Disclaimer: I don't own them. :(

Chapter 7.

"Don!" Raph rushed through the open kitchen door and towards the closest set of trees from the house, his distraught brother was covering his tracks already and Raph was running on gut instinct alone. "Don! Damn it! Where are you?"

"Raph, what is it?" Don came running from the direction of the barn and Mike was hot on his heels, Raph didn't slow down for them as he quickly explained the last moments of his conversation with Leo. He felt the guilt building up as he recalled his persistence for revenge against Oroku Saki and his brother's dislike at the idea. Don didn't stop his pace but his anger grew, just what the hell was Raph thinking?

"Raph, why couldn't you just listen to him? He doesn't need this right now!" he yelled.

"I know, I know!"

"Damn it, Raph!"

"Enough! This is exactly why Leo's running, just cool it! We have to find him!" Mike snapped.

They stopped running in an open section of the woodland, it was futile anyway, they'd never find him like this. Mike's shoulders slumped and he shook his head, "Why would he take the knife?" he whispered solemnly.

Raph bristled, "Why do you think, Mike? So he can kill himself, that's why! Jesus, you can be so stupid sometimes."

"That's not what I meant, Raph! It's a knife, not a katana! He's trying to kill himself with a knife! You get me?" Mike stepped up towards Raph and they stood inches apart, Don watched and let out a sigh, there wasn't time for this. Raph's eyes widened in anger until he realised Mike's point, "Yeah, that's right! Do the words honourable death mean anything to you? He's Leo for crying out loud, he doesn't do things like this!" Mike spat out.

"He does now." Splinter spoke softly, the three brothers turned in his direction and he stepped towards them, "And he is doing this for you, for all of us."

"Since when has Leo been in any position to make decisions for us? He's not thinking straight!" Raph screamed. The fear and anger began to build at the situation and he knew that panic was in his voice, but at that moment he didn't care.

"Since he has seen his family collapse around him. Because of him!" Splinter snapped back, an uncharacteristic raise in his voice showed that he was just as frightened. "He is doing what he believes is right, he is trying to protect us!"

"I don't care! I'm not letting him do this!"

"Raphael…"

"NO!"

Raph ran off once again and his brothers watched him go, Splinter sighed and lowered his head. He knew he should have done something sooner, but fear and confusion restricted him, they made him weak. Now he regretted his actions, or lack thereof and wondered if he could have done something sooner to change this outcome. His sons meant everything to him, the fact that one of them had suffered so much pain that he now reacted unpredictably scared Splinter. He couldn't have foreseen this but he mentally kicked himself for not attempting to resolve it, he could have overcome his fear and at least tried.

He wasn't going to lose his son now.

"Hurry. We must find him."

'Coward.'

Leo knelt by the lake, the grass scratching at his legs but it didn't bother him, the voice was the true irritation.

"I'm not a coward." He whispered, "I'm not."

'They'll find you and stop you and then it'll all begin again. They'll treat you like a child and mother you, force you to do things like Saki did.'

"They're not like Saki; they don't want to hurt me."

'So why do your arms hurt from your brother's grip? That mark on your face where another brother slapped you, then there's all the times that you've tried to take your own life. They're keeping you alive because they want you alive, they don't care what you want. That's control. That makes them just like him.'

"They only want what's best for me, they care and they are hurting. I don't want them to feel that pain anymore, I'd rather take my own life than let them suffer as I have." Leo lifted the knife and studied the blade, it was sharp and he was surprised that they had been so careless to leave it lying around. Maybe they had decided that he was on the mend and could safely leave objects such as this accessible to him, or maybe someone had left it there knowing he would take it.

'Do it. Get it over with, save me from your drivel, I've heard enough to last me a lifetime.'

"Get out of my head!" Leo shouted, the sound echoed throughout the woodland and he knew that if his brothers were searching for him that they would soon find him with that noise. He needed to speed things up.

He lifted the knife and placed the point at his chest, the tip resting in the groove between his plates. He applied a little pressure and winced when the blade broke through; the blood began to trickle down the groove. The tears flowed freely, he would soon be free, his brothers could continue to live their lives without his burden. He would grant them their silent wishes, the wishes that they themselves refused to believe, the wish for this to end. Oh yes, he knew that they felt that way deep down, who wouldn't? It's only natural for them to feel that way and he knew that this was the answer; this one act would let his family finally find the peace that they deserve.

