DISCLAIMER: J.K. Rowling owns the setting and everything that you see in the Harry Potter books. Thanks to Rowling for a brilliant world to write of. However, I do own a few original characters and ideas. If anything in here seems related to another story/fanfic, sorry! It's really not.
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---Chapter Three: Pranking the Marauders---
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"Shh!" I said quietly, nudging Grace. "We're never going to get through this if you keep on giggling."
We were quietly sneaking up the stairs to the boys' dormitories, armed with only our wands.
"I just feel so funny, like we're major criminals," Grace chirped happily. "We need some theme music!"
"Oh, no," I groaned as Grace started.
"Dah-duh. Dah-duh. Dah-dun, dah-dun, dah-dun. Da-daaaah, dah-dun," Grace sang the classic thief song. We both burst out laughing.
"Don't," I gasped, clutching my stomach. It was a while before we were calmed down enough to get up and resume. Leah hadn't wanted to come, so we had just shrugged and left her.
"This is it," Grace pointed to a door labeled 'Sixth Years.'
"Alohomora," I whispered, tapping my wand on the handle. The door clicked open and swung in silently.
I almost screamed. Lord, it was a mess in there.
"Don't they ever pick up around here? They're absolute slobs!" I whispered to Grace with disgust as I picked my way past several dirty underclothes that lay untended to on the ground.
"They're guys," Grace shrugged. "You can't expect too much."
I snorted with laughter. "You got that right."
"You know the charm," I encouraged Grace. All we had to do was cast a simple activating charm on the boys, and tomorrow they would be the laughingstock of the whole school. Grace and I had previously agreed that Remus wouldn't be included—he was the nice one, after all. Not to mention Grace was crushing on him. When I had previously mentioned that as a reason not to include Remus, Grace had almost throttled me.
After the charm was successfully placed on James, Sirius, and Peter, Grace and I snuck out again, holding our breaths until we reached the bottom of the stairs. There we let out all our laughter, though we tried to keep quiet, so we ended up squeaking and huffing.
"I can't wait for tomorrow morning," Grace wheezed.
"We should go to sleep now, so we can wake up early tomorrow and wait for the show," I forced out between fits of laughter. Supporting one another, we tottered back up to our dorms.
Grace and I purposefully woke up earlier than usual. We woke Leah up, and the three of us headed down to the Great Hall in anticipation. The Marauders didn't come down for a long time. I was almost dying with expectation when they finally appeared.
Grace and I exchanged excited glances. Yes, they were walking… they were almost there…. As soon as Potter, Black, and Pettigrew stepped into the Great Hall, there was a burst of blinding white light.
Once my eyes had cleared, I looked up. Sure enough, Potter, Black, and Pettigrew were all dangling in the air as if suspended by ropes tied around their waists. Peter was even kicking helplessly.
That wasn't the end of it. Sirius received another bang of light, and once the smoke had cleared, a buxom, very sexy girl was in his place, screeching in a high-pitched voice. James also made a wonderful girl; he had a fantastic figure and a very noticeable cleavage. Poor Peter; he was turned into a plump girl that didn't look much different from the original. As more previously placed spells got activated, each of the boys—actually, they were now girls—got wrested into very showy positions. And behind them, a legend bearing the words, "The True Marauders," waved and flashed for everybody to see. Grace and I had even put music in the background. There was a chant of, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Are you really straight?" clamoring in the background.
I thought I might have died with laughter. The Great hall erupted with laughter and shouts and catcalls along with wolf whistles.
Grace and I were leaning on each other for support. My stomach was already feeling the strain of laughing for so long and hard. Wiping tears from my eyes, I held out a hand to Grace. We high-fived in triumph.
"This is priceless," Grace panted in between her peals of laughter. "See Potter's sexy figure up there? Oh my god, even his scream sounds like a girl's now."
"I—think—I'm—going---to—die," I gasped, holding my stomach and bending forward in an effort to calm my laughter. Even Leah was laughing, though with less zeal than Grace.
"We are—to good," Grace wheezed.
The Marauders were now making a circuit around the hall amidst loud laughter and many whistles and catcalls ("Damn, you're fine, Black!"), flying above everybody and flashing their bodies. It was too much when I saw their butts bobbing up and down in the air. Grace and I dissolved into fresh fits of laughter. Professor McGonagall was waving her wand at them ("Never… have… I seen… the like…!"), and in another second, they came crashing down onto the floor, with Sirius screeching with indignation, James squealing in panic, and Peter yowling in fright.
I was laughing helplessly along with everyone else. Grace and I were banging on the table with drunken mirth by the time the three Marauders had been changed back to their proper forms.
"I—need to go—calm down—" I forced out, weakly getting up from the table. "…Too much… funny…"
Grace got up to follow me, holding her stomach and wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm… coming… too— hilarious…"
We staggered out of the Hall, leaning on one another to keep from falling. We made our shaky way down to a suit of armor just outside our Charms classroom before we collapsed. Quite some time passed before we could finally speak again.
"We pranked the Marauders," Grace whispered weakly. "That was the best! I've never felt more alive!"
"Wait," I said, closing my eyes rapturously. "Let me impress it on my memory forever…"
"That totally brought their ego down by maybe fifty percent," Grace said happily.
"Fifty percent if we're lucky," I snorted before cracking up again.
"Was this the type of thing that you would have done with Andrew at your old school?" Grace asked. I looked over at her quizzically—it was a very peculiar question.
"Yeah," I said, an evil smile stretching across my face. "There was this one time when we got so sick of this girl called Greta Langston. Andrew and I devised the most brilliant plan. We hung around the bathrooms until she went in, and then we ran into the boys' bathroom right next door and flushed some fairy dust covered with some thin paper down the toilet… and you know that fairy dust explodes once it touches water…. Greta ran out of the bathroom screaming because the toilet water exploded right into her butt… she hadn't even pulled up her skirt…."
The rest of the day was actually quite enjoyable. People forgot to be nasty to me; they were all too busy laughing at Sirius and James and Peter. Perhaps the prank-fest had really ended. To make everything even better, my mysterious burns had altogether disappeared.
