"Now you boys be careful, ya hear?" Uncle Jesse warned from his place on the front step. "Rosco might be crooked, but he's the only law we got, and we hafta respect that."
Bo and Luke nodded their regard. Hutch simply wanted to get to the bottom of this and find out who those diamonds really belonged to. If they determined that Boss Hogg had indeed sent the Dukes out as a delivery service, than Hutch wanted to make sure the so-called commissioner was awarded his just punishment. The sheriff would have to arrest Boss, that was his duty as a lawman. It seemed like a fairly easy case.
The four men made their way towards the General Lee. Because the car was so difficult to get in and out of, the decision had been made to go get the Torino first. That way, if Boss Hogg tried to make a run for it, there would be two fast cars on his tail.
Luke grabbed the bows and arrows and loaded them in the General's trunk. "Might come in handy," he said when he saw Hutch looking at him.
Hutch nodded, a little reluctant to encourage the cousin. The last thing they needed was a trigger-happy archer.
When Hutch turned his attention back to his partner, he found that Starsky had already slid in the Charger, and Bo was sitting on the driver's door. "Come on you two, we ain't got all day!"
"Yeah, get in so we can go get my car." Starsky patted the seat next to him.
Hutch rolled his eyes. "I can hardly wait to have that tomato back," he remarked sarcastically.
Soon the four men were piled in the General Lee and making their way towards town. The winding dirt roads seemed a lot less intimidating in the daylight. Hutch still had no clue how Bo was able to navigate through the nameless roads, but the blond maneuvered the car deftly and confidently. Occasionally they passed grazing horses or cattle, neither of which paid the rumbling car any attention. The greenery grew lush and uncultivated here, under the clear blue skies and warm sunshine. Hutch spotted the brightest poppies he had ever seen growing casually amongst the road-side weeds. This county would do wonders for his struggling little cyclamen at home.
Ten minutes later, the Charger's wheels gripped the first paved road Hutch had seen since they entered this state last night. Hazzard county consisted of a small collection of buildings nestled within miles of wide open country farmland. The most notable structures he could see consisted of a bank, a jail, a post office, a convenience store, and the largest building of all… a Western Auto.
Somehow, Hutch was not surprised.
In the center of town, the road formed a circle and all the buildings seemed to face one another. The center of the turnabout was carpeted in lush green grass, probably suitable for town functions. Bo eased the General off the turnabout and guided the car up to a run-down, grimy garage. A large white sign hung on the side of the wooden building, reading: 'Hazzard County Garage, Cooter Davenport. Prop.'. A picture of a tow truck illustrated the sign, and Hutch sighed when he saw it.
His car was still stranded out on some back country road, awaiting rescue.
Bo and Luke got out of the car inhumanly fast considering that the doors were welded shut. Hutch was still struggling to squeeze through the window when Bo began rapping on the garage door.
"Hey Cooter, you in there? Come on out now, and meet some friends!"
Hutch was just setting his feet on the oil-slicked pavement when a man grinning from ear to ear opened the garage door. "Now Bo, you know better'n that. Where else would I be?"
Hutch took in the mechanic as Starsky climbed out of the General. His clothes were filthy, covered in oil and dirt and grease, but that didn't seem to bother the man any. A red handkerchief sprouted from his back pocket, and a well-worn yellow ball cap covered his brown hair. To complete the look, both sleeves had been torn off, exposing tan, strong shoulders.
"Cooter, we'd like you to meet Starsky and Hutch, they're detectives all the way from California!"
"I hear they have to pipe the sunshine in to those big cities," Cooter grinned as he extended his hand and moved forwards toward Starsky. "Nice to meet you, Hutch."
"I'm Starsky, he's Hutch," Starsky replied distractedly, returning the handshake nonetheless. "And we get plenty of sunshine."
Hutch shook Cooter's hand next as Luke said, "Hey Cooter, we were hopin' you still got that Gran Torino around."
