Disclaimer: They are not mine. Never will be. I'm going off to college, meaning I'm going to be poor for quite awhile, so sueing me will do you no good
This is a one-shot with some mild male/male action, but there is by no means anything explicit in here. Don't like male/male relationships, kindly leave now and save me the hassle of hunting you down for yelling at me for warning you
"What counter-acts Asphodel?" Ron asks
"Wormwood," I answer before looking back down at my own Potion's essay
The common room is so crowded tonight, and neither of us could concentrate down there...not that we can ever really concentrate on Potions, but that's beside the point. So anyway, Ron and I are the only two up in the boys' dormitory, working on our Potion's essays in relative silence. I've been trying my best to sound competant in my essays lately, and I've been receiving higher grades because of it. Why would I want to do better in Potions? Well, why does any student struggle to change so much in a subject? I want Professor Snape to see me as mature and dedicated
Yeah, it took me awhile to admit to myself that I liked the greasy bat, but it's been a few months since then, and I've really gotten used to the idea of us being together. It's really odd, though, because he brought it on himself, really. I mean, if he hadn't started calling me "Harry" in private and asking me to call him "Severus"...or if he hadn't started acting friendly...or if he hadn't stopped insulting me...well, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place, now would I? I mean, to discover that the Hated Potions Master has, indeed, a sense of humor, a sense of calm and a sexuality that quite satisfies my own...well, not even the infamous Harry Potter can resist that
There was one night where I was down in his chambers after a grueling Occlumency lesson a few months ago and he gave me a glass of scotch, telling me to tell no one he did. I smiled as I sipped the amber liquid which burned my throat in the most pleasent of ways, and it somehow loosened both our tounges. It was common for us to relax and get to know each other better after Occlumency now, and I was glad that he stopped relying on my mere memories to get to know me
I don't know how we got on the subject, really, but somehow the rumor of Ginny and I dating was brought up...by him, I remember that well enough. He asked me if it was true, and I just laughed at him
"No, Severus, she's not quite my type," I chuckled
I could've sworn I had seen him release a sigh of relief, but with such a hopeful imagination as I possess, I can't be sure on anything he does, "And what exactly is your type, Harry?" He smiled a little
"Well...I would prefer that they had quite the same body-build as me...at least relatively so. I don't like giggles...I'm surrounded by giggling girls all the time and it really is starting to get on my nerves. I'd rather have..." I paused, looking away from him, "I'd rather have someone more aggressive...not too agressive, mind you, but enough so that I know they want me. Girls are always so submissive, and the ones who aren't are gay...at least here," I gave him a lopsided smile, looking back in his eyes, "I'd also rather my partner to have slightly more experience than me...to show me what to do with gentle care"
The look in his eyes was unmistakeable hope...but then again, my imagination does like to run away with me, "So what is my type, Severus? An older man...an older man who can be gentle with me, who will take dominance over me, but not treat me like a girl"
His mouth was slightly slack, and there was undeniable hope in his eyes then...a longing, as well, and a shiver was sent up my spine
He cleared his throat and diverted his gaze as he took a drink of the liquid. It was too big of a swig, though, because he began to cough, leaning forward in his chair. Alarmed, I placed my cup on the table infront of me and rushed over to him, clapping him on the back
"Harry! There is no need to hit me," He gasped, finally able to breathe
"You were choking," I said
"There was nothing stuck in my throat, it merely burned"
I smirked, "Was what I said so shocking that you had to try and burn your throat?"
He looked up at me seriously and my stomach flipped, "Harry, I...I mean I would..." he glanced away and shook his head sadly, "I would never have guessed that of you. It was just a little bit of a shock, I guess"
I sat back down in my chair across from him a little put out, "I can understand that. The Savior of the Wizarding World is supposed to like girls, isn't he? Set a good example and all that? Be proper and not start trouble, but end it," I said resentfully, picked up my glass from the table and gazed into it dejectedly, knowing Homosexuality wasn't highly accepted, even in the Wizarding World
"Well, since when have you ever listened to authority? I think you do everything in your power to go against the grain," He smiled and I couldn't help but return it
"And you, sir? Do you go against the grain?"
