Suenos Cansados
Story by: Angsty Freedom Fighter
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Xenosaga, unfortunately. Namco owns them. I'm not getting any money out of this, so don't sue. You'll get nothing, for I am a financially challenged little freak.
Warnings: This story contains some light shonen-ai, meaning if you don't like slashy situations then I suggest you hit the back button right now. 'Tis actually very light, almost to the point where you end up thinking 'This is it? Please!'. Also, this story might contain some spoilers for Xenosaga II, keep that in mind, 'k? I want to write more Xenosaga fics that contribute to the URTVs in a more romantic light--dare I say--but this one is just, well, a warm up after having been through such a terrible writers block.
Author's Note: Because there just isn't enough love between these two, I thought that it would be nice to contribute a fic to those who are fans of Nigredo and Rubedo Albedo too, but he doesn't really have much of a role here, ladies and gents. Aside from other various pairings in the Xenosaga universe, any of the URTV siblings paired together, I think, are just plain brilliant. I simply can't get enough of them, heheh. A quick note on my title before we move on. By now, I should be infamous for having such lame or odd titles. This one is yet another Spanish titled fic. If you translate it, it means Restless Dreams, or very close to it. I chose the best answer for it, considering I haven't spoken my own language in, well, years. That being said, I do hope that you enjoy the story…!
Suenos Cansados
Though the night is so dark
A new dawn is so close to me
Sun will come and shine on all seeds of hope
Bud and bloom… --Sweet Song
The moon's wan glow shimmered off the artificial ocean of the Kukai Foundation, its reflection disturbed by the ripples and waves that crashed along a silent shore. Even in deep space, the huge, almost domed shaped colony had a sense of time in regards to day and night, its 'sky' a brilliant and clear azure by day hours and besieged by the stars of the outside world by night. Such technology, though not uncommon in such a time, was truly to be commented upon… It was another perfect night, shades of midnight blue leading into an inky black unmarred by passing clouds, it's only shadow the massive Second Militia, but planet looming in the distance to the denizens of the Foundation, but still, a comforting sight to behold during such trivial times.
Lights dotted the deserted streets, almost as if trying to mimic the stars above, but they always looked like little connect-the-dot patterns through the almost birds eye view in Gaignun Kukai Jr's room, looming high above the city districts in the main headquarters of the Foundation. Somehow, those little not-quite-stars managed to bring him some humor and comfort…yet they all but managed to do so. Somehow, the lights had lost their charm, and not even the looming Second Militia seemed to help.
Gaignun Kukai Jr. could find no solace in the things that would usually bring easy sleep to him. Whenever humoring himself to sleep didn't work, simply gazing at the nearby stars and distant planet seemed to work, and--should all else fail--there was always a trusty book to lull him into a peaceful nights slumber. He tried all three options once contemplating sedatives, but finding none in the whole of the building before deciding on a more possibly effective method: throwing a fit. So he did, kicking off his heated sheets onto the cool floor and attacking at the mattress and pillows in a flurry of fist, his small frame nearly bouncing off the bed with the force of each blow. When his rage subsided, he found himself heaving in air and glaring at the spinning ceiling fan that seemed to mock him so. "…Jerk…" He murmured before shoving his face into a nearby pillow, allowing the darkness to consume him…
-x-s-x-s-x-s-x-s-
"Rubedo, look. I'm free…"
"Albedo…! ALBEDO!"
"Albedo…!" The name died off his lips before he woke with a startled jerk, bright blue eyes scanning the dark room for a sign of life aside from his own, only to find none. His uneven breathing filled the room, overwhelming even the mechanical hum of the ceiling fan but quickly settled as his initial shock faded away.
Rise from nightmare…
Cursing under his breath, he clutched at the right side of his night shirt, knuckles white and small fist shaking. Another nightmare… He thought with much disdain, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and shaking unruly red locks from his face. He stared dolefully at the clock on his cluttered nightstand for a moment before tallying up the time that he did manage to sleep. Two hours. Two pathetic hours! That's about the amount of time he would have to sit through during those boring meetings or the time it would take for him to get through but a portion of his paperwork. Two hours of sleep to get through a single day would be the death of him…
Can I NOT have a single nights peace? The youthful director snarled mentally as his small hands came to grip at the sheets under him, gripping so tightly that the fabric was sure to break at a moments notice. If he wasn't plague by long-lasting fits of restless nights where sleep came little, then he was plagued by a more personal issue… He sat up and shot the nearby mirror a deadly look, only to look away shuddering. Even his own image stirred a deep fear from the bowels of his soul. It served as a constant reminder, a constant taunt--That Albedo's dead and his blood is on your hands, Rubedo. He's gone for good, and its all your fault that his life came to such an end. It's all your fault! A voice in the back of his mind taunted and laughed, sounding disturbingly like a younger version of the late twin himself.