Hutch hoped that Luke was just breaking the ice, because if Cooter didn't have that Gran Torino, and Hutch traveled 2300 miles for nothing-
"That red one? Sure do! No one 'round here besides you boys has the courage to drive such a snazzy vehicle."
Bo put his arm around Cooter's shoulder and smiled brightly. "I think we found someone."
Starsky's eyes gleamed.
Cooter looked from Starsky, to Hutch, then to Bo and Luke. "Well sure, come on 'round back, lemme show it to ya."
Starsky elbowed Hutch playfully as the group entered the garage. The concrete floor was cracked and well-worn, coated in dirt and ground-in oil spots. An old green car sat up on lifts and a toolbox was sitting on the floor nearby, the bottom drawer open. A wrinkled calendar hung on the wall above a beat-up wooden workbench. Various tools and greasy car parts littered the table's surface. The building was a little dim, and smelled of grease and exhaust and car innards. While Hutch remained indifferent, Starsky looked amazed as he took in all the equipment and car parts.
"Bo and Luke tell me you're the best mechanic in Hazzard county," Starsky noted, running his hand over a tire as he passed it.
Cooter laughed. "I'd have to agree, seein's how I'm the only mechanic in Hazzard!"
Again, Hutch was not surprised.
They followed Cooter out a back door and into a small, fenced-in parking lot of sorts. And there, shining brightly in the front and center, sat the Torino.
What had both detectives gasp in unison, however, was not only the surprising fact that this car was an exact replica of Starsky's, but also that Hutch's battered LTD was parked right next to it.
"My car!" both men exclaimed, moving forward together and reaching out to their respective cars.
"How'd you know this was my car?" Hutch asked, turning to Cooter as Starsky caressed the Torino's hood.
"I didn't," Cooter replied, moving towards the LTD. "I was out cruising the Duke-trails, looking for debris and I found this here car all alone on Meadow Brooke Road, so I towed it in." He patted the car's hood solidly. "Seems your suspension couldn't withstand all that hill-jumping. Tore up your differential pretty good too."
Hutch knew enough about cars to know those were important parts. "Well can you fix it?"
"I should be able to. It'll take a while though."
"Well whadda you say we go to the Boar's Nest and kill some time there?" Luke asked, looking at Hutch expectantly.
"The bar?" Hutch asked, vaguely remembering Daisy mentioning the place.
"Yeah, we can come back later for your car," Luke said. The he added suggestively, "Boss Hogg has an office in the back of the Boar's Nest."
"Starsk? You up for it?" There was no response so Hutch turned to face his partner. "Starsky."
The Torino's hood was up and both Starsky and Bo had their heads buried underneath, pointing out various parts of the car's engine and murmuring back and forth. Bo said something and Starsky laughed, then apparently noticed the silence and looked up.
"What?"
Hutch had to admit then, that he was actually happy to see that obnoxious red car beneath his partner's hands. For the past few days, Starsky had been missing a part of himself, like something was just not right with the detective. As much as he loved to hate it, Hutch really had missed that car.
"I take it this car meets your expectations?" Cooter grinned.
Starsky beamed. "Yeah, it does."
The two detectives looked into each other's eyes and Hutch read the gratitude that Starsky was sending him. He returned the smile, finding himself happy just because Starsky was happy.
The moment was short-lived. "Great," Cooter said, "It'll be good to see this beauty on the road where she belongs."
"Uh, Cooter, we need to talk to ya for a minute," Luke ventured, jerking his head towards the garage in an indication that the three should move inside. As Cooter moved within arm's reach, Luke moved next to him. "You see, these guys saved our hides out in California, and without them, we'd probably be in jail right now…"
Hutch watched as the cousins and Cooter retreated to the privacy of the garage. He knew the boys didn't have money to spare, but Bo had mentioned that the Dukes would most likely be able to trade their assistance and mechanical skills in return for the car. They had done it before, and would probably do it again in the future. It was one of the perks of having such a close relationship with the town mechanic.