"Leo?"

He suddenly shook. Violently. The sound of his brother's voice, so innocent and soft was more than he could bare and the tears streamed down his face as his body began to convulse. Not him. Please God, not him.

"Go away, Donny. Please… leave me… please." He sobbed, it was all too much and the one brother who had dedicated himself to Leo's recovery stood not more than six feet away from him. He couldn't look at him, there was no way that he could look into his brother's eyes and see the disappointment that he knew would be there. Don moved closer until he stood before Leo and dropped down in front of him, Leo turned his head away, he couldn't bear to look in his eyes.

"Look at me, Leo." Don gently cupped Leo's chin and turned his head back to him but Leo kept his eyes closed, "Look me in the eyes." Still his brother refused. Don sighed and stayed quiet for a moment to try and slow his raging heartbeat.

"I'm not leaving you alone, Leo. I've been with you from the beginning and I'm going to be here until the end, whatever you decide to do." Don spoke softly, comforting his brother, "But please just think about this and damn it, will you look at me?" Don's voice wavered but there was no threat in his tone, he was pleading.

Leo's eyes slowly opened and he noticed the tears streaming down Don's face, his expression sad and fearful. Leo's voice was a whisper, "Don't cry, Donny. It's okay."

"How is it okay? God, Leo. I don't want you to leave me but I know that I have no right to stop you, it hurts so much." Don shuddered as his eyes fell away from Leo's and dropped to the knife that still rested at his brother's chest; he closed his eyes tight and didn't hold back the tears that wanted their freedom. When Leo's hand gripped his, Don squeezed it tight, he knew this was the last step, it would soon be over and Leo would find peace.

"I love you." It was the faintest sound but Don could hear it as if it had been screamed directly into his ear, he looked up and felt warmth flooding through him at the smile on his brother's face, he was happy. "Thank you." Leo whispered.

Don didn't get the chance to respond before his eyes widened and he screamed aloud, "NO!"

Leo cried out when strong arms wrapped around him and pulled the knife from his grasp, he kicked out and tried to twist free from Raphael's hold. Don leaped up and made to rush towards the two tussling brothers but found that he too was being tackled, this time by Mike.

"Mike! Let me go!" Don screamed, "Raph! Get off of him! Leave him alone!"

Leo kicked out frantically as both he and Don was separated from each other, he called out for Don and yelled for his freedom but Raph wasn't listening. Don didn't want to hurt Mike but if this continued for much longer then it would do more damage than any of them could repair, he needed to settle Leo down and fast.

"Mike, please, this is important. You have to let me go, I need to help him." Don pleaded but still Mike kept his grip tight.

"You need to help him kill himself? Is that it? We saw it all, Don! I can't believe that you were letting him do this!" Mike's voice was an uncharacteristic growl, he was obviously angry at his intellectual brother. Don seemed to ignore him as he continued.

"Mike, I don't want to hurt you but I will if you don't let me go." It was Don's turn to growl, Mike was taken aback.

"Don…"

"Look at him, Mike!" Don snapped but his strength dissolved, his voice becoming soft once more, "Look what we're doing to him."

Mike turned and watched as Raph bear-hugged Leo to his plastron, Leo's legs frantically kicking out at the air in front of them as he twisted and turned. His head was thrown back as a guttural scream pierced the silence of the woodland, a pained scream that made Mike's eyes water with tears. His grip on Don loosened and Don took the opportunity to wrench himself free, he ran towards Leo and Raph. Avoiding Leo's kicking legs; he quickly reached up and stroked the side of Leo's face.

"Leo, it's okay. Calm down, shh, it's alright." He spoke soothingly before glaring at Raph, "Let him go!" his hand yanked at Raph's wrist to add a seriousness to his tone but Raphael wasn't phased. "Damn it, Raph!"

"Raphael, let him go." Splinter spoke softly and Raph ignored even him, "Let him go. NOW!"

Raph released him and Leo instantly wrapped his arms around Don, the two of them dropping to their knees, Leo whimpering and Don trying to comfort him, both of them crying. Don was thankful for Splinter's intervention but he knew now that Leo would not get his wish, he would be refused once again and that would hurt him.

