A/N: I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry this took so long! It was supposed to come out yesterday, but I was so busy I forgot. Sorry!
Chapter Thirteen: From Inside Out
"He's glaring at you again," Grace whispered to me in one gruesomely hard Double Transfiguration lesson. I swished my wand around with frustration at the rock that I was supposed to be transfiguring into a fox terrier. Sinking down into my seat, I pushed my hair out of my face and frowned, contemplating Grace's comment.
"Potter's at it again?" I asked irritably. "I wish he'd just quit it."
Ever since that disastrous argument with Black, Potter had been glaring daggers at me all throughout the day…. It was very unsettling to feel a pair of eyes boring holes into the back of my head all day long with never a rest. Actually, make that two pairs of eyes. Black had also been actively glowering at me, and he was even worse than Potter.
The pair of them made a great team, constantly making cruel remarks about my looks, my hygiene, my brains, my clothes (though I wore the school uniform, down to the tie and stockings), my belongings, my eating habits… everything they could think of. They were driving me nuts. Any—ANY—regrets I had about getting into the fight with Black had quickly dissipated, and anger, annoyance, irritation, frustration, and resentment had replaced pretty much anything I might have felt towards him in the beginning of the year. And I couldn't very well snipe back at them—between Black and Potter… well, let's just say that the most dignified thing for me to do to retain my pride was ignore them.
"Black's joined in, now, too," Grace sighed. I sat up a bit in my seat, refusing to show them any sign of weakness. Being the self-centered gits they were, they'd probably think that it was because of them—though they wouldn't be wrong.
"I wish they'd just leave me alone!" I said angrily, jabbing my wand at the rock half-heartedly. The rock didn't change much, but I swear it turned a bit browner.
"Look, Grace, my rock turned brown!" I exclaimed excitedly. "Like the color of a dog's fur!"
"Er…" she looked over and scrutinized it. "It looks as gray as ever, Faye. Sorry to burst your bubble."
I deflated in disappointment. "Well, at least you're a truthful friend… even if you are harsh."
"It's okay," she said comfortingly. "My rock only has legs."
"And a bit of fur!" I pointed out, watching Grace's rock—it couldn't yet be classified as a dog, since it was still missing a properly shaped body and a head—run around the desk on four sturdy legs.
I poked my stationary rock with irritation. "Anyways, I wish they'd just ignore me or something."
Grace patted my arm sympathetically. "Well, you were the one who declared that 'this is war." I glared at her, and she changed the subject hastily. "Maybe it's because Black likes you that he doesn't want to leave you alone." I gaped at her soundlessly, probably looking like a fish, but she only seemed to warm up to the idea.
"Yeah! And since he wants to preserve his pride, he can't talk to you in a civil manner, or people will take it as him crawling back to your feet begging for forgiveness, so he's resorted to tormenting you!"
"He doesn't like me!" I denied hotly in a strangled voice. "No way! He just hates me and wants to make my life hell!"
Grace merely shrugged, but I could tell that she was hiding an amused smile.
I made a mental note to myself: Get a new best friend. A sane one.
I resentfully jabbed at my rock again, not expecting any results. My expectations were fulfilled.
Before I could try another time, I noticed a shadow looming over my table. Startled, I looked up—right into Professor McGonagall's stern face.
"Nothing, Ms. Prewitt?" McGonagall asked crisply. "You've been working on this for the better part of an hour, and your rock still hasn't taken on any form of a dog!"
I cringed. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Black and Potter sniggering at me.
"Let's see you try it again!" McGonagall snapped.
"Err… right," I hesitated. I knew I wouldn't be able to produce anything. "Transfidio!" I waved my wand around wildly, not even remembering the correct swish. But to my surprise, my rock did turn into a fox terrier, and an extremely cute one at that. It yapped excitedly, rushing around in circles on my desk before jumping into my lap and licking my face enthusiastically.
"Very good, Miss Prewitt," McGonagall granted with approval. "Full marks." And then she moved on to torture another student.
"How'd you do that?" Grace asked enviously. "You didn't even look like you did the wand movement right!"
"It wasn't me," I mused, glancing around the room. I met Fabian Prewett's grinning hazel eyes, and he winked at me. We hadn't spoken had a conversation with each other ever since the Winter Ball ages ago, but we always exchanged friendly greetings in passing. I smiled back at him, and mouthed, "Thanks!"
"So Fabian is the kind soul who decided to help you out," Grace remarked idly, following my gaze.
"Thank god he did, or I'd be stuck with extra homework," I said as the bell rang.
Grace was silent while we packed up our bags and headed for the Potions dungeons, our next lesson. "You know, he's good-looking," she blurted out suddenly.
I glanced over at her. "So?"
"So?" Grace repeated, rolling her eyes. "So go ahead and go rope him in! He's practically begging you to!"
Her meaning repulsed me. "Eww! No way. I'm not looking for that kind of relationship with any guy, period. End of discussion."
"Why?" she yelped in anguish. "Faye, do you know how many hot guys eye you up every day? And Fabian's a nice guy, right? If you just say yes to him, then maybe it'll give me a chance with the other free guys that are hanging all over you!"
"I thought you were after Remus," I said dryly. "And guys certainly do not eye me up!" The very thought disgusted me and sent shivers of what I didn't want to acknowledge as fear running down my spine.
"Shh!" she hissed, looking around for anybody that might have been listening. "Somebody could hear that!"
I rolled my eyes. "Anyways, how are things between you and"—Grace glowered at me, daring me to say his name—"him?"
A tint of pink stained Grace's cheeks. "Oh… well… not so good. He hardly notices me, Faye. I'm even thinking of giving up on him."
"Huh?" I did a double take. "Why?"
She glared at me. "Because I'm not getting anywhere! Remus is so obviously not interested! He's been giving me all the hints to lay off!"
