Fatal Incompatibility.

Summary: James Potter has a secret. Lily Evans is trying to convince herself she doesn't care. "Trying" being the operative word. She can't get him out of her mind, he can only hope that she doesn't find out. (Eventual L/J)

Disclaimer: If this was mine would I need one of these? Alright I'm disclaiming! All the characters you recognise belong to JKRowling; anything you don't recognise is mine. ALL MINE!

Chapter 7: Christmas

"I have gone out to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here."

James Potter was slightly confused. Alright, slightly was an understatement. James Potter was very confused. And befuddled. And Worried. And all those things that also implied an exaggerated sense that he should be anxious.

The object causing so much trauma sat in the sofa opposite him, apparently not noticing his presence; but then she also appeared to be absorbed in a book, something James hoped wasn't possible when the book was entitled 'True love on a desert island: 100 tales of romance in adverse conditions.' Every now and again she would write a comment in the margin, and laugh with Parisa about something James couldn't hear.

How Lily Evans could cause so much turmoil just by sitting reading on a sofa was something even she would like to know, and although she would enjoy the knowledge that she was causing James immense emotional strain, she may not have liked the reason why.

James was thinking of their conversation yesterday, rather her bursting in on him in a towel, demanding to know how he'd got his scar and then him freaking out at her and telling her to "Get out." Calling it a conversation was really much shorter, if far less accurate.

James was trying to find out whether Lily had figured out his secret. He had known that Lily was asking questions about him, though he was uncertain what had caused the spur of interest and to be frank at the time it hadn't seemed important. He now wished he had taken a greater interest, and possibly even implemented his plan to steal the small brown notebook she carried around with her. He wondered if she knew enough to figure out his secret, and was panicking that if she did she might tell someone, or that she could even hold it over his head as blackmail. He saw an image of himself bending down and licking her shoes and vowing to bring her ice cream if she didn't tell anyone, shuddering James vowed to prevent that from happening at all costs. So he now had 24 hours until the Christmas holidays to figure out what she knew.

He had a feeling it would all be so much simpler if he knew why she had gone into the room in the first place. Moony had tried to explain it to him, but as he didn't really understand her actions himself – something to do with Moony having about as much of a temper as a goldfish has memory. From what he could gather, Lily had decided that he had run the Quidditch practise on late for the sole purpose of making her miss the Prefect's meeting. James could testify that that had certainly not been on his mind at the time, although it may be an excellent idea in the future. However he really could not imagine why she was so worried, Moony had admitted that she had enjoyed practise, why would she rather go to Prefect's meetings than have extra Quidditch?

Anyway that was not the issue right now.

James continued to watch Lily over the top of his 'Quidditch over the Ages' a universal sign to the common room that no one was to approach him in conversation if they wanted comprehensible answers. The small red head did not appear to notice him at all, occasionally she would glance in his direction but she would glance away just as quickly, and she would look at Sirius and Remus and indeed the ceiling just as frequently so he couldn't really read anything into it. Every now and again she would frown as she read one of the comments she had written and scrub it out with the end of the pencil. James didn't really understand this action, never having seen a pencil from anything but a distance, and then with a distance which just shrieked with mistrust and disapproval.

She looked up suddenly and seemed to focus on James; she frowned as she saw him looking at her and shook her head before returning to the book with Parisa. What did that mean? James thought furiously; a frown, a shake of the head. Why was it all so confusing? Why couldn't she just sit in front of him and say 'look I have no idea about any secrets you may have, I have completely forgotten about our conversation yesterday and I don't even like ice cream'? James somehow doubted she would do anything of the sort.

Sirius, Peter and Remus bounced over. Artis had put a jumping charm on the three of them when Sirius and Peter had been teasing Remus and her. Remus still didn't understand why he had been put under the charm as well as his two friends, but the look on Artis' face when he had asked had been forceful enough to suggest to him that he should leave quickly.

"What are you up to?" Peter asked

"Nothing."

"We got an answer!" Sirius yelled in glee,

"Of course we did, I told you he wasn't really reading!" Remus replied causing James to glare at him, Remus shuddered, "Have you been taking death-glare lessons from Artis?"