Hutch stood next to the Torino and ran his hand along the front fender. "I'm glad you got your tomato back. No one will ever know the difference."
"I'm glad too. I can't wait to get behind the wheel again," Starsky said fondly, reaching up for the hood.
Hutch backed up a step as Starsky dropped the hood. "Kinda makes all the endless driving and bar fights and fires all seem worth it, doesn't it?"
Starsky smiled brightly. "Sure does. I'm never letting this car out of my sight, ever again."
"Well now that might be taking things too far-"
The garage door opened and the Dukes and Cooter emerged. "Well, things are all set," Luke said. "Ready to hit the Boar's Nest?"
Hutch looked to his partner as he automatically moved to the Torino's passenger side. "And while we're there, we'll have a little chat with this Boss Hogg turkey."
Starsky added, "We'll bring some justice to this one-horse town. Let's go!"
Bo let out a whoop as the cousins disappeared inside the garage, heading back to the General. Cooter pulled open the gate, allowing the Torino access to the street. "I'll raise ya on the CB when yer car's ready," he shouted as the Torino rumbled to life.
Hutch simply waved in acknowledgement as the sounds of the Torino's large engine echoed loudly in the small parking lot. Starsky was gunning the engine, watching the control panel needles waver just below the redlines. The car shook with barely restrained power and Hutch thought about bailing out now.
Then Starsky dropped the car into drive and it rocketed forwards and through the gate, out into the street where the General was waiting. Starsky lined up the Torino next to the Charger so that they were even and rolled down his window.
"I'll follow you," Starsky said, leaning towards the window.
Luke shook his head. "We got a sayin' around here, and it's 'never follow anybody'."
"But I don't know how to get there!"
Bo revved the General's engine and Luke pointed straight ahead. "Just stay on this road, you'll run right into it. Now are you gonna show us the reason that car is worth so much trouble or what?"
Understanding dawned on Hutch. "Oh, no. Wait a minute here, you're not going to race are you?"
Starsky revved the Torino's engine and gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. "Stay on this road, you say?"
"Starsk," Hutch interrupted, "You really think you're gonna beat them on their own turf?"
"The machine doesn't win the race, Hutch, the man wins the race." Starsky revved the engine once more. "And I'm the man."
"See that stop sign over there?" Luke asked, pointing to the end of the block. "That's the starting line. First one to the Boar's Nest wins."
"Last one buys a round of drinks," Starsky nodded and allowed the General to pull ahead first. "Don't worry Hutch, this'll be fun, you'll see."
"Maybe I'll just walk-"
"Come on, you're out in the middle of nowhere. What are you gonna do, ride a donkey? And besides it's not like we're gonna hit anything."
The Torino purred as it rolled to an even stop, nose-to-nose with the orange Charger. Starsky was once again beside Luke and he looked out to the road before him. They were at the edge of the small town, facing nothing but dirt road and countryside. The sun was shining brightly from above, indicating it was almost noon. Starsky felt the Torino vibrating with energy, almost as if the car was as anxious to open up as he was.
He missed this car.
"On yer mark," Luke began, yelling over the deep rumbling of the cars.
"Get set…"
Starsky pressed his left foot to the brake pedal and his right to the gas. The RPM needle fluctuated as the torque increased.
"GO!"
Starsky pulled his foot off the brake and both cars shot forward in a show of squealing, smoking tires. Hutch was mumbling something unintelligible and trying to brace himself as much as possible, pressed flat back against the seat. The Torino finally took hold of the pavement and gained speed before dropping down onto the dirt road. Dust immediately started billowing out from behind the car as the tires struggled to keep up with the 350 horses under the hood.
The Torino quickly straightened out but the General was already ahead by one car length, and that would not do.
Starsky stomped on the gas pedal and the car struggled to respond on the slippery dirt road. "Come on," he coaxed, knowing the engine was straining.
