I have no claim on Girl's Gone Wild.
Quagmire's Story Part IV
Stewie's Proposition and Lois's Demise
Quagmire took Stewie inside and sat him down on the couch. Quagmire stood in the middle of the room and started to scratch his neck. "Wow. I've never had to take care of a kid before. Umm… what do babies like to do? I know. We'll watch an educational video."
Quagmire went inside his closet and a bunch of sex toys fell out. Pink fuzzy handcuffs, black whips, and other things. Then quagmire picked up a red video tap. "Alright! Stewie just sit back and relax. Oh yeah here little buddy." Quagmire handed Stewie some hand lotion. Stewie looked at the bottle with a confused look on his face. "What in God's name am I supposed to do with this?"
The television turned on and a blonde woman with a white lab coat came on the screen. "Hey there big boy. Do you want to learn some science? Well you came to the right place. We're going to learn about the reproductive system and about the human body. First lesson. When you see a pair of these," the woman pull the lab coat down and showed a pair of C boobs, "you take this…" then she showed a picture of a penis, "and some lotion. Take your hand and make a hole with your hand and wrap it around your penis and move your hand up and down."
Several minutes later the woman put her lab coat back on. "There doesn't that feel better?" Quagmire looked over at Stewie. "Do you like that little buddy?" Stewie stared into the screen not blinking with his hand in his diaper. "That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen." Quagmire laughed. "You haven't seen half of it." Quagmire walked over to his closet again. And a whole mound of tapes fell out. Stewie stared blankly and began to drool. Stewie asked, "Do you have any BGW (Babies Gone Wild)?"
Two hours later Stewie and Quagmire lay down on the floor covered in white goo. "That was awesome. I tell you what Quagmire if you give me your porn tapes I will help you have sex with Lois." Quagmire shot up. "No way. You cant do that? Wait the tapes are better than Lois. Anyway she won't do anything with me. You're lying."
Stewie became outraged. "Damn it. If you don't give me those tapes I will kick your ass instead!" A Stewie leap in the air and pulls out his baby bottle and a knife pops out of the bib. Quagmire quivers. "Ok but how are you going to set me and your mom up?" Stewie answers with, "Leave that to me."
Several days later Peter is home from the hospital. Stewie comes running down the stairs. "Lois I know today is your birthday so I made you a cake." There was a huge cake in the middle of the hallway. Lois looked surprised. "Thank you Stewie but today is not my birthday." Stewie took out a straw and shot Lois with a blow dart. "Now Quagmire. Quagmire popped out of the cake. "Alright! Gigty, gigty, gigty, gigty, gigty, goo." Quagmire took Lois's body and dragged it into Peter and Lois's room. "Have fun you two. Now excuse me while I go and do what nature intends me to do."
HA HA HA HA. Will Lois have another baby? Maybe. Did Quagmire use a condom? Who cares?
DaPope72