fists clench and unclench unconsciously.
"Not necessarily," Dr. Pearson said. "Now, based on Seth's condition, I would recommend chemotherapy rather than any of the other treatments. He'll need to be treated right away, as soon as we can get a second opinion on my diagnosis.
"This is not going to be easy." Dr. Pearson cleared his throat. "You can overcome this disease, but it will take a lot of work, and it will take a lot out of you, both emotionally and physically. You will lose your hair, though it can grow back later on. You will also experience severe nausea, as well as fatigue. Spinal taps will be necessary; they involve sticking a foot-long needle into your spinal column in order to remove and test your cerebrospinal fluid for signs of problems."
Seth swallowed a lump in his throat. He wasn't sure he could listen anymore. He propped his elbow up on the arm of the chair and tried to shield his eyes with his hand. Sandy rubbed his knee gently with one hand, while Kirsten's fingers brushed gently against his free hand comfortingly.
"Chemotherapy will involve using drugs to kill the leukemia cells in your body. You will most likely have the drugs injected through a catheter in your chest. Chemotherapy entails two cycles: the treatment period, and the recovery period. For the time being, while you are in chemo, I'd like to keep you in the hospital. This will start in about a week, and as your treatment progresses, you can receive your chemo as an outpatient.
"All of these procedures will be painful, and side effects are common," Dr. Pearson continued. "But they are all necessary steps in the process of getting better. And you can get better, I assure you. However, we'll need your cooperation and trust. Do you think you could do that, Seth?"
Seth removed his hand from his face and nodded, tears filling his eyes. His body quavered jerkily, but he tried to smile.
Dr. Pearson gave him a comforting smile. "You can beat this, Seth. Your health record up until now has been practically impeccable, and the oncology department here at HOAG is one of the finest in the state. He paused. "I know this is a lot to take in right now. There is a cancer support group for teens run through the hospital. Private and group counseling is available if you'd like." He looked at Kirsten, then Sandy. "For all of you. It's free for any members of the family."
"Is that all?" Sandy asked, wondering what the hell more they could throw at him.
Dr. Pearson nodded. "That's all I think you can handle at the moment. Anything else you need to know is in that folder. If there are any questions you have for me, I'd be happy to answer them. I'm usually working on the oncology floor, so I'll probably be working with Seth throughout the duration of his leukemia."
"Isn't there some kind of surgery?" Kirsten asked, trying to recall what little she'd picked up on from her high school health class. "A bone marrow transplant or something?"
Dr. Pearson nodded. "We will need to test all available members of your family to see if there's a match. The surgery is admittedly painful, but it will better in the long run for Seth's health. I'd like to get the family tested within the week. You'll be tested for Allogenic stem cell transplantation as well. I'll schedule your check in time for next Thursday, at noon. I'll need you to come back in three days from now at four for the preliminaries. Are these times okay?"
"That'd be fine," Sandy said quietly. "Thank you, Doctor Pearson." The family stood up, and each of them shook hands with the doctor one last time.
"Good luck Seth," Dr. Pearson said, grasping his hand firmly.
"Thank you," he mumbled, not meeting the doctor's eye.
"Give me a call if you have any questions."
Seth flung himself into one of the waiting room chairs while his parents finished the paper work at the front desk. Caleb hovered over them, watching them like a hawk.
Ryan slid into the chair beside him.
"Dude, what's going on?" Seth asked.
"Not too much," Ryan replied. "Skittle?" He held out an open bag to his friend.
"Don't mind if I do." Seth pinched a few out of the bag and popped them into his mouth. "I'm beat." He sighed and relaxed so his body practically melded into the plastic seat.
"Don't worry 'bout it," Ryan assured him, shrugging. "We'll go home and you can kick my ass at Ninja Death Fighter 5."
"Oh, that you can count on," Seth said, with a grin. He was happy that things weren't weird between them. There was still that light banter there, only for once Ryan was participating in it as well.
"So how's the food here?" Ryan asked, upending the remaining Skittles into his mouth.
"About as good as a five-star restaurant, assuming they're serving road kill." Seth cringed and shook his head.
"That bad?" Ryan laughed.
"You have no idea." Seth ran a hand through his hair. "Remind me to never criticize Mom's cooking again."
"Now you're just being crazy," Ryan said, causing them both to smile. He spied the manila folder Seth clutched in his hand. "What's that?"
Seth frowned. "Some interesting reading on leukemia." He swallowed, hating the word. "You can read it when I'm done, if you want." He paused. "There's this stuff, adriamycin or something, they use it in chemo....it makes you ralph your guts out. I was thinking we could get some bootleg stuff, slip it in Luke's Budweiser...watch the fireworks." Seth waggled his eyebrows.
Ryan laughed tensely, hoping he hadn't upset Seth. He clapped Seth on the back and gave him a friendly grin. He hoped Seth saw the deeper meaning, the attempted reassurance that everything was okay.
"All right boys, we're ready to go."
The boys looked up to see Sandy, Kirsten, and Caleb standing over them. They stood up, and followed them to the parking lot.
"Dibs on shotgun," Seth called.
"It was probably stupid to only bring one car," Sandy said apologetically, as Ryan, Kirsten, and Caleb squished into the back seat.
"No problem," Ryan replied. Caleb and Kirsten murmured their agreement.