"No, no, no!" The flame haired URTV moaned low into the pillows, clutching at them like a lifeline and curling his pliant frame into them, molding, hoping to become one with the unfeeling objects. He opened his eyes into the darkness, only to be greeted by a faint glow of amethyst. Whether it was just a joke his own mind played or if it really was there, he couldn't figure it out…not in the time that it took for him to jump back in shock and fall off the bed with a muffled thump. "It's…it's not my fault! I-it's not!" He choked back a feeble cry, shaking his head vehemently and crawling underneath the fallen sheets that he had kicked off hours ago, now cooled by neglect and more comforting than the evil heat of the bed. He curled up on the ground and closed his eyes, only to be haunted by a familiar face and a scene that continued to replay in his mind, over and over again… "Stop…please! Just…stop!" He stifled another sound, burying his face into the protective crook of his arms, but the images and memories continued to overflow his restless mind, a relentless triad of sound, motion and thought. Finally, he let loose a strangled sob, his body wracked with tremors as he curled up, tighter than before, a plea escaping his quivering lips. "Please…somebody, make it stop…! I…I can't take it anymore…"
"Rubedo. Don't stop, Rubedo… You can still move on to the future. Remember what you said…That there are people whom you still care about, that you can protect. You will not fail them." A warm and soothing voice pushed its way into his mind, melodic and gentle, quelling the angry and fear-inspiring voice that once occupied the back of his mind, silencing it for the time being. He willed his body to stop trembling, looking up from the dark and shielding crook of his arms to the curtain of sheets that seemed to glow in the moonlight.
"Sakura…" He murmured softly, a hint of longing in his voice. The warmth that was there seemed to fade away like a passing specter, but the echo of the soothing words remained, giving him some reprieve from the dreaded thoughts and memories. Another warm voice filled his mind, this time his own, reminding him of the words he once spoke deep within the heart of the Space Distortion…
"I couldn't protect my little brother…but there are people I still care about who I can protect…"
"No, not just a little brother…I have two. One that is still here…one that I can still protect, if only to spare him from such a fate…" The sudden sadness and fear consumed him once more, returning in tenfold as he peeled the tangled sheets off of himself, standing, only to gaze straight into the mirror, ruby mane shimmering an almost silver and eyes glimmering mauve. Yet another cruel trick played by the eyes, and the taunting voice returned, all warmth stolen away from him as quickly as he'd gotten it.
"Remember what happened, and repent for your sin!"
"No!" Shaking, he clawed at the sides of his head, trying to expel the image before him and the voice that resonated deep within his right side, where his conjoined twin had once been so very long ago…Where a heart that no longer beat remained as a silent torment…
-x-s-x-s-x-s-x-s-
Gaignun Kukai found himself unable to sleep. An unsettling feeling planted itself deep within his gut and spawned a million fluttering butterflies. As much as he hated those kinds of nights, they never came without a reason. Usually, they were the perfect warning for all those unexplained 'black-outs' out his, but something else had been the cause of his unease. It was a beautiful night, the moon of Second Militia idly making its way to the other side of the large planet, leaving the Foundation for the coming of dawn…but something about the night left his nerves on end and his mind racing. Something's wrong with Rubedo. He thought absently, though it was with great concern towards his elder sibling. The door slowly creaked open, but the Foundation's head director kept his eyes shut, listening to the soft footfalls as they made they're way over to the bed, coming to a halt right in front of his 'sleeping' frame. Probably Mary or Shelly coming to tell me something random, like they can't sleep because of their fan…
His mental grumbling, however, was put to an end as an additional weight was added to the mattress, a small but firm body snuggling against his own in a feeble attempt to get under the covers. Emerald eyes snapped open to greet a stock of ruby hair in his face. "…Jr.?" He asked sleepily, finding his voice at last, albeit raspy from lack of use. Brilliant sapphire eyes regarded him sleepily from the unruly, fiery mane and he blinked in confusion. "Jr., what are you doing here?"
At first it looked as though his elder brother was about to ignore the question and pass out on the spot, but the other finally spoke up. "…I couldn't sleep. I kept…having nightmares…" Had it been under a more light-hearted circumstance, Gaignun would have thought the said statement to be, well, quite humorous his brother, while under the façade of his youthful body, was actually twenty six but alas, it was in no way humorous… He knew very well why it wasn't…
"I keep seeing him, Gaignun…The image of him…just won't leave my mind…"
"I know…" The older looking URTV nodded, gently pulling the smaller form closer with a strong arm. Jr. molded perfectly into place against his broad chest, burying his face between the raven haired bio-weapon's neck and shoulder, seeking warmth and comfort. "…I can't fully understand the pain that you're in, but I'll be here for you. I'll chase your nightmares away…if you'll let me." He worked the covers over his brother's body, nuzzling his face into the silky locks in an attempt to calm the other. And it seemed to have worked, for all tension escaped the pliant frame against his own in a heavy sigh, body growing slack with the promise of sleep. The raven haired man smiled, finally able to find sleep himself…
"……--ast I can… …….you."
"Pardon?" Gaignun shook the sleeping sensation that threatened to overwhelm him off, lifting his head from the sweet smelling mane and looking down questioningly at Jr., who looked to be out cold. Still, at his question, the thin lips moved as if to mumble something, first incoherent before growing a bit stronger…
"I couldn't protect him. I couldn't protect Albedo…I may have failed him…but I'll never fail you, Nigredo…At least I can protect you…"
A warm smile tugged at the edges of the head director's lips, his emerald eyes glimmering. "You never have failed me, Rubedo. Ever…" With that, he shifted, nestling back into the warmth of his bed, his beloved sibling at his side…
The nightmares pushed away…
--Owari--
A/N: Yay for boredom and sleepless nights! Mind you, I'M not dreaming of some dead conjoined twin though, heheh. If this story sucked, it was probably because I did all this more than half asleep. The beginning is rather good, but the end got a little…meh! Ah well, such is the way that random ideas come to me. At least it was good practice. Please read and review, tell me what you think and if you'd like to read more Xenosaga fics from me! --Angst