He nodded, "In some aspects. Much the same as you. Except, I've rather had it with older men controlling me, if you can imagine," he smirked and I understood completely. With Voldemort and the late Albus Dumbledore on his case all the time, it was no wonder, "So I prefer my partners a little younger now"
"Younger what?" I asked seriously with a raised brow
"Younger men, Harry. I dislike women for just about the same reasons you do...I too am constantly surrounded by giggling girls: I am a teacher, after all. They just seem so...wiggly...it's revolting, really," He stated and took another swig of his drink
"Well it would seem, Severus, that Gryffindor and Slytherin, Student and Teacher, Savior and Unsung Hero can think alike on at least a few levels"
He snorted into his glass, "Yes, and what a disturbing revelation that has become," he smirked before downing the rest of his drink
"What do you do after adding Daisy Petals to the Scouraging Potion?" Ron brings me back from my thoughts, flipping through his Potion's book
"Stir it three time clockwise and twice counter-clockwise," I say, shaking my head while reciting the directions
"How do you remember all that?" Ron asks exhasperatedly
"Because I've started studying," I laugh
"But we only have a month left of school, Mate! What's the point in actually studying this year?"
"I hate to sound like Hermione, but our NEWTs are coming up"
"Yeah yeah yeah," Ron waves a hand dismissively, "Shut it about that"
"You have to study for these, Ron," I say seriously
"Oh yeah?" He looks up from his book and scroll challengingly, "Make me"
I feign shock as I put aside my work and step into the the middle of the room, "That sounds like a challenge to me, Mr. Weasley. Come here and show me what you've got," I grin mischieviously
"Are you sure you want to fight me, Mr. Potter?" He mocks, placing his work aside as well and standing up
I nod with my grin still in place and ward the door so that no one can get in or hear our fighting. We do this a lot, figuring things out this way, and it's really no big deal anymore
He walks over to me in what he probably thinks is an intimidating manner, but really looks more like a seductive swagger, his eyes boring into mine. Upon reaching the middle of the room, we stare each other down for a few seconds before he lunges at me. We roll on the ground, neither of us keeping the upper hand for very long. Our grunts are punctuated with random screams and supported by a nice undertone of our harsh breathing
I finally pin him down after a few minutes, hands to either side of his head as I straddle his thighs. We're both panting, trying to get an adequate amount of air back in our lungs. Our faces are extremely close, and every time he exhales, I feel it on my face
I don't know how this happened, or who started it, but our lips are touching softly. I'm shocked by this developement, because I don't know where it came from. I mean, Ron and I had tried dating...a few times, actually...but we had never kissed, and it had never gone anywhere. I can't tell you why I keep kissing my best friend, because I don't feel anything...and I do mean anything. I find that I'm thinking too much about the technique, because I'm still an inexperienced kisser, but I'm sure that I should've felt something during it, right? I mean, even just a little something?
But no. Instead, I keep my eyes closed and think about Severus. Not about kissing him, but if he were to walk in right now and find us in this situation...I would probably never have a chance with the man, then. And I do feel something at that: an ache in my heart. I open my eyes a crack and see that Ron's eyes are closed. Somehow, that just makes things worse, though. Not only did it force me to realize who I'm making out with, but it looks so...wrong to see him that way. And for some reason...some unexplainable reason...we keep kissing. It goes on for a good 20 minutes, I would guess, and we finally break apart
"What...where did that come from?" Ron asks, opening his eyes owlishly
I back off of him and sit on the floor, not too far away, "I have no clue"
"Did you...did you want it?"
"I didn't plan on kissing you, if that's what you mean," I say
"Well I didn't either!"
We sit in silence for a minute before he speaks up again, "So what now? What does this mean?"
"I don't know...we have three options, though, I think"
He starts to nod his head, then stops, his eyebrow's furrowed in confusion, so I continue, "We could 1. Date...again...2. Pretend it never happened, or 3. Don't date, don't forget, and don't stop"
"Well which do you want?"
"I don't really care. I think it'd be difficult to date with only a month left of school before our lives start getting really complicated. I don't much like the idea of friends with benefits, just because the whole concept sounds sleazy to me," he nods in agreement, "but I'm not fond of pretending it never happened, either...because it's..." Ron cuts me off
"Akin to a one-night stand. Which we both agree are rather sleazy themselves," he says and I nod in agreement
I exhale loudly and say, "But...in this case...it seems like the best option. I mean, we didn't mean for it to happen...and I don't think there's any reason for other people to know about it either. I mean, it's not that I'm ashamed of kissing you," I add on quickly
"No, I completely understand. If we tell people, they'll never let us forget it, which would totally contradict our reasoning for choosing option number two in the first place"
"So we're agreed then? We forget it ever happened and tell no one about it?"