"Leo, I'm so sorry." Don said softly as he rested his cheek on Leo's head, his brother had now slumped into him and it was as if Don was cradling a small child.

Raph and Mike moved closer and their own emotions began to show, Mike's tears flowed freely and Raph couldn't stop his own as they watched their two brothers. Don rocked back and forth and for a moment he looked distraught, but anger quickly replaced that look.

"Don't you get it?" he yelled and Leo flinched in his embrace, "Don't you understand? He was happy! For the first time since this all began, he was happy! You had no right to stop him!"

He didn't release his brother as he launched his verbal attack, he was determined to prove his point and make his family see sense. "You all say that you want what's best for him, that you want to help him heal." Don focused on Raph, "You talk about revenge against Saki, how you want him to suffer for what he's done. To Leo, that means that you want to take him back to that hellhole that he spent eight months of his life in, you want him to return to a place that caused him so much pain. Did you ever stop to think about that? Your insistence for revenge was only making matters worse!"

Raph stared in shock as his brother yelled at him, the tears streaming down his face.

"And you!" Don turned his gaze to Mike, "You can't handle what's happened to him. You refuse to accept that he's different now and you're pushing him too hard! You want him to get better but you're not willing to wait!"

"And what about you?" Don's tone softened as he addressed his father but the anger was still there, "You can't face him and that hurts him more than anything. I remember a time when Leo was so happy after you complimented him for a move that he spent hours perfecting, and it was because of your praise, he holds you so high. He doesn't see that praise anymore and he feels like a failure. You won't even talk to him, how do you think that makes him feel?"

Splinter sighed deeply. It was no surprise to him that Don was reacting like this, with all of the care and attention that he had put into Leo's recovery; it seemed that he had become more sensitive to his sick brother's feelings. He knew how Leo felt and most likely put himself in that same position, wondering how he would react. A special bond had formed between his two eldest sons and it didn't surprise him that Don would permit, and even accept Leo's decision. He suddenly realised something. They had all spent their time trying to help Leo through this but in reality; they were trying to help themselves. They were all hurt by Leo's torture, every one of them in their own kind of suffering. They were all trying to heal their own wounds but had they once stopped to consider what it was that Leo truly wanted?

Splinter stepped towards Leo and Don, once close enough he touched Don's shoulder lightly and tugged back. Don resisted at first but a glance at his father's face made him ease his grip on Leo, Splinter smiled his thanks and reached out to lightly stroke Leo's face.

"Leonardo?"

Leo slowly and shakily looked up and at Splinter, shuddering breaths escaping on their own. Splinter noticed the wound and smeared blood on his plastron and noticed that some of Leo's blood rested on Don's as well, he had been so close to losing him and he felt a jolt of pain at that thought. He held out his arms and silently beckoned his son to him, Leo held back for a moment before allowing his father to embrace him.

"I am so sorry, my son." He whispered, "I have been selfish in my desire to see you well that I neglected you, that is unforgivable."

Leo remained silent, his body continuing to shudder in Splinter's arms.

"I was afraid to witness your pain and suffering at Saki's hands, afraid to see you in this state. I have always taught you to overcome your fears so that you could protect your brothers, and yet here I am, allowing mine to overpower me when I should be defeating them and protecting you. I am a hypocrite and I beg your forgiveness."

Still, Leo said nothing. His tears had stopped and he watched Splinter in fascination as his father spoke of his regret.

"I ask only this of you, my son. I ask that you forgive a foolish old rat for allowing fear to control me, I could not bare the pain of losing you but I will not stop you. We have no right to do that." He kissed Leo's head lightly, "I love you, my son."

Splinter released him and stood, as he backed away he gave a warm smile, it was then that Leo noticed the knife by his knee. Splinter must have retrieved it during the commotion and placed it at Leo's side after Don had confronted his family. He cautiously picked it up, a concerned eye watching his two younger brothers to make sure that they didn't restrain him again. He noticed that they were watching him with wide eyes and that they seemed to want to intervene, he wondered why they didn't.

He raised the knife to his plastron for a second time, gripping the handle with both hands. He found that he wasn't shaking as he had been before and wondered whether it was because his family were there watching. He wasn't alone now and they were allowing him to decide for himself, he could take his own life and they would let him.

