See Chapter One for full disclaimer and author's notes.
Chapter Twelve
It was nearly 7 am when Jack finally relinquished his vigil at Sam's bedside to Daniel and stumbled off for some well deserved coffee and a hot shower. The day promised to be long and exhausting, but not nearly as much as the night had been. After showering, changing into a fresh set of BDU's and downing the requisite two cups of coffee, Jack felt nearly lifelike enough to at least face his office.
Plopping himself down in his chair and opening his laptop, Jack mechanically began reviewing his inbox, which seemed to miraculously spawn new items that needed his attention in just the few short hours since he had last been there. He wasn't sure just how long he had been at it when a soft knock at the door drew his attention. Seeing Daniel leaning against the doorframe, his face pale and drawn, sent his heart racing.
"Carter…?"
Daniel's eyes widened, not realizing what effect his unexpected presence might have on his friend. "The same, she's the same. I just thought I'd come up and see how you were doing."
Allowing his eyes to drift closed for a moment, Jack pried them open again. "I'm fine. Fine. Really."
"Yeah, sure you are."
"Well, if you already knew, why ask me the damned question, Daniel?" Jack retorted hotly, his temper rising to the surface as a barrier against the grief that was never far from breaking free.
Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, Daniel entered Jack's office, closing the door behind him. Sighing, he turned to face the furious face in front of him. "I'm sorry. About last night, what I said. You didn't need that from me right then. You needed my support and instead you got accusations. But you aren't the only one who's scared for her, you know."
Jack's mouth dropped open, a caustic reply on the tip of his tongue; but the retort fell away with the knowledge that Daniel was right. There were plenty of other people who cared about Sam and who were hurting right along with him. Pushing himself back from his desk, Jack let his head drop back to rest on the back of his chair in a posture of such utter exhaustion that Daniel was surprised he hadn't dropped from it yet.
"I don't think I can do this."
"What can't you do?"
Jack paused, measuring his reply. "I can't sit here and wait. It's eating me up."
Daniel nodded in sympathy. "I know."
"No, I don't think you do. I ordered her out there. Me. No one else. It's my responsibility. And my fault. And I don't think I can live with the consequences."
"Would it really be any better, for either of you, if it was someone else ordering her out there? Honestly?"
"I don't know."
"Yes you do. Deep down you do," Daniel replied gently.
"Yeah, I suppose. But goddamn it. I just want to…."
"Keep her safe. Whole. Alive."
"Yeah. All of that stuff, and more."
"Then why are you here? When she needs you right now?"
"Because she's not the only one who needs me. There are men and women out there right now who put their lives in my hands. I have a responsibility to them too, don't I?"
"Yes, you do. But none of them are Sam."
"No, they're not," Jack replied wearily, suddenly feeling much older than he did when he walked into his office that morning. "But she would expect me to care about what happens to them just as much as I care about what happens to her. We both accepted that when we started down this road."
Daniel nodded in agreement. "Yeah, she would. But I don't have to like it. From either of you."
"I know you don't Daniel. If you did, you wouldn't be the man we both respect."
Not knowing how to respond to such a statement, Daniel merely stood, opened the door before pausing in the doorway. "So, you'll be back up to the infirmary soon?"
"As soon as I can."
"Okay," The archaeologist replied softly before returning there himself. If he thought seeing them apart had been painful, seeing them together like this was even more so.
SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1
Despite his assurances to Daniel, it was well into the afternoon before Jack was able to clear his schedule and return to Sam's bedside. He was somewhat surprised to find Teal'c sitting in the chair he had occupied the night before, rather than Daniel.
"Teal'c."
"O'Neill. Colonel Carter has yet to awaken. Perhaps she was waiting for you to arrive."
"Listen, I've already gotten an earful from Danny-boy. I don't need another one from you."
Teal'c inclined his head, but said nothing.
Jack grabbed a chair from across the room, placing it next to Teal'c's, he sat down slowly, exhaustion in every line of his body.
"Where is Danny anyway? I expected to find him here."
"I…persuaded Daniel Jackson to return to his quarters for a period of sleep. He appeared to be nearly as tired as you, O'Neill."
"Yeah, well. I'll sleep when I'm dead."
"At your current pace, that will likely be sooner rather than later. And I have no wish to explain to Colonel Carter why I allowed you to become ill during her temporary absence."
Jack smiled slightly at the image. "She'd kick your ass, T."
"Indeed."
His smile broadened before fading again. "Compromise then? I'll rack out right next door here, if you come get me in a couple of hours."
"It is a deal."
"Two hours, big guy. Or I'll be the one kicking your ass."
"I believe that you would try, O'Neill."