"What?" James asked,

"Enough of that," Sirius snapped as the three of them continued to jump up and down in front of him, "Can you take this blasted charm off us? Artis has stolen our wands." James grinned and leaned around his friends to see Artis salute him, Remus', Sirius' and Peter's wands in her hand. He pretended to deliberate the point, but then decided to perform the counter curse when Remus had tried to punch his shoulder, accidentally hitting him in the mouth instead as he jumped again,

"Fine, Fine, Finite Incantatem." James snapped, nursing his bruised mouth. He looked at the sofa opposite and didn't know whether he felt worried or happy that Lily had disappeared.

Peter sighed with relief and sank on to the sofa next to James, Sirius and Remus taking the sofa which Lily had recently vacated.

"Prongs put the book away. You're not fooling anybody." Remus finally snapped, James sighed and folded the corner of his page over before turning to his friends.

"So -" He began

"Prongs you've got to help us!" Sirius cut across,

James glanced at Remus and Peter, who were looking at their friend with tolerant amusement,

"We haven't pranked anyone for ages, people are forgetting us. Watch," He turned round and called to a small first year girl who had just entered through the portrait hole, "Hey, kid! Who am I?" The poor girl looked terrified, but still she spoke up,

"S…Sirius Black?" the girl fled as Peter, Remus and James burst out laughing,

"Forgotten, Padfoot?" James queried, the git didn't seem perturbed and carried on with an air of unconcerned arrogance,

"Well, that was just an isolated incident. Anyway, about this prank…"

James had to admit that there was nothing which quite stopped you worrying so much as planning a prank.

"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." – Gloria Steinem

At breakfast the next morning James was watching Lily again, however not very well, he kept smirking at his plate instead when he remembered the prank, unknowingly making Lily very uncomfortable. Both he and his fellow Marauders appeared scarily alert, Lily had guessed they were wearing glamour charms, hiding actual fatigue, and the very idea filled her with horror. After five years of sharing a common room with the four boys she knew the signs of a major prank.

She admitted to herself that it should have been obvious that there would be a prank today, the last day of term, and also that it would probably be spectacular considering the extended delay since their last major effort. Unfortunately spectacular was not necessarily good news when it came to the Marauders.

5 minutes later the Great Hall was packed, with many people chatting and swapping holiday plans. James rolled his eyes. Why would you wait until the last minute before asking your friends what they were doing over the holidays? He was just about to turn to Remus and tell him to give the signal to start the prank when suddenly a wailing bush appeared in front of him, "Jaaammmiiiieeee?" It squealed,

"Caroline?" He asked in confusion, as the bush pulled her hair out of her face and a girl appeared with red eyes and mascara streaming down her cheeks. He had been dating Caroline for about two weeks, she was fun and had great legs, those two things almost made up for the fact that she insisted on calling him 'Jamie'. James had made clear at the age of four and a half that no one should call him Jamie any more, and the fact that his girlfriend disregarded the rule was more than slightly aggravating. However, now that was the least of his problems.

"Why don't we talk outside?" He asked carefully, eyes pleading with Remus to get him out of this. Remus just shrugged and tried to look vaguely sympathetic. James instead looked at Sirius and mouthed 'do the prank without me' at him, hoping he realised through his silent laughing.

"S…sure." She sniffled,

Once outside the Great Hall, in the relative silence in front of the staircase, James turned to Caroline and gave her a hug, trying not to grimace as her mascara stuck on his cheek, "What's wrong?" He asked gently,

"W…what's wrong?" She practically shrieked, drawing back. James knew instantly he had made a mistake, "What's wrong? I haven't seen you for two days!" She screeched, "You told me you were going to Quidditch practise and you never came back, and…and I leave in half an hour and you didn't even come over to say g…goodbye." She started her muffled crying again,

"I'm sorry," James ran his hand through his hair; he did not want this now. "I was at Quidditch practise and then afterwards I was getting ready to find you and Lily Evans started shouting at me, and you know how she gets sometimes," James had the sinking feeling that he had made another mistake,

