Ruthie sat on her bed near the open window, the summer breeze brushing past her face. She half wished school would start to keep her mind on something, but she felt that school would be harder she'd have to face the fact Paige was gone, and the fact that Sean was too. Ruthie wanted to find a way to just forget about things, she wanted to escape from the fighting and the pain, and all the problems she caused.
Ruthie got up and went downstairs, as she headed for the door her dad stopped her.
"Where are you going?" He asked.
"Out," She replied.
"No your not, your grounded among other things," He said.
"Try and stop me," She said glaring at him. She grabbed his keys to the car off a hook and ran outside. She locked the car and threw them in the bushes, before he came out. She didn't know where she was going but she had an idea. It was late, it was the end of summer, and she knew one person who'd be having a party.
As she slowed down, she approached a big house, with music blaring and kids everywhere. She stopped, Ryan's house. This was the house where she had been raped, the house where everything began. Ruthie took a deep breath and went inside. The music was even louder and the whole house smelt of smoke and beer. Ruthie looked around at the faces some of which she knew, some of which she didn't but all of which knew her or at least of her. She felt as though they were staring at her, and whispering about her. Ruthie immediately went to drink table and this time, didn't hesitate to take a beer, or two, or more. Ruthie walked around talking to random people about random things, none of it felt real. They were to drunk to recognize her anymore.
"Your that preachers kid right?" Some guy asked her.
"I prefer Ruthie," She gulped.
"Whatever, you're the dead kids girlfriend right?" He asked continuing. "That's deep" Ruthie looked disgustingly at him and walked away. She wanted to go home but anyone that could drive her wasn't leaving yet, not to mention drunk but that factor didn't bug her. She kept walking around avoiding the stairs and the second floor altogether. Everyone was talking, dancing, or drinking.
Ruthie felt her head get heavier after each beer. She could feel the room spinning around her. The music got softer, and her heartbeat got louder. She slumped against the wall sweat dripping down her face.
"Ruthie?" Someone said. She focused her eyes.
"Ryan?" She asked, as though she knew him although Paige had been the one to talk to him. Ryan was in her class; his older brother had invited them to the party earlier in the year.
"I haven't seen you in a while… you kind of vanished after what happened…" He stopped. "With Sean…"
"Yeah…Uhh…" She had wanted to say Sean who but even being drunk she could never play it that cool. She just looked away.
"Why are you here?" he asked.
"I guessed why?" she said. "You don't want me here, I could understand we've never really spoken outside school, we never even see each other, I'm surprised you even know my name. When was last time you saw me? newspaper doesn't count!"
"Of course I know your name, and…" He stopped again, as though choosing his words carefully. "I saw you… the last time when you came to my house…"
"What, I didn't see, and I know cause I wasn't drunk then--" she said. He looked at her, cutting her off.
"You've been drinking I gather, um you want me to drive you home?" he asked.
"No thank you, I'm fine I don't need help. Don't pity me, please, its not like you even care or anything you don't even know me," She said walking away he grabbed her arm. A sudden fear rushed through her at his touch.
"Let me give you a ride!" he said with a sudden fierceness. He stopped, and looked at her.
"I said no, and don't touch me," she said. He glared at her and let go.
"Let me get you a ride then," He said.
"No! Why do you want me to leave?" she asked.
"Yeah, I do…." He said.
"Oh fuck off," She said.
"Shut up," He yelled. She locked eyes, and gazed in terror as she looked into the face that had ruined her life. Time seemed to stop as she realized he had raped her.
"You…you…" She stumbled trying to catch her breath.
"Shut up," He repeated grabbing her arms. "Be quiet!"
"You…why? How…" She pulled away. He tried to grab her but she ran outside. As she stepped outside she felt him grab her arm again.
"I was drunk," He whispered to her.
"I don't care," she said with a disgusted voice. "You raped me"
"Oh please, it wasn't like that!" he said.
"What!" she half screamed.
"You were in a bedroom by yourself, what's a drunk guy supposed to assume" He yelled back.
"Well when you assume you make an ass out of you and me," She replied.
"Fuck you,"
"You already did!" She stopped. He twisted her arm holding it tightly.
"You'll keep your mouth quiet if you know what's good for you, I'm not going to let some stupid little dramatic bitch ruin my life. Isn't ruining two lives enough!"
"What are you talking about?" She said slowly, she had started crying at that point.
"Well you broke Alex's heart and now he's in jail and your boyfriends dead because of how you treated Alex!" He yelled. "You stupid bitch deserved what you got for how you treated him!"
"That's right, your…your… his friend… he didn't know I bet his best friend raped the girl he liked!" She said sobbing.
"Oh please, he would have done it himself that night had he not refused to come because of how you treated him." He said. Ruthie sobbed as everything made sense, she had been so blind that she couldn't see the obvious, even though it was right in front of her.
"Get away from me!" She screamed, she turned to leave but he wouldn't let her.
"No!" He yelled holding her arm.
"Stop it," She kneed him in the balls and ran. He bent over, for a minute giving her the time to escape. Ruthie kept running trying to escape trying to keep herself from breaking down. Everything was clear, but all she felt was confusion.