"Oh…" I said uncomfortably. I didn't know how to talk about things like this. What was I supposed to say? Just be yourself? No, too cliché. Play hard-to-get. I hated girls like that. I settled with, "Well, just give him some time. He's bound to realize that you two were meant to be sometime."
"Oh, shut up," Grace ordered more resignation than anger in her voice. We entered the Potions classroom and split up to go sit with our assigned Potions partners. Grace went to sit next to Daniel Patil, and I took my seat next to Severus. As soon as I sat down, I could feel the hostile, probing glares on my back once again.
"Hey," I said tiredly to Severus. He grunted in reply. Deciding to leave the conversation like that as I wasn't keen on talking either, I propped my elbow on the desk and stared at the chalkboard. Ah… we were making a Coercion Potion, which was similar to the Imperius Curse, though less effective. It was for obedience for a short while. This wouldn't end well if Professor Gadgen decided to make us try out the potion, as he frequently liked to do. And to ensure that we didn't cheat, he'd make us switch potions with another pair of partners so we couldn't lie about our results.
"Settle down!" Gadgen snapped in that commanding, brusque tone of his. "Coercion Potion! Directions up on the board! Hop to it!" Everyone rushed to obey. That teacher just had a way with words.
By unspoken agreement, I got out a cauldron and readied it while Severus gathered up the ingredients and started preparing them. I thought we were rather good partners, even though Severus had gotten a lot less talkative these days. Besides, I wasn't in the mood to talk, not when I could still feel Black's vindictive eyes on me, watching my every move like a hawk eyeing its prey and waiting for the perfect chance to swoop down for the kill.
"So, I hear that Black's gotten on your case again," Severus began after a while, startling me. I never would have thought that he'd be the one to start the conversation.
"Yeah," I muttered bitterly. "Making fun of me whenever possible… as if I don't have enough to worry about with upcoming finals and everything…"
"He's always been a git, and he always will be," Severus answered, throwing several ingredients into the cauldron with a little more force than necessary. "I can't decide which one's worse, Black or Potter."
"Tell me about it," I agreed. "They're both such prigs it's hard telling them apart."
"I'll bet they're planning a end-of-the-term finesse prank," Severus said suddenly, bitterness evident in his tone. "And they always play it on me…"
I felt a tongue of anger flare up violently within me. "Why?" I exploded virulently, lighting a furious fire under the cauldron. "Why do they always pick on you? It's not right! They're so stereotypical—what does it matter in the least if your Slytherin or not?"
He shrugged wordlessly. "I guess it matters to them… and to most of the school, for that matter."
"Most of the school are jerks," I responded flatly.
Severus shrugged again. "Nothing we can do about it."
"How can you be so—so calm about it?" I asked hotly. "If it were me, I'd…"
"But it's not," he cut me off shortly. "It's not."
The stinging comment silenced me for a moment, leaving me floundering around for a suitable answer. "You're right," I finally answered softly. "Sorry."
He grunted in response. We worked in silence, quickly and efficiently getting the potion done. Twenty minutes later, I pushed my hair off my forehead impatiently and beamed at our potion, which was a light, clear purple color with a cold mist rising off the rippling surface, exactly how the directions described it. Severus was looking quite pleased as well, I noted, which didn't happen all that often.
"Ahh… good work," Professor Gadgen said with approval, sweeping over to the both of us and looking intently at our Coercion Potion. "Though you both know that I can only grant you two full marks once you test it." My heart sank as he straightened, his sharp gaze sweeping the room for another pair of finished students.
"It seems as if Mister Black and Miss Lare are done," Gadgen said. "Very good. Trade potions and test." A lump of cold dread settled into my stomach, and I looked across the room, seeing Black smirking at me. I hoped that I didn't flinch. Great. Just wonderful. I exchanged glances with Severus, who looked very, very put out at this turn of event. Actually, put out was an understatement. He looked livid, absolutely enraged, and I was certain that if he hadn't wanted a good grade in Potions, he would have flat-out refused.
"Well!" Gadgen barked, seeing that no one was making a move. "Get a move on it!" He towered over Severus and me so threateningly that we had no choice but to resentfully bottle up some of our potion and drag our feet over to where Black and Melissa Lare were sitting. I saw Gadgen smirk with satisfaction before he turned his back on us. I hated that professor more than anything in the whole world at that one moment.
Did teachers gossip amongst themselves about their students during conferences? I was sure they did, as I detected a glint of malicious amusement in Gadgen's eyes.
Severus and I reached the table, and I jerkily sat down next to Black on the bench, leaving Severus to sit next to Melissa. I made sure I was as far away as possible. After all, even if Black did annoy the hell out of me… he was even nastier to Severus.
"So," Black said lazily, eying Severus with a malicious look in his eyes. Severus glared back just as hatefully. My ears could have shriveled up in this battle of hate between the two. "I'll just,"—he picked up my flask of potion—"test this on you, then, shall I?"
"Fine!" Severus snapped. This must have been a man thing. Were Black's words some kind of subtle challenge? I resigned myself to never figuring it out. But I had to stop Black before he did something really bad or embarrassing to Severus.
"No," I said calmly. "I'll test it. Severus, you can test Melissa on theirs." Severus glared at me angrily, and I was sure that he knew why I was doing this, and he wasn't happy.
Black smirked at me, looking me up and down in a way that made my teeth clench. "All right, Prewitt. Since you're so eager to be my partner."
"You wish," I hissed as I grabbed my potion out of his hands. I uncorked it, trying to hide the fact that my hands were shaking. I didn't want to think about what Black was going to make me do.
I raised the flask to my lips and downed the whole thing in one gulp. Then I was vaguely aware of a floating, wonderful feeling, before my mind was wiped blank of everything.
Sirius's POV
I watched in fascination as the glass flask fell out of Prewitt's limp hand, crashing into a million smithereens on the stone floor of the dungeon. Prewitt herself slumped limply onto the table, her eyes closed peacefully and her face relaxed. Smiling to myself, I poked her arm, waiting for a reaction. None came.