"You were with Evans!" She almost screamed, her breathing heavy

"No. NO. Ugh, no. I told you she was yelling at me. Then yesterday I had so much homework and I was trying to make you something special." Her face lit up, and James was mentally congratulating himself on his quick thinking "You know, a going away present." James hastily mumbled a spell under his breath and transfigured a piece of parchment in his pocket into a beautiful card, there was a picture of her drawn on the front – looking slightly better than she did now – and inside was a small note. James silently thanked Peter for getting him that book on advanced transfiguration for his birthday. Caroline looked thrilled,

"You made this for me?" James nodded meekly, scared by how quickly her moods were changing, "I've been an awful girlfriend haven't I?" James thought that this was where he was meant to protest so he shook his head vigorously, "Yes, I have. I accused you of ignoring me and all this time you've been making me such a lovely present." James grinned at her, and she leaned in to kiss him. Their lips were centimetres apart when suddenly "BANG!"

Caroline jumped backwards, "What was that?"

"I have no idea." James said quickly, but, of course, he did have an idea. If all had gone to plan, that bang was the sound of 250 jugs of pumpkin juice exploding simultaneously, and in just a moment, yes there was the pop, every single student and teacher would grow long pointy ears and would suddenly be wearing a green hat, bell on the end and long, curly shoes. The perfect Christmas elves. James hoped Sirius, Remus or Peter was taking photos.

Caroline looked suspiciously at James and walked into the Great Hall. It was pandemonium: students were trying to remove hats which seemed stuck to their heads, silver bells jingling; Professor McGonagall was loudly declaring that she would "murder those boys" and a number of students were laughing at Dumbledore who was wearing a red outfit and was carrying a large sack, with his long beard he looked just like Father Christmas.

Just as James walked in behind Caroline a large poster unfolded from the ceiling, Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs would like to wish you all a Happy Christmas. Next to their names was a picture of Father Christmas, he was cloaked in a red robe and beneath the glittering blue eyes was a long silver beard. He was holding out a bag of lemon bonbons.

Everyone started laughing, including Dumbledore at the head table; he drew a small yellow sweet out of one of his pockets and saluted James silently before popping it into his mouth with a chuckle.

Caroline wasn't laughing. She quickly rounded on James, who backed hastily out of the hall, unfortunately for him the hall began to go quiet just as Caroline began her tirade,

"JAMES POTTER!" She screamed. James took a few more steps back, "You said you spent all of yesterday making me a going away present! I can't believe you lied to me and instead of spending time with your girlfriend you were off coming up with immature pranks with your juvenile friends!"

There was a muffled "Hey" from the Gryffindor table which had apparently been shouted by Sirius,

"Well, you see, Caroline, the thing is…" James began but Caroline cut straight across him apparently absolutely livid,

"You're very good looking Jamie, and a great guy, but I'm afraid that you are going to have to spend less time with your friends and more time with me." Caroline looked expectantly at him, obviously expecting him to submit to her demand. The entire student body looked at him. Even the teachers were watching the whole thing curiously. James, however, was getting more and more angry,

"No." James said furiously. Caroline looked horrified, "I refuse to regret spending more time with my friends – people who have stuck by me for 5 years – than you – who I've been seeing for two weeks!" James took a deep breath and lowered his voice, still unaware of the entire Great Hall watching, "I am aware that I may not have been the greatest boyfriend for the last two days but that does not give you the right to start issuing ultimatums. I'm sorry, but I'm afraid this isn't going to work." And with that he stormed up the marble staircase towards the seventh floor. Half way up he picked out his wand and cried, "Accio toast."

A guy has to eat after all.

"I have a horror of sunsets; they're so romantic, so operatic." – Marcel Proust

Lily was still laughing as she sat down in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express opposite Parisa. The train had been delayed slightly as the teachers had needed to spend time reversing all of the spells placed on the pupils. Remus and Artis fell into the compartment a moment later because Artis had tripped over a sleeve which was hanging out of her trunk.

Once everyone was seated and calm the four began to chat, mainly discussing this morning's prank – Remus declared that he had absolutely no idea who the perpetrators were, although he did get very upset when Lily suggested that perhaps Snape was behind it. This was an idea ridiculous in the extreme: Snape had had larger elf ears than most.

Something Artis and Parisa found hysterically funny was James' and Caroline's break-up, and in fact they had refused to leave the topic for the last half an hour,

"And when he told her that his friends were more important -"

"You should have seen the look on her face -"

"Wasn't that sweet of him Remus? Sticking up for you and Sirius like that."