"That was a joke. I know. I'm getting better at spotting them," Jack murmured as he pulled off his boots and climbed into an empty bed, dragging the sheet and rough blanket over his shoulders. Teal'c was certain he was asleep almost as soon as his head struck the thin pillow.
It was closer to four hours before Teal'c reached over to shake Jack awake, but the extra rest seemed to have done him considerable good and the big Jaffa sincerely doubted that O'Neill would follow through with his threats. There was still exhaustion lurking behind Jack's eyes, but it was diminished by his rest. But Teal'c knew that little, aside from Samantha's recovery, that would erase that pall entirely.
"How's she doin'?"
"Still the same, O'Neill."
Jack nodded as he returned to the chair he had abandoned and bent over to lace up his boots. "You eat yet, T.?"
"I have not. Do you require sustenance, O'Neill?"
"Yeah, actually, I think I might be a bit hungry. How about you snag us both a couple of trays from the commissary?" Sleeping and eating had been rather low on his priority list, but now that he had indulged in one, the other seemed necessary as well.
"I shall return momentarily."
"T.?"
"Yes, O'Neill."
"Thanks."
Teal'c knew the acknowledgement was for more than just food. "As you say on Earth, that is what friends are for."
SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1
Jack maintained his vigil at Sam's bedside for another two hours before reluctantly returning to his office. He knew Daniel and Teal'c had taken time out during the day to complete their reports about what they had seen in and around Ba'al's facilities on -035 and he expected to have the Colonel's report on his desk by now, waiting for his review. As much as he wanted to agree with Daniel, give in to his longing to stay with Sam the base and the Goa'uld be damned, he simply couldn't. All his adult life he had lived by a code of honor that required diligence to duty above all else. He had sacrificed his first marriage to it, he knew well the sacrifices that had been made. But this time he was with someone who fully understood his code; someone who lived by a code that ran just as deep as his own.
Entering his office, Jack was surprised to find his inbox empty and his laptop packed inside its carrying case, his desk suspiciously free of memos and requisition forms. Turning around to go in search of Walter, Jack nearly crashed headlong into the intrepid Sergeant.
"General!" Harriman exclaimed, taking a step back involuntarily.
"Sergeant, what's going on around here? Why is my desk….like that?" Jack motioned over his shoulder at the unusually clean workspace.
"Ah, well, actually that was Doctor Jackson's, Sir."
"Daniel? What's he got to do with my desk?"
"Well Sir, I believe Doctor Jackson felt that if you insisted on keeping up with your work, the least we could do is make it portable for you, so you could take it with you. Wherever you might be. On the base. Anywhere on the base."
Understanding dawned on him and Jack nearly smiled. Never one to admit defeat, ol' Danny-boy had found a way to ensure they both got their way.
"I get it, Sergeant. So, you finished up here?"
"Yes, Sir. I was just bringing you the report Colonel Reynolds dropped off. I was about to pack all of this up and bring it down to you."
"I'll take it. Everything else in there already?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Okay. Anyone needs me, I'll be down in the infirmary."
"Yes, Sir."
Jack scooped up the briefcase and reports and was about to head down the stairs when Walter's voice stopped him.
"Ah….Sir?"
"Yeah, Walter?"
"How is she, Sir? We really haven't heard much up here and everyone's been asking."
Jack dropped his eyes briefly before responding. "She's still the same."
Harriman nodded sadly. "We're all pulling for her, Sir."
"I know you are. I know. And we both appreciate it."
The unquestioning support he had received from the rank and file at the SGC had always made him a bit uncomfortable; but now, when he was feeling particularly low, the sentiments seemed to buoy him and he drew on that feeling.
Down in the infirmary, Jack got a short update from the nurses. He had been somewhat disappointed to learn that Sam's fever had come down, but not enough to declare her out of danger. Still lying beneath the cooling blankets, they reported that she had been resting comfortably in his absence.
Commandeering a small table, Jack set himself up next to the nurse's station where he could both work and see Sam simultaneously. Pulling out Reynolds' report first, he set about reading through the layout of the temple and the surrounding forest and also Reynolds own assessment of the feasibility of taking out the weapon before Ba'al could turn it on them. The Marine's report was frank, brutal in its honesty, right down to the casualty estimates, which according to this were anywhere from five to fifteen percent of the strike force.
Jack grimaced at the thought of sending good men and women on a mission, knowing some of them wouldn't be returning. But it had to be done, and all of them knew it. Considering the nearly 100 percent probability of hostile action, Jack had already decided this mission would be totally volunteer. He wasn't going to order anyone to take part, and if he knew is troops as well as he suspected, he wouldn't have any shortage of willing and able team members.
