Fatal Incompatibility.

Summary: James Potter has a secret. Lily Evans is trying to convince herself she doesn't care. "Trying" being the operative word. She can't get him out of her mind, he can only hope that she doesn't find out. (Eventual L/J)

Disclaimer: If this was mine would I need one of these? Alright I'm disclaiming! All the characters you recognise belong to JKRowling; anything you don't recognise is mine. ALL MINE!

Chapter 6: Of names and Irritations.

"Common sense is not so common." – Voltaire

A month had passed since the fateful day when the four Marauders, aged just 15, had become illegal animagi. Remus would never have to transform alone again.

Obviously, James had not become an earwig or an amoeba. Sirius had not become a dung beetle and Peter had not become an elephant. As a stag, dog, rat and wolf the four boys felt an incredible wealth of opportunities, the first of course being the introduction of nicknames.

Sirius had decided that their nicknames should be something to do with their animal forms, and yet for some reason his first ideas were always dismissed by the others.

"How about dog, rat, wolf and deer?" He suggested brightly,

"Sirius for the last time, I'm a stag!" James cried in exasperation, "and no, we still can not have those as nicknames, aren't they just slightly obvious?" Sirius pouted as Remus and Peter nodded their heads vigorously in agreement.

"Fine. How about…snuffles, muffles, scuffles and ruffles?"

"What?" Muttered Peter weakly as Remus tried to figure out who was meant to be who.

"So am I muffles?" He asked incredulously,

"No, you're scuffles." Sirius said as if it should have been obvious.

"No, Sirius. Just no. I refuse to be in a gang called snuffles, muffles, scuffles and fluffles." James cried,

"Ruffles, not fluffles."

"Whatever, just no. We are men after all." James looked only slightly ridiculous saying this considering Remus had just charmed his hair into blonde pig-tails.

The four sat in silence for a bit after this, James played idly with his pigtails for a few minutes as he lay on his bed. As he twirled the blonde locks round his finger again he suddenly sat bolt upright, "I've got it!"

"I think you're meant to shout 'eureka!'" Remus deadpanned,

"If you don't shut up I'll transfigure your head somewhere the sun doesn't shine." James threatened. Remus sat quietly, hoping James didn't notice that he had grown blonde pigtails.

"You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentothal."

"If those boys don't shut up I'm going to have to go work somewhere else." Parisa mumbled darkly from her place in the common room.

"Those boys are sitting right beside you, Atri." Sirius scowled,

"Oops, so they are." Parisa pretended to be upset, she wasn't very convincing.

"Good thing they are too, because if we weren't that would mean that Artis would be sitting in the lap of someone who's very definitely not her boyfriend." Remus said playfully,

"Remus, how did you guess my secret? I'm actually having an elicit affair with James!"

"But James is already having a steamy relationship with Professor McGonagall." Sirius grinned. Artis faked outrage and Parisa laughed despite herself,

"Why do you think I got the captain position?" James said absentmindedly over the top of 'Quidditch through the ages.'

"I need another way in which the stars are going to help me this week." Lily frowned, looking at the divination chart she was huddled over,

"I've already got I'm going to make a new friend, I'm going to learn French and Arabic, I'm also going to be invited to a party…" Peter listed, also looking at his chart,

"How about: the stars will help all your homework disappear?" Sirius grinned.

"How will that work then?" Lily asked, almost afraid of the answer. Sirius grabbed her chart and with a tap of his wand it vanished. "That was not funny Black. I spent hours on it." Lily shrieked,

"But the Sirius star did make it disappear, you can say your forecast came true." Sirius grinned innocently,

"Black," Lily growled through gritted teeth, "Give it back."

"Padfoot, give it back." Everyone was surprised to hear James' voice from over the top of his book. No one had realised he'd been listening, and no one had thought for a second he'd stick up for Lily.

"Sure." Sirius said, surprised. With a wave of his wand he handed Lily back her star chart.

"You can say the stars helped you find something that was missing, Evans." James informed Lily before turning back to his book.

Everyone looked at him with raised eyebrows but James didn't seem to notice, he was muttering something about Wronskei Feints and double teaming.

Lily mumbled a "thank you" to Black and scribbled some more on the star chart. The silence stretched for a moment until Peter pushed his work away and said loudly,

"Done! Thank the stars." Lily rolled up her star chart too with satisfaction. Leaning back against her seat she tried to pop the bones in her spine back into place while looking around the little group; Artis and Remus were cuddling and whispering, Parisa, Sirius and Peter were playing exploding snap and James was still reading. After sitting quietly for a while Lily suddenly asked a question,

"Don't you guys ever work?" She'd spent a while wracking her brains for the last time she remembered seeing them do homework. Well she'd seen Remus do homework with Artis in the library – although Lily thought that they actually did very little proper work when they were together; she'd obviously seen Peter work just a moment ago because they'd done their divination together. Mostly her comment was aimed at Black and Potter.