Okay, now I was a little worried. Prewitt wasn't screaming her head off at me to keep my dirty hands off her… IT WAS THE APOCALYPSE! Not. But what if her potion wasn't successful? What if she died? I poked her arm again, harder, but she still didn't react. A stab of fear jerked at my heart, and I quickly shook her shoulders, saying, "Prewitt! Are you okay? Can you hear me? Damnit, just wake up!"
I gave a sigh of relief when she suddenly sat up again, gazing straight in front of her with wide-open, strangely blank eyes, her jaw slack but her back rigid.
"Er…" I said, poking her again. Still no reaction. The normal Prewitt would have slapped me or done something violent like that. "Do something. Anything."
Prewitt shrugged.
Figures.
"Okay…" I said slowly. "Sing me your favorite song."
She immediately started in on a tune that was completely unfamiliar to me, and I sat back to enjoy my handiwork. Hah, Prewitt's potion was flawless. Now I'd have her under my thumb for twenty whole minutes! Muahahaha…. Now, what would be a suitable revenge? I cast about for something really embarrassing. Something that would leave Prewitt scarred for life. I cast about in my mind for anything that Prewitt found especially revolting. Like… flirting! Of course. She absolutely loathed it, and there's no better revenge than playing on hated activities. I could make her woo me in front of the whole class! But…but… I didn't want to seem like I wanted her to; no, I didn't want that! Of course not. The great Sirius Black does not beg for any woman's attention!
Then there was only one choice. My best mate would have to sacrifice for me. I was sure that James wouldn't mind a pretty girl hitting on him anyway. A joyous bubble of anticipation bubbled up in me… hehehehehehehe…. Too bad I couldn't make Snape hit on James.
"Stop singing," I ordered sharply, and Prewitt stopped mid-note. I grinned lazily. I could get used to this life, with Prewitt obeying my every command! "Now, here's what I want you to do. First off, say that I'm indubitably the greatest guy on earth."
"You are indubitably the greatest guy on earth," she droned after me, her voice flat and monotonous.
"No, no, no. That just wont cut it," I chided, feeling a delicious twinge of satisfaction. "Say it with feeling and conviction!"
"You are indubitably the greatest guy on earth!" Faye cried. Eyeing her appreciatively, I sat back in triumph. Now… for the best part.
"Okay, Prewitt, now I want you to go over to James Potter over there, my best mate. I want you to flirt with him. Like, really flirt. Like how Prissy Carlson flirts with me. Put your heart into it, alright?"
Prewitt turned in James's direction, but she still looked as if she were a puppet being controlled, or some kind of robot.
"No, no, no!" I cried. "You're all wrong! Make it look real! Natural! There we go!" Prewitt perked up, her movements becoming much more fluid and natural, though her eyes remained glazed and unfocused.
"Go on, now," I egged. Without another word, Prewitt turned right around and swaggered over to James in a way that made my eyes pop out. Damn! Why did she look so… so sexy, even in school robes? I couldn't tear my eyes off her.
"James," I heard Prewitt whisper throatily while she laid her hand on James's arm. It made me feel insanely jealous of my friend for a moment—but of course, I was the one who'd ordered Prewitt to hit on James. I shook the feeling away.
A bubble of laughter welled up in me as I saw James's head whip around so fast that his neck cracked, the expression in his eyes one of fear, like a deer caught in the headlights, or whatever those muggleborns always said.
"Prewitt?" he squeaked disbelievingly. "What—what are you doing?" The whole class was avidly watching now. They were even neglecting Rick Flint, who was attempting to do ballet with a huge teddy bear—where the hell had that come from?— as his partner. Even Professor Gadgen was staring at Prewitt, his mouth agape.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Prewitt purred seductively, adding in a silvery laugh that was too much like Prissy Carlson's for my liking. It made my hair stand on end. Wow, this Coercion Potion was really quite effective. Prewitt settled herself onto James's lap, grinning wickedly at him, though it didn't reach her eyes.
"Er… I—don't—know," James said uncomfortably, a rosy red blush creeping across his cheeks as Prewitt pushed a stray strand of hair off his forehead. Everyone was ogling at the completely new Faye Prewitt who was at that moment snuggling right up to James. She was too tall to tuck her head under his chin, so instead, she leaned over to whisper in his ear. Whatever she said made James jerk away, blushing furiously.
I heard someone snorting within the cricket cricket silence of the room. I turned my head to see Lily Evans angrily rolling her eyes, probably saying something really derogatory about James. Ah… jealously works wonders.
"James, James, James," Prewitt laughed again. "Jamsie-wamsie." This made my jaw drop. Whoa. She was acting so much like Prissy Carlson that she could have been her carbon copy. Except for the looks, of course.
"Y-yes?" James stuttered, looking away and shifting uncomfortably. Prewitt leaned forward to whisper something else, and James yelped, jumping to his feet and spilling her onto the ground. He looked around the room wildly, like he was cornered, while Prewitt picked herself up, that seductive smirk not changing in the least. I couldn't help myself—I burst into loud, raucous laughter, and the rest of the class followed, except for Prewitt's best friend, Grace what's-her-name, who was probably still in shock, sitting her in chair, her eyes as large saucers.
"Don't tell me you don't know what I want," Prewitt answered, deliberately poking a slender, pale, and shapely leg out from under her robes. I swallowed, my laughter seemingly have dried up at the sight. James swallowed as well, and I saw him dart a quick glance at Evans, who was glowering at him like there was no tomorrow. He cleared his throat firmly.
"Prewitt, I don't know what's gotten into you, but I'm already taken," James said stiffly.
"Taken?" I gasped out amidst the new peals of laughter that had assaulted me once Prongs opened his mouth. "Taken? Yeah, right! You're not taken! You just want to be!" I knew I was digging myself deeper and deeper with every word that came shooting out of my mouth, but I couldn't help myself. I never could.
