Disclaimer: I do not own the Phantom of the Opera. I am but a lowly phic writer!
A/N: I LOST IT. I LOST IT. I LOST THE DVD. CRAP. CRAP. CRAP. (It's been lost for two days)Good news: I got the book, so I may do a phic based on it. I'll find the DVD soon, I hope, argh.
We are in the middle of Prima Donna. Joy.
Firmin: Yuck, do I have to drink out of this shoe?
Carlotta: Yes! Why wouldn't you?
Firmin: Well, you did eat your hat, so how bad could this be?
Carlotta: I did not eat my hat! I 'ated it!
Firmin: It's not ated, its ate.
Carlotta: (fumes) I will shine in my final encore!
Andre: There's going to be an …encore? (cries)
Giry: Muahaha. Did I mention to listen to the Phantom?
Christine: Yes, about a dozen times.
Meg: Muahaha?
Giry: Good my child, you are catching on.
Everyone in Paris: Sing, Prima Donna… (collective breath) ONCE MORE!
Andre: Once… more? (cries)
And now, Il Muto. Someone puts down Carlotta's red concoction, and the Phantom replaces it with… AN EXACT REPLICA! OH DEAR!
Buquet: Hello, I'm J. Buquet.
Dancers: "This faithless lady's bound for Hades, shame shame shame!"
We see Carlotta and Christine… although behind the pink thing Carlotta is wearing you can't really see Christine.
Christine: (feels Carlotta)
That is one disturbing concept.
Buquet: Hello, I'm J. Buquet.
Phantom: (lurks)
Piangi: My, love I'm going to England while you have an affair with Christine, although I would happily take the maid with me.
Carlotta: Is this how it's going to be when we actually get married?
Meanwhile we can see various shots of Giry and the Phantom which can only mean one thing: impending doom.
Christine: (strips)
Carlotta: (pretends to kiss Christine)
Yeah… we didn't need to see that.
Phantom: I said to keep the fop out of box five! Hey this is cool. Echo! Echo!
Meg: The Phaaantom of the Opera is there…
Carlotta gets sprayed with her red concoction.
Phantom: (goes through little door and bumps head)
Carlotta: "Serafimo, away with this pretense!"
Phantom: (goes through another little door and bumps head again)
Carlotta: "You cannot speak, but kiss me in my—"
Christine: Kiss you in your… what?
Carlotta: CROAK!
Buquet: Hello, I'm J. Buquet, and I'm going through the little doors that the Phantom did! Isn't that wise?
Carlotta: "Poor fool, he makes me—"
Christine: He makes you… what?
Carlotta: CROAK! CROAK! CROAK! Mommy!
Reyer: Oh crap. THE BALLET!
Random people: THE BALLET!
Firmin: Don't worry good people; the role of the Countess will be played by Miss Daae.
Audience Member: But I thought it was supposed to be a pageboy.
Firmin: Er… well…
Up in the flies…
Buquet: Hello, I'm—oh who cares I've only got five minutes to live. (swings from a rope) Joe, Joe, Joe of the Jungle…
Phantom: Die, Buquet die!
Buquet: What did I ever do to you?
Phantom: You made fun of me! (cries)
Buquet: The author is making fun of you by making you cry like a little girl.
Phantom: Well… she's next.
Yeah right.
Phantom: Now this won't hurt a bit… then again, I wouldn't know. (strangles Buquet)
Buquet: Hello… I'm… (dies)
Phantom: Here's a Buquet on a rope for you all down there.
Crowd: (general pandemonium)
Now we see Raoul going to help Christine.
Raoul: Are you okay?
Christine: …no… "His eyes will find us there, those eyes that burn"… they need eye drops!
Raoul: There is no Phantom of the Opera! Pffft! The title of this movie has absolutely no truth!
Now they are up on the roof, where it is snowing.
Raoul: Ooh! Let's catch snowflakes on our tongues! (catches one) Ew… tastes like FAKE!
Christine: I've been to his terrible place… where daylight dissolves into darkness…
Are you trying to tell us you didn't like him singing Music of the Night to you? You'd have to be insane. Or a guy.
Christine: I've seen him… he was hideous!
Oh come on. He's really handsome. And his face isn't that bad.
Christine: "But his voice filled my spirit with a strange, sweet sound,"
That's the spirit!
Raoul: It was a dream, Christine!
Now we see the Phantom of the Opera stuck to the statue horse's butt. (I can just see some people turning on their movies)
Phantom: Hey! I'm not stuck! I'm just… hiding! Yeah that's it!
Raoul: (holds Christine in a rather wimpy way compared to the Phantom)
Christine: (drops rose)
Phantom: D'oh!
Raoul: I'm here, nothing can harm you.
You wouldn't stand a chance.
Raoul: Let daylight dry your tears.
Christine: But it's night time.
Raoul: Well… let me manually dry your tears then.
Christine: Turn my head with talk of summer time…
Raoul: But it's winter.
Phantom: (thrusts self of horse) Huzzah! Freedom!
Snowflakes: (fall on Phantoms head)
Phantom: No! Dandruff!
Christine and Raoul: (make out)
Phantom: Whaa…? (heart breaks)
Christine: Order your fine horses…
Phantom: You will regret that comment.
When I first saw this part where the Phantom picks up the rose, it looked like darkness was just pouring onto the screen.
Phantom: Why thank you. But it doesn't mend my broken heart.
I try.
Phantom: (cries)
Aww…
Christine & Raoul: (singing) HAHA WE LOVE EACH OTHER YOU'VE GOT NO ONE TO LOVE YOU HAHA.
Way to rub it in his face guys.
Phantom: (hyperventilates) (shreds rose) (snot) (climbs up onto asparagus stalks… yes, that is what it looks like. Turn on your DVD and see!) CURSE YOU!
Now we see old man Raoul's car.
Raoul: Aww, a young couple. Let me reminisce about the days when I was hott, and so was Christine.
People: (magically turn into him and Christine)
Raoul? Who is that guy kissing Christine? CHRISTINE!
People: (magically turn back)
Raoul: Oh, never mind.
Jewelry: (fireworks)