"Here we go," Sandy mumbled, pulling out of the hospital parking lot.
Seth lay on his bed quietly, trying to focus on the comic book open before him, but he couldn't seem to make the words make sense in his head. He glanced over at the manila folder that he'd thrown on his dresser. It was tempting to take a peek at it, but the thought of reading his future was even scarier than not knowing. Especially reading his fate, alone in his room. Was it easier not to know? Most of the words made very little sense to him anyway.
He yawned, stretching his arms above his head. He was dead tired. His dad had ordered him to bed, insisting that he needed to sleep, and he probably did, though he didn't want to admit it to anyone. He wondered vaguely what everyone was talking about downstairs, wondered if his father and grandfather had killed each other yet, then wondered when death had become a recurring topic in his thoughts.
He sighed. He'd vowed that he wouldn't cry again, and he intended to do everything he could to follow through on that. Crying would only make the whole cancer thing worse in his own head, as well as the heads of everyone who cared about him. And though that number was few, the quality of their love or at least general affection was greater than anything.
Seth rolled over and hit 'play' on his stereo. Bright Eyes again. Maybe it was a bunch of guitars and wailing, but he needed it right then.
His eyelids fluttered and shut, and he drifted off to sleep.
Kirsten was jolted out of her thoughts by the doorbell. She jumped, startled, almost knocking over her coffee cup. She'd been lost in thought about Seth. It seemed as if every member of the family had drifted off to their own isolated corners of the house, and she'd staked a claim on the kitchen.
She stood up, cleared her throat, and headed toward the door, one eye fixated on the manila folder on the counter. Half of her wanted to absorb all the information she could so she could go into battle armed with the proper information, while half of her would just rather revel in the ignorance.
Kirsten swung open the door, coming face-to-face with the very smiley Summer Roberts.
"Hi, Mrs. Cohen," Summer greeted her, smiling sweetly. "Is Seth home?"
Kirsten nodded. "Come on in, Summer. He's in his room. I'll go get him."
Summer wrinkled her brow, despite the fact that every beauty magazine she'd ever read said that was a no-no. Kirsten looked exhausted, and her face was red and puffy, like she'd been crying.
"No, no, that's okay," Summer said. "I'll just go up." She paused. "If that's okay."
"That'll be fine," Kirsten replied, with an obviously forced smile.
"Thanks, Mrs. Cohen," Summer said cheerfully. She began her trek up the stairs. She could hear loud music pouring from Seth's bedroom and she smiled. Bright Eyes, one of the many CDs he'd introduced her to, and she had to admit, they were pretty good.
Summer cracked open the door, and smiled. Aw, he was asleep. She had to admit that Cohen looked pretty damned adorable when he was sleeping, that crazy hair going in all directions, Captain Oats standing proudly at his feet.
Inspired, Summer dived on top of Seth. "Wake up, sleepy head!" she shrieked.
Seth's eyes snapped open in panic, but when he saw Summer hovering above him, his face melted into a smile.
"What the hell are you doing?" He demanded, but he couldn't fake anger at her. She was a sight for sore eyes.
"Came to visit you," Summer explained, bending down and kissing his lips passionately. "You haven't been in school the past two days."
Seth frowned, and pushed her away gently before she could kiss him again. "I'm surprised you noticed."
Summer punched his shoulder.
"Ow! Shit, what's your problem?" Seth rolled up his sleeve to reveal a large bruise already forming.
Summer wrinkled her brow yet again. "That must have already been there," she claimed, sounding confused. "I barely touched you. You can't be that delicate."
"I don't think so," Seth said with a frown.
"You're such a baby, Cohen," Summer said. "And look, I told Holly we're dating, okay? So the whole school's going to know by tomorrow." She smiled and kissed his lips gently. "And I'm not ashamed at all."
Seth smiled. "Because the truth is that gossip is as good as gospel in this town. You can save face but you won't ever save your soul."
"Oooh, Cohen, I love it when you quote song lyrics at me." Summer crawled into the space between Seth's arm and shoulder, and he held her close. She nuzzled his neck gently.
"Foreplay, baby," he said, grinning in spite of himself.
"So, how come you weren't in school?" Summer asked, tracing her fingers down Seth's chest. "Hope you're not contagious." She planted another long, luscious kiss on her boyfriend.
"Seth, I need to talk to you-"
Summer and Seth broke away quickly. Sandy stood in the doorway, looking embarrassed.
"Sorry about that, kids," Sandy said. "I'll talk with you later, Seth. Uh, I'll just leave you alone right now." He strode out, slamming the door behind him.
Summer frowned. "What's up with him?" she asked, twirling one of Seth's curls around on her finger. "How come he didn't go crazy and like, kick me out?"
Seth sat up slightly, and Summer followed suit. "Summer, we have to talk," he said quietly, kissing the top of her head tenderly.
"Okay," Summer agreed. "So, let's talk. What's up?"
"Summer, I wasn't in school because..." he trailed off and cleared his throat. "I wasn't in school because I was at the hospital."
Summer's eyes widened. "Why? Are you okay?" Her voice quickly reached a panicked level. "What's wrong?" She stroked his face gently.
"Summer.." Seth's voice trembled slightly. "Summer, I have leukemia. Cancer."