"Leo…" Mike's shaky voice broke the silence and he looked up. His youngest brother was trembling and wanting desperately to move towards him, "Please don't do this… I promise… I won't push you, I won't… You can take all the time in the world and I'll be there for you… no pressure… just, please… don't do this…"

Leo's head cocked to one side and he watched as Raph gripped Mike's shoulders, he knew that his feisty brother didn't like emotional displays and wondered if he would remain silent. Raph didn't.

"Leo, I'm sorry. I didn't realise what I was doing, I had no idea that my want for revenge was having that effect on you. I thought that it would help to give you something to aim for, it's what I would want but I guess I didn't think about it. I made a mistake," he chuckled lightly, "not the first and certainly not the last. But I promise that I won't mention it again, just please, don't do this just yet. Give us a chance."

Leo stared at them all, glancing at each in turn as they watched him. His eyes fell on Don and he noticed his brother shaking heavily, his eyes watched the blade that was pressed to Leo's plastron. Again, Leo's head tipped to the side and he frowned at Don's pained expression. Sadness flooded through him and he started to see the fear in his brother's eyes, fear that he was causing. His own eyes lowered to the knife and he noticed that he had unconsciously pushed the blade in further, the blood was flowing again.

Don was scared. Leo could read the pain and fear in his eyes, the shear emotion that screamed despair. Don didn't want him to die and yet he was willing to watch and allow it to happen. Could he really hurt his brother like that? Could he hurt any of them like that? No. There was no way that he would let them suffer in the way that he has, that wasn't what he was like. He was Leonardo, he is Leonardo and as such, he will protect his family, even if he had to protect them from himself.

He pulled the knife away and scrutinised the blood that covered the tip, twisting the blade around in his grasp and watching with fascination as some of the blood dripped to the ground. He looked up to Don and offered him the knife, handle first. Don cautiously reached for it and when Leo let it go, he let it drop to the ground at his side.

The movement was quick but when arms encompassed him, Leo smiled.

AN: Well, that's it guys. The epilogue is next and then this story is complete! I'm quite pleased that this is nearly finished; it'll be a first for me to finally have one of my fics done and dusted. YAY!

Reviews:

Pacphys: Heh. Yep, Raph went a little overboard with that one, didn't he? We know he wants to get his own back but he did need to lay off a little, poor Leo tried to tell him and in the end he had to be blunt and take the knife. Nothing like a rude awakening to him see sense. Thanks for the review :)

Spootycup: Hehe, now you know what Leo had in mind, thanks for the review :)

Digmon Girl: Glad you're enjoying it, thanks for the review :)

Darktiger2: Yep, messed up and frightened, poor fella. I'm trying to get this chapter and possibly the epilogue out of the way before I finish the next chapter for WTRLPSU, I want to focus on getting that one finished next. Hope you don't mind the wait? It shouldn't be too long. Thanks for the review :)

Sassyblondexoxo: You know? I had no end of trouble with Splinter when this first started, he was complicated and he wasn't even around long enough to make a decision about what to do with him. (shrugs) I hope I didn't mess him up too much. Thanks for the review :)

Pi90katana: I'm glad you hate Saki even more now, he has a lot to pay for and I'm hoping that-after a break from this kind of writing for a while- there will be a sequel to let the guys get their revenge. I hope this chapter made up for the shortish one before it? LOL! Give me some time to read through 'Suicide' and I'll try to post a review for every new chapter from here on out, sorry I missed it! Oh, and I lied. The voice did make another appearance! LOL! Thanks for the review :)

Rev: Are you happy now? I've finally posted this darned thing! LOL! Thanks for the review :)

Ramica: When I read your review, it made me realise something. At the time of writing it, I was re-reading 'Seth'. Reinbeauchaser's 'The Price of Passion' and her portrayal of a distraught Seth made me want to read it again, so I did and I wonder if I unconsciously did that because of W. A. Peabody's story. Hmm… I didn't even notice. Sorry about that. Yes, Saki is a nasty piece of work and I hope to write a sequel for the guys to get some payback, it'll be a while though, I need a break from all this angst! LOL! Thanks for the review :)

An epilogue is all that's left to go, folks. Thanks for reading :)