"And Peter." Remus said crossly,

"Sorry, I forgot. Didn't you think it was sweet?" Artis smiled,

"Very sweet." Remus said and Lily tried to stop herself from laughing at the look on Remus' face at having to describe his friend as 'sweet.'

"What are you laughing at Lily?" Parisa demanded, sensing trouble Lily brandished the book she was holding,

"Something in here made me laugh." Parisa, Artis and Remus looked incredulously at her,

"Lily? That book is called 'True love on a desert island: 100 tales of romance in adverse conditions.'" Parisa said slowly as Remus sniggered, "That was the book you were dissecting with me last night, and explaining the ways in which each person in the book was either delusional, was on hallucinogenic drugs or had been dropped on their heads as a baby."

"I'm sure you mentioned something about their minds being destroyed by excessive quantities of hair dye as well." Remus added wickedly,

Lily looked slightly embarrassed, "What? It is a terrible book."

"Why did you buy it then?" Artis grinned,

"I didn't," She looked at the floor, and then mumbled quickly "I-borrowed-it-from-Florence-Stebbins."

"What was that?" Parisa asked innocently,

"I borrowed it from Florence Stebbins." Lily said more clearly,

"Lily, you were making notes in the margin." Remus said incredulously

"Well, she had made some too." She looked around defensively, "What? Just because I'm not naïve enough to believe that being trapped in a snow storm is going to make some amazing guy who has never previously looked at me fall in love with me." They continued to stare with her, "If I told you that she had crossed out every guys name in the book and replaced it with 'Sirius' would you call me justified."

"She did what?" Parisa shrieked in disbelief,

"O, don't talk like that. You're starting to sound like Caroline when she was 'talking' to James." Lily realised this was a bad idea when she started being death-glared at by Remus, something she knew was bad as the guy had about as much temper as a goldfish has memory – she would have been horrified to know that James Potter had used the same simile the day before. Unfortunately Lily knew Remus was perfectly justified in shooting mental daggers at her, if she could have she would have done it to herself because now Artis and Parisa were back on Gossip Corner heading north at 120 miles per hour towards Crazy Town.

"And when he stormed up the stairs -"

"And when she went ballistic and threw that helmet after him -"

"And she was attacked by the armour looking for its head -"

It was, Lily decided, enough to make any one take refuge in 'True love on a desert island: 100 tales of romance in adverse conditions' well, she and Remus played hangman on the back cover – she wasn't quite desperate enough to read it seriously yet.

Finally, they arrived at King's Cross, standing on the platform the four said enthusiastic goodbyes, Artis and Remus snogging rather too ardently in Lily's opinion. But then Remus had been subjected to a second-by-second dissection of his best friend's latest heartbreak and so maybe he deserved a conciliatory kiss.

Lily waved to her friends and walked through the archway which separated the Hogwarts Express from the rest of King's Cross Station. She spotted her parents standing just a little way away and headed over to them, beaming madly as she realised how much she had missed them while she was at school.

She hugged her mother, noticing how they were now the same height and showing off about the fact until her father grabbed her in a big hug and told her that she would never be as tall as 'her daddy.' Lily grinned at them both and then turned to her sister, Petunia. The two had not always got along; their similar slender figures betrayed their different personalities and Lily becoming a witch had not always sat well with her normal and conservative big sister. However, Lily still gave her a heart felt hug – she had missed Petunia and her pristine manners and quirky smiles. Petunia gave her a real smile in return as Lily demanded to know all about university life and about the cute boys Petunia had been meeting.

"I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow." - Woodrow Wilson

Back at Hogwarts James had fallen back into worrying, his friends had at first thought it was just because so many Gryffindors had gone home for Christmas, leaving the house quiet and lacking somewhat it's usual warmth; then they decided that it must be because he was actually upset about breaking up with Caroline.

Sirius told James there were plenty more fish in the Hogwarts' sea.

James gave Sirius a dead arm.

Sirius and Peter quickly decided that James wasn't missing Caroline.

James wished suddenly that he could talk to Remus. Remus was probably closest to Evans out of all of them and Remus actually was the one who had realised that Evans had been asking questions about him. He summoned a piece of parchment and stole a fourth year girl's quill; grimacing at the pink ink he began to pen a note to Remus.

