Sorry for not updating I've been quite busy with school but here it goes. Please read and review.

Chapter five: Choices

Ruthie sat on a bench in the park thinking about the last time she was here, how she had held the bottle in her hands. Ruthie's heart fell heavily as she stared across the park she closed her eyes picturing Sean. Why is he haunting me! She could hear his voice that day on the phone. It wasn't possible though he was dead. So why was he haunting her? Ruthie looked down at her wrists picturing the bruises that had once been there. What seemed like an eternity ago was only months, she thought back to that tragic day where Sean was ripped away from her, she could hear her screams echoing in her head. Ruthie stood up tears in her eyes she had to talk to someone.

As I finger your name in the stone
Tears drip off my face along the rain
The ground soaks up my tears
Carrying them to you
I sit six feet above your chest
Your soul stands in front of me
I speak to you as though you listened
But you say nothing
I don't see you
I sit so close to you but we were never further
I wait for you to come back
But you don't
Cause you won't
Cause you can't

The grass sunk under her feet as she knelt down, her fingers outlining the words against the stone. She sighed remembering the last time she was here, at his funeral she had stood here.

"Why are you haunting me?" She cried. "Why can't I just join you? Please, I needed you, you left me!" Tears streamed down her face. She felt someone behind her but when she turned she saw nobody. "You can't do this to me!" She laid her head against the stone. "Paige left me, she's gone. I can't do it alone I need somebody—"

"Ruthie," Ruthie spun around. Lucy stood there wrapped in her coat shivering. "Who are you talking to?"

"Sean," She whispered. "Lucy why did God take him away from me? I needed him! He was the only one—and now Paige—"

"What Ruthie? You aren't talking to anybody, we could help you if you let us what's wrong?" Lucy sat down next to her sister. Everything! Please I'm going to say nothing!

"Nothing," she whispered painfully.

"Bullshit" Lucy exclaimed. "You think I'm blind?" Ruthie looked into her eyes and she could tell that Lucy wanted to help.

"I need him," she said. "I need him back, I need him more then anyone or anything in the world, because…"

"What?" Lucy said. Ruthie looked up at her she wanted so badly to tell her but some how she couldn't get the words out. They stumbled out.

"I… Got to go" Ruthie got up and bolted leaving Lucy standing there staring blankly. Ruthie felt the wind press against her as she ran as fast as she could. She wanted to escape reality. She could feel the ground moving under her feet as she felt time go by. She ran for what felt like forever, she couldn't escape no matter what she did Sean was with her in her nightmares replaying the past few months over in her head. Nothing makes sense she can't bring herself to speak no matter how hard she tries, no matter what she does. She is trapped in her pain, her life an unfair reality. Nothing helps her to escape, because the one holding her back is she.

As Ruthie Stands in the middle of nowhere she thinks of Lucy how she left her standing they're wondering. What is wrong with me? Why am I a coward, I won't hurt myself but I'll torture my family and myself. Ruthie stood there watching the cars zoom by hard, wanting so desperately to run in front of one. She stood there wanting someone to take her away from her insane reality rip her out of her selfish dream. The cars zip by her pulling tears from her eyes she thinks of her family and Sean and Paige and how she could be okay if only she would allow herself to be helped.

Don't hold me back
Just let me go
I'm waiting here for something more
My regrets are pulling me back
As my strength depletes
I empty myself of selfish things
As life becomes hollow
As I become shallow
I lie awake and cry for you
Yet I hold my own self back