Disclaimer: I own nothing! Don't own Phantom, and never will.

A/N: I'm sorry ErikTheDevilsChild, but I don't think my part with Raoul & the deer is up to par. Yours was funny!

Good news: I FOUND THE DVD WOOT! I don't really feel like working on it, but I have only about 2 chappys (haha) left that I haven't posted, so I suppose I will have to work on it sometime. And the book is...weird so far?

Okay, on to my favorite scene, Masquerade! We hear music in the background… then again when don't we?

Meg: Hey, that's the tune of the song I sung to Christine! Haha! In your face!

Andre: Is that you, Firmin, in the chicken costume?

Firmin: And I would never have guessed that was you in the ram costume!

Andre & Firmin: (gasp)

Firmin: What a pity that the Phantom can't be here.

Andre: You've jinxed us, haven't you?

Now we see the… ballroom or whatever with a bunch of people dressed in disappointingly similar colors. Oh well, it's still the best!

People: MASQUERADE! I'm worth a lot of francs! No that's not right… MASQUERADE! I'm a freakish monkey music box… No, still not right… MASQURADE! PAPER FACES ON PARADE AND ALL THAT JAZZ! We've got it! (do weird dance) Flash of mauve, er gold, splash of puce, er black, fool and king, ghoul and goose. Green and black, actually white and black, queen and priest, trace of rouge… actually gold, face of beast. If you can call a chicken a beast. Eye of gold, thigh of blue, er, black. True is false? Who is who? MASQUERADE! Grinning yellows, er, whites, spinning reds, er, golds.

Is that a batman costume? (cough) Enter Piangi, Carlotta, Andre, Firmin, Meg, and Giry.

Giry: (waves fan over face) This could pass as a mask, right?

Now Christine and Raoul enter.

Christine: Why don't we have a secret engagement?

Raoul: Why does it have to be secret?

Christine: Because the Phantom will stalk us to the death. Although it will be hard to keep anything secret in here, especially because you are the only one with a thigh of blue, and I'm wearing pink.

Raoul: It's an engagement, not a crime.

Christine: Well that depends…

Raoul: What are you afraid of?

Christine: The Phantom… dur.

Christine & Raoul: (dance around the room)

Christine: Oh, what could go wrong? (kisses Raoul)

People: MASQUERADE! Every face a different shade! Er, actually only three shades. Black, white and gold. MASQUERADE! Grinning yellows, spinning reds! We've already discussed this error! MASQUERADE!

DUN! Dun dun dun dun dun…

People: (collective gasp)

Phantom: Yes, it's me. In your face, Raoul. I actually am wearing 'spinning reds'. (step)

DUN!

Phantom: (step)

DUN!

Phantom: (step)

DUN!

Phantom: What is with this staircase? (step step step)

DUN DUN DUN!

Phantom: That's cool. "Why so silent, good messieurs?"

Good Messieurs: You're scary.

Phantom: (step step step)

DUN DUN DUN!

Phantom: Okay… you can cut that out now. (cough) Here's my Opera, Don Juan (that's me) Hopefully Triumphs.

You hid that pretty well in your coat there...

Phantom: Once again, thank you.

Raoul: (leaves)

Christine: Uh?

Phantom: A few instructions. Carlotta must be taught to act. And sing. Oh heavens, she needs to be taught to sing. And Piangi… join weight watchers or something. (pokes with sword)

Piangi: (deflates like a balloon)

Phantom: As for you Christine, you aren't doing so hot yourself. You need some more singing lessons. Okay, you are actually perfect, I just want to see you again. (sniffles)

Now we hear Learn to be Lonely playing in the background.

Meg: They took that song out of the movie (thankfully) so why don't they just play my song again?

Raoul: I'm back, from wherever I may have been, and… oh dear it's the Phantom!

Phantom: (rips Christine's necklace) "Your chains are still mine—you belong to me!" (disappears in flames)

Christine: Did the Phantom just burn? Is it all over?

Raoul: Let's go find out. (jumps into the hole)

Now we see a room with lots of mirrors.

Raoul: (sees phantom's reflections) Oh no! There are dozens of him! And dozens of me! Clones! (stabs mirrors)

A noose falls.

Raoul: What… does he just expect me to hang myself or something?

Giry: Muahaha.

Raoul: ARGH! How did you get in here if the floor closed up?

Giry: Well, there's a secret passageway, right here.

Now we see Raoul and Giry walking down a hallway.

Raoul: How did you know about that secret passageway?

Giry: I know no more than anyone else.

Raoul: Am I the only one who doesn't know about it, then?

Giry: … yes?

Raoul: Please!

Giry: Oh fine. When I was a little girl—

Raoul: That must have been about a thousand years ago!

Giry: (cough) Anyway, there was a traveling fair, with gypsies.

Raoul: Were gypsies even invented when you were little?

Giry: … I'm going to disregard that comment. So, I lived in the dormitories of the opera house, and somehow the people in charge were just cruel enough to let little girls come see this traveling freak show. There was a monkey there.

Monkey: No relation to the music box.

Giry: Then this weird man showed us the 'Devil's Child', who was a poor lad with a deformity that wasn't really that bad, so I freed him and took him to the cellars of the opera house.

Raoul: Wow. So what does this have to do with the Phantom of the Opera?

Giry: (palm to face) You dolt, he IS the Phantom of the Opera!

Back to the land of black and white… you know, I would have preferred sepia tones. Raoul is in his car, and they are driving him along a dirt road.

Deer: (runs for life)

Raoul: Ooh! A deer! (lunges)

Okay, back to the past or whatever. We see Christine lying awake in her bed.

Christine: Okay, that's it. I'm an insomniac.

She walks outside and pays a carriage driver, and we see a sleeping Raoul.

Driver: Where to?

Christine: The cemetery.

Driver: Which cemetery?

Christine: The cemetery.

Driver: (gasp) You don't mean...

Christine: Yes. I will be back as soon as the Phantom knocks you out.

Phantom: (knocks driver out)

Raoul: (wakes up) I sense a disturbance!

Christine: (gets into the carriage) To my father's grave, please.

Phantom Driver: (gasp) You mean in the cemetery?

Raoul runs outside to see the non-phantom driver.

Driver: (wakes up)

Raoul: Where is she?

Driver: Carlotta?

Raoul: We've been through this before, I want Christine!

Driver: Sorry. They went to the cemetery.

Raoul: (gasp) You don't mean…?

Driver: I do mean!

Raoul: (jumps on a horse with no saddle) Ouch…