Hey Moony!

How was the trip back home? Say hi to your folks from me, and ask your mum if she has any more of those chocolate brownies…they could be an early Christmas present! Anyway I kind of need some advice. But, have you talked to Sirius this term? About, well, me? Anyway if you have that's ok and well yeah, basically that's

Here there was an odd squiggle like something had been half written and then crossed out.

Nevermind.

Hope sharing a compartment with 3 girls didn't drive you insane. Poor you stuck with Evans! Anyway hope you're ok. Write back soon.

Prongs

(P.S. Sorry about the pink ink.)

James looked down at the letter. He had a sneaking suspicion that Remus knew about his home life but he wasn't a hundred percent sure. Of course he felt bad about not telling Remus and Peter his secret, especially when he knew about Remus. Some how he had never got round to telling them. It's not the sort of thing he could just sit someone down and tell them. He stood up and told Sirius and Peter that he was going to send an owl to Remus asked if they had anything they wanted to write. Sirius promised he would write later and Peter scrawled a "See you soon" on the back of James' letter.

On the way up to the owlery James thought about talking to Sirius. After all Sirius was right here with him and definitely knew everything there was to know about him, the problem was how he could talk to Sirius without Peter knowing. He felt slightly guilty, knowing that he would probably tell Remus everything made him feel bad about not letting Peter into the secret. They were best friends too, and while Peter sometimes was a bit thick he had more than proved his loyalty.

James sighed deeply. So he had decided, he would tell them all and get their opinion on whether they thought Evans would figure it out. He took out a quill which someone had left and scribbled on the bottom of the letter, "Am sending two-way mirror. Marauder meeting" Hopefully this would all be in the open by tonight.

"TEACHER: Explain Newton's First Law of Motion in your own words"'

"CALVIN: Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz." - Bill Watterson

Lily Evans was having a wonderful time, she and her mother had just finished making mince pies, Petunia had gone out with some friends, which Lily heard from her mother actually meant 'with Vernon' who was apparently Petunia's boyfriend of two months.

Her father came into the kitchen, kissing his wife on the cheek and ruffling Lily's hair. She scowled at him but he ignored her look and gave her a broad smile.

"So how's school?" he asked her,

"Fine."

"They're working you hard by the sounds of it." Lily grimaced,

"Yeah, the teachers are piling on the workload before OWLs." Lily sighed, "I should be working now actually, I have an essay in basically every subject." Lily's mum laughed,

"Oh, my poor baby, we finally get to see you and now you're going to be locked up doing homework all holiday." Lily looked mournful; she knew her parents missed her while she was away, and that as much as they were prouder of her than they could possibly be, they still found it difficult when she talked about things they could never be part of. She felt saddened that she could no longer ask her dad about her homework and that they couldn't laugh together about how dreadful her mother was at maths. Lily suddenly had an idea and smiled at her mum and dad,

"Daddy, can you help me with my homework." Mr Evans looked at his youngest daughter in surprise; it had been years since he had last understood anything she brought home to do in the holidays,

"Of course." Wondering how on earth he could help Lily. She grinned broadly and ran upstairs. Her parents looked at each other, both wondering what was happening,

"Here." She slammed her arithmancy book down on the table and grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill from her bag which was near the kitchen door. Opening the book to the correct page she said "Dad, please may you explain the Cosine Rule to me?" Her father grinned and for the first time in a long time he felt like he could help his daughter.

"Absolutely. I had no idea that Wizards needed trigonometry." He looked at her quill in brief interest before dipping it in the ink well she had produced,

"Oh yes, it's very important. In group magic it's used to calculate exact angles in…" Mr Evans hadn't a clue what his daughter was talking about so knowledgably, although he had to admit that it sounded fascinating. So he pulled the parchment towards him, grinned brightly at Lily and said

"So what do you need to know?"

"It is always the best to tell the truth unless, of course, you are an exceptional liar." – Jerome K Jerome

James was pacing up and down his dormitory nervously; he had told Sirius and Peter that they were to have a Marauder's Meeting. Immediately Sirius had volunteered to go and get food from the kitchens and Peter had gone with him. James thought that Sirius probably realised what this was about, although he had never urged James to tell their two other friends, Sirius had never understood why he hadn't.