"Yeah," He agrees with a small smile
I sigh in relief, "Good"
We stand up and head back to our beds, but one look at the clock on my beside table informs me that I'm about to be late for my Occlumency Lesson with Severus
"Shit," I swear, grabbing my wand quickly before turning towards the door, unlocking it and taking the silencing charm off
"What's up?" Ron asks from his bed
"I'm gonna be late!" I say as I run out of the room, through the portrait of the Fat Lady and down all the corridor's before coming to a halt at Severus' office door
The door opens before I can even knock, revealing Severus standing there looking down at me cooly
"You are," He begins with a snarl, moving back to allow me to enter, "so lucky," he ends with a smirk as the door closes
I'm still panting as I look at him questioningly, so he elaborates, "You arrived exactly on time...though that does seem to be late for you recently," he arches an eyebrow and I flush even more, "But no matter. We can begin"
And we do. We go 15 minutes with him seeing my memories before I'm able to disspell him from my mind. It wasn't a bad memory that made me able to kick him out, amazingly enough...it was simply the memory of my first sorting ceremony. I guess it took my being able to relax to get him out...knowing that I didn't really care if he saw that memory or not made it that much easier to kick him out
"Very good, Harry," He praises with a hint of a smile, "You're finally starting to realize at least one of the techniques. It's only taken, what? Two years?"
"You couldn't just give me a compliment, could you?" I try to sound cross, but the broad smile on my face at hearing his praise gives me away
"Now what type of person would I be if I just gave away compliments?"
"A nice one? Likeable, even?" I smirk playfully
"And what a despicable life that would be," He plays along, "But now I want you to try again. Relaxing is an important part of pushing someone out of your mind, oddly enough. Even if it's a memory that scares you to have me see, you have to calm down and push me out, ok?"
"I understand, Professor," I say professionally, setting my face straight again and preparing for the fresh assault
"Legilimens!" He casts the spell and one of my freshest memories appears. Ron and I kissing. Shit! He can't see this! It looks to be early on in the kiss, because I'm still holding Ron's hands down next to his head. I can hear the mewling noises escaping both of our throats, and I know Severus can hear them, as well. My cheeks flush as my heart races, stomach pretending to be an acrobat as I close my eyes. What was it that Severus had said? Relax? A particularly loud moan I know came from Ron is emitted, and my eyes snap open. Ron's hands are on my hips, and I'm cupping his face. I begin to hyperventilate. I can't relax! The man I'm infatuated with is watching me make out with my best friend!
I find it impossible to calm down...to even breathe correctly is difficult enough. 'Please,' I begin to beg in my head, 'Please just leave. Don't watch this one. Any one but this one,' But he doesn't listen...the memory keeps playing. Why does this one have to play in its entirety? More often than not, one memory does not play for an extended period of time before moving on to the next one. Why this one? Why now! 'PLEASE!' I scream over the noises of the kissing, 'Severus...please just leave. Please? Please!'
The yelling is futile, I know, because he can't hear me anyway. The only thing he can hear is the wet sounds of the sloppy kiss I shared with my best friend not even an hour before. Oh God...he's never going to want me! He's going to think Ron and I are dating! And somehow it becomes even more difficult to breathe. 'I want to explain...please pull out. I can't relax knowing that any future we might have had is gone! I want to explain this to you...let me explain...pull out...please...' I know I'm crying, and I can't stop that, either
And maybe he could hear my please, because he pulls out immediately after my last request. I fall to my knees, burying my face in my hands. My wand slipped out of my grasp sometime during the memory, so my hands are able to push flush against my face
"Harry?" Severus asks, stepping closer to me...I can tell by the thud of his boots on the stone floor. The cold stone floor. There is not a more fitting place for me to be at this moment than kneeling at my Professor's, my friend's, my love interest's feet on a cold stone floor
"Harry, what's wrong?" I hear the rustling of his robes as he kneels down besides me. That's not right. He should be standing above me...I am lower than him, yet he places himself on the same level as me to make us equal. We are not equal, and I don't think we ever will be
I don't answer him and he sighs as he places a hand on my left shoulder, "Why are you effected so negatively by that memory? It wasn't...it wasn't a bad one, was it? I mean..." But he doesn't know what he means. I imagine that I hear sadness in his voice...sadness at seeing me with another guy...but it can't be so
"I didn't want you to see that," I croak out, removing my hands from my face, dropping my hands to my lap instead, though I still don't look at him, "You weren't...you won't...I can't even explain!"