My spirits took a definite turn for the better, especially as Thanksgiving was just two days away. Andrew and I would traditionally bedeck one another's beds with mashed potatoes and gravy; we had many traditions that had arisen in our first year at Drake's, and some had started even a little before that. It was around these times that I missed Andrew even more. We kept up a steady correspondence, of course, but it just wasn't the same, as I received his letters every few weeks. America was too far away.
Thanksgiving was even more special because it was also Andrew's birthday.
ll----ll
On Thanksgiving Day I woke up early in the morning, just as the sun was coming up. I got up and sat at the window for a moment, sadly thinking about what I would find on my bed if I were back in California. I looked over at Grace's sleeping form. Would she like mashed potatoes? But then I shook my head. It was a tradition I shared with Andrew only.
But Thanksgiving Day was to give thanks for what I did have. So I firmly pushed thoughts of my old home into the back of my mind and prepared myself for a fun day.
I decided to go down to the common room until Grace and Leah woke up. Grabbing some parchment, a quill, and a bottle of ink, I strolled downstairs and sat at one of the round tables, preparing to write another letter to Andrew. I seriously wondered how he was getting along. Tucking my curly hair back behind my ear, I dipped my quill in my inkstand and started writing. After I was done, I charmed the parchment into a very cute-looking card that sang Happy Birthday to You. I also put a rather nasty jinx on it, so that once Andrew opened the card, he would be squirted with gravy. Just as a reminder of our yearly tradition on Thanksgiving. After I had fetched Andrew's present from upstairs, which was a package of fake rats that could really move (I figured he could use it to scare girls senseless), I walked out of the common room and headed to the Owlery to send the things.
On my way up the stairs, I unfortunately met Sirius and James, who looked very tired and pleased about something. I saw them before they saw me, and I stopped, clutching Andrew's present tightly.
"Well, if it isn't Miss Prewitt," James crowed. "Why are you here, hmm?"
"It's so obvious that even you should be able to figure it out," I retorted. "Sending a letter."
"Someone's actually bothering to keep up a correspondence with you?" Sirius asked in fake shock. "I would have guessed otherwise."
Feeling my blood start to boil once again, I tried to keep calm. "Just let me pass."
"I don't think so," Sirius snapped. "Thought it was pretty funny, did you?"
"What are you talking about?" I asked innocently.
"The incident two days ago!" James said with anger. I saw a flush of red on both of their cheeks.
"Oh, that," I said easily. "Oh no, of course not, I didn't think it was funny." That part was dripping in sarcasm. "In fact, I was rather jealous. You two seem to make marvelously fine girls."
Sirius growled and pulled out his wand, and a moment later I was hit by a most nasty spell. "Blaa—a—ack!" I shouted, but a burp interrupted it.
Sirius and James were laughing at me. "Prewitt, yeesh, control yourself," James said mirthfully.
Furious, I muttered another spell in a lull between my burps. Sirius looked shocked as he began farting.
Smiling triumphantly and fanning the air around me, I yelled, "Take—burp—it to the bath—burp—room!"
"Take it off me!" Sirius roared. I noticed that James, supposedly Sirius's best friend, was cracking up with each of Sirius's successive farts.
"Not—burp—until you take this off of me!" I shouted back as Sirius let out a particularly loud and repulsive one.
"Fine!" Sirius snarled, red-faced. He muttered the countercurse to mine, and to my relief I stopped burping. James was howling with laughter; he was down on his knees by now. Sirius scowled and shoved him with his foot. James lost his balance, teetering on the edge of the step for a second, and then down the stairs he went, yelping with every hit. I rolled my eyes. Boys.
"TAKE IT OFF ME!" Sirius yelled.
"Not until you say 'please,'" I said sweetly. "Really, didn't your mother ever teach you manners?"
Sirius looked ready to explode, but as another fart sounded, he hissed, "Please."
I decided I had given him enough embarrassment. I was just too nice a person. I edged past him before turning around to cast the countercurse. Before Sirius could turn around and hex my butt off, I said, "You'd better go see if James is all right." I ran for it, arriving at the Owlery out of breath. I didn't care if it looked cowardly, as long as I made it out of here without my butt showing signs of being jinxed.
Once I had slammed the Owlery door behind me, I leaned back against it, panting for breath. I had really done it now. They'd be after my blood. Muttering under my breath, I tied my package and letter onto a school owl and enlisted it. After it had taken off into the sky, I turned back reluctantly to the door. Opening it a crack, I peered out suspiciously, waiting to see if any spells were shot my way. After I was sure that there was nobody there, I quickly ran out and sprinted down the stairs.
It was too late when I saw somebody else on the stairs in front of me. I tried to stop myself, but I drove head-on into the boy, knocking him down and sending us both rolling and thumping down the stairs to land in a tangled heap at the foot of the stairs.
"Would you mind getting off of my back?" a muffled voice growled.
"I'm sorry," I gasped, disentangling myself and rolling clear. I quickly brushed my tousled hair out of my face, and then I recognized the person I had crashed into. "I am so sorry, Severus." I scrambled up and offered a hand to help him up, but he ignored it and got up by himself.
"What are you doing, running up and down stairs at dangerous speeds like that?" he asked resentfully.
"I met Black and Potter on the stairs, and I thought they might be hanging around waiting to jinx me," I said ashamedly, looking down at the floor. "I'm sorry. Are you hurt?"
Severus shook his head curtly, and I dropped my eyes again. I heard him sigh, and then he said, "Oh, it's all right. So tell me, what did you do to Black and Potter?"
I let out a tiny laugh. "I jinxed Black into farting—but it was only after he cursed me to burp!" I added defensively. Severus chuckled again.
"I would have liked to see that," he commented.
"Potter laughed pretty hard, so Black pushed him down the stairs," I added, smiling at the thought.
Severus smiled in satisfaction. "Serves him right. Serves them both right." He looked around and spotted his letter and picked it up. "Look, I got to go deliver this. See you around."