Summer's body stiffened. "Shit...Seth.." She exhaled loudly. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Fuck." She paused, and took a deep breath, suddenly remembering that Seth needed comfort; this was not the right moment for another one of her famous rage blackouts. "Do you need anything? What do you want me to do?" Tears quickly pooled in her eyes.
Seth smiled slightly. "Just sit with me for awhile, huh?" He paused. "And call me Cohen."
Summer kissed Seth gently on the side of the mouth. "Whatever you need, Cohen."
Seth held Summer tighter to his body. He began to rub her shoulders soothingly.
"Don't worry about me," he whispered softly. "I'll be okay."
Summer nodded, burying her face into his chest. She didn't want to let him see her cry, and they were already falling fast. She really liked Seth, enough to even give up her popularity to date him exclusively.
"What's gonna happen to you?" Summer asked, her chin trembling.
Seth eyed the manila folder, and he reached over and grabbed it off the dresser. "Why don't we find out together?"
The two huddled closely together, taking in all the information before them on all of the printed documents. Seth felt better with Summer in his arms. It wasn't as scary, and he wouldn't cry in front of her.
"Thank you," Seth whispered, kissing the side of her head lovingly.
"Just don't get used to it, Cohen." Summer kissed him gently on the lips. She took the folder from his hands, closed it, and tossed it on the floor. "I think that's enough for now." She grabbed his face and kissed him fervently. "Now let's just sit awhile."
"Whatever you say, beautiful."
Sandy knocked lightly on Seth's door. He really didn't want to walk in on Seth and Summer again, so knocking seemed like the best bet.
"Seth, can I come in?"
"Yeah, Dad. Come on in."
"Are you decent?" Sandy called a tiny small playing on his lips.
"Hilarious," Seth called.
Sandy opened the door, one hand covering his eyes. He peeked through his fingers, and seeing no heavy make-out sessions, he whipped his hands away and grinned.
"Whew." He pretended to wipe the sweat off his brow. "What's going on?"
Seth and Summer were looking rather cozy, cuddled together on the bed, but neither of them seemed even slightly embarrassed, merely wrapped up in their own teenage existence. Summer had her head buried in Seth's chest, and her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. He'd told her. Seth looked rather serene, and Sandy was thankful that Summer was there with him.
"We're just hanging out," Seth said. "What's up?"
"Dinner's in fifteen minutes," Sandy announced.
"I'm not really hungry," Seth answered.
Summer smacked his chest gently. "You have to eat."
Sandy grinned slightly. "Better listen to the wife over there." He winked. "Summer, you staying for dinner?"
Summer straightened up, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Thanks, Mr. Cohen, that'd be great."
"What're we having?" Seth asked, yawning tiredly.
"We ordered a pizza." Sandy paused. "Pineapple for you, mushroom for the sane ones."
"Ah, take-out, the only dish my mother can't totally screw up." Seth grinned.
"I'm gonna tell her you said that," Sandy said. "Look, be down in a few minutes. And I still want to talk to you later."
Seth nodded. "Sure thing."
"All right." Sandy paused. "No hanky-panky." He turned and left.
"Wow, my dad is like, the biggest nerd."
The whole family and Summer gathered around the table for dinner. Everyone grabbed a piece or two and sat down.
Seth picked a pineapple off his piece and scarfed it down. He was all too aware of the fact that everyone's attention was on him, and he was incredibly uncomfortable in the spotlight. He scratched the back of his neck tiredly, and tried to not to make eye contact with anyone at the table.
Summer took tiny, hesitant, bites out of her slice. She looked around the table, everyone silently chewing, and felt a little edgy. She felt like an outsider among the family, and wondered if they were okay with her being there. She glanced over at Seth and her heart turned over in her chest. Her boyfriend had cancer. Wow. And what's more, she realized that she loved him enough to want to still be with him through it all. It was a scary new feeling, caring about somebody that much. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined Seth Cohen being the guy that made her feel so strongly. And, just when things were going good, boom! Cancer. Possibility of death. Fear. Uncertainty. Summer was a rage blackout waiting to happen.
Ryan downed his glass of milk in a few sips. He shifted slightly in his seat, wishing, for once, that he knew how to make conversation. He glanced over at Seth, wondering what it would be like when he had to spend all his time at the hospital. Would the huge house feel hollow without him? Probably. Ryan wasn't sure he could survive in the house without Seth's nonstop chattering. The silence could very well kill him. Ryan sighed. Why was he thinking of himself? Seth was the one he should have been thinking about. He was the one who could...no he couldn't. Seth Cohen could not die.
Caleb used his knife and fork to carefully cut his pizza into smaller pieces. He noticed Seth smirking at this odd habit, and Caleb was happy hat he could at least get some enjoyment out of his presence. Caleb felt like something of an outsider; he really wasn't a part of their world. The only person at the table he had a real relationship with was Kirsten. He hadn't been the best grandfather to Seth, and he was beginning to regret that. He chewed his pizza in reserved silence.