Sirius was also behaving very oddly. When James had announced a Marauder's Meeting he had gone pale and looked up at his friend questioningly. Maybe this run to the kitchens was just Sirius' way of putting off the emotions that were bound to spill out tonight. The Marauder's didn't often talk about emotions in the way their girlfriends always seemed to.

Sirius and Peter suddenly appeared in the doorway, tugging off James' invisibility cloak. They carefully placed a large stack of chocolate muffins, sandwiches and Butterbeer bottles in the middle of the room before turning expectantly to James.

An owl flew to the window and James unwrapped the note from its leg,

Have got the mirror. I'll keep it near by.

Moony.

James sighed with relief; he didn't really want to have to say this twice. He wanted even less to have to send it in a letter. He quickly crossed the room to Sirius' bed, grabbed the two way mirror lying on his bedside table and sat it on a trunk facing the middle of the room. He cleared his throat and enunciated clearly, "Remus Lupin."

Immediately the mirror clouded over and then Remus' faces appeared in the glass,

"Prongs?" He quizzed, before he spotted Sirius and Peter in the back ground, he waved cheerily at them and sent them a look which clearly said 'you don't happen to know what's going on, do you?'

"Hey Moony." Sirius said with a flourish and Peter echoed, James smiled a tight smile at Remus and said,

"Sorry about this Moony." Remus brushed it off,

"No problem, my parents are out anyway."

"But it's the first night back." Peter asked in surprise,

"Yeah, well, they had this charity gala thing they couldn't get out of." James looked shocked,

"Really? I don't remember my parents mentioning one."

"Oh, it's a muggle thing." The other three nodded their heads and the awkward silence stretched, three faces looked at James and he looked at his shoes,

"So is it quiet there without me?" Remus began at exactly the same time as Sirius opened his mouth and said,

"So what's this meeting for?"

They looked at each other and at began jumping over themselves to apologise,

"Sorry, what were you going to say -"

"No, no, what were you going to say -"

"It was nothing important you go -"

"That's alright I insist -"

James and Peter looked at each and started laughing, Sirius and Remus looked shocked before grinning too. Soon they were all laughing, but it was a bit forced and a slightly too long, not at all like their ordinary unreserved laughter. They were all covering up their worry about what the meeting could be about. Peter looked the most confused as he genuinely had no idea what was going on, the other two just wondered why James was going to talk about himself.

The room fell silent again and all eyes turned to James but he just picked up a chocolate muffin and bit into it, he suddenly started talking,

"Sorry about calling this meeting, but, um, I kind of have a problem. Well, I don't know how much you know about my home life. Well, um, I know how much Sirius knows but that's well, it." He paused and took a deep breathe, picking chocolate chips out of his muffin. "It's not great, really. I mean my parents are fine and stuff but." He took a deep breathe, this wasn't working, Peter was looking puzzled, Remus was looking worried and Sirius was picking the label off a bottle of Butterbeer, he was about to try again but Sirius stopped him,

"Don't worry Prongs, we know." James was knocked for six,

"You. Know?"

"We know." He reiterated heavily "Everything." He continued to pick his Butterbeer label,

"Oh," That just about summed it up he thought, "How?"

"I figured it out," Remus said, "And Padfoot verified it."

"Oh,"

"My mum told me." Peter said quietly, Sirius and Remus looked at him in surprise, never having known how Peter had figured it out. "She's a mediwitch." They all nodded their heads solemnly and James took another bite of his chocolate muffin,

"Oh," It was becoming something of a catchphrase. There was another pause, "Well, now that's out in the open," he said false cheerily, "we can get to the point of this meeting."

"There's a point to one of our meetings?" Remus quipped out of habit, James death glared him and suddenly everything was as it usually was between them. James launched into the tale of how Lily Evans had burst into his dorm and seen his scar, exaggerating her pale skin in contrast to her hair and doing a passable impression of Moony dragging Lily (who was played by Peter) out of the room. Soon the four boys were in hysterics.

When Peter's hair had been returned to its original mousy brown colour and James had replaced his glasses James asked, "So, how much do you think she knows?"

