Chapter eight: Listen to your heart

Sorry its been so long but I have had a hard time topping the last chapter… so hope you like this one I've worked hard on it.

As Ruthie walked down the empty street, all she could think about was home. She wanted to go home. She felt like a baby, I want my mommy! She couldn't take all of this. She kept on walking; she was heading the opposite direction from her house. Ruthie could taste the beer on breath, and could still feel his hands on her arm. She wondered if anyone had seen the two of them fighting. How stupid could you be! What and idiot! You saw him everyday at school! Why did you go back there! What did you expect! Ruthie staggered down the street. Tears streamed down her face, blurring her vision. She tripped, falling into the street banging her head against the cement. She laid their unconscious.

When she woke up she felt the cement under her it was still dark out. Ruthie got up weakly. Her head was pounding last night felt like a dream but as she looked around it became more real she was only a few blocks from the party. She started heading home she pulled out her cell it was 5am.

"My parents are going to kill me," She said to herself. The rush of last night hit her, and all she could think of was Sean. For the first time since this all started Ruthie was sure about what she was doing as she headed for the cemetery.

At 5:30 in the morning the cemetery was quiet, and empty. She strolled along the headstones, reaching out to brush them for a sense of security. As she sat in front of Sean's grave she felt safe, safer then anywhere else.

"Did I ruin your life?" She said softly. The wind whispered by brushing her hair. "I loved you," Ruthie stopped. "I still do… what did I ever do?" She laughed thinking about him but stopped and sighed. The wind died and silence over took the graveyard. Ruthie held her hand out to the headstone, tracing his name with her fingers. "Sean, I've barely said your name since… you died" Tears streaked down her face. "I can't believe I was so stupid. I can't believe how stupid—" She paused. "How could you possibly be so stupid?" She listened to herself, and she didn't hate herself for saying that. "You were you should have told me, you might've still been alive… but how could you have known…Maybe I did ruin your life and maybe it was my fault Alex went crazy…" She closed her eyes picturing Sean. She remembered talking to Paige, after being released from the hospital.

Flashback "It's not your fault," Paige sighed. "Sean loved you that's why he died for you" "Yeah your right…" She sighed she didn't know if she agreed but she said it anyway. End.

Paige had wanted to help her so badly, and Ruthie knew that Paige was right. "Paige was right, you loved me. It wasn't my fault Ryan caused all this, Most of it anyway. I never did anything to him. Sean I miss you, I can't stop seeing you wherever I go." Ruthie took a deep breath; the sun was starting to rise, sprinkling light on the grass. She knew she couldn't stay here forever even though she wanted to. "What do I do? I don't know whom to trust anymore… I want to trust everyone but I can't… but I guess I want a lot…"

"Want or need?" A voice behind her said. Ruthie froze in a state of shock; she turned around slowly in disbelief. " I flew in all the way from Pennsylvania to see you only to find out you've disappeared, again from what I'm told."

"Paige?" Ruthie jumped up and hugged her. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"What are you doing here?" Paige asked.

"I wanted to talk to him, I went back to the house Paige. You won't believe this, Ryan raped me…"

"Again?" Paige asked.

"No! He was the one that raped me!" She half yelled.

"Calm down. How do you know this?" She said placing her hands on Ruthie's shoulders.

"Because… I no the way he acted… and then he admitted it…" She started crying. "He said he did it for Alex because I was ruining his life he said I destroyed two lives already…" She sobbed. "Did I? Did I destroy Sean's life?"

"No, don't say that! You didn't do anything!" Paige yelled at her. Ruthie looked at her stunned. "Listen to me, Alex SHOT Sean! You didn't do anything! Alex stalked you! Alex obsessed over you! Ryan RAPED you and Ryan set Alex up! You were the victim stop blaming yourself, what happened to the old Ruthie? The one that would stick up for other people, and herself... Ruthie you're the strongest person I've ever known, I know that if you stop blaming yourself you could be over this…" She stopped.

"Maybe your right, but I'm not that girl anymore!" She yelled through tears. "Half of her died that night, and the other half died with Sean!"

"I don't believe that, I believe half you died with Sean but Ruthie your still down there!" Paige said. "If only I could get you back…"