Kirsten picked the mushrooms off of her piece and plopped them down onto the side of her plate. Seth looked uneasy, and her heart went out to him. It had to be hard, knowing everyone was thinking about you, but was too afraid to say anything. She could only imagine how Seth had to feel. Sandy wasn't holding up too well either. His hands were shaking, and milk sloshed out of his glass and fell to the tablecloth. Sandy put the cup down, looking around furtively. He caught Kirsten's steady gaze and smiled dully. Kirsten gave a tiny smile in return. The last thing she needed was Sandy to regress into his past, panic attacks and nervous stutters. Seth still didn't know where he'd gotten those two little gifts.
Sandy chewed his pizza furiously, trying to quell the rotten taste in his mouth. He dabbed the corner of his mouth with a napkin. He hadn't slept more than an hour the night before, unable to stop considering what might happen to Seth. He was starting to think that maybe he'd take Dr. Pearson up on that offer for private counseling. He wasn't all that great at sharing his feelings, especially with a complete stranger, but maybe that was what he needed. Because, God, he was scared.
There was very little discussion at dinner, and very little discussion afterwards. Nobody really knew what to say, and if what they wanted to say would come out right.
Seth was lying in bed reading "On the Road," for about the ninth time and listening to Death Cab when Sandy popped in again. Summer had left about a half hour earlier.
"Hey, kiddo." Sandy walked over and sat on the edge of Seth's bed. "How you feeling?"
Seth shrugged. "My legs are kind of sore," he admitted, "and I'm a little tired. But it's not nearly as painful as dinner tonight."
Sandy's smile was more like a grimace.
"So you want to talk to me?" Seth closed his book and set it on his night stand. "Let's chat, let's gab, let's gossip." He hugged his knees to his chest and batted his eyelashes.
"Um..well first of all, I don't want you having Summer up in your room alone..Based on...previous happenings." Sandy's face turned slightly pink.
Seth smirked, embarrassed, but nodded. "Fair enough."
"I made the exception just this once, because I figured you needed to talk to her about everything."
"Yeah," Seth agreed somberly.
"How'd that turn out?" Sandy asked softly.
"She took it pretty well." Seth smiled gently.
"Um, did you read through the material Dr. Pearson gave you?" Sandy cleared his throat.
"Yeah; Summer and I went over most of it together." Seth fingered the frayed edges of his comforter. "Did you?"
Sandy nodded, swallowing hard. "It's a lot to handle."
"Yeah. Spinal taps, chemo, no hair, foot long needles, catheters, adriamycin, vomiting more than should be legal..." Seth sighed. "Not exactly how I pictured spending my junior year."
Sandy patted his shoulder gently. "But you have a good chance of making it, you read that too. What was it? Sixty percent of kids with leukemia survive to tell about it?"
"Yeah." Seth smiled a little, for Sandy's sake.
"Look, son, I'm considering taking some of that counseling that Dr. Pearson offered." Sandy paused, seeing Seth's eyes widen. "I was thinking you could do it too. If you wanted."
"I'll think about," Seth responded, surprised. He figured all of the Cohens were too used to emotional avoidance to want to partake in counseling.
"I really do want you to think about it," Sandy repeated. "I think it might be good for you."
Seth closed his eyes and leaned back against his headboard. "This sucks," he hissed softly.
"I know."
"It's just...I don't want to make your lives any harder than they already are. You've got the new job and all. Now you and Mom have to take off work to take me in for chemo or to talk to somebody about how bad it sucks that I have to be in chemo." Seth sniffed. "I mean, this has to happen when I finally have some friends too."
"I know son, I know." Sandy sighed. "But I don't consider this some kind of pesky inconvenience. I don't mind ditching work to be with you in the hospital. You're our number one priority, and there's nothing we won't do for you."
"Okay." Seth nodded, rubbing his face with both hands. "Okay. And I promise to think about the counseling deal." He squirmed a little. "Is Mom doing it? Or Ryan?"
"I don't know yet. I haven't asked either of them." Sandy ran a hand through his hair. "Caleb's too proud, your mother probably too, Ryan still hasn't really mastered the skill of speech, so I'm not sure he'd do it either."
"And we could talk all day to any poor sap who'll listen," Seth smirked.
"Got that right." Sandy squeezed his shoulder tenderly and stood up. "Night son."
"Night Dad." Seth paused. "Try not to worry too much."
Sandy smiled sadly and retreated to his bedroom, where Kirsten laid, back to him, tears slowly staining her pillow. Sandy lay down beside her, not saying a word, but wrapping his arms around her waist.
They fell asleep, their bodies intertwined, their pain and fear mutual.
Chapter 5
Dr. Pearson stood up when the Cohens entered the room. He shook hands with each of them, and gestured for them to sit in the three chairs he'd set out for their used use.
Seth sat in the middle of his parents, and instantly slouched down into himself, as if this would help him hear what he knew he'd inevitably have to hear. He suddenly felt like a little kid again, eight years old, and everything in his world depended on what the adults around him did or said or told him to do. It was like all that teenage independence he'd been working all his life to achieve was slowly draining away.
"Okay, now," Dr. Pearson began, folding his hands. "I don't want to attack you with all the information in one sitting, but I think you need to know at least the basics. I have compiled some reading material for you to go over." He distributed three thick manila folders to each of the Cohens.
"Thank you," Kirsten said, taking hers gratefully. She glanced over at Sandy, who grabbed two folders, seeing that Seth was not making the move to grab his.
"Now, Seth, I can't sugar coat this for you. Do you understand that?" Dr. Pearson asked.