Jack jotted down some notes on a pad of paper that he would later type into an email for Colonel Reynolds, outlining the suggestions he had for a final strike plan. Some may have considered his diligent planning unusual in the formerly 'fly by the seat of his pants' officer, but since he had taken over as commanding officer of the SGC, prudence was the order of the day. No unnecessary risks. Period. And this mission was going to be risky enough without adding shoddy planning into the mix.
Just as he was finishing up his notes, Jack noticed Doctor Brightman leave her office and walk in his direction. Closing the report and his notes, Jack rose from his chair.
"Doc? What's the good word?"
"The lab just called with the results of Colonel Carter's blood tests. The organism that's causing this infection is very similar to the bacteria that causes pneumococcal meningitis. But based on what we're seeing here, it affects the pulmonary system rather than the brain stem."
"In English, Doc. What does that mean for Carter?"
"Now that we know what we're dealing with, we can use antibiotics specifically designed to work on the pneumococcal bacteria. They should be more effective than the broad spectrum antibiotics we've had her on."
"Okay, so when do you start that?"
"Right now, Sir. I've sent a request to the pharmacy to send up the appropriate meds."
"Okay. Okay. So this is a good thing."
"Yes, Sir. Knowing what we're dealing with is always a good thing. Now we just have to hope the new medications work."
"It'll work, Doc. It has to," Jack said, allowing his gaze to stray into Sam's room. "I'm gonna go on in, sit with her for a while. If anyone comes looking for me, unless the base's about to be overrun, tell them to come back later."
"Will do, Sir."
Jack returned to the seat he had vacated a few hours earlier, reaching out to take Sam's hand in his own again. He could hear her breaths, rattling deep in her chest, the sound reminding him of crackling parchment paper. It terrified him.
It was times like these when he sincerely questioned his decision to come out of retirement when General Hammond had summoned him. These times when the future seemed impossibly bleak, and success so very far away. Times when he saw his friends, people he cared about, injured and in pain; and it wore on him like nothing else ever had.
"C'mon, Sam. Wake up for me, okay? We need you out here. We've got to go back and take out that temple and we could sure use your help with that. Besides, I need you to help me with Daniel. He's really pissed at me this time and I don't know how to fix it. You always know how to handle him. What to say to make it better," Jack paused, squeezing Sam's hand between his. "Ya know, truth is, I need you. I didn't realize just how much until now. I need you, Sam. Please, come back to me."
Hoping against hope for some sign of wakefulness, Jack was disappointed when he saw none. Resigning himself to another long night, he sat back in his chair making himself as comfortable as possible. Daniel had appeared about an hour later, bringing with him a tray from the commissary that Jack actually ate some of while the archaeologist sat with Sam. Jack convinced him to get some sleep somewhere around midnight, and reluctantly the younger man agreed, promising to return first thing in the morning.
As the night progressed, the nurses came and went, injecting medications into Sam's IV, adjusting settings on the monitors. Sometime around 0100 the night nurse bustled in, saying something about oxygen levels that Jack didn't understand but thought it sounded ominous. She uncoiled a thin, clear tube from a holder on the wall and draped it over Sam's shoulder, looping it over each of her ears and placing one clear plastic tube in each nostril.
"Just a precaution," she had said, but to Jack it seemed as though things were getting worse, rather than better.
Over the next couple of hours, Jack clung to the wet sound of Sam's breathing, knowing if he could hear that, she was still with him; still alive.
The nurses continued to come and go barely within his awareness as Jack simply sat and listened to Sam breathe. He had been concentrating so completely on that horrible sound that when it stopped, at first Jack didn't understand what was missing. When it dawned on him that he could no longer hear the sodden sound of air being pulled in and out of Sam's lungs, he froze, closing his eyes tightly in horror. He sat there for several moments, praying for a return of the sound that had sustained him through the night, unwilling to open his eyes to confirm what his ears were telling him. Sam had stopped breathing. Sam was dead.
"Jack?"
The reed thin voice startled him so completely that his eyes popped open involuntarily. Jack was stunned to see Sam's eyes, barely open, gazing at him.
"Sam?" Jack breathed, wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him. He'd heard her breathing stop. Hadn't he?
Her brow furrowed in confusion. "Wha' happen? Where'm I?"
Jack's face creased into a broad answering smile and he pulled one of his hands free from hers to caress her cheek. "You're at the SGC, Sam. You're going to be fine. Everything's gonna be just fine."
"SGC?"
"Yeah. What's the last thing you remember?"
Sam's eyes drifted shut, her forehead wrinkling in concentration. "Jaffa…woods… running through woods…" Sam whispered. "I…I don't….remember…," She began before breaking off suddenly, her eyes flying open in panic. "Teal'c….Daniel… okay?"