"Taken?" Prewitt echoed. "You'll want to be free after I'm done with you." She took a mighty step towards James, and he tensed, his eyes darting around, looking for an escape. She grabbed his ears, forcing his head down…. I felt my mouth suddenly go dry and my laughter evaporate. I watched in horror as their faces got closer… and closer… with James's arms flailing about wildly in a panic….
Suddenly, right before contact, I saw a change come over Prewitt's eyes. The flat blankness in them cleared, the normal expressions of life returning, and she shook her head confusedly, blinking hard. I winced—waiting for it.
"HOLY SHIT! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, POTTER!" Prewitt roared, a loud crack sounding as well. The next moment, James stumbled backward, tripping over his own feet and landing on the ground. He was holding a hand up to his probably stinging cheek.
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF FREAKING MERLIN WERE YOU DOING!" Prewitt shrieked, her voice echoing throughout the drafty dungeon too well. I rubbed my ears.
"What was I doing?" James gasped, indignant. "You were the one hitting on me!"
"W-what?" Prewitt sputtered, turning red. "I would—never—g-gross, despicable—"
I burst into laughter once again, seeing that completely bewildered and out-of-place expression on her face. Too late I realized that I was the only one laughing, and I could be heard only too well.
"YOU!" Prewitt snarled, whipping out her wand and advancing on me, her face contorting into a mask of fury, her eyes suddenly hard and cold and smoldering with barely controlled rage. But I couldn't help myself—I just laughed my head off like the fool I was. "What—did—you—do?"
"You—should've—SEEN—yourself!" I howled, pounding on the table, the bubbling feeling that everything was ridiculously funny spreading like sea foam through my veins. "You—you—you tried to—KISS—James! You—you—showed your LEGS, for Merlin's sake!"
"Oh, did I?" Prewitt hissed. "Did I?"
"Yeah," I gasped, wiping away tears of laughter. "Yeah, you did. I can safely say for certain that the whole class—well, at least the whole male population in here—saw everything! Even—even—even P-Professor G-Gadgen!" My words dissolved into laughter at the last words, and I fell to laughing drunkenly. In the back of my mind, I knew that this wouldn't end well with me, but at the moment I was too drunk and hyper to care. So what if Prewitt hexed me to one inch of my life? I could take it.
I am Sirius Black, and I am sexy! Nothing could touch me!
"Let's see if you'll still be laughing after I remove all nose and replace it with something that will hopefully make your face less painful to look at!" Prewitt raged. The next moment her wand was right at the tip of my nose. There was a flash of blinding light—and then complete darkness.
Wait. I was still conscious! Whoa! I could still feel all my body parts! This was a miracle—Prewitt hadn't knocked me out yet, even if everything was all dark. I tried raising my head.
"What the hell?" I floundered confusedly when I couldn't raise my head one foot off the table I assumed I was resting on. "Why's everything all black?"
"Because," I heard Prewitt snarl out in a way that made the hairs on the nape of my neck rise, "I just replaced your nose with a cauldron."
"WHAT?" I bellowed, my hands instinctively coming up to feel my face—or where my face should have been. Instead, my hands stopped short, and I felt something smooth, round, and not even remotely like my face.
"ARGH! PREWITT!"
Faye's POV
My footsteps echoed loudly down the corridors. Huffing angrily, I turned the corner and marched down the hallway. With each step I took, my book bag bounced back against my leg rebelliously.
How dare he? How dare Black stoop as low as to turn me into—into—a Prissy! I could feel my face burn again with embarrassment as I recalled Grace filling me in on all the horrendous details. I tried to kiss—Potter? I closed my eyes with shame. Oh, God, now they'd never let me go! How was I going to ever live this down?
I passed the library, but I didn't even consider going in. It was full of fifth-years and seventh-years studying furiously for their O.W.L's and N.E.W.T's, which was going to be held in a few day's time.
The end of the term was three weeks away. Just three weeks! I found myself longingly imagining the summer that I would be spending with Melanie—and without Black. So close to freedom, yet so far! It was driving me nuts. I was looking forward to a completely stress-free summer. It was the first time I was actually welcoming the arrival of summer; this time I wasn't going back home to be hurt or made fun of. I was going back to have fun with my family.
Now if only I could kick Fiona out of the picture….
Come to think of it, Fiona had been exceedingly nasty for the whole year. She'd made smart-ass comments about me, pushed me, laughed shrilly over me, etc. I was seriously on the edge of just taking her by the collar and trying to slap some sense into her, though I really didn't think it would work. No, I was definitely certain that it wouldn't work.
This train of thought lasted me all the way until I reached the front doors of the school. Once I reached it, I opened it a crack and slipped outside. The sunlight immediately lit on my face, and I could feel the soothing, warm touch of it. Everything outside practically screamed of spring, like the new leaves on the Whomping Willow, the fresh green grass and flowers, and the renewed spirit of the Giant Squid as it propelled itself across the lake, occasionally spraying ink at various swimmers that were playing around in the water.
Quickly padding over the grass, I dropped my bag and settled myself against a tree not far from the lake and looked up through the dappled green leaves above.
It was there, in that peaceful, lulling environment, that I cursed Black to death in my imagination. In my mind, I was putting together a list, and I was going to name it: 100 Satisfyingly Slow and Sadistic Ways To Kill Sirius Black. It had a nice ring to it. Oh, yes. A very nice ring. I pulled my diary—which I now kept under a hopefully non-hackable and powerful lock that would load anybody who tried to open it but me with pimple and tons of facial hair—and started writing down all 100 ways.
Examples:
Chop Subject up into a million pieces and feed Subject to the Giant Squid.
Corner and trap Subject to package off to spend eternity with Lucius Malfoy. Check back a week later to remove body.
Forever curse Subject's face with unsightly blemishes that would make Subject go hide in a hermitage deep in a forest for the rest of his life. Send reporters to get pictures of Subject's marred face so that Subject will die of shame.