"Now Starsky, you just got this car. Don't break it already," Hutch warned.
Starsky glanced at his partner and noticed Hutch's white-knuckle grip on the door. "I don't have much practice on dirt roads," he rebutted. "And besides, this car is a Ford. It won't break," he added in afterthought.
Hutch snorted. "Are you forgetting about my Galaxie?"
Starsky glanced at the speedometer. 85 mph. "That's different, you didn't take care of it."
The General swung around a bend in the road, kicking up more dust as the back end lost traction. Starsky plowed through the dust cloud and tapped the brakes before taking the corner. The car slowed marginally and he managed to stay on the road around the corner. Competitiveness blossomed within Starsky at his success.
When the car straightened, Hutch opened his eyes. "I didn't take care of it because it was a bad car."
"You city boys didn't get lost back there, did you?"
Starsky glared at the CB and wished that he could pick it up without losing control of the Torino. Instead, he shot Hutch a quick, meaningful glance.
Hutch grabbed the mike. "We were just wondering if we needed to get something to eat while you guys figure out how to put it in gear."
Starsky smiled. He knew Hutch wasn't that thrilled about the race, or cars in general, but knowing his partner was still willing to talk tough on his behalf warmed him. Me and Thee through thick and thin alright.
"We'll save you a seat at the Boar's Nest," Luke replied, and the CB fell silent.
Starsky grinned as Hutch replaced the mike. "Thanks, partner."
"No problem," Hutch said, waving a hand. "But you better not make me a liar. Get up there!"
A chuckle escaped Starsky as he pressed the gas pedal a little more. They rounded another bend and as the General fishtailed it's way around the corner, Starsky took the corner with precision learned on the streets of Bay City. The Torino actually gained a few feet.
"We beat 'em on the corners," Starsky announced. "Guess they don't have much practice with sharp turns on these winding country roads."
"Then I suggest you take all the corners you can find because that car of theirs seems to be more powerful."
After five miles and three more tight corners, the Torino's nose was creeping up on the General's tail. Starsky pushed the car hard and tightened his grip on the wheel, not allowing for any variance off the straightest course. Adrenaline and competition flooded his veins as the Torino obediently gained on the General, inch by inch. The speeding cars were moving next to each other at a disturbingly close proximity. Hutch winced as the General's rear fender drifted towards the Torino's passenger-side front fender, only to be jerked away at the last possible second.
"We're gonna beat them!" Starsky exclaimed, keeping an eye on the Torino's RPM gauge. The needle was dangerously close to the redline, and Starsky did not want to damage his car in a friendly race.
"Not if you kill us first!" Hutch exclaimed, scooting away from the door a fraction.
"Come on, where's your sense of adventure?"
"Back home, chasing down armed criminals," Hutch flat-lined as cars drifted together once more.
The Torino crept forward more, finally coming into alignment with the General. Hutch looked out the window to Bo and waved.
Bo looked between Hutch and the road, obviously struggling to keep the General in position. A worried look began to spread over his face and Hutch took a sort of satisfaction at that, until he looked to the road ahead and saw just what had the blond Duke so nervous.
Up ahead in center of the road, an old blue pickup truck was headed straight for them.
"Uh, Starsky…" Hutch warned, unconsciously bracing himself as the vehicles raced towards each other.
"I see it," Starsky replied, his hands tightening around the steering wheel. Beside them, the General did not waver off course.
"Do they?" Hutch wondered aloud, glancing to look for some sign that Bo would be the one to dodge the oncoming traffic.
The truck began honking its horn when it realized the two sports cars were playing a dangerous game of chicken.
"Starsky, move!" Hutch yelped. They were only twenty feet from the truck, and close enough that Hutch could count the splattered bugs on the grill.
