Author: Aelan Greenleaf
Rating: G+
Category: Angst/Romance; Vignette
Spoilers: God, yes. For HBP.
Summary: Lupin and Tonks 'talk' while guarding the school the night everything ended. RLNT
Disclaimer: Well, I sure don't own these characters, they belong to J.K Rowling. But I can dream, can't I?
She's guarding the second floor, and so am I. I wonder, for a moment, that perhaps Dumbledore planned this, but then I dismiss the thought. We're just guarding the school. That's all.
Blast it, Remus, you're only trying to fool yourself, and to be honest, it's not working all that well. She's just around the corner, I can see her now: brown hair hidden in the pale light of the night; the blue eyes I once knew that have now faded to grey. I can't deny something's changed her; hell, even Harry came and asked me about it. I have yet to see her new Patronus, but I think I can guess what exactly it is.
She's coming towards me, making her loop around the hallway. Why is this so awkward now? Why is it so hard to look at her? She nods her head and passes by, and I nod back.
A nod? Is that what we've come to? Two ships passing in the night, I suppose. One a derelict and poor ship, the other young and sleek. Why can't she understand that I don't deserve her? She needs someone young and kind and handsome and well-off. She needs someone who can hold her every night, who she doesn't have to run from when the moon turns whole. Why can't she understand this?
I've reached the end of the hallway. Still, no one there. I can see from my vantage point Minerva patrolling the Great Hall, and I know that the other members along with the students are out there as well. What we're guarding against, I'm not quite sure. But I can feel it drawing near.
I turn around again, and start my march to the other side. One foot, two foot, keep them moving Remus. One in front of the other, that's it old chap. I look up, and she's coming towards me again, and I look away and give my impersonal nod, but in that moment I give a furtive look back to her, and I can see her eyes glittering in the dark as she tries to look away.
My feet stop their march, and I turn around to her. "Nymphadora." I call softly, my voice reverberating in the hall. She keeps walking. "Dora." I say, louder now. She stops at the use of my nickname for her.
"What?" she asks, her back to me.
"Are you okay?"
She snorts. "Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?" Her voice catches, and she starts to walk away again, more quickly now.
I let my feet move to her, my tattered robes swaying behind me as I run up to her. She tries to move away, but I catch her forearm and I swing her towards me, and I can see tears upon her cheeks as she tries in vain to wipe them away. There is pain in those grey eyes.
She stiffens as I move to brush the tears off her pale cheeks, and I can feel that's she's cold, so cold. And all I want to do is hold her, and make it right, but I can't but I need to and my mind is a tempest of thoughts and without realizing it I've wrapped my arms around her cold, stiff body and she's melting against me.
"Remus." she whispers, muffled by my own shoulder. Her tears start to soak through my cloak, but I don't care.
Time slows. I want to be in this moment forever. I want to live like this. I want a night with no moon, and I want the woman that I love with me and I want it for all of eternity. This is the only thing I've ever wanted in my life, and yet, I know that I can't have it and it's killing me inside.
I don't want to let go, but I have to. The reality is that the moon will always come back, and I'll always be too poor and too dangerous and too old. And time will always move on, no matter how many spells I cast or charms I use or Time-Turners I can manipulate; I can't have it. Oh cruel fate, how I loathe thee.
"I'm sorry." I say into her hair, and I force myself to let go and I'm fighting myself with every muscle that I retract.
And she looks up at me with those eyes, and for a moment I swear they flash back to a brilliant blue and I can see a summer sky within them. But everything always fades away and they're grey once more and the summer's gone.
"I love you." she says, without demand or question.
I can barely stop myself from throwing myself at her and unleashing tears of my own. "I love you too, Nymphadora Tonks, but I can't be with you."
And then a scream rings out in the night, and all hell breaks loose.