I shook my head. I've never completely understood Johnny. Staying with his parents, granted he took off a lot, but he always went back. And this now, I didn't know. Sounded like rape to me.
"Did you see him after that?" I said, looking at him, trying to tell if he was going to lie.
"Naw," he said, and he could have been lying or telling the truth. I had no way to tell.
I lit a cigarette, too.
"And there was Thomas," he said, smiling a little.
"Thomas?" I said. I knew him. He was Soda's age and hung out with him, with us, sometimes.
"God, Johnny, you're a slut," I brushed his cheek with my lips.
"So tell me about that," I wanted to hear about this because I had been so oblivious, had missed it completely. Johnny got that distant, glazed look. Like he was remembering. I waited. The sun was out and it was warming up, the chill from last night slowly leaving us.
"It was at your house, actually," Johnny said, and I opened my mouth.
"My house? Was I there?"
"I don't know. Maybe. Probably,"
"So tell me. What did you do at my house?" I ran my fingers through his hair, messaged his scalp. God, I cut it short. It was almost spiky.
"We were all there, and Two bit and Dally were drinking, and Soda and Steve came over with Thomas,"
Story hour. I pictured Thomas in my mind as Johnny talked. A tall kid, blondish hair with a bit of red in it. I got the idea Johnny liked blondes. He was an okay kid, kind of goofy, kind of funny.
"So everyone ends up getting really drunk, but you were off doing homework and Darry wasn't there…"
That sounded about right. I'd done my homework through more than one of Soda and Steve's wild parties. That was what happened when you didn't have parents, and your oldest brother worked like crazy.
"I was just sittin' on the couch watching everybody, and he was in the hall drinkin' a beer. I thought maybe I'd go find you, I wasn't drinkin' anyway. So I walked by him but he said, 'Hey, Johnny, where ya going?' I shrugged, didn't say nothing. The living room was getting loud, what with Two bit laughing his head off at something, Dally was yelling. The T.V. was blasting and so was a radio. 'Come here, it's quieter,' he said, tugging me toward Darry's room,"
"Darry's room?" I smiled at him. Darry's room. Ha.
"So we're just sittin' on the bed, and he held out the beer to me and I took a swallow,"
If Johnny had fucked that kid on Darry's bed I might just die right here. God. Darry didn't even like us to sit on that damn bed.
"Did you fuck him?" I didn't mean to ask, but after the last story I pretty much expected anything. Johnny looked at me sideways.
"No,"
It was lonely here, in the back of this church at the top of the world. Me and Johnny were used to more noise, to cars, to more people. But the only one we'd be seeing, for awhile anyway, was Dally. And each other.
I stumbled into the church, grabbed a candy bar, tossed Johnny one. I sat back next to him. He chewed on the candy, looked over the valley we could see from here.
"So what did you do?" Man, getting Johnny to talk sometimes was like pulling teeth. He shrugged.
"C'mon, Johnny, tell me. I want to know," I looked at him with the pleading eyes.
He tossed the candy wrapper, leaned back, looked up and then at me.
"Well, we just leaned back on the bed and kissed, that's it,"
Uh huh. I guessed after all the detail of his encounter with Chris he was too worn out to tell anymore.
"Besides, that stuff don't matter," he said, standing up, stretching, then coming over to me.
I looked up at him. It was bright behind him and he was in shadow. He leaned down, put his hand on my shoulder, and kissed me. It was so soft, so nice.
"Does it?" he said, and my stomach twisted like I was on a roller coaster.
"No," I said all breathless and funny, wanting him so bad. He smiled, showing his teeth.