At the ten foot mark, the Torino and the General Lee separated, repelling away each other and bouncing into the grass as the blue truck continued down the road, shaken, but unscathed. Starsky fought with the heavy car and pulled it back onto the dirt road, just behind the General Lee.
Hutch cracked open his eyes. "Am I still alive?"
Starsky drew in a deep breath, glancing in the rear view mirror. "We're still alive."
"I should cite you for reckless driving, you know that?"
"You're out of jurisdiction."
"I'll tell your mother."
Starsky winced. "Come on Hutch, no need to go to the authorities…"
"Look Starsky, you're behind them again," Hutch said with a raised hand. "I thought you knew how to drive this thing!"
"I keep telling you, where am I suppose to practice performance driving on dirt roads in Bay City?" Starsky checked the speedometer, and satisfied, took a breath. "These guys have a lot more practice and free time than me, being die-hard NASCAR junkies and all-"
"Starsky, just- wait, what are they doing?"
Starsky followed Hutch's wide-eyed gaze to the General Lee, or more importantly, the large creek bed it was barreling towards.
"They see it, don't they?" Hutch asked, picking up the CB.
"How can they not see it, they've lived here their whole lives."
"Zebra Three to the Sheep Boys, you guys see that giant gap in the road in front of you?"
"It's 'Lost Sheep', and yes, we see it," Luke replied.
Hutch waved his hand in exasperation. "Well are you planning on stopping?"
"We're planning on flyin'. Over 'n out."
Starsky shook his head as Hutch threw down the mike. "Flying? What's he mean, flying?"
"You sure they're not still into moonshine?"
Before Starsky could answer, the General Lee hit the creek's sharp embankment and bounced up violently, the combination of speed and incline actually sending the big car into flight. Time almost seemed to slow as the large-bodied Charger hung in mid-air, gliding over the creek much like a bird in flight, simply riding the air currents. Just barely, Starsky could hear the first 12 notes of Dixie, followed a good old southern 'Yee-Haw' from the car's occupants as the General reached it's zenith, then began angling towards the earth.
Then with a bone-crunching landing, the General crashed back to the ground and Starsky found himself in awe.
Then he found himself right in front of the same creek bed.
Hutch let out a strangled bellow of 'Starsky!' just before the Torino slammed into the embankment and became airborne.
The Torino pointed heavenward as the heavy car climbed altitude. The engine seemed to idle, but it was because Starsky's foot (well, his whole body, actually) was numb, and he was no longer pressing the gas pedal. The Torino was suspended in midair above the creek, both it's occupants paralyzed in fear. Starsky risked turning his head a fraction, and the view that met him was similar to the view from an airplane.
Okay, well maybe they weren't that high.
Then, having safely hurled them half-way across the dry creek bed, the Torino's nose dropped and the ground rushed up to meet them.
Starsky quickly stomped his foot back on the gas pedal a second before the Torino crashed to the ground, bouncing off its nose as it collided with the earth. Leaves and rocks splayed into the air around them. The General was stopped at a different angle some distance away, but Starsky barely took notice as the Torino shot forward, responding quickly to his ministrations. Suddenly there was a large billboard in front of him, portraying the image of a smiling heavyset man dressed in white and holding a cigar. Starsky only had time to read the largest word, 'Commissioner', before the Torino tore through the wood, sending splintering, colorful wood out in all directions.
Starsky's foot finally found the brake and he stomped on it, flinging the detectives towards the dashboard as the car stopped inches from a brick wall. Dust billowed up around them in the deafening silence.
Hutch pushed open the door so hard that it bounced on it's hinges, then he leaned outside and vomited.
Starsky sat perfectly still, just feeling the oxygen enter and leave his lungs in a steadying rhythm. Only living people could breathe, therefore he must still be alive.
He blinked.
That… was awesome.
The pained sounds of his partner's retching broke through his euphoria and Starsky sighed softly, reaching out and placing a gentle hand on Hutch's back.
"Hey buddy, it's okay. Some people just can't handle country cooking."