"What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Clause? Claustrophobic!"

It was Christmas Day and the Evan's house awoke to the noise of a shrill scream echoing along the sleepy corridor which separated Lily's room from Petunia's. A second later Petunia was hammering on her door. Lily cracked it open, wearily fighting back a yawn, and was shocked to see a barn owl. The poor thing was obviously put out as it was now being chased down the stairs by her older sister who was waving a curtain rail at it. The owl spotted Lily and seemed to decide to fly over to someone who wasn't screaming like a loony at it.

Lily stuck out her arm and the owl landed just below her elbow, and then flew off as Lily ducked rapidly to avoid Petunia's curtain rail knocking her head off. Lily held her door open and then followed the owl into her room, slamming the door closed quickly.

"Petunia," She yelled through the door, "it's alright it's just a post owl." Lily sighed as she head Petunia begin shrieking to her parents about the 'crazy owl' who attacked her and was probably eating Lily alive as they spoke. She was not amused when Lily walked out, gently feeding the owl a titbit and telling their parents that far from being mauled by the 'sweet' owl, she actually thought it was rather darling.

Petunia screamed again and stormed back into her room.

"Merry Christmas." Lily told her parents, only slightly sardonically, as she went back into her room promising she would be downstairs in just a moment.

Once the door was firmly shut and Lily was sat on her bed she stroked the owl once and then undid the string holding her letter in place. I was actually more of a small parcel than a letter and she smiled as she recognised Parisa's writing,

Hi Lils,

HAPPY CHRISTMAS! I can't believe it has finally arrived. Have you spoken to Artis at all? She's been telling me all about this wonderful boy who has moved in just down the road from her, he's a muggle obviously but she won't shut up about him.

Lily frowned, what about Remus? She decided she'd ask later and continued reading the letter; she had missed her friends a lot.

My parents have decided that we're to have the entire Christmas holiday en masse and so I have spent the last few days trying to avoid my darling cousins, great aunts and, of course, assorted Potters and Lupins. I have not run into either James or Remus yet, I think I may have to set my brother and his friends on them if they turn up!

I hope your holiday is slightly less hectic, and that you enjoy your present. I've already received yours, thank you so much Lils, its perfect!

I must sign off, Flynn is trying to decapitate my new kitten – try and think of a name for it won't you?

Merry Christmas again, maybe we could meet up sometime. Can you get to Diagon Alley?

Love

Parisa.

Lily smiled, she always loved hearing of Parisa's chaotic family, her little brother Flynn was scarily cute for one so mischievous, but decapitating a kitten – Lily laughed knowing that Parisa was exaggerating as normal.

Lily hadn't realised how close Parisa's family must be to the Potters and the Lupins, but then the pure blood families were all interlinked. Wizards really are an incestuous bunch, she giggled to herself, though she knew that it was merely similar to the British royal family's bloodline; with such little choice intermarriage really was the only option.

It was a shame that all that convoluted genetic matches hadn't rendered Potter a bumbling, idiotic, mute.

Maybe wizards had some kind of spell to prevent that sort of thing?

Lily shook her head in annoyance. Ever since she had had that argument with him she kept thinking about Potter at the strangest times. They had always had an odd relationship, something her friends described as hate/hate but she thought was merely built on mutual dislike.

Hate was a very strong word after all.

She remembered throwing her little notebook in the fire in Gryffindor Common Room and did not regret it. However she also remembered Potter's scar, it was very difficult to forget. Lily had to admit that at first she had just been shocked at seeing his chest, he was very well toned, if slightly wiry, however soon horror settled in when she saw the deep red mark.

Fell in a rosebush? She didn't think so, but she reminded herself that Potter's business was not her own. She had vowed not to bother with him and she was doing it again. The arrogant prat was definitely proving harder than expected to get out of her mind.

She scooped up Parisa's present and ran downstairs, placing it under the tree where she had already put her present from Artis, one which had surprised her from Remus (she had swiftly sent him some Honeydukes chocolate in exchange), and one which she blushed to look at – a beautifully wrapped present from a Ravenclaw, Luke Smith, who she hoped would ask her to go on the next Hogsmeade trip.