Dangle Subject from the top of a window to be torn apart by something mean and horrible—I have yet to think of it. Piranhas, most likely.
It took a surprisingly short amount of time. Before I knew it, I was resorting to violently tearing up random blades grass and shredding it one by one to pass the time and get my anger out of my system. Black had already paid, and very dearly, so it was only right that I put it behind me.
Too bad I wasn't one of those forgiving people. I'd never been one to just let things pass. I sighed sharply. It seemed that holding grudges as long as I did took away too much time and energy. I picked at the grass savagely, and pretty soon I was littered with little pieces of grass.
I still couldn't believe that only a day ago I had flirted outrageously with James Potter. Oh, God, the memory, which wasn't really a memory, since I didn't remember anything about it, made me cringe. At least summer was going to come in just three weeks—freedom was so close! Grace even invited me to go stay over at her house for a while. I was determined to make this summer the best of my life; nothing would bother me, nothing would stress me out, nothing would scare me or hurt me. It would be perfect, like those perfect summers I'd always dreamed about….
Perfect.
I gloried in this idea for some time, mulling over it, as I got drowsier and drowsier….
"Hey, Faye! What are you doing here?"
The unexpected voice triggered a violent reaction. I gasped and jerked my eyes open and swung my fist up wildly, feeling it connect with something. Scrambling up clumsily into a semi-sitting position, I shook the grass out of my hair and the sleep out of my eyes and blinked at a boy who was currently holding his nose and swearing loudly.
Shit. It was Fabian Prewett.
"Sorry!" I gasped out, looking at him remorsefully. My heart was still racing, and I felt a strange sense of déjà vu. "I'm sorry! Did I hit you really hard?"
"No," he said thickly, still holding a hand up to his nose. I winced.
"Here, let me help you," I offered, making a move to scramble to his side.
"No, I'm fine," Fabian shook his head adamantly. I hesitantly sank back onto my heels and looked at him uncomfortably. His brown hair was slightly mussed from the wind, and his hazel eyes were still grinning at me despite the fact that I'd socked him only moments before.
"Blimey, you really pack a punch," was all he said as he took a seat next to me.
"Err… yeah, about that," I shifted uncomfortably, easing a little farther away from him. "Sorry."
He waved off my apology. "I guess it's what I deserve for trying to be cleverly surprising."
I laughed outright at this. "Cleverly surprising?" I snorted disbelievingly. "Whatever for?"
"No occasion. Just to be smart and sophisticated, like I usually am," Fabian said primly, flicking back his hair with an exaggerated gesture.
Guffawing quite loudly, I nonetheless managed to sling back an insult. "God, your little mind must be so lonely in that big head of yours, if you're thinking that you're sophisticated."
"Nah, it has so much company. All those little dustbunnies and cobwebs can really keep your mind busy," he replied promptly.
"How could I ever overlook that?" I asked dryly, pushing my hair off my forehead. "Will you ever forgive me?"
"I'll have to think about that," Fabian answered solemnly. "It was pretty heinous of you!" We looked at each other for a moment before we both burst out laughing.
"So, uh, what are you doing here?" Fabian asked after we had calmed down.
"Drowning my sorrows in ripping grass to shreds," I replied wryly.
"Ripping grass?" he raised an eyebrow. "You know, usually people drown their sorrows in ice cream."
"You don't want to follow the crowd," I said breezily. "Get some personality, Prewett!" He chuckled before standing up and brushing himself off.
"Well, it was enlightening, as always, talking to you," Fabian grinned, "but I must be going. I've got a hot date, and I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Good Lord. I wish luck to that poor girl," I shivered as he whacked me on the arm. "Just kidding! Kidding," I muttered. "Go on then. Don't spend any more time we me! Merlin knows I can't be spending all my time with guys like you."
"All right! You know, actually, I'm just going to talk about plans over the summer with my brother," he confessed ruefully.
"Some hot date," I snorted.
"No need to be jealous," Fabian retorted me before walking away, throwing a last smile over his shoulder. After he was gone, I lay back down and stared back up into the leaves of the tree. I suddenly realized how much I wanted to get out of school and just go spend some time with Melanie. It came back at my sharply. I don't know why—maybe it was just Fabian and his cheerful talk about his brother… I wanted something like that. Something true and deep and everlasting. I'm not saying that Melanie isn't like that, but I've only known her for less than a year.
I felt my breathing slow once again. There was just something so soothing and calming about sitting under this tree, listening to the sounds of people happily splashing around in the lake.
"Time's up!" Professor McGonagall said sharply amidst the frantic scratching of quills on parchment and mumbles of protest. "Accio exams!"
Swearing under my breath, I hung on determinedly to my piece of parchment and tried to scribble a few more words on it—then it tore out of my grasp, leaving me to glare sullenly after it as it settled itself in McGonagall's arms.
"This concludes your practice N.E.W.T.S.," Professor McGonagall said briskly, neatly arranging the papers in her arms. "You will all be receiving your results in the middle of the summer, just as you would be in your real N.E.W.T.S. Dismissed!"
Stretching every bone in my body, I slowly and painfully got out of my seat, my buttocks protesting quite strongly. I rolled my head around on my shoulders, but came to a painful stop as pain shot up my neck. Growling obscenities at tests and the whole school system in general, I trooped outside with the rest of the students who were making their way outside into the inviting sunshine.
Grace was in a foul mood today. For what reason, I didn't really know. She was often moodier these days, and I had a sneaking suspicion that it had something to do with Leah. Damn her. She was always ruining things. I wondered if Grace was keeping something from me. Sometimes, she'd get a guarded, closed look on her face whenever we happened to touch lightly on Leah or Prissy Carlson. But then again, I shouldn't really expect Grace to just get over Leah's stupidity in a few months. They had a friendship.