"Bye," I said agreeably as he headed back up the stairs. "I'm sorry," I called once again at his retreating back.
"Just drop it," Severus said, flapping a hand and not even turning around.
Only a little deflated by his apparent I-could-care-less attitude, I nonetheless smiled. Today was Thanksgiving and Andrew's birthday. I had to be happy. Whistling a merry little tune, I walked back to Gryffindor tower, where I met up with Grace and Leah. All three of us went down to breakfast together.
I spend Thanksgiving Day happily playing Exploding Snap with Grace. I was perfectly happy with my own life, except for the fact that I knew Black and Potter would try to get back at me.
I was soon proven right the day that classes started again. Black and Potter thought that it was funny to accidentally miss their target in Transfiguration and hit me. The result of this was that I had to pass ten minutes meowing around as a cat.
Oh, they paid after I was changed back, and even before. I made sure both of them had sufficient bites and scratches, and I turned both of them into kittens. I even went on to step on Sirius's tail—hard. My defense to Professor McGonagall was that I was still a little clumsy after being a cat for so long. It was no surprise when all three of us, Black, Potter, and I, received detentions.
It was little better in Defense Against Dark Arts. We were doing some hands-on practice on jinxes such as the Disarming Spell, the Impedimenta, the Stunning, and some others. It erupted into chaos. Jinxes and spells were flashing around everywhere. Professor Vindictus had tried to calm the class down, but he was totally incapable; he was stunned by an errant "Stupefy!" and dropped like a fly. So we were left to our own devices. Needless to say, it got quite wild.
Soon Carla Sun had jumped onto a desk to sing the national anthem in a drunken voice, Agatha Teal was flying around the room with ears to rival Dumbo's, Megan Curran was rolling around the floor in an effort to douse the flames on her robes, and other countless people were lying around the floor unconscious and being trod all over by other panicking students fighting to get out of the line of fire. Some even had feelers, tentacles, hair, and warts sprouting all over their faces, an indication of being hit with more than one jinx at once.
Black and Potter took this as the perfect opportunity to open fire on me. Grace and I took refuge behind several overturned desks, peering around it every once in a while to shoot another jinx at Black and Potter, who had made Professor Vindictus's desk into their fort.
"When—are they going—to give up?" Grace asked in exasperation as another spell shot a leg off her desk. "Stupefy!" she yelled, poking her wand out and waving it randomly. Instead of getting Black or Potter, it marked its target when Rick Flint dropped to the ground like the troll that he was.
"I don't know!" I yelled in reply. The din—made of screaming and yelling and what not—made it awfully hard to carry on a conversation. "When class ends, I suppose!" Sticking my own wand out, I shouted, "Impedimenta!" My spell missed them as well, instead taking down another student and knocking him unconscious.
When the bell rang there was a mad stampede for the door, Grace and I included.
"I swear, Vindictus isn't going to last the year if he keeps on getting stunned by his own students," Grace grumbled.
I was busy wringing the water out of my hair that had been dumped on me by Potter. Flipping my damp hair back, I said, "That must have been the worst one yet. But at least we didn't get any homework; Vindictus didn't have enough time to give us any. Argh, damn Black and Potter! Look at the state of my robes!"
My robes were in a sorry state indeed. Scorch marks and holes covered the whole thing, and in addition from being completely wet, I was covered with bits of a mud-colored substance that I didn't want to identify. "I'm going to the dorm to change for a minute. Go on to lunch without me."
As I hurried along, I wished fiercely for some relief from this horror. I couldn't wait for Christmas break; I would get to go home and get some peace for a while. This was just sad. Just one day after Thanksgiving and I was already wishing for Christmas.
I rushed back to Gryffindor tower and up to my room, dumping my bag onto my bed and hurriedly taking off my robes and disposing of them. Looking at my uniform skirt and blouse under them, I grimaced. These weren't even fit to be worn again. Quickly donning a new, clean set of clothes, I also put on a thick scarf as well. The days were getting much colder now, but I had yet to see the first sign of snow. It didn't snow in Fremont, so I was looking forward to the snow here.
I muttered a spell under my breath to dry my hair, and then I sat down at my dresser and grabbed a comb, pulling it through my wavy locks. Gathering it up with some difficulty, I tried to tie it into a ponytail for Potions later; I didn't want my hair dissolving inside whatever potion Professor Gadgen would have us do today. After a few minutes of wildly wresting with my hair, I gave up the losing battle and stared at myself in the mirror for a second.
A pale girl stared back at me. She had sloping cheeks, high cheekbones, and a round chin. Her features were soft and round, not sharp or angular in the least. Her thickly lashed gold eyes were big and slightly slanted, the golden color shining and very noticeable, the effect making her look strange and outlandish. Her black curls swung wildly around her face, making her seem like some sort of crazed ax-woman who'd just gotten out of prison. I was a freaking horror to look at. Really. No wonder everyone had always liked Fiona better.
But wait—. I leaned in closer to the mirror, frowning. Since when was my normally pale skin slightly pink? I touched my cheeks. Why did my skin always feel as if it were sunburned?
I grabbed my bag and changed books before heading back down the stairs. I stopped dead as I heard angry voices. Taking a quick peep, I saw Lily and Potter arguing—very loudly—over something. Prefect duties, Potter's disgusting arrogance, and some other things. I didn't know how to get out of here without them noticing me. No doubt I'd be caught in the crossfire between them. After I'd seen their first fight of the year, I had no inclination to witness another. It had been really quite nasty.
Right now, they were both looking angry enough to fire nasty spells. But as it turned out, I didn't have to stay in my dorm to hide from them. With one last shout, "Go and primp yourself in front of the mirror, then, Potter!" Lily exited the room, slamming the portrait hole shut behind her. I could hear the Fat Lady squawking with dismay and indignation.
"About time the argument ended," Sirius Black commented from an armchair.
"Oh, shut it," James snapped. James muttered to himself for a while before he also exited the common room. He was in a foul temper indeed. He kicked over quite a few chairs on his way out. I decided I could face Sirius Black if he was alone and without his right-hand man.