Sirius yelled in triumph as the pack exploded, leaving him with the most cards before turning to Lily.

"Hmm, an interesting question." Sirius mused, stroking his chin in mock thoughtfulness,

"We do work!" Peter grinned,

"Well, I know you do." Lily conceded, "And Artis and Remus do go to the library to 'study'an awful lot." Both parties had the grace to blush,

"So really by guys you mean me and James?" Sirius asked in amusement. Lily refused to blush,

"Yes. I suppose so."

"We don't need to work. We have little homework pixies to do it for us!" Sirius grinned madly,

Lily shook her head. "Whatever you say Black, I'm surprised you don't fail."

"Just because you don't see us study doesn't mean we don't."

"Do you?" Lily said raising her eyebrows,

"Yes." Sirius said, "I study in mysterious ways, in mysterious places and with mysterious people."

"By that he means in detention," Peter joked.

"Well yeah, but still – does that answer your question?"

"Yeah." Lily grinned, "Pass me a chocolate frog please Black."

Friends are those who bail you out of jail. BEST friends are those that are sitting next to you saying, 'Damn! That was fun!'"

The following morning was a Tuesday, and therefore time for Sirius' weekly howler. The Marauder's had tried several ways to get rid of them over the years, erecting soundproof boxes, incinerating the letter, bribing the owls to deliver it to a Sirius Black who apparently lived in Sweden, but the letters still arrived and went off at exactly 8:30 every Tuesday morning.

Therefore when Sirius Black left the great hall at 8:25 nobody was surprised, in fact several people removed ear plugs.

However, when at 9:25 Sirius still had not been seen by anyone in the entire school, and no loud explosions or shrieks had been heard, the Marauders and indeed some of the teachers were starting to look rather nervous. Most of the school did not take Sirius' howlers from home seriously, believing them to be some on going prank and even a Hogwarts tradition; the Marauders knew better and now wondered where on earth Sirius had gotten to, especially as he was missing his favourite class.

A rolled up ball hit Peter on the head and quickly the boy grabbed it and smoothed the parchment on to his desk, hoping that Professor Vector hadn't noticed.

Any ideas where Padfoot is?

Moony

Peter wrote a reply quickly and directed the letter over to James with his wand. He in turn unfolded the letter and read it swiftly

No, any ideas Prongs?

Wormtail,

James had no idea either. He'd spent most of the lesson glancing at the door and hoping that Sirius would burst in, apologise for being late and say that he had been held up because he'd blown up the transfiguration classroom again. The parchment was chucked back to Remus

None. Do you reckon there could have been something nasty in his letter?

Prongs

I don't know.

We should check after this class.

We should be checking now.

There's only 5 minutes left. Calm down Prongs, else Vector will give you a detention and then we won't be able to search for Padfoot.

Somehow the class finally managed to drag to an end, and James was the first out of his seat and into the hall. He sprinted towards Gryffindor tower and burst through the Fat Lady into the common room; he tore upstairs and ripped the Marauder's map out of the special hidden compartment in his trunk which held all his most prized possessions. Racing back downstairs he met Remus and Peter and together they looked at the map, trying to spot the little dot which said Sirius Black.

Finally Peter pointed victoriously at the map, "It says he's right here."

The three looked around but couldn't see anyone, "Maybe he's under the cloak?" Remus wondered,

"Accio Invisibility cloak." James said, and instantly a shimmering cloak flew from the boys dormitories into his hands. James looked around the room once more before banishing the cloak back upstairs. He racked his brains for where his best friend could be. Looking helplessly at Remus and Peter he began to pace back and forth.

Suddenly they heard a loud crack of something hitting the floor below the tower. James rushed to the window and looked outside. Not knowing what to expect, whether he would see his best friend lying in a blood soaked heap of broken bones and mangled robes or something else. Almost scared to look, he stared out of the window and couldn't see anything at all,

"It was just a tile." Remus said, with an obvious sigh of relief

"A tile!" Said Peter excitedly, "He's on the roof!"

James did not waste time, for the second time he whipped out his wand and practically screamed, "Accio broomstick!" He had no time to feel stupid, waiting with his arm in the air in the middle of the common room. He felt the wind whistling behind him and with one practised movement grabbed the broom and landed on top, zooming out of the open window and racing towards the roof leaving Remus and Peter behind. Neither was good with heights.

