Chapter 33: My Immortal
A/n: Sorry this took so long, but I've been busy and uninspired. That's a terrible combination. This is extremely close to over, but I promise I have an equally great, if not better, story hidden in my head. This chapter is a songfic to My Immortal by Evanescence since it really inspired me. Please R&R. Enjoy!
Future Piper knocked lightly on the door to her room. Her past self said, "Go away". By Past Piper's tone of voice, future Piper could tell that she was still upset. Future Piper knew what happened when you didn't listen to her. Still, she took a few tentative steps into the room. When Past Piper didn't blow anything up, she stepped further into the room. Past Piper was curled up on the bed. Her face was red and tear-stained. She looked exhausted. She didn't move as her future self sat down on the bed beside her. There was an uncomfortable silence for several minutes. Both versions of Piper were searching for just the right thing to say. Neither could find the words they wanted.
"What's wrong?" Future Piper asked softly.
Past Piper didn't really want to tell her. Firstly, she wasn't one to express her emotions to others. Secondly, even if she wanted to tell her future counterpart what had happened, she didn't really know what to say. "I miss Leo", she suddenly blurted out. That statement caused everything to make sense. Future Piper remembered exactly how that felt. Leo is her soul mate and the time she spent without him was excruciating. Both Pipers knew that without Leo they were incomplete. Past Piper didn't have him anymore.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
If you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
Leo left to become an elder. He had made that clear. Yet, he was always around. That hurt much more than if he was never here at all. He was a constant reminder of what she couldn't have. The worst thing was that she couldn't blame him. He hadn't really wanted to leave his family. He had gone because of duty and destiny. She really wanted to blame him. Past Piper was furious with her ex-husband. She was so afraid of doing it alone. Raising Wyatt, having a career, saving the world and continuing her desperate attempts at a normal life; she didn't think she could do it without Leo to help her.
Future Piper remembered all to well what her past self was going through. Leo was, and still is, half of herself. She really didn't know how she could reassure her past self that it was going to be okay. The worst thing she could tell her past self was that she would have to live like this a little longer. Being with Leo yet without him had nearly killed her. There was a time she saw him every day, and they were still apart. "It's going to be okay between you two. I promise", Future Piper said pulling her other self into a hug. Future Piper wished she could say more, but she knew that she couldn't.
Past Piper collapsed into the arms of her future self. She was still sobbing. She didn't understand how she could become the confident, self assured, and happy woman beside her. Right now she felt broken and alone. "How?" she chocked. "How can it ever be okay again?"
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just so much that time cannot erase
She didn't understand how Leo and she could ever be together again. She knew it must be true, since they were to have two more children together. Still, she couldn't imagine how it could ever happen. What Leo did just cut too deep. Past Piper didn't really blame him, but it would take a long time for her to forgive him. They couldn't even talk anymore without tension. She was angry, much too angry. It would be so much easier if Leo would just go away. Sometimes she believed that it was just a nightmare. If she would just wake it would all be over. Sadly, deep down she knew it was true, and Leo wasn't coming back.
Future Piper wished one of her sisters was here. They would know what to say. She was never really good at comforting people. She was even worse at trying to comfort herself. She had tried in the past. It hadn't worked, because what she told herself was nothing but a lie. What she wanted to say was that it would be better from now on. That was a lie, and she knew that her past self would be able to tell. Future Piper knew what her past self could only guess. There would be much more hurt, disappointment and confusion before things worked themselves out. Of course, she could never tell her past self that. If someone had said that to her at that point in her life, it would have destroyed her.
The small ray of hope was the only thing was the only thing that was keeping past Piper going. That was the reason future Piper decided to do what she did. It would be wrong of her to hide behind future consequences. Past Piper needed to know at least a little, and Future Piper had to be the one to tell her. Finally, she said, "I can't lie to you. It will be hard, and it won't happen all at once. You and Leo will basically have to start over. Nothing will happen until after Chris is born…and don't ask, I can't tell you when that is. It will be like it was…eventually."
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
There was no doubt that each Piper was a very different woman. A lot had happened to Future Piper in the short two years that Chris had joined her life. Some things had changed in ways she could never imagine. She was now more confident in herself as well as others. She had also grown into her role as a mother. Through everything, Leo had been right beside her. Future Piper knew that her past self would do anything for Leo, just as she would. Even when they weren't together, he was still her everything.