"What was Lily shouting about?" I asked coolly as I descended. "Probably complaining about James's egotism, right?"
Black jumped satisfactorily, and I lifted my eyebrows at him. I felt satisfied in making him lose his balance, even if it was only for a moment. Black turned around to face me.
"Oh, it's you," Black said expressionlessly. At least, it would have been expressionless if his eyes hadn't been flashing angrily.
I sketched a mock bow. "How come you're not out tricking girls like you usually are?"
"Because after I met you, I rather lost my flair for that sort of thing," he said, anger evident in every syllable. "You really show the true vulgarities of females."
I glared. If looks could kill, then Black would have been long burned to crisp. "I'm not half as bad as you, thank God. At least I don't go flaunting my body around the Great Hall in the morning," I said wickedly, referring to the prank that he had undergone. I congratulated myself as a red blush started spreading over his cheeks. It was very satisfactory; I enjoyed making boys flush with embarrassment.
"What is your problem?" Black suddenly snarled. "What did I do to you to deserve this?"
I lifted an eyebrow, feeling cruel satisfaction that he was finally breaking under the strain that I was putting him through. "My problem is that you're a mean, conceited git who likes to bully people for no apparent reason! And you even dare ask what you did to deserve this treatment? Listen, Black, if you didn't have a pretty face, then your snide attitude would have kicked you to the curb a long time ago!"
I could practically feel his growing rage. "My attitude? What about yours? You spewed a bunch of crap about me on things that you don't even know about!"
"I know," I said with rage-filled abandon, "that you like to make fun of perfectly fine people like Severus for your own amusement! You said it yourself! Tell me, what makes you think that you have the right, the privilege—the despicable freedom—to go ahead and jinx whomever you feel like? You think it's your looks? Or brains? 'Cause let me tell you, that's a really lame reason, even for you!"
"And what gives you the right to tell me how to handle my life?" he shouted. "You don't understand, you don't know--!"
"Don't tell me what I don't know!" I yelled back. "I know that you think your looks and brains warrant for special rights! They don't! You're not any different from everybody else, except for the fact that you're a blown-up snob!"
"At least my looks and brains and attitude gain me the affection of the whole school!" he shouted. His face was rage-red by now. "What does anything you have or do gain you? Nothing!" He wasn't done. "You're nothing! All you do is rag on other people for being more popular than you!"
"More popular?" I laughed. "Why would I care if you're more popular? Only people who need lives care about that crap!"
"All the other people seem to care very much, Prewitt," he smirked. "I think it's you who needs a life. Looks like you're the odd one out. But I'm sure you're used to that feeling now, anyways, right?"
I snarled wordlessly at him and whipped out my wand, muttering a curse under my breath. My spell hit him before he could duck, and I watched in satisfaction as he began morphing into a cross between a chicken and a lizard. I planned to hang around to see the effects of my jinx, but this was the wrong thing to do, as Black pulled out his own wand and was able to hex me before his mouth turned into a beak and he started to hiss like a lizard and do the tongue thing. To my horror, nostril hair began to sprout in my nose… growing longer and longer and longer….
ll----ll
"Faye?" Grace asked concernedly. "What's wrong?"
I had returned to the Gryffindor common room by nightfall after spending all afternoon in the hospital wing getting patched up by Madame Linelle. My nose hair hadn't stopped growing until it was four feet long. "Nothing."
"Faye," Grace persisted, "I know something happened. You and Sirius didn't show up for the rest of the afternoon! This is too much of a coincidence for me to ignore!"
I averted my face and sighed, "I was in the hospital wing."
"Black jinxed you?"
"Who else?" I said gloomily, sinking down onto a chair and throwing my bag down.
"You two had a fight?" Grace guessed. I guess it was too obvious.
"Yep," I replied.
"What'd he say?" Grace asked.
"A load of crap." I didn't feel like reliving the whole distasteful conversation I had with Black. Actually, it couldn't really count as a conversation. More like a row, a huge, very sirius row.
"No, really."
"Really!"
"Specifically!"
"That's very specific already!"
"You're impossible!" Grace said in defeat. "Let's turn in for the night."
ll----ll
I reported to Filch's office at 7:00 sharp for my detention. I had found out that Professor McGonagall had written home to David and Tracy to tell them that I had already served two detentions in only two weeks. This current detention was for hexing Black into morphing into a chicken the other day. I was expecting a fuming letter from home any day now, which didn't make my mood any happier. The one wish I was hoping for was that I wouldn't be stuck doing detention with either Black or Potter.
My hopes were dashed. I was stuck doing detention with Black. I knew as soon as saw his arrogant face and sauntering walk. Great. Just the thing to make my day.
"So, a bunch of sixth-years, today, eh?" I heard Filch say unpleasantly as he opened the door. No duh. What did we look like, first-years?
"You two are going to be cleaning all the trophies in the trophy room—without magic!" he cackled nastily, pointing to several buckets and cleaning sponges on the ground. I didn't flinch; I already did chores like that back at home. But from the horrified expression on Black's face… he really didn't like it. I smiled. Haha!
Suddenly, I heard a booming crash above me that made my ears sting. Filch swore.
"PEEVES!" he roared, and in a trice, he was off, running down the stairs with Mrs. Norris streaking after him. "Hahaha… I've finally got him…!"
Black snorted. "He always falls for that one," he smirked. I was glad that Filch wouldn't be there, breathing down my neck, but I wasn't about to let him know. I bent to pick up a bucket and a sponge and set off towards the trophy room without saying a word to him. What Black had said to me in the common room had really hit a sore spot, and I got angry every time I looked at his smug face. Not that I tried to look at it very often.
I winced as I heard Black's voice behind me, "What's the matter, Faye? Aren't you going to grace me with a greeting?" I couldn't miss the sarcasm in his words.
"Don't call me Faye," I hissed at him without turning around. Hearing my name come out of his mouth made me feel sick, disturbed, and uncomfortable, like he dirtied my name by saying it. "We're not on a first name basis with each other, Black."