He landed with ease on the roof of Gryffindor tower and silently walked over to the huddled form of his best friend. He sat down beside him without saying a word, not quite touching shoulders with each other.

Together they stared into the distance until wordlessly Sirius handed James a letter, not a howler.

James took it carefully, trying to hide his surprise, and looking once more at his friend he opened the letter.

Sirius,

James only barely paused to wonder that Sirius' mother had called her eldest son by his real name – something she had only occasionally done since he had been sorted into Gryffindor.

Your father is ill. He does not want you to visit and shame him.

James looked at the letter in wonder. The letter was not even signed; it was as if Madam Black did not want to write her relationship to Sirius down on paper.

"Nice letter from dear old Mum don't you think?" Sirius' sudden glum voice almost startled James off the side of the tower.

"Padfoot," James began, but Sirius cut across him,

"So father's ill. What a shame."

"Padfoot," James repeated,

"Doesn't want me to visit, understandable really."

"Sirius." James said, his voice filled with worry and this time Sirius' voice almost broke,

"Doesn't want to be visited by the blood traitor, the shame of his flesh, not even on his death bed."

"It doesn't say he is dying." James started

"Would she write for any other reason?" Sirius snapped, "He does not want you to visit and shame him, lovely thing to say to your son really isn't it. Mummy and Daddy really exceeded themselves this time." There was a loud crash and James realised that the falling roof tile hadn't been a fluke; Sirius had been tearing them off and throwing them as hard as he could at the floor.

"Don't do that Padfoot, you could hurt somebody."

"I don't care." Sirius said, getting clumsily to his feet, "Great pair of friends we are James, neither of us good enough for our families, one of us more than half way disowned and the other more than halfway beaten to a pulp." James flinched as always when he heard of his home life. "Don't flinch away from it James, this is who we are. Maybe I'll never be good enough, you know. Not for them." Here his voice grew more wistful, less infuriated, "I always figured we'd make up. That before they died I would do something that made them proud. Not going to happen now is it?"

"No." James said quietly, he looked at the tiles,

"Never was." Sirius mumbled just as softly,

"If you don't want to go back, you don't have to. You can stay with me over the summer."

"Can I think about it?"

"Sure."

The two boys looked over at the Quidditch pitch in the background and at the Great Lake, ripples dancing around the middle. They watched Argus Filch discover the remains of the tiles on the floor below the tower and start sweeping up the broken bits of slate while he cursed and scowled at everybody for adding to his workload.

After a while, Sirius spoke again, "Prongs?"

"Hmm."

"Thanks."

"But ye gotta know where ye're just gonna rush in. Ye cannae just rush in anywhere. It looks bad, havin' to rush out again straight awa'." - Feegle tactics (Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men)

Lily Evans was in pain, the excruciating and never-ending sort, not the namby-pamby, disappears with a smile kind.

She had just taken part in the most physically gruelling torture known to man, at least those on the Gryffindor Quidditch team: a three hour practise run by James Potter.

Lily had to give credit where it was due, Potter was an outstanding Captain and player, but Lily didn't think he should feel the need to prove it for such long stretches. Trust the one thing he really tried at to be the one thing that affected her.

Lily leaned back against the comfy cushions on the sofa in the common room and thought about the practise. James had been slightly late, they'd all been surprised to see him fly down from the roof, and even more surprised when Sirius landed beside him, giving him a quick hug, the manly and platonic kind, before walking back up to the castle.

Potter had seemed pre-occupied at first and had been quieter than usual; only shouting out orders occasionally and generally just watching everybody to make sure they kept working well and hard. Lily had felt uncomfortable the few times she felt his gaze on her; making her work harder and better than she normally did.

After about an hour everyone was exhausted, except Potter, he had certainly been flying harder than anyone else but didn't seem at all bothered. In fact, he'd only called a halt because Helena Wan had said she would fall off her broomstick if she didn't get a break soon.

The team landed quickly and had huddled together by the benches breathing quickly for a full minute before Potter had landed amongst them.

"That was really good everyone." He had said calmly. There had been murmured sounds of 'thank you' and 'damn right.' "Right, Evans, you need to be less self conscious – don't worry about where everyone else is so much, we'll get out of your way. Just catch the snitch. Frank, you need to work on that left hand pass…" He had gone on, listing faults from the team members before telling them to mount their brooms again.

Lily had taken to circling the pitch once more and was rubbing her hands together to keep off the chill. The whole team was playing better though, Lily had felt it. They had all taken what Potter had said to heart, and Lily remembered thinking that if they played like that next term in their first match against Hufflepuff they would certainly win.