Past Piper would've given anything to have Leo back immediately. He was always there for her, and she was always there for him. They were there for each other as soul mates were supposed to. Why couldn't it be easy? With a love like she and Leo had…have…it was supposed to be easy. She deserved it to be easy! She needed her husband back. He was her support system. Besides Wyatt, and now Chris and Patty, Leo was her reason for living. After everything they had been through, the relationship of Piper and Leo was just over. Somehow future Piper had managed to get it back.
"How did it happen? How did you fix it?" Past Piper asked desperately. Future Piper just looked at her sadly. It was as if she pitied the person she once was. Past Piper knew that no matter how hard she tried, she would never get the answer she wanted.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it holds
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
Both Pipers remembered the first time they met him. Leo was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. From the moment she saw him, Piper knew. The two of them were destined to be together. Now they were apart, and it was so wrong. It was an act against nature. It was true that past Piper still saw her husband. She knew he didn't come down for her, no matter how much she told herself that. It was all for his son. Leo is the perfect man. He had no right to be perfect when she was so angry with him. Yet…how could she stay angry with an angel?
Future Piper knew what it was like. She sees her Leo, and he represents all of her fondest dreams come true. In her time, Leo and her were together, and they were both happy. From conversations she had with him, she knew that he was just as miserable in this time as she was. Having to live without Leo was driving Past Piper insane, and everybody knew it. It was common knowledge that she couldn't live without him. The life she was living now was more of a half life. It hurt too much to even look at Leo.
Past and Future Piper understood. They knew what no one else had realized. The only reason they don't spend all of their time sobbing was for their son and their duties as a Charmed One. She needed to be strong for her family. Without Prue here, Piper was the big sister, and she had to act as such. Future Piper knew her Past self was now going through what was the hardest time in her life. She really wanted to say something comforting but she couldn't reveal too much about the future.
"Just follow your heart and it will work out", Future Piper said with a sigh. It was the truth, but still, it didn't seem like a satisfactory answer.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just so much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand for all of these years
But you still have all of me
They spent the next five minutes staring into silence. There was nothing left to say. Past Piper had stopped crying. All her tears were gone. She couldn't cry anymore. She had never really talked about Leo to anyone. She didn't want them to know how she felt, because she was afraid that they wouldn't understand. Talking to herself was different. She felt sure that any version of her would understand, or at least remember. She never expected her future self to be so different.
Future Piper represented everything Past Piper wished she could be. She was confident. She was a powerful witch and a good mother. Something told her that it wouldn't be easy to get Leo and her life back. It would be a long hard road and she didn't want to deal with that just now. Future Piper knew what her counterpart must be thinking. She too saw the difference between the two of them. It had been hard to get where she was now. She really wanted to say something comforting. She wished she could. She wished someone had something to her at this time in her life. Suddenly, she knew what to say without jeopardizing the future.
"Look at me. You can do this. You have what it takes. It's not impossible. If you should ever doubt this, remember me. Remember that you have done it before and you can do it again", Future Piper said.
I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone for too long
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand for all of these years
Past Piper couldn't help it. She began to cry. She felt so alone all the time. It sounded stupid to even think it, but without Leo she was nothing. Past Piper tried without success to convince herself that Leo was gone, so she should forget about him. There was really no point of thinking that way anymore. She was lying to everyone. She was lying to herself. Past Piper put a hand on future Piper's hand. She looked straight into the eyes identical to her own. "Thank You", she whispered.
Future Piper beamed. At that time in her life she needed help, and now she gave it to herself. Maybe, just maybe, it would be easier on herself. She felt satisfied with what she had done. It was true that she had saved the future in the way that counted. Everyone would be alive. Even better the way that Leo and herself would get back together might be easier on both of them. Things would be okay in the past now. Future Piper could just feel it. She got up and walked towards the door, smiling slightly when she saw her past self begin cleaning up the room, dusting the furniture. Some things would never change.
But you still have all of me
When Future Piper reached the doorway, she paused for a moment. Past and Future Piper looked towards the ceiling and whispered simultaneously, "I love you, Leo".
TBC…
Sorry if this sucked. There are only 2 more chapters, and then I'm starting my new story. Enjoy!