"Aww… is Faye getting angry?" he sneered, emphasizing the word 'Faye.' "Do you want me to comfort you? Well, you'll have to find someone who cares," Black smirked. We reached the trophy room, and I pulled open the door angrily, accidentally spilling some soapy water on myself.
"Need some help?" Black asked sweetly. I felt like slapping him upside his stupid head. I decided not to bother to deign him with an answer. Instead, I went over to the nearest glass case and started polishing it, rubbing hard on the shiny surface.
Black knelt down easily to polish a nearby glass case. "How does it feel to be stuck in detention? I'm sure you never would have normally been in here."
"It's your fault that I am," I snapped, my temper getting the better of me. And I had gotten into tons of detentions before, though I wasn't about to let him know.
"Thank you," he said, making a graceful half-bow.
"It's not a thing to be proud of," I hissed, "as you should know. Oh wait. I'm sorry. That's expecting too much of your pitiful, pea-sized brain."
"If I'm that dumb, then think of how retarded you must be. Oh wait. I'm sorry. You can't think," he shot back nastily.
Furious, I threw my sponge back into my bucket and glared daggers at him. Why did he have to be so good at coming up with comebacks? I couldn't find the right words to say to him that could accurately describe my feelings.
"Why are you such a prig?" I finally managed. "Remus said that you have a good side, but I can't seem to see it. I don't think it's there! I swear to God, you're the worst person I've met! I come to England, hoping to meet some decent people, and, lo and behold, you are the perfect example of exactly the opposite!"
I grabbed my sponge and wrung it out fiercely, pretending that it was Black's neck that I was throttling.
"And if you're the embodiment of the average American girl, then I'm steering clear of America," he snapped, flinging his sponge into his bucket as well and standing up to glare at me.
"Well that's a relief, then," I said tartly, scrubbing hard at a little spot on the case. "I wouldn't want America to be forever tainted by your presence. That thought alone is enough to give me nightmares for months."
"As if I give two Knuts whether or not you have any damn nightmares or not."
"Yeah, you obviously can't spare that much, huh?" I snapped back, though I knew perfectly well that his family was filthy rich—all the girls talked over the Black fortune.
"You obviously need to get more up-to-date," he retorted. "Everybody knows that I'm loaded." His arrogant and self-satisfied tone was disgusting.
"Bragging about your family now, too?" I asked scathingly. "Is everyone in your family like you, but worse, then? You're taking after them, I'll bet, getting blacker every day."
Sirius suddenly kicked his bucket over violently, and the soapy water spilled over onto the ground and lapped at the foot of my robes.
"Stop… doing that!" he yelled. I was suddenly scared; he looked more furious than I had ever seen anyone. He strode over to me, and I was struck by how much taller he was up close. I automatically moved to step back, but then my spine stiffened stubbornly. I did NOT want him to see that I was scared of him. That would inflate his ego even more.
"Doing what?" I managed to ask innocently, even though his dark eyes were threatening to shoot me down.
"Saying that!" he said, every syllable trembling with rage. He was really quite tall up close. I had to crane my neck back to look him in the eye, and I was pretty tall for a girl. The expression that I found in them was quite unnerving… he looked angry, enraged, livid. What had I said that had affected him so strongly? I was utterly confused—and frightened-- as to what I was supposed to stop.
"Saying what?" I asked, genuinely confused. Black growled with anger and exasperation, lifting his hand. I flinched, waiting for the blow. This would be no different than any of the hits I'd endured from Henry…. And the expression of bloodthirsty murder in Black's eyes told me to watch out for the worst. But Black's hand froze when he saw me flinch.
"Y-you thought I would… hit… you?" he asked, suddenly sounding hurt. He lifted his hand to look at it.
I glared at him. "Well, you looked like you were close to bloody murder. How could I not expect it?"
"I would never, ever hit any girl like that…" he trailed off, and as quickly as his anger had gone, it was back. "Whatever, Prewitt. It's not like you'll believe anything I say. You're just a close-minded, ignorant, biased brat." Sirius whirled away from me and stalked over to his overturned bucket, which he righted and filled with water with a spell.
The rest of the detention passed in an oppressive silence. Which suited me just fine.
ll----ll
"Faye, remind me again, why are we doing this?" Grace asked as I, yet again, dragged her and Leah to the library.
"We have to prank the Marauders again!" I said feverishly. Over the past couple of weeks, I had endured so many pranks and tricks that I was surprised that I was still alive. I grimaced when I remembered a particularly horrible prank that had involved my front teeth sprouting into gigantic walrus tusks and another, when my hands had been turned into flippers. All in the Great Hall during mealtimes. And who was responsible for this? Why, none other than the stinking Marauders, namely Black and Potter.
"Why?" Leah dragged out, rolling her eyes. Well, then don't come, if you hate it that much, I wanted to snap at her.
"Because they're unbearable, bloody little freaking idiots," I said, including a whole bunch of other colorful words (words that have been purposefully omitted from this text).
"Hey, so what are we going to do to them?" Grace interrupted excitedly. The success of our last prank on them hadn't left her mind.
"That's what we're going to plan," I said sweetly to Leah, who had the grace to flush. We entered the library and sat down in an empty corner. We all sat around for a while, thinking of random things when an idea suddenly hit me.
I leaned towards Grace confidentially. "I suggest we…"
By the time I was finished talking, we were all laughing.
ll----ll
"Faye, for your plan, we need some of their underclothes," Grace said the next day, "to make it more embarrassing, you know."
"Who's going to sneak in?" I asked, grinning. I remembered a memorable occasion at Drake's when I had once sneaked into the boy's dorms and put itching powder into a boy's whole boxer drawers.
Grace sighed with dramatic humor. "Isn't it obvious?" I shook my head. I could see the direction this was going. "You!"
"But why me?" I protested.
"Because you've probably had experience doing this sort of thing before at your old school. You've probably snuck into the boys' dorms tons of times," Grace said patiently, smirking at me. "Right?"
