Maybe he was asleep. I still touched his hair and his forehead cause I liked to. I'd never really touched him much at all, even though I'd known him so long. The past couple of years I'd wanted to but it was like a secret, even to myself.
Yeah, I'd never touched him much at all. Just a hand on his shoulder now and then. That day we found him in the lot, all beat up, I was afraid to touch him. I thought he was dead. Soda had held him when we found him, and Darry carried him back to our house, or maybe Dally.
He was breathing deep and easy, he must be asleep. I'd realized I liked the way he looked, liked looking at him when I thought he didn't know. But he was the only boy I'd thought about like that.
I wondered what other boys he's kissed, and how I didn't notice something like that. I must not have been paying attention.
It was getting darker, looked like supper time. A chill wind blew over us. Johnny stirred, opened his eyes, sat up. He blinked at me like he was trying to remember where he was, how he got here. He smiled at me, a slow and sexy smile, and kissed me. I opened my mouth in surprise, my eyes closing, my hands snaking around his neck.
He broke it and I wanted him to come back, to kiss me again.
"Let's go in, Pony, it's cold,"
I followed him in, feeling like a little kid. I'd never felt so much younger than him.
It wasn't much warmer in the church. There was no heat or nothin'. No light either. Johnny shrugged out of Dally's jacket and handed it to me, grabbed his jean jacket from the table. When I put Dal's jacket on it felt warm.
I watched Johnny light up a cigarette, looking as cool as Dally ever had.
"Here you go," He handed me one and I took it. We smoked, both of us looking out the window. But I'd look at him, his features in shadows. I wanted to ask him about those other boys but didn't quite dare.
But I liked thinking about it, liked imagining him in some back room of a bar or a kid's pick up truck, breathing hard, pants undone. Where had I been while he was doing this? Doing homework, in school? Is this what he did when he skipped school?
He was sitting on the back rest of a pew, elbows on his knees, still smoking. I sat next to him, licked my lips. The question was out of my mouth before I knew it.
"When'd you start fooling around with boys?"
He glanced at me, smiled his crooked smile.
"You know what, Ponyboy? You sure ask a lot of questions,"
I thought that would be it, he wouldn't answer. I wondered who else knew about this, if my brothers knew or Two bit, Steve or Dally. They all knew stuff I didn't know all the time. Partly cause they were older and partly cause I never paid attention. I was always watching movies, reading books, drawing pictures.
But Johnny sighed and lit another cigarette. He could smoke like a fiend, like me.
"I guess I was 14, probably 14 or 15," My eyes widened. How'd I'd miss this for that long?
"Did you, do you have a boyfriend?"
"No, Ponyboy, don't worry about it," He dropped his cigarette in the pepsi can filled with an inch of soda that we'd set aside for that purpose.
He touched my hair, tucked some of it behind my ears, kissed my temple, my closed eyes. I liked how his lips felt on my face, soft.