Anyway, Grace said shortly that she was heading up to the dorm, and I didn't try to stop her. Stopping her would have meant a confrontation, and I hated confrontations; they scared me. Confrontations were always forcing people to peel off their skin and expose their secrets, and I, for one, hated revealing things about myself.
Feeling slightly ashamed and slightly relieved at my choice, I slid out of the front doors with the rest of the crowd. The warm sunlight splashed on my face, bringing a slight smile to my lips as I made my way towards the tree near the water's edge. To my dismay, though, the Marauders were already sitting there under the cool shade, laughing over something as Siri—Black—flapped his arms comically. I rolled my eyes and skirted the tree instead, heading for the lake where Lily, Bella, and Alice were currently dipping their feet into the water.
"Hey, guys," I greeted them while sliding onto a huge rock and watching Bella kick up some water onto Alice.
"Oh, Faye," Lily said a sudden urgency. Her amazing green eyes were crinkled up with worry. A few drops of water shone in her red hair. "What'd you think of the test?"
"Shut up, Lils!" Bella commanded, rolling her eyes. "You've been asking us about the test every second, and when we finally get you to stop, you just start up again!" She turned towards me. "So, Faye, what brings you here to grace our humble selves with your majestic presence?"
"Don't talk crap, Bella," I laughed, waving off her dramatic words. "What's wrong with spending some quality time with friends?"
"I'm sure there's some ulterior motive," Bella replied, her eyes twinkling. "What is it you want from us? Another cure for Grace's eyebrows and eyelashes? Or is a secret type of slow-acting venom to poison Black with?"
"Why, you read my mind," I grinned. "Do you have the poison ready?"
"We did," Alice piped up, with mock reproach, "But Lily used it all."
"Lily!" I gasped. "How could you?"
"One glance at Potter's face decided everything," Lily nodded primly as we laughed.
"You really hate him, don't you?" I asked, observing Lily's face. Her eyes had narrowed.
"Yes!"
"You've got to admit he isn't as bad as last year," Alice interjected softly.
"Yeah, remember what he said to you last year when you were saving Snape from him?" Bella jumped excitedly. "I never thought he'd stoop to blackmail!"
"Don't remind me of that," Lily snapped, though her cheeks shading a brilliant cherry color.
"That must have been the stupidest thing he could have done at that moment," Alice commented thoughtfully. "He was making fun of Snape in front of a crowd of people, and then you come up looking fit to be tied and yelled at him to stop… couldn't he have chosen a different scenario in which to ask you out?"
I sputtered with laughter, and it was cut off as soon as Lily sent her death glare my way. "So, uh," I cleared my throat hastily, "Details?"
"It was just the usual crap," Bella immediately replied, ignoring Lily's glower her way. "It was just after we finished out O.W.L's, and we were all out here, you know. Wow, it's kind of like deja vu. It must have been today last year. Well, anyway, we were out here, playing by the lake, you know, and then we heard this commotion and all this laughter coming from around there." She jerked her head towards the tree that the Marauders were sitting under this moment.
"And then we went to find out what happened. Once we pushed apart enough people, we saw—well, we saw Potter levitating Snape upside-down so that his undies were showing… and let's just say it wasn't a pretty sight—I mean—uh…"—she faltered under Lily's glare—"Lily wasn't a pretty sight. Yeah. She got mad and told Potter to lay the hell off Snape, though that slimeball didn't appreciate it one bit!" Here Bella's voice took on an acid quality. "He called her a… you know."
I nodded glumly. I knew.
"Yeah, so you can guess where it went from there. Potter yelling at Snape, Lily yelling at Potter, blah blah blah. Oh, yeah! Potter tried to blackmail Lily into going out with him! He said that he'd leave Snape alone if Lily went out with him! I think it was the first time he asked her out…" Bella sniggered. This time she fell silent at the furious gaze from Lily.
"Thanks for being so free with information, Bella," Lily hissed, as prickly as holly. "You know what a good friend you are." I snorted, and so did Alice while Bella batted her eyelashes innocently.
I listened to Lily, Bella, and Alice banter back and forth for a while. How I envied them! They were so obviously and completely at ease and comfortable with each other. I could practically feel the rock-hard trust between them. I was ready to bet my life that there was nothing that they kept from each other. What I wouldn't give to have something like that. Even with Andrew, I had always held some part of me back. I couldn't give everything… I just couldn't—and that was what would make me live in solitude.
Suddenly, I spotted a familiar, dark-haired figure stalking across the grass. Leaping up, I waved a quick goodbye to Lily and her friends, hurrying over to talk to Severus.
"Hey!" I said, falling in step with him. He glowered at me sourly through a curtain of greasy black strands.
"Go away," he muttered almost indistinguishably. The cutting edge of his tone almost made me obey him, but then I pushed away my hesitation, determined to find out what was wrong. I wanted to make his life a tad bit better—after all, I knew what it was like to feel so alone.
"So, what'd you think of the practice tests," I blurted out conversationally, acting as if Severus hadn't been glaring at me with extreme annoyance at that very moment.
"They were all right," he snapped. "Now will you leave me alone?" I almost flinched at his obviously truthful irritation at my presence. Almost.
I ran a few steps ahead of him and faced him squarely. "No, not until you tell me what's been bugging you all these weeks! You hardly every talk to me anymore, and even when you do, it's always forced, just like now! Honestly, didn't you say we were friends?"
Severus didn't even stop walking—the nerve of him! He brushed me off as lightly and without thought as he might have done a fly. Feeling my anger mount, I grabbed his arm.
"Wait! Just tell me what the hell is making you act like such a prick!" I grunted while he twisted his arm out of my grip.
"Nothing!" he hissed angrily, his black eyes glittering with—with hate? "Absolutely nothing is the matter except for the fact that I've finally come to see what a worthless piece of shit you are! Just leave me alone!"
His words hit me like a slap on the face. I didn't know that he thought of me the same way as everyone else…. I thought we were friends…. Automatically, my anger rose up and smothered my hurt.