I couldn't deny it; I had. "Fine," I sighed in defeat. "But what if I get caught?"
"I dunno," Grace said thoughtfully. "But you're smart enough to make up an excuse. Say I dared you or something."
"Oh, great excuse. I can imagine saying, Grace dared me to steal your underpants," I muttered.
"Yep," Grace said happily. "Now, let's put Operation Dance, Part One, into action."
During dinner, Grace and Leah went to the Great Hall and promised to stall Black and Potter for as long as possible while I got the necessary materials. I snuck up the boys' staircase surreptitiously, warily looking around for any boys. There was no one there, as most people were off eating dinner.
Opening the door to the fifth years' dorms once again, I couldn't help but grimace at the mess. There were worn, unwashed boxers littering the ground. I wrinkled my nose. I was not about to pick those up. Besides, the cutest-looking underclothes would probably be hidden in their drawers.
I went over to what I assumed was Sirius's drawers, as they had the word 'Sirius' carved all over it. God, he was vain. I grinned as I carefully opened it, looking for any booby traps. There were none. Really, he was too careless. Instead, I found a jumble of clothes that had been hastily stuffed into the drawers in a wrinkly pile. Boys, always such slobs. I had to smile when I opened his boxer drawers. He had all these extremely nice, cute ones that were all nicely folded. I especially loved the pink one with red hearts all over it. Where did you get these, Sirius?
After I was done collecting boxers from James and Sirius, I looked around the room in distaste. I couldn't rightly leave the room trap-free without feeling some sort of guilt. Haha, I loved my sadistic mind. Grinning, I quietly cast a simple spell that would make the first person who stepped into it break out in a major case of acne. Satisfied, I was just about to leave when I heard voices outside the room.
My stomach dropped to the ground. They were out there, talking and laughing. Oh my god, any moment now, they would come in here… and find me in possession of their shorts. Panicking, I dove under the nearest bed and quickly threw some of the clothes on the ground in front of me to hide my body. I had just managed to tuck my feet under the bed when the door slammed open and the four Marauders walked in.
Despite the seriousness of the situation—I was in the boys' dorm, for God's sake!—I couldn't help but wait in anticipation for the first person to step into my trap.
"So, Sirius, what did you do to—ARGH!"
My heart sank. That was Remus who screamed.
"Oh… my… freaking… dung…" I heard Potter say as if he were in shock. "R-Remus… that is one bad case of breakout." I couldn't help it. My body started shaking with suppressed laughter.
"Ouch!" I heard Remus yelp, and a slap followed soon after. "Don't touch it! It hurts!"
Sirius started howling with laughter. "R-Remus… you look like—like you—have a major—case of boils all over your face! I can't tell which big lump is your nose!" he gasped. A thump followed, and I realized that Sirius had fallen to the ground and was now rolling around with laughter. James soon followed.
"It is NOT funny!" Remus growled. I had to disagree. It was too funny, especially Black and Potter's reactions to it.
"I beg to differ," Potter said. It was an astonishing show of his vocabulary.
"Pete…" Sirius gasped out, "You'd better take Remmy here to the hospital wing… it looks like he's finally PMS'ing and turning into a real man…!" He and James burst into fresh peals of laughter. There were footsteps, two solid thumps, and the next moment Black and Potter were groaning with pain.
"I think that will teach you the pain of being a real man. I hope you have to go recheck your chances of becoming a father. Let's go, Peter," Remus said with satisfaction, and I heard the door being opened and closed and footsteps receding down the stairs.
"Oww…" Potter groaned. "He just had to hit… that place…" I clapped my hand over my mouth to keep hysterical laughs from escaping me.
"That's a Remus in a bad temper for you," Black said grimly. "Damn, he kicks hard! No regard for where he might be aiming!!"
"Nah… I think he got us exactly where he wanted to get us…" James groaned.
After quite some time, they recovered from the blows they had receivedin that place, and they both climbed onto their beds. The bed started squishing me down to the ground from Sirius's weight. Great, I just had to land under Black's bed. Me and my spiteful luck.
"So, Sirius, when are we going to try out the Animagi forms again?" Potter said. If my face hadn't at the moment been pressed down to the ground, my jaw would have dropped. They were trying to become Animagi? Or were they already Animagi? Whatever for? How? When? WHY? I had always wished to become an Animagus, but I knew it was dangerous to even try. Should I turn them it? Or maybe I had heard wrong….
"Anytime," Black said carelessly. "Full moon's next week, remember? It's not as if we have anything else to do." What did that have anything to do with the full moon?
"Other than prank Prewitt, you mean," Potter added.
"Merlin, she's an easy target," Black laughed. "She hasn't been doing anything to us lately. Let's move on to Snivellus or something." I would have jumped out at him to hex him into the next century, but I could not—would not—let myself be caught dead in their dorm. But we would see about who was an easy target…. >
"She's beautiful… like, really, really beautiful, supermodel pretty. And you have to admit, she's got spunk," Potter said, sounding thoughtful. Hah, supermodel pretty. They needed to get their eyes checked. "She's standing up to us, the Marauders,"—I rolled my eyes at this—"and she's new here."
"I'm going to break her before school's out for Christmas break!" Black declared haughtily. Break me? You won't be thinking that way after I break your face! I thought furiously. How dare he talk about me like that!
"Ten Galleons on that," Potter immediately set down the bet.
"Done," Black said. I felt like jumping out from under the bed and punching them until they were reduced to gibbering lumps of senseless flesh. I gritted my teeth and clenched my hands to keep myself from doing just that.
"Okay, I need to think of some way to humiliate her even more…" Black said thoughtfully. "I know!" he suddenly bounced on his bed. I winced. I felt like my stomach would be permanently pressed against my backbone by the time I got out of here.
"I'll ask her out, and when she says 'yes,' I'll dump her in front of the whole school!" he said triumphantly. "That's the master plan!" I nearly yelled out my rejection at this, but remembered where I was just in time. MASTER PLAN? How lame!