Lily snuggled up into the corner of the sofa more and pulled out a novel from home, smiling at the thought of winning her first game she read happily.

"Someone's happy." Lily looked up and saw Remus Lupin standing over her,

"I had a good practise." Lily smiled,

"Ah, that's why James is smiling too then." This didn't quite wipe the smile of Lily's face as it usually would; enjoying Quidditch wasn't a punishable offence after all.

"Did you forget something?"

Lily thought quickly but nothing sprung up, "Is it your birthday?" She asked eventually,

"No," He snorted, "Prefect's meeting." A look of horrified comprehension came over her,

"Oh no. When was it?"

"During your practise, I guess you must have forgotten when it ran late." Remus was still smiling, "Don't worry you didn't -"

"The git." Lily cut across him,

"What…who?" Remus was very bemused

"The scheming sod, he did it on purpose. I bet he just wanted me to get in trouble."

"Who?" Lily ignored him,

"JAMES POTTER!" Lily shrieked, storming over to the staircase leading to the boy's dormitories,

"Oh." Remus said quietly before suddenly realising where she was going, "Lily stop!" He cried, racing after the upstart red-head.

Lily raced up the stairs, and barged into the 5th year's dorm, with its signs on the door "The Marauders" and the Marauder motto "Mayhem over Maturity."

"POTTER!" She said, swinging her gaze around the dorm, which surprisingly was relatively clean. The house-elves obviously did their job. Someone walked into the dorm through another door, evidently leading from a bathroom.

James Potter was looking very confused to see a furious red-head in his dorm with a puffed out Remus behind her.

Lily had gone very white and was staring at James' exposed torso, James looked down and realised that he wasn't wearing his top. A nasty scar, still slightly red, ran down the side of his body, starting above his bottom rib and finishing at his belly button,

"Potter, what happened?" Lily gasped, her fury forgotten,

"I fell in a rosebush. Get out." James said coldly,

"But -"

"Get out!" James yelled at her, crossing his arms over the wound and glaring at her.

"I was just trying to show I was concerned." She screeched back,

"Well I don't want your concern." He growled. Remus tried to butt in, Lily could feel him pulling her backwards out of the dorm,

"Fine." She yelled, then she turned and stormed out of the dorm, turning by the door to say, "Thanks for making me miss the Prefect's Meeting by the way."

James and Remus gazed after her as she stomped down the stairs, refusing to meet each others eyes.

"She wished she knew what it was she was trying not to think about." – Douglas Adams, A Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Once back in the common room Lily sat down in the sofa she had been in when Remus had reminded her of the prefects meeting. She sat fuming on the sofa; glaring at her little brown notebook where she had been noting what she knew about Potter in the hopes of discovering his secret. She threw it into the fire.

Sitting up, the aches in her muscles protesting, Lily dragged a piece of parchment towards her on the desk and dipping her quill in the ink well she began a letter to her parents, hoping it would calm her down,

Dear Mum and Dad,

I hope you all are okay, I feel like I'm dying. Our new Quidditch captain worked us to the ground today!

How is university for Petunia? Please tell her I will write her a letter soon – I have just been snowed under with work. The teachers are taking the prospect of OWLs this summer very seriously. I did explain them to you didn't I?

Being Prefect's okay, the Head Boy and Girl are really nice so we all get along quite well. I missed the meeting today though – Quidditch practise ran on late. Don't worry I told the captain that it was inexcusable!

I better go apologise to Amelia and Amos (the head boy and girl)

Love

Lily

Xx

Lily looked down at what she had written. Fine, so the last bit wasn't exactly accurate, but she had meant to tell Potter what she thought of him before he had told her to get out.

Lily remembered the cold way he had shouted at her, different to the normal mocking tone he employed around her – even if that too was openly frosty. Lily remembered the last time he had ever spoken to anyone like that, it had been to Snape. Snape had been teasing him about something, some bruise or cut or something trivial. Lily had always thought he had been over reacting to some mocking jibe, but now she wasn't so sure.

One thing was certain, she didn't like how icy Potter's voice had been and how stony his gaze. She didn't like the guy, in fact she detested most of his personality traits; however that didn't mean she hated him and she certainly didn't wish him to be hurt.

"I don't care anymore" She told herself firmly, "It's his own stupid business." She watched the last of the notebook burning in the fire and tried to forget about the cut on Potter's stomach. It was ridiculously easy really; the guy had only cut himself on a rosebush for god's sake.

She snuggled down onto the sofa again, opening her muggle novel and flicking to the page she had marked earlier. She stretched her legs out and then fluffed a pillow before settling back, already forgetting her anger as she became absorbed in the story.