"Yeah. They're fine, I promise. They made it back just fine. Been pretty worried about you."
Sam squeezed her eyes closed in relief. "Thank God."
"You did good, Sam. You got them out and you survived to get yourself out. Right now that's all that matters."
Sam nodded weakly, forcing her eyes open again to study Jack's face. "Look tired."
"Nah, nothing a hot shower and a cup of coffee won't cure."
Sam could see the exhaustion lurking behind Jack's casual smile, but didn't have the strength right now to argue the point with him. She could feel the tendrils of sleep pulling at her and knew slumber wasn't far off. Sam felt Jack lean in closer, the spicy smell of him that had always been uniquely Jack O'Neill tickling at her nose; felt the rough texture of his beard as he pressed a feather light kiss on her forehead before he leaned his cheek against hers.
"I love you, Sam," He whispered, his breath caressing her ear; felt the dampness of his tears as they tracked down his cheek.
"Love you, too," She managed to reply, a slight smile gracing her lips.
Jack pulled back from her slightly. "Rest now, okay? I'll be here when you wake up."
Sam nodded, finally allowing her eyes to slide closed. Squeezing Jack's hand, she let go and slipped back into the welcoming arms of sleep.
SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1-SG1
The nurse on duty arrived shortly after Sam had gone back to sleep and when Jack reported she had been awake very briefly, had immediately summoned Doctor Brightman. As they examined Sam, she drifted awake again, grousing softly about the noise and joking about asking for her money back for the room. The light quip brought smiles of relief from all present.
Doc Brightman finished her exam and then gestured to Jack and indicated they would talk outside.
"So, Doc. What do you think?"
"Her temperature is down to 100.6 and the fact that she is lucid and knows where she is are all excellent indications. She's still weak, but the antibiotics are definitely working. Her oxygen levels are a bit low, but her lungs have improved significantly. Honestly, Sir, I never expected the drugs to work so quickly. I'm at a bit of a loss to explain it."
"Yes, well, you know what they say about gift horses, Doc. And I'm not about to look this one in the mouth."
Doctor Brightman smiled, "No, Sir. You're right. I'll want to keep her in the ICU for the next several hours, but if she continues to improve at this rate, we can move her into the ward later this afternoon."
Jack nodded, the long night and emotional morning beginning to catch up with him as he stifled a yawn.
"Why don't you go get some sleep, Sir?"
"I will, Doc, just as soon as I pass along the news to a few folks first."
Jack stole a glance at his watch, and noting the time, set off for the commissary. At nearly 0700, it was more than likely that he would catch Teal'c or Daniel or both sitting down to breakfast.
Pushing open the double doors, Jack spotted them both, sitting at their usual table toward the back of the room. Daniel noticed his arrival first, his face creased with worry and lack of sleep. Jack made for their table and wasted no time filling them both in.
"She's awake."
Daniel's eyes slid closed and his shoulders slumped in obvious relief. "Oh thank God. Thank God," He murmured softly. "When?"
" 'Bout an hour ago."
"And her state of mind, O'Niell?"
"She's fine. Remembers most of what happened, at least up to the point where she escaped, but not much after that. First thing she wanted to know was whether the two of you made it back okay."
"That's our Sam," Daniel replied, his face creasing into a smile.
"Yeah. Through and through."
"Did you get any sleep last night?" Daniel asked, noting the fatigued bruises that shadowed the older man's eyes.
"Not sure. Might've dozed here and there. Didn't really want to… well, anyway. Don't think so."
Daniel nodded, understanding fully. "Yeah, neither did we. You hungry?"
Jack shook his head, "Not really. Right now I'm too tired to be hungry. I'm gonna go rearrange my schedule for this morning then catch a couple of hours in my rack."
"That sounds like an excellent idea, O'Neill. Perhaps I could go and sit with Colonel Carter for a while."
"I'm sure she'd like that. She's sleeping now. Doc said to expect her to do a lot of that for the next couple of days."
"Then I shall endeavor to be there when she awakens again."
"Thanks T. Thank you both. I know I haven't been the easiest guy to be around the last few days…"
Daniel interrupted him, "You have nothing to apologize for, Jack. We're your friends. We'll be your friends no matter what. Even when we argue."
"Yeah, well. Thanks all the same. I'll see you both later," Jack said, shoving his hands deep in his pockets and heading for his office. For the first time since Daniel and Teal'c had stumbled through the wormhole without Sam, he honestly felt as though everything was going to be okay. Now all they had to do was stop Ba'al and his weapon and compared to what he had just been through, that seemed like a piece of cake.
TBC…