"Er…" Potter said, but Black was too busy doing a stupid victory dance on the floor to notice. Go out with him? Fat chance. I would rather have gone out with one of the skrewts that Professor Kettleburn had brought in to show us than go out with either of the two. And since I hated those blasted skrewts with a passion, Black certainly had no chance.
"Padfoot…" Potter was still trying to edge in.
"What?" Sirius snapped. "Can't you see I'm busy celebrating my bloody brilliant idea?" Some bloody brilliant idea.
"What if she says no?" Potter asked. Whoa. At least Potter had some brains.
Black scoffed. "Nobody says no to me." I could have killed him for saying just that in that—unbearably—arrogant tone. At least one somebody would be saying 'no' to him. I couldn't wait to see what it would do to his ego.
"Yeah… you're right," Potter agreed. I could feel myself turning red with anger. I barely mastered the urge to go and wring the necks of both of those jerks until they were blue.
"I mean, no one says no to the Marauders," James was saying. We would bloody see about that.
I seized my chance to get payback for all that they had said when I saw Black sit down on the ground—directly in the range of my wand. Poking my wand clear of the dirty clothing, I whispered a jinxed and aimed for Black's ass.
"Oww!!!" he have a satisfying yelp and jumped—I swear—three feet into the air. I snuffled back my laughter.
"What was that?" Black howled. He obviously thought James had done it, for they started a squabble that ended when Remus and Peter came back from their trip to the hospital wing. Afterwards, they played Exploding Snap until I was almost asleep, and that was saying something, since lying under a stuffy bed without moving is very uncomfortable, before they turned in for the night.
Black and Potter had one last conversation before they actually went to sleep. I thought I might have torn my hair out with frustration. Why couldn't they just shut and go to sleep so I could get out of here?
"So, what are your latest conquests, James?" Black asked. I rolled my eyes. I hated the way that he thought of girls as merely possessions… it was absolutely disgusting.
"I still haven't gotten Lily Evans," Potter sighed, and I was surprised to hear actual sorrow in his voice.
"Boy, you are never getting Lily Evans," Black said. "She's way out of your league, mate."
"I know," Potter sighed. "But I can't stop trying…."
"You're a lost case. I mean—they say that there's a fine line between love and hate, but with you and Evans…. Well, that 'fine line' has grown into a gaping abyss that's practically impossible to cross."
"Oh, shut it," came Potter's response. There was a moment of silence before Potter went on to ask, in a more placid tone, "What about you, Sirius? Any new girls that you're interested in?"
"Actually, yes," Black said. Who cares about your freaking love life? I wanted to scream. I had a feeling that they went through this routine conversation every night. "I'm interested in the other Prewitt girl, that fifth year, Fiona." I rolled my eyes. Black was yet another one who failed to see past Fiona's act.
"Faye's sister?" Potter suddenly asked with interest. As usual, I winced at the 'sister' part. I hated being related to Fiona.
"Yep. She's a damn fine piece of work," Black said carelessly. I was almost sick on the ground. He was talking about her as if she were some sort of item on sale…!
"So's her sister. It's weird. They don't look anything alike. Faye's prettier, though," Potter replied. I almost gagged, which was good for them, as I would have leapt out from under the bed to kill them on the spot—though I didn't particularly relish the image of myself jumping out (crawling out, gasping for air was more like it) from under a stinky bed, scattering underwear everywhere, and trying to look as threateningly as possible….
"But Fiona likes me," Black said indifferently.
"And there's no way in hell that you're going to get Faye to like you," Potter snorted, snuffling back his laughter.
"Fiona's a lot better than her sister. I can't believe they're sisters. Never mind that, I can't believe they're even related!" Black said, ignoring James's comment. We're not sisters, we're half-sisters! I wanted to scream at those thick-headed baboon brains.
"Yeah. Fiona's all sweetness… and Prewitt's all bitterness." I'll show you bitter, you stinking, foul, little--! I would make sure that this current prank I was planning was the most terrible thing they'd ever encountered. They'd be on their knees and begging for release… hehehe….
"I think I might even stay with Fiona longer than a week," Black said meditatively. "Just to annoy her sister." I trembled with rage. Oh, my freaking shit… how could he do this? How could he even think of it? Why did he think that way? He didn't really like Fiona, but he would go out with her just to annoy me? Well, it wouldn't really annoy me, but still!
Did he always play girls like this? Well, that was obvious. Of course he did. And he'd always leave a broken heart behind.
"But first I have to go through with my plan to ask Prewitt out and embarrass her," Sirius said decidedly. I closed my eyes and tried to control my rage. Deep, calming breaths, I said to myself, don't kill them; don't kill them… you'll get in trouble with McGonagall if you do… it'll look bad on your résumé. It took all my resolve to stop myself from leaping out and strangling Black and Potter in their beds.
After what seemed like the longest, I repeat, the longest, time, snores filled the whole room. I rolled free of the bed and got a taste of relatively fresh air. I say 'relatively fresh' because the room smelled like dirty, unwashed clothes, and that could hardly count as fresh air; but compared to the bottom of Black's bed, I felt like I was in heaven. I got to my feet, my bones creaking. Oh, I was so angry with Black!
I moved to stand over him, debating on whether or not to kill him this instant. But after he was dead, he wouldn't have to go through any humiliation, and I wanted him to go through the store of embarrassments I had gotten ready just for him. So I decided to leave him without a token of my affections. Right then, Black thrashed around in his sleep, nearly frightening the daylight out of me, and the blanket revealed… er… his body. God, he slept with only boxers on! I had to get the hell out of here before I was sick all over his bed!
With my cheeks on fire, I made my way out of room as silently and quickly as I could, creeping down the boys' staircase like a mouse and drawing a relieved breath as soon as I reached the empty common room. Looking at the clock on the mantelpiece, I realized how late it was. Those bloody gits had kept me in their dorm for over five hours! What a complete waste of time!
Grumbling about life's unfairness, I headed back up to my dorm.
"Faye!" I heard Grace exclaim. She was the only one still awake. I could hear the soft, even breathings of the other girls. "I was getting worried about you!"