"Worthless piece of shit?" I repeated coldly. "It was this worthless piece of shit that saved your sorry arse from a hexing from Black and Potter! So tell me, Severus, who was the one that's been twisting your mind around, making you follow their beliefs without another thought? I thought you had more brains than that. You're nothing but a sheep!"
"I am not!" he gritted out between his teeth. "I am more than you'll ever be, Mudblood!"
At that word, I knew I visibly jerked back. I could hear people cackling, laughing with glee in the background, and I knew it was Bellatrix Black and her crowd. I clenched my fists and raised my eyes back to Severus's eyes, challenging him.
"Oh, really?" I said coolly, composedly. "Then how do you explain your inability to think for yourself?"
"Shut up, Prewitt!" he snarled. "Just—shut up!" In a quieter voice, but one just as intense, he said, "I don't want to hurt you!"
I snorted rudely and ignored that last comment. "Such an amazing, brilliant choice of words, Severus. I should applaud you for your apparently extensive use of vocabulary—extensive, of course, for a seven-year-old," I drawled. I knew this was a mistake as soon as I saw the change come over Severus's eyes. In an instant, hot fury sparked in those hard, black depths. In another instant, he whipped out his wand and aimed for me; all the while, in the back of my mind, I was mourning over the inevitable loss of our friendship. So I stood numbly as I watched him mutter a spell.
The next heartbeat, I felt a driving pain in my stomach as the force of Severus's spell barreled right into me. The world was a confusion of grass, sky, and pain as I was sent tumbling backwards. I couldn't draw any breath for a frighteningly dizzying moment—the pain in my stomach and ribs was so intense. My whole chest felt as if it were going to cave in on me. I took a shallow breath, reveling in the feel of fresh air in my lungs, and then I took another.
Once I did manage to draw a sufficient amount of breath, I painfully lugged myself so that I was kneeling on my knees. Every movement was an agony. My eyes were watering from the pain, but I furiously blinked the tears away. No one would see me cry, not now, not ever.
As soon as the sharp edge of the pain had dulled a bit and stopped demanding all of my attention, I became vaguely aware of angry voices shouting. I looked up, my neck cracking, and saw something that made my stomach bring around a fresh bout of pain. Siri—Black—was dangling Severus in the air, shouting at him. At that moment, a ton of feelings started yammering for my attention, each one as equally confusing as the next….
Crowds of onlookers were gathering, and their excited words only partially reached my ears. The only thought that could reach my fuzzy mind was that Severus was going to be embarrassed by Black, again, in front of everyone, and I didn't want that to happen. With a stupendous effort, I heaved myself to my feet, trying to ignore the ripping pain in my stomach.
My hands were shaking as I pulled out my wand. "Finite Incantatem!" I said, pointing my wand at Severus. I staggered a bit, and when I next looked up, Severus was on the ground and Black was still staring at him furiously, raising his wand again. The furious, proud, haughty, and independent part of me kicked into action.
Black didn't have any reason to come defend me. Scratch that—he had no right! Barging into the scene, thinking he could act the hero and save me; that was complete bullshit! I could take care of myself. I didn't need any bloody knight-in-shining-armor to come rescue me! If he thought that I'd be groveling at his feet for the change to thank him after this, when I'd already tried to apologize, then I'd pound him to a bloody pulp! Besides, he was probably just looking for an excuse to make fun of Severus!
A more rational part of me argued that I had no right to help Severus, either. He had just cursed me, for heaven's sake! I'd probably have a huge bruise in the stomach for several days! But Black….
I struggled to get closer to where Black and Severus were. My voice probably couldn't carry as far, since I couldn't draw a proper breath. With each step I took and each jerk I endured, a searing pain erupted in my stomach, even though I wasn't really using my stomach muscles for walking. Soon, I felt like doubling over to try to lessen the pain a bit, but I forced myself to stand upright. Showing weakness in front of so many people meant trouble, which meant people would pick on me. Or even worse, take pity on me and haul me to the hospital wing, where I wouldn't set a foot in for my life. Madame Linelle could never find out about my scars.
"Go away, Black," I said calmly, though every nerve inside me was screaming at me to just let a cry of pain escape my lips. I bit my lip stubbornly. "Nobody asked you to get involved."
"But he just—" Black began angrily, clenching his wand tightly.
"This is between Severus and me," I ground out through my teeth. "Don't come prancing into whatever little scenario you want to act the 'hero!' Are you looking for attention and more admiration? Or just another excuse to bully someone?" I felt my hand straying to hold my stomach, to support it, but I resolutely held it down, forcing it to stay motionless at my side.
Black's jaw tightened. "I wasn't doing it for any of those sodding reasons!"
"And next I suppose you'll be claiming that you wanted to help me," I laughed. I wished I hadn't, though, as soon as my stomach throbbed anew with sharp jabs of pain. For a moment, I thought I saw something resembling hurt in his eyes. It disappeared the next second. I dismissed it; it was probably my imagination anyways.
"Like I'd stoop that low!" he snapped. "I was only trying to make the world a cleaner, better place! We're all better off without people like Snivellus!"
"Right," I said sarcastically. "And the world's a wonderful place because of your presence."
"At least I'm more appreciated than you are," he shot back.
"As what…? A comic relief? A dorky, pigheaded guy who's always there for a corny joke? Isn't that why your friends are there for you?" I snorted. "Yeah, that's being greatly appreciated."
That's when I knew I had hit a nerve. I had gone way too far… and I call Black mean. I'm the mean one here. The only one.
Note to self: never, ever talk crap about Sirius Black's friends right in front of his face.
"You disgusting, narrow-minded, self-centered bitch!" Black yelled. His dark eyes were flashing with unbridled fury, and for the first time, I was truly afraid of him.
"What makes you think that you can pass off judgment on what my friends think of me? What gives you the fing right to say that about me? Do you think that that's all there is to me? Do you?" he bellowed, his cheeks turning red. He stalked closer to me—I suddenly noticed how much taller he was than me.