"Yes," Seth croaked weakly.
"There are a few different types of leukemia. Seth's type is known as acute lymphocytic leukemia." Dr. Pearson paused. "What that basically means is that the abnormality in Seth's white blood cells is fairly extreme, and they cannot carry out their normal routine. This type of leukemia becomes more severe quickly. It is the most common strain of leukemia in children, though it also occurs in adults. There a number of symptoms that, if you haven't already experienced, you probably will shortly. These symptoms include fevers, night sweats, frequent infections, feelings of weakness or fatigue, headaches, bleeding and bruising easily, bone and joint pains, swelling of the abdomen, swollen or inflamed lymph nodes, and dramatic weight loss. More violent symptoms will include confusion, vomiting, sores on the eyes or skin, seizures, decreased muscle control, and swelling of the testicles."
"Are all those guaranteed?" Sandy asked, concerned. He licked his suddenly dry lips, feeling his fists clench and unclench unconsciously.
"Not necessarily," Dr. Pearson said. "Now, based on Seth's condition, I would recommend chemotherapy rather than any of the other treatments. He'll need to be treated right away, as soon as we can get a second opinion on my diagnosis.
"This is not going to be easy." Dr. Pearson cleared his throat. "You can overcome this disease, but it will take a lot of work, and it will take a lot out of you, both emotionally and physically. You will lose your hair, though it can grow back later on. You will also experience severe nausea, as well as fatigue. Spinal taps will be necessary; they involve sticking a foot-long needle into your spinal column in order to remove and test your cerebrospinal fluid for signs of problems."
Seth swallowed a lump in his throat. He wasn't sure he could listen anymore. He propped his elbow up on the arm of the chair and tried to shield his eyes with his hand. Sandy rubbed his knee gently with one hand, while Kirsten's fingers brushed gently against his free hand comfortingly.
"Chemotherapy will involve using drugs to kill the leukemia cells in your body. You will most likely have the drugs injected through a catheter in your chest. Chemotherapy entails two cycles: the treatment period, and the recovery period. For the time being, while you are in chemo, I'd like to keep you in the hospital. This will start in about a week, and as your treatment progresses, you can receive your chemo as an outpatient.
"All of these procedures will be painful, and side effects are common," Dr. Pearson continued. "But they are all necessary steps in the process of getting better. And you can get better, I assure you. However, we'll need your cooperation and trust. Do you think you could do that, Seth?"
Seth removed his hand from his face and nodded, tears filling his eyes. His body quavered jerkily, but he tried to smile.
Dr. Pearson gave him a comforting smile. "You can beat this, Seth. Your health record up until now has been practically impeccable, and the oncology department here at HOAG is one of the finest in the state. He paused. "I know this is a lot to take in right now. There is a cancer support group for teens run through the hospital. Private and group counseling is available if you'd like." He looked at Kirsten, then Sandy. "For all of you. It's free for any members of the family."
"Is that all?" Sandy asked, wondering what the hell more they could throw at him.
Dr. Pearson nodded. "That's all I think you can handle at the moment. Anything else you need to know is in that folder. If there are any questions you have for me, I'd be happy to answer them. I'm usually working on the oncology floor, so I'll probably be working with Seth throughout the duration of his leukemia."
"Isn't there some kind of surgery?" Kirsten asked, trying to recall what little she'd picked up on from her high school health class. "A bone marrow transplant or something?"
Dr. Pearson nodded. "We will need to test all available members of your family to see if there's a match. The surgery is admittedly painful, but it will better in the long run for Seth's health. I'd like to get the family tested within the week. You'll be tested for Allogenic stem cell transplantation as well. I'll schedule your check in time for next Thursday, at noon. I'll need you to come back in three days from now at four for the preliminaries. Are these times okay?"
"That'd be fine," Sandy said quietly. "Thank you, Doctor Pearson." The family stood up, and each of them shook hands with the doctor one last time.
"Good luck Seth," Dr. Pearson said, grasping his hand firmly.
"Thank you," he mumbled, not meeting the doctor's eye.
"Give me a call if you have any questions."
Seth flung himself into one of the waiting room chairs while his parents finished the paper work at the front desk. Caleb hovered over them, watching them like a hawk.
Ryan slid into the chair beside him.
"Dude, what's going on?" Seth asked.
"Not too much," Ryan replied. "Skittle?" He held out an open bag to his friend.
"Don't mind if I do." Seth pinched a few out of the bag and popped them into his mouth. "I'm beat." He sighed and relaxed so his body practically melded into the plastic seat.
"Don't worry 'bout it," Ryan assured him, shrugging. "We'll go home and you can kick my ass at Ninja Death Fighter 5."
"Oh, that you can count on," Seth said, with a grin. He was happy that things weren't weird between them. There was still that light banter there, only for once Ryan was participating in it as well.
"So how's the food here?" Ryan asked, upending the remaining Skittles into his mouth.
"About as good as a five-star restaurant, assuming they're serving road kill." Seth cringed and shook his head.
"That bad?" Ryan laughed.
"You have no idea." Seth ran a hand through his hair. "Remind me to never criticize Mom's cooking again."
"Now you're just being crazy," Ryan said, causing them both to smile. He spied the manila folder Seth clutched in his hand. "What's that?"
