How Awful

A/N: Here we are, Chapter 3.

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Chapter 3: House Elf Harassing

Ron gaped at Harry's retreating back; Hermione only shook her head sadly.

"What do you reckon's wrong with him?" The redhead, always insensitive in the relationship area, didn't see why Harry had had to pick the most annoying guy in the school to fall in love with. "Why the ferret?"

Hermione pursed her lips. "Just try to understand, okay? His heart chose, not his brain, he really doesn't have control over how he feels."

Ron seemed stuck between a rock and another rock. "But the ferret?"

The brunette rolled her eyes. "Just let it go, Ron, just let it go."

X

Harry walked grumpily down the corridors, following his well-known route to the kitchens. He shouldn't even bother saying anything to his friends; they obviously didn't care even a little bit.

Finally, he got to the portrait of the fruit and tickled the pear, effectively turning it into a handle. Gripping the newly-made knob he turned and pushed, letting himself into the kitchens.

He was swamped by house-elves holding up trays filled with cakes and other sweets.

Harry pushed them away. "Get me a bottle of Firewhisky." His voice came out as a croak.

He settled down on a chair at a small, round table in the corner specially made for people who missed out on meals and came down there for some food.

With a giant bow, a small elf placed a brown bottle in front of Harry. "If this is to yours liking, Sir?"

"Yeah, thanks." He pulled the cork out of the container, throwing it aside and not noticing the elves that scurried to pick it up before the dirt might be noticed in their absolutely spick and span kitchen. He took a deep gulp.

A few hours later, the table was littered with tons of empty Firewhisky bottles and Harry was deep in conversation with a scared-looking house-elf he had named Kinky.

"So, Kinky-"

"It's Inky, Sir…"

"Whatever. What do you think about love?" His head lay on the table, but he still managed to take a swig of the bottle and emptied it. "Can I have another?"

Inky placed a bottle in front of Harry and answered his question, "I's thinking that love is a great thing, Sirry…"

"Right you are, Kinkers. Love is fantastic! Finally I've found someone who understands me!" He grinned and finished half the bottle in one drink.

"Sir, maybe you shouldn't be drinking so much?" Inky squeaked. For the last hour and a half, the other house-elves had been sliding Sober-up Potions at Harry, but he had just pushed them off the table in annoyance.

"What! What?" He attempted to stand up but only fell into a heap on the floor. "I'm not eeeeeven drunk yet…"

Inky managed to slip off the chair and retreated into the ranks of his kind, who were silently watching Harry with identical looks of pain on their faces.

A small scuffle broke out and another elf was pushed out. "Sir? Sir, is you okay?"

"Yes, Kinky, I guess so…"

"It's Binky, Sir…"

"Whatever. What do you think about love?" He emptied the bottle, and, before he could ask, another was placed into his hands.

"Sir, me is thinking you is in love." The poor elf seemed so uncertain if he was even supposed to be talking to students like this.

"Right you are, Kinky! Draco Malfoy, I swear he's a god…" He greedily drank out of the bottle.

Harry sighed, and then frowned. He felt hot all of a sudden so he lay down, pressing his cheek against the cool floor. "Kinky?"

"Yes, Sir?"

"Do you think he loves me back?"

"I, I don't knows, Sir. Maybe he likes sober people?"

The hint was not appreciated. Harry sat up and put his face only an inch away from the elf's. "Are you saying I'm not good enough?"

"No! No, Sir! You is more than good enough!" The elf smiled tightly, bowed, and backed away.

"Ugh. I am so trashed…" Harry looked around, what could he do to give him inspiration on how to snare Malfoy in his trap. He pulled out his wand and waved it a bit.

Strangely enough, music started playing and Harry struggled to his feet. He grabbed the nearest elf to him and started slow-dancing with it. "I love this song, Kinky. Don't you?"

The elf looked like it was going to explode from fear, "Of course, Sir."

Harry yawned, dropping the house-elf. He scanned the kitchen; nothing was very interesting here.

He stumbled to the door and wrenched it open. He was about to step out before he turned back. "I want another!"

When he had a Firewhiskey tightly clasped in his hands, he left the kitchen.

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A/N: I know, No Excessive Use Of Capitals. But there was a ridiculously drunk Harry!

Thanks a million to Vaughn, my absolutely fantabulous beta, I love you! .

Also thanks to those who reviewed, I really appreciate your input.

Till next time- play PSP, play X Box, but don't forget the poor Nintendo 64.