She walked through into the kitchen and smiled at her family, her parents smiled back and though Petunia still seemed put out about the 'owl incident' she waved her tea cup in greeting. It was going to be a great Christmas.

"It is better to waste one's youth than to do nothing with it at all." – Ronald Firbank

Christmas at Hogwarts did not kick off with a scream, but with a loud squeal. As soon as they heard it Peter, James and Sirius sat up in their beds, fumbling with their bed sheets before blearily standing and looking around for the source of the noise. Granted with the sight of three of the Marauders, in their pyjamas no less, caused the squeal to sound again. The girl had not missed the fact that Sirius' shirt hung open.

"What's going on?" James asked, trying to find his glasses, he knocked over a glass of water; it splashed up Peter's leg causing him to yowl. Two or three giggles soundly sounded from near the door,

"You!" Sirius suddenly launched at the door and their was a slight scream and three fourth year girls took off down the stairs and back into the Common Room, when they reached the relative safety of the room and discovered they were not being chased one of them yelled at the top of her lungs,

"I SAW THE MARAUDERS IN THEIR PYJAMAS!" back in their dorm three boys flinched. Then James and Peter burst out laughing as another of the girls shouted,

"I SAW SIRIUS BLACK'S CHEST!" Sirius was still slightly disorientated but managed to look pleased with himself nonetheless,

"I have such an intelligent following," He grinned, James snorted,

"Me….rry Christmas, guys." Peter yawned,

"Christmas?" James yelled,

"PRESENTS!" the three shouted together, and ran down the stairs into the common room, tearing towards the tree in the corner where several Gryffindors were already gathered. They each sat in front of their piles and tore in, strewing wrapping paper across the room and occasionally letting out cheers of delight and swapping presents with each other when they received items they already possessed or were worthy of a trade.

Finally James, Sirius and Peter sat in a mountain of presents and wrapping paper, none of them were trying to sort the actual things they wanted from the rubbish they had collected so they just sat under the tree examining some more interesting articles and questioning the sanity of the present givers "why would I need nose-hair curlers and shearers, Padfoot?", until Sirius announced that the common room was not decorated enough.

The other two looked around the splendidly adorned room and back at their friend, sharing a glance. Meanwhile Sirius had pulled out his wand and was spelling some tinsel to read "Sirius Black is a stud." James quickly joined in, he pointed his wand at each of the portraits and they were instantly dressed in red Father Christmas hats and carrying hymn books, inside was the only hymn James could ever remember, 'Frosty the snowman." Peter took a rather less ambitious project and focused on covering each of the windows of the tower in snowflakes. Everyone else had left the common room to go to breakfast, but the Marauder's had still not completely finished their supply of chocolate muffins, although they had by now got a bit stale, and so the muffins were summoned and the boys ate in-between decorations.

James suddenly had a great idea, waving his wand the common room was filled with slow melting snow, the floor was covered by nearly a foot of fine, white powder and Sirius was so delighted by the excellent idea that he failed to dodge a heavy snowball which made its way directly at his face.

Now, soaking wet, Sirius declared a snow ball war and the fight began. When the remaining Gryffindors returned to the tower they were alarmed by the loud shouts echoing down the corridor and the large amount of snow which fell out of the portrait hole when the Fat Lady swung open. Peering inside they were greeted with a scene of complete reckless carnage, James had built a snow fort from which he was rapidly firing snowballs at any one in range, while Sirius and Peter were engaging in guerrilla tactics which would have worked far better if they hadn't been trying to get each other as well as James. Over the top of it all was a long piece of tinsel proclaiming, "Sirius Black is a stud" and a miraculously large angel, who had been taken from the top of the tree, pronouncing at the top of her lungs at random intervals, "James Potter is a god, Sirius Black is a clod."

Unsure of what else to do the other Gryffindors laughed at their housemate's antics, the three girls who had entered the boys' dorm that morning giggled and waved at Sirius. Temporarily distracted both Peter and James bombarded him with snowballs; at last he sank to the ground and gave a very long and intensely passionate speech which ended,

"You can take my snowballs, but you'll never take my right to snowball Snivellus."

This was greeted with a large round of applause from both James, Peter, the fourth year girls and the angel, who had now added to its repertoire "Snivellus is a greasy git."