"You're a bloody hypocrite!" Black yelled in my face. I had to keep myself from flinching. "You tell ME not to come prancing in to be a hero, but that's exactly what you do for that undeserving git right there!" He jabbed a finger at Severus. "You think that everything you bloody do is right—you probably view the whole world as your plateful of dinner! What the f is wrong with you!
"And don't you dare say that my friends don't care about me. They care about me more than your pathetic excuse of a friend will ever do for you," he hissed, so quietly that I was sure only I could hear him. My legs were shaking. "Does Thompson bloody care enough about your sodding self that she's out here right now? Take a look around! She's NOT here."
He was right. She wasn't here….
"And do you know why?" Black whispered. I stood frozen to the spot, unable to nod yes or no. "Because you don't give a damn about her. One day, you're going to look back on your pathetic life and realize that's it's all your fault that you're alone."
Everything seemed to stop. All that was going on in the turmoil of my mind was that Black was wrong… wrong, wrong, wrong! I did care about Grace! I did!
But not enough, a voice whispered cruelly in the back of my mind. Do you bother to note that she might want to talk to you? Do you bother to notice that she's been dwelling over Leah? She freaking gave up Leah for your sake… and what is your thanks? To avoid talking to her because YOU are afraid of a confrontation. Black is right, girl, you are a self-centered, narrow-minded bitch.
I found myself gulping back shameful tears. He was right, that damn voice was right…! I was disgusting. I was low. I was selfish. I was the disgusting human being… just like Henry and Diana and Fiona had always told me.
Disgusting.
Shameful.
Selfish.
Fraud.
Unwanted.
Rubbish.
Filth.
The world was spinning around me. The only thing I registered was Black's satisfied voice, with anger still laced in with his words, "You know what? Almost all the time, you leave me looking at your back, with your worthless words in my ears, eating me from inside out. This time I think I'll return the favor. Have a spiffing day, Prewitt."
Those last words were dripping with sarcasm. And, true to his words, Black spun on his heel and stalked away from me, still managing to look smooth and suave. And I was left staring at his retreating back, his words echoing in my ears. I turned, and I vaguely registered that a ring of people were standing around me and all were staring at me. I glanced at Severus… he was already back on his feet and stalking away, just as Black had.
Severus never gave me a second glance. Not even a fleeting one.
No, Snape never gave me a second glance.
I dazedly started walking back to the castle. Faceless people whispered and pointed at me, and I avoided everybody's glances. The long, long walk to the castle was horrible… horrible…. As I passed, a group of people started laughing, laughing with wild abandon and jubilation. I felt something against my foot, and I tripped and fell hard onto the stone walkway leading up to the castle. Now a throbbing pain in my elbows and knees was added to the already agonizing pain in my stomach.
"Guess you really are filth, if not even my traitorous cousin wants you," Bellatrix Black's gloating voice said from somewhere above me.
That taunt stimulated me into a sort of delayed reaction. All the embarrassment and shame flooded into my previously numb mind. The proud, arrogant part of me screamed to hex Bellatrix to high heaven, but the greater part of me felt an overwhelming need to cry. Cry for myself, cry over what a horrid person I am. Which just goes to show how self-centered I am.
I cry only for myself.
Not for Grace, who was probably feeling crappy right now, not for Severus, who had been embarrassed as well, not for Black, who I had unjustly insulted… no, I cried for me.
And that made me want to cry even more.
I leapt to my feet and, ignoring the screaming pain in my stomach, proceeded to walk back to the castle. Walk. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I showed my weakness by running. It was the longest walk of my life. I could feel other students eyeballing my back—their gazes seared me. I could hear the whispering and the laughter and the not-so-subtle gossip.
As soon as I had pushed open the front door, I slipped inside and pushed the doors shut, leaning against it while I painfully gathered my breath.
I wanted to be angry at Black, but I couldn't. I wanted to scream and rave, but I couldn't. I wanted to tear myself to shreds, to not be me…but I couldn't.
Damnit, Black was right. He'd been right all along about me.
I stood still, leaning against the door, agonizing over Black's words.
It was eating me from inside out, and all the while, the pain in my stomach, knees, and hands throbbed, almost mockingly. But it felt good to hurt—I knew I deserved it.
I have no time for individual thanks for all of those who reviewed. I'm sorry! I do, however, have some things to say for several people.
Saxifrage: Thank you so much for your review! It really perked up my day! And...um... what is a LOOFA? Lol!
Damn You: Look, I think it's rather flattering if you like my story that much. However, I do NOT leave my story unupdated for six months. If you'd just check at the top, then you'd know that. I have a life, you know, and I don't appreciate being THREATENED. Okay, maybe I'm just being unduly paranoid about internet stalkers… but still. I'd just appreciate it if you kept in mind that I do not write this story simply for people to yell at me for not updating soon enough.
13askavi: I'm sorry, I don't have enough time to be working on this all the time. If you haven't noticed, my chapters are very long. Consider: you might feel sick waiting for me to update, but I feel sick as well when I get flames over this. Flames are for story content, alright? Thanks for telling me what you think about the argument.
I'm sorry if I seem very rude and seem to be blowing things way out of proportion, but life hasn't been very good to me lately. To see people demanding updates very RUDELY does NOT help at all. If you can't tell, it makes me rather angry. I'm glad you leave reviews asking me to update, but just keep it polite. I have a life, too. Compared to how long it takes to actually WRITE a chapter and how long it takes to just READ it… just think on that, okay?
Now… on to happier notes.
First of all, several people asked me about Faye's strange sunburns! All will be revealed in due time.
Second of all, to everybody who asked about Andrew: he WILL be making an appearance. One day…
THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed. Please don't take any offense from the above paragraph.
And if anyone has any suggestions for improvement, just leave me a review! Thanks.