Chapter six: Help!
Ruthie felt herself being pulled in two; she was drained emotionally and was tired of running from her pain. It was dark out, she listened closely to the cars whizzing by she could hear a faint ringing and realized it was her phone. She pulled it out and answered it.
"Ruthie?" Lucy said. Lucy could hear Ruthie breathing but there was no answer. "Ruthie? Where are you?"
"I'm okay," Ruthie whispered in a hoarse voice.
"Where are you? What's going on?" Lucy begged.
"I can't, Lucy you don't understand!" Ruthie cried.
"Then let me," Lucy begged her; Ruthie was cold and scared and it was dark, she wanted to go home.
"Can you pick me up?" Ruthie said.
"Ok, where are you?" Ruthie told her where she was, and waited for her to come get her.
Trapped inside a cage of fear,
My shrieks don't even pierce the bars
I cry wanting to escape
An illusion-coated reality blinds me
All my sense slips away
And my voice disappears
As my pain rots me from the inside out
Ruthie sat in the car silently, as Lucy drove her home. She was trying to figure out how to tell her. She finally spoke.
"I loved him…" Ruthie sighed. "I told him everything, and he loved me" Lucy nodded. "He was the only one who knew…" But she drifted off as choked up.
"He knew what?" Lucy said.
" I told Paige and now she's gone…" Ruthie sighed. "At that party, something happened…"
"What?" Lucy asked again.
"I… I… I was…" Ruthie stumbled. "I was raped" She whispered tears streaming down her face. "And Sean knew and he left me, and Paige knew and she left me and when I tried to leave I couldn't and I couldn't tell anyone… and… and… he was trying to protect me Sean was trying to protect me I would've been dead! Not him but me!" She sobbed, she was so relieved to have told someone, but thinking about made her sick to her stomach she kept picturing him and picturing Sean's dead body. "Pull over," Ruthie sobbed. Silently Lucy pulled over to the side of the road. Ruthie sat there shaking from crying so hard.
"Ruthie…" Lucy didn't know what to say. Ruthie opened the door and jumped out she sat on the grass crying. Tears streamed down her face, she just sat there crying.
"Ruthie why didn't you tell anyone when it happened?" Lucy asked.
"I was scared," She whispered.
"Well I have to tell mom and dad, no you have to tell them—" Lucy said.
"I can't!" she said looking up. "Let's go home" Ruthie felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders but she still felt alone and scared.
Tears weigh heavy upon my cheeks
I rest my head on your shoulder
Lifting the weight off my shoulders
Lightening my heart
As the car pulled into the driveway Ruthie sat motionless, waiting for the world to end. She didn't want to tell her parents she was starting to regret telling Lucy, they couldn't do anything!
"Do they know I ran away?" Ruthie asked.
"Yeah I tried calling but you wouldn't pick up so I panicked and called them" Lucy said. Ruthie sighed as she looked at her home; she opened the door and walked towards it each step she regretted. Once inside, she wanted to run away.
"You found her! What were you thinking? What is wrong with you?" Annie cried. Lucy sighed as she listened to her parents yell at Ruthie. Ruthie just sat there quietly.
"Ruthie answer us!" Eric yelled.
"What do you want me to say?" Ruthie screamed.
"You could answer our questions" Annie said.
"Ok fine I don't know I was thinking I was thinking I never fucking think!" Ruthie shouted.
"Ruthie what is wrong? You must have lost all your senses when Sean died. You want to explain it to us or just cause problems? Cause if your not going to explain it to us then don't expect us to understand."
"Ruthie…" Lucy said.
"NO! You want answers fine. I don't think! I don't fucking care about anyone but myself that's what you think right? What's wrong with me? What isn't fucking wrong with me?" Ruthie screamed. "Lucy you want me to actually explain to these people? Explain what to them, they won't hear anything it will go in one fucking ear and out the next, cause to them I'm just trying to fuck up everyone's lives, I'm just a fucking problem child aren't I?" Ruthie stormed up to her room slamming her door behind her. I can't do anything right!
One problem solved another arises
My happiness burnt to a crisp
Fire destroying ever shed of light
Leaving only ashes of pain behind