Seth frowned. "Some interesting reading on leukemia." He swallowed, hating the word. "You can read it when I'm done, if you want." He paused. "There's this stuff, adriamycin or something, they use it in chemo....it makes you ralph your guts out. I was thinking we could get some bootleg stuff, slip it in Luke's Budweiser...watch the fireworks." Seth waggled his eyebrows.
Ryan laughed tensely, hoping he hadn't upset Seth. He clapped Seth on the back and gave him a friendly grin. He hoped Seth saw the deeper meaning, the attempted reassurance that everything was okay.
"All right boys, we're ready to go."
The boys looked up to see Sandy, Kirsten, and Caleb standing over them. They stood up, and followed them to the parking lot.
"Dibs on shotgun," Seth called.
"It was probably stupid to only bring one car," Sandy said apologetically, as Ryan, Kirsten, and Caleb squished into the back seat.
"No problem," Ryan replied. Caleb and Kirsten murmured their agreement.
"Here we go," Sandy mumbled, pulling out of the hospital parking lot.
Seth lay on his bed quietly, trying to focus on the comic book open before him, but he couldn't seem to make the words make sense in his head. He glanced over at the manila folder that he'd thrown on his dresser. It was tempting to take a peek at it, but the thought of reading his future was even scarier than not knowing. Especially reading his fate, alone in his room. Was it easier not to know? Most of the words made very little sense to him anyway.
He yawned, stretching his arms above his head. He was dead tired. His dad had ordered him to bed, insisting that he needed to sleep, and he probably did, though he didn't want to admit it to anyone. He wondered vaguely what everyone was talking about downstairs, wondered if his father and grandfather had killed each other yet, then wondered when death had become a recurring topic in his thoughts.
He sighed. He'd vowed that he wouldn't cry again, and he intended to do everything he could to follow through on that. Crying would only make the whole cancer thing worse in his own head, as well as the heads of everyone who cared about him. And though that number was few, the quality of their love or at least general affection was greater than anything.
Seth rolled over and hit 'play' on his stereo. Bright Eyes again. Maybe it was a bunch of guitars and wailing, but he needed it right then.
His eyelids fluttered and shut, and he drifted off to sleep.
Kirsten was jolted out of her thoughts by the doorbell. She jumped, startled, almost knocking over her coffee cup. She'd been lost in thought about Seth. It seemed as if every member of the family had drifted off to their own isolated corners of the house, and she'd staked a claim on the kitchen.
She stood up, cleared her throat, and headed toward the door, one eye fixated on the manila folder on the counter. Half of her wanted to absorb all the information she could so she could go into battle armed with the proper information, while half of her would just rather revel in the ignorance.
Kirsten swung open the door, coming face-to-face with the very smiley Summer Roberts.
"Hi, Mrs. Cohen," Summer greeted her, smiling sweetly. "Is Seth home?"
Kirsten nodded. "Come on in, Summer. He's in his room. I'll go get him."
Summer wrinkled her brow, despite the fact that every beauty magazine she'd ever read said that was a no-no. Kirsten looked exhausted, and her face was red and puffy, like she'd been crying.
"No, no, that's okay," Summer said. "I'll just go up." She paused. "If that's okay."
"That'll be fine," Kirsten replied, with an obviously forced smile.
"Thanks, Mrs. Cohen," Summer said cheerfully. She began her trek up the stairs. She could hear loud music pouring from Seth's bedroom and she smiled. Bright Eyes, one of the many CDs he'd introduced her to, and she had to admit, they were pretty good.
Summer cracked open the door, and smiled. Aw, he was asleep. She had to admit that Cohen looked pretty damned adorable when he was sleeping, that crazy hair going in all directions, Captain Oats standing proudly at his feet.
Inspired, Summer dived on top of Seth. "Wake up, sleepy head!" she shrieked.
Seth's eyes snapped open in panic, but when he saw Summer hovering above him, his face melted into a smile.
"What the hell are you doing?" He demanded, but he couldn't fake anger at her. She was a sight for sore eyes.
"Came to visit you," Summer explained, bending down and kissing his lips passionately. "You haven't been in school the past two days."
Seth frowned, and pushed her away gently before she could kiss him again. "I'm surprised you noticed."
Summer punched his shoulder.
"Ow! Shit, what's your problem?" Seth rolled up his sleeve to reveal a large bruise already forming.
Summer wrinkled her brow yet again. "That must have already been there," she claimed, sounding confused. "I barely touched you. You can't be that delicate."
"I don't think so," Seth said with a frown.
"You're such a baby, Cohen," Summer said. "And look, I told Holly we're dating, okay? So the whole school's going to know by tomorrow." She smiled and kissed his lips gently. "And I'm not ashamed at all."
Seth smiled. "Because the truth is that gossip is as good as gospel in this town. You can save face but you won't ever save your soul."
"Oooh, Cohen, I love it when you quote song lyrics at me." Summer crawled into the space between Seth's arm and shoulder, and he held her close. She nuzzled his neck gently.
"Foreplay, baby," he said, grinning in spite of himself.
"So, how come you weren't in school?" Summer asked, tracing her fingers down Seth's chest. "Hope you're not contagious." She planted another long, luscious kiss on her boyfriend.