"Explain what? What happened? Because I don't think I need an explination...I had obviously heard of the wrong Weasley. You don't have to elaborate on your relationship with Mr. Weasley for me," I swear I hear hurt in his voice...as though he's forcing himself to be calm and indifferent
"But we don't have a relationship!" I look up at him urgently with my teary eyes, "That just happened tonight...right before I came here," I see him wince and hurry to explain, "No! Nothing's going on between us...we didn't even like kissing each other! It just happened, Severus! Nothing will ever happen between him and me. We decided we'd forget it ever happened and not tell anyone. I especially didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want news reaching your ears of what happened," I explain urgently, praying that he understands
"Why didn't you want me to know?" He looks surprised
I blush. I hadn't realized I had said that. "Because I didn't want you to think anything was going on between Ron and me," I admit to the floor
"Why?" He asks softly
I just shake my head in response, "I'd rather not say"
He places his long fingers under my chin and lifts it so that we're looking each other in the eye, "Harry...please? Tell me why"
"Why do you want to know so badly? Can't you guess?" I plead with him using my eyes
"I can hope," He says, "But I need to hear you say the words. Tell me why, Harry...please," and he's begging me now
Severus Snape never begs, and that's what makes me give in most of all, "Because if you thought I was with Ron, then you would never try and make me yours," I try but can't achieve in breaking eye contact with him as the truth escapes my lips
"And you would want that badly enough to become so distraut when you thought you lost the chance?" He asks seriously, searching my eyes
I may be throwing away my friendship with the man in admitting all this, but I've gone too far to back out now, so I nod my assent
He smiles, then says, "Why, Harry, I don't know that anyone's ever cared so much about losing me"
I perform a cross between a sob and a laugh at that, "Well you always did tell me I was crazy"
"Indeed...and only the most insane person on the planet would act in such a manner at the thought of never having a chance with the sarcastic bastard Potions Master of Hogwarts"
I look at him seriously, "I don't even want to think of what it'd be like to lose you," I blush
His eyes show such tenderness and happyness at the confession as he smiles, for which I am thankful for. It has become almost addicting to make him smile, and to see those things in his eyes, directed at me, ontop of a smile...I think it may be heaven
I notice his face approaching mine, his eyes intent on my lips, and my breath catches. He's giving me time to back out, I know, but the action is unnecessary; I would never back away from his lips. Our eyes are open, searching the others to be sure that this is real. It's not until our lips softly touch that I let mine slip shut
The jolt that is sent through to my stomach at that first caress is completely new to me. Even though I have kissed a few people before now, my most recent being near an hour previous, I have never felt anything like this ever before from a mere kiss. We place chaste kisses on each others lips, lingering longer each time, though toungues are never involved
He pulls back, placing regretful kisses on my lips as he does so. He rests his forehead on mine, and my eyes remain closed as our noses gently rub against each other
"You'll never lose me if you promise that I'll never lose you," He whispers, his breath teasing my sensitized mouth
I open my eyes at that, but close them again since he's too close to focus on without going cross-eyed. Instead I nod against his forehead, "I promise. Oh god, I promise," I feel so desperate now...I need to know that I'll be secure with him
He pulls me so I'm sitting in his lap, his arms wrapped around my waist tightly. I wrap my own arms around his neck and bury my face into the front of it, taking in his unique smell
"I'll never let you go, Harry. I promise," He whispers into my ear
And for the first time in a seeming forever, I have no trouble believing a promise from another person. For maybe the first time in my life, I feel safe and cared for in the arms of the one man I probably shouldn't. I know no one will accept this relationship, but that doesn't make me want it any less. People will say it goes against all the rules. Well I say screw the rules; I never did like following them anyway
Please leave a comment telling me what you thought of this idea. Much thanks