"I was just going to get out of their room when they came barging in," I grumbled. "I had to hide under Black's stinking bed."
Grace giggled and looked at me expectantly. "Well?"
"Well what?" I asked.
"The underpants!" she said.
"Ooh!" I pulled them out of my pockets. Grace dissolved into laughter at the sight of them. My selections were perfect. One was the pink one with red hearts all over it, another had smoochy lips that really smooched, and the last one had cute teddy bears wearing Santa Clause hats.
"We'll get to work tomorrow," I whispered, and Grace's face cracked into the same evil smile that I was sure was on my own.
ll----ll
"There! We're finally done!" Grace sighed, sitting back in her chair. We were in the library, and we had just finished jinxing the boxers I had stolen from Black and Potter.
"Faye, you're lyrics are great," Grace said admiringly.
"Thank you, thank you," I bowed. "But your sexy moves completed it!"
"We're too good! And now for the final stage!" Grace and I smirked.
We set off for the Great Hall, cackling madly. Passersby looked at us funny and sped up to get away, but that only made us laugh harder. We must have been high off something—air, most likely.
The next morning, Grace and I woke up early, just like on the morning of the last prank we had played. We tried to wake Leah up, but she ignored us, so we had to proceed down to the Great Hall without her. I didn't really care either way, though. She hadn't helped us at all with the charming of the boxers in the first place, so I didn't think she deserved to see the effects all of Grace's and my hard work.
"I can't wait," Grace grinned. "I'll race you down the banister, one on each side!" She pointed to the long flight of stairs leading down to the first floor. "Whoever wins gets to activate!"
"You're on!" I shouted. We both sprinted for the railing and jumped on. The staircase was pretty steep, so I starting flying down at an alarming speed. The other early risers pointed to the pair of us and laughed to see us sliding down the banister like this. At the end, I was pitched off and I landed in a heap. Clutching my head, I groaned as I got up.
Grace was grinning at me. "I win."
"Fine," I snapped, seeing that there was no way that I could worm my way to a fake victory. "But I want a rematch later!"
"You're still going to lose," Grace said teasingly.
"We'll see about that!"
We were too hyped up about the prank to do much arguing with each other though. We walked into the Great Hall and sat down, waiting for the Marauders to show up. We had decided that we wouldn't start until the Marauders appeared; they were the stars of the show, after all.
Finally, as the Great Hall was at its fullest, Black and Potter walked in. Grace and I grinned maniacally at each other.
"Activitio!" Grace whispered, pointing her wand discreetly to the cent aisle between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. Instantly, a podium sprang up, and on it were the three special boxers. I looked over at Black and Potter; they were staring at the underpants and had looks of dawning comprehension on their faces. I smirked. Oh, they would understand soon enough. The whole school would understand.
The underpants with the moving smooching lips twitched and rose to a standing position, if underpants could stand, that is. The other two soon followed. They revolved slowly, so everybody in the Great Hall could get a good look.
"Oooohhhh…" the first boxer sang in a nasally voice.
"La!"
"La!"
"La!"
All three of those "la's!" followed in quick succession. And then, simultaneously, the underpants burst into song.
"We are the Marauders' underpants!"
"Shorts!"
"Boxers!"
"Briefs!"
"Fresh rescued from their chaotic drawers!"
"We must tell you!"
"Warn you!"
"Alert you!"
"Inform you!"
"Of the terrible, horrible lives we once led!"
"Oh, we know you dread!"
"Fear!"
"Shrink from!"
"Recoil from!"
"Our cheerless, rather disgusting tale!"
"But you must be forewarned of the terror!"
"The horror!"
"The torture!"
"The agony!"
"In this, we must not fail!"
"So hail!"
"Here is our distressing, heartrending tale!"
"Of the terrible, horrible lives we once led!"
"Stashed under Potter's sullied bed!"
"As the Marauders' underpants!"
Every phrase was sung by different underwear. The Great Hall erupted into laughter…. Grace and I were in helpless hysterics as the song proceeded on with describing the work that the underpants had to do. The boxers were whirling around and dancing to go with their words.
Once the singing chorus of underpants reached the line, "And when that stick sticks up, we're stretched mercilessly! No mercy! No mercy! Oh, no!" Black and Potter were beet red with embarrassment.
Grace and I were reveling with drunken mirth in our success of the singing underpants. Even the teachers were laughing, and all at Black and Potter's expense. This was my best day yet.
"Your—song—too—funny," Grace wheezed, pounding the table and holding a stitch in her side. In her mirth, she lost her balance and toppled backwards out of her seat. I was laughing too hard to help her back up.
"Oh—Merlin!" Grace gasped after she had righted herself once again.
"That was FUNNY!" I howled, unable to contain my hilarity any longer. This moment was definitely worth all the planning that had gone into it… and the looks of Black and Potter's faces was priceless!
Just as the underpants were about to launch their songs all over again, Professor McGonagall marched up to the podium and, with one flick of her wand, deactivated the boxers. I noticed that her stern lips were twitching.
"That's enough!" Professor McGonagall tried to calm everyone down, but it was a lost battle from the start. Everyone was laughing himself or herself senseless, except, of course, Black and Potter.
That was certainly the best, even better than our last prank when we had turned them into sexy girls. When I calmed down enough to open my eyes and look at Black and Potter clearly, they were thoroughly red and glaring daggers at everyone else. Remus and Peter were also very embarrassed, and I was rather sorry to see Remus dragged into it all, but I couldn't write the lyrics well if I didn't use 'Marauders.'
Later that day, I heard Black and Potter furiously discussing who could have possibly pulled that spectacular prank. Of course, they worded it differently and added a lot more swear words, but I got their basic meaning. And my name didn't even come up! They were too busy considering guys from other houses to realize that they real culprits were girls, namely, Grace and me! And they kept on denying that those underpants belonged to them. Hah! Maybe I would tell them that Grace and I had done it, just to infuriate them even more!
That was my sweetest day of revenge.
--
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