"Seth, I need to talk to you-"
Summer and Seth broke away quickly. Sandy stood in the doorway, looking embarrassed.
"Sorry about that, kids," Sandy said. "I'll talk with you later, Seth. Uh, I'll just leave you alone right now." He strode out, slamming the door behind him.
Summer frowned. "What's up with him?" she asked, twirling one of Seth's curls around on her finger. "How come he didn't go crazy and like, kick me out?"
Seth sat up slightly, and Summer followed suit. "Summer, we have to talk," he said quietly, kissing the top of her head tenderly.
"Okay," Summer agreed. "So, let's talk. What's up?"
"Summer, I wasn't in school because..." he trailed off and cleared his throat. "I wasn't in school because I was at the hospital."
Summer's eyes widened. "Why? Are you okay?" Her voice quickly reached a panicked level. "What's wrong?" She stroked his face gently.
"Summer.." Seth's voice trembled slightly. "Summer, I have leukemia. Cancer."
Summer's body stiffened. "Shit...Seth.." She exhaled loudly. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Fuck." She paused, and took a deep breath, suddenly remembering that Seth needed comfort; this was not the right moment for another one of her famous rage blackouts. "Do you need anything? What do you want me to do?" Tears quickly pooled in her eyes.
Seth smiled slightly. "Just sit with me for awhile, huh?" He paused. "And call me Cohen."
Summer kissed Seth gently on the side of the mouth. "Whatever you need, Cohen."
Seth held Summer tighter to his body. He began to rub her shoulders soothingly.
"Don't worry about me," he whispered softly. "I'll be okay."
Summer nodded, burying her face into his chest. She didn't want to let him see her cry, and they were already falling fast. She really liked Seth, enough to even give up her popularity to date him exclusively.
"What's gonna happen to you?" Summer asked, her chin trembling.
Seth eyed the manila folder, and he reached over and grabbed it off the dresser. "Why don't we find out together?"
The two huddled closely together, taking in all the information before them on all of the printed documents. Seth felt better with Summer in his arms. It wasn't as scary, and he wouldn't cry in front of her.
"Thank you," Seth whispered, kissing the side of her head lovingly.
"Just don't get used to it, Cohen." Summer kissed him gently on the lips. She took the folder from his hands, closed it, and tossed it on the floor. "I think that's enough for now." She grabbed his face and kissed him fervently. "Now let's just sit awhile."
"Whatever you say, beautiful."
Sandy knocked lightly on Seth's door. He really didn't want to walk in on Seth and Summer again, so knocking seemed like the best bet.
"Seth, can I come in?"
"Yeah, Dad. Come on in."
"Are you decent?" Sandy called a tiny small playing on his lips.
"Hilarious," Seth called.
Sandy opened the door, one hand covering his eyes. He peeked through his fingers, and seeing no heavy make-out sessions, he whipped his hands away and grinned.
"Whew." He pretended to wipe the sweat off his brow. "What's going on?"
Seth and Summer were looking rather cozy, cuddled together on the bed, but neither of them seemed even slightly embarrassed, merely wrapped up in their own teenage existence. Summer had her head buried in Seth's chest, and her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy. He'd told her. Seth looked rather serene, and Sandy was thankful that Summer was there with him.
"We're just hanging out," Seth said. "What's up?"
"Dinner's in fifteen minutes," Sandy announced.
"I'm not really hungry," Seth answered.
Summer smacked his chest gently. "You have to eat."
Sandy grinned slightly. "Better listen to the wife over there." He winked. "Summer, you staying for dinner?"
Summer straightened up, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "Thanks, Mr. Cohen, that'd be great."
"What're we having?" Seth asked, yawning tiredly.
"We ordered a pizza." Sandy paused. "Pineapple for you, mushroom for the sane ones."
"Ah, take-out, the only dish my mother can't totally screw up." Seth grinned.
"I'm gonna tell her you said that," Sandy said. "Look, be down in a few minutes. And I still want to talk to you later."
Seth nodded. "Sure thing."
"All right." Sandy paused. "No hanky-panky." He turned and left.
"Wow, my dad is like, the biggest nerd."
The whole family and Summer gathered around the table for dinner. Everyone grabbed a piece or two and sat down.
Seth picked a pineapple off his piece and scarfed it down. He was all too aware of the fact that everyone's attention was on him, and he was incredibly uncomfortable in the spotlight. He scratched the back of his neck tiredly, and tried to not to make eye contact with anyone at the table.
Summer took tiny, hesitant, bites out of her slice. She looked around the table, everyone silently chewing, and felt a little edgy. She felt like an outsider among the family, and wondered if they were okay with her being there. She glanced over at Seth and her heart turned over in her chest. Her boyfriend had cancer. Wow. And what's more, she realized that she loved him enough to want to still be with him through it all. It was a scary new feeling, caring about somebody that much. Never in her wildest dreams had she ever imagined Seth Cohen being the guy that made her feel so strongly. And, just when things were going good, boom! Cancer. Possibility of death. Fear. Uncertainty. Summer was a rage blackout waiting to happen.
Ryan downed his glass of milk in a few sips. He shifted slightly in his seat, wishing, for once, that he knew how to make conversation. He glanced over at Seth, wondering what it would be like when he had to spend all his time at the hospital. Would the huge house feel hollow without him? Probably. Ryan wasn't sure he could survive in the house without Seth's nonstop chattering. The silence could very well kill him. Ryan sighed. Why was he thinking of himself? Seth was the one he should have been thinking about. He was the one who could...no he couldn't. Seth Cohen could not die.
Caleb used his knife and fork to carefully cut his pizza into smaller pieces. He noticed Seth smirking at this odd habit, and Caleb was happy hat he could at least get some enjoyment out of his presence. Caleb felt like something of an outsider; he really wasn't a part of their world. The only person at the table he had a real relationship with was Kirsten. He hadn't been the best grandfather to Seth, and he was beginning to regret that. He chewed his pizza in reserved silence.
Kirsten picked the mushrooms off of her piece and plopped them down onto the side of her plate. Seth looked uneasy, and her heart went out to him. It had to be hard, knowing everyone was thinking about you, but was too afraid to say anything. She could only imagine how Seth had to feel. Sandy wasn't holding up too well either. His hands were shaking, and milk sloshed out of his glass and fell to the tablecloth. Sandy put the cup down, looking around furtively. He caught Kirsten's steady gaze and smiled dully. Kirsten gave a tiny smile in return. The last thing she needed was Sandy to regress into his past, panic attacks and nervous stutters. Seth still didn't know where he'd gotten those two little gifts.
Sandy chewed his pizza furiously, trying to quell the rotten taste in his mouth. He dabbed the corner of his mouth with a napkin. He hadn't slept more than an hour the night before, unable to stop considering what might happen to Seth. He was starting to think that maybe he'd take Dr. Pearson up on that offer for private counseling. He wasn't all that great at sharing his feelings, especially with a complete stranger, but maybe that was what he needed. Because, God, he was scared.
There was very little discussion at dinner, and very little discussion afterwards. Nobody really knew what to say, and if what they wanted to say would come out right.
Seth was lying in bed reading "On the Road," for about the ninth time and listening to Death Cab when Sandy popped in again. Summer had left about a half hour earlier.
"Hey, kiddo." Sandy walked over and sat on the edge of Seth's bed. "How you feeling?"
Seth shrugged. "My legs are kind of sore," he admitted, "and I'm a little tired. But it's not nearly as painful as dinner tonight."
Sandy's smile was more like a grimace.
"So you want to talk to me?" Seth closed his book and set it on his night stand. "Let's chat, let's gab, let's gossip." He hugged his knees to his chest and batted his eyelashes.
"Um..well first of all, I don't want you having Summer up in your room alone..Based on...previous happenings." Sandy's face turned slightly pink.
Seth smirked, embarrassed, but nodded. "Fair enough."
"I made the exception just this once, because I figured you needed to talk to her about everything."
"Yeah," Seth agreed somberly.
"How'd that turn out?" Sandy asked softly.
"She took it pretty well." Seth smiled gently.
"Um, did you read through the material Dr. Pearson gave you?" Sandy cleared his throat.
"Yeah; Summer and I went over most of it together." Seth fingered the frayed edges of his comforter. "Did you?"
Sandy nodded, swallowing hard. "It's a lot to handle."
"Yeah. Spinal taps, chemo, no hair, foot long needles, catheters, adriamycin, vomiting more than should be legal..." Seth sighed. "Not exactly how I pictured spending my junior year."
Sandy patted his shoulder gently. "But you have a good chance of making it, you read that too. What was it? Sixty percent of kids with leukemia survive to tell about it?"
"Yeah." Seth smiled a little, for Sandy's sake.
"Look, son, I'm considering taking some of that counseling that Dr. Pearson offered." Sandy paused, seeing Seth's eyes widen. "I was thinking you could do it too. If you wanted."
"I'll think about," Seth responded, surprised. He figured all of the Cohens were too used to emotional avoidance to want to partake in counseling.
"I really do want you to think about it," Sandy repeated. "I think it might be good for you."
Seth closed his eyes and leaned back against his headboard. "This sucks," he hissed softly.
"I know."
"It's just...I don't want to make your lives any harder than they already are. You've got the new job and all. Now you and Mom have to take off work to take me in for chemo or to talk to somebody about how bad it sucks that I have to be in chemo." Seth sniffed. "I mean, this has to happen when I finally have some friends too."
"I know son, I know." Sandy sighed. "But I don't consider this some kind of pesky inconvenience. I don't mind ditching work to be with you in the hospital. You're our number one priority, and there's nothing we won't do for you."
"Okay." Seth nodded, rubbing his face with both hands. "Okay. And I promise to think about the counseling deal." He squirmed a little. "Is Mom doing it? Or Ryan?"
"I don't know yet. I haven't asked either of them." Sandy ran a hand through his hair. "Caleb's too proud, your mother probably too, Ryan still hasn't really mastered the skill of speech, so I'm not sure he'd do it either."
"And we could talk all day to any poor sap who'll listen," Seth smirked.
"Got that right." Sandy squeezed his shoulder tenderly and stood up. "Night son."
"Night Dad." Seth paused. "Try not to worry too much."
Sandy smiled sadly and retreated to his bedroom, where Kirsten laid, back to him, tears slowly staining her pillow. Sandy lay down beside her, not saying a word, but wrapping his arms around her waist.
They fell asleep, their bodies intertwined, their pain and fear mutual.