"There is so much I'm sorry for, I'm sorry for running away, I'm sorry for the way I acted, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I couldn't I was scared; I was scared of what could happen and of what would happen. I knew that once it was out there it was real and I wanted to hide it forever. I wanted to be your little girl; I didn't want my parents to have to know what had happened. But I wanted to tell you first mommy, you were the only one I wanted to tell when I felt so alone when it happened. I knew my friends were there for me but I knew you'd really care more then anyone, but I couldn't tell you. How do you break the truth to your parents that your not so innocent anymore, that your not who they want you to be, that you can never be what they want. How do you tell them… that you failed?" Ruthie sat there staring at the rug beneath her feet. Her parents sat on either side of Dr. Grainer listening to Ruthie. Tears fell down her cheeks. Eric was about to speak but Dr. Grainer held her hand up.
"Ruthie, can you look at me?" She asked. Ruthie shook her head, trembling. "Why not?"
"How am I supposed to look at you guys the same way again knowing you look at me as rape victim and not just your daughter?" Ruthie cried.
"Ruthie, you think that's how your parents are going to really see you?" Dr. Grainer asked.
"Yes…" She whispered. "That's what I am, I'm not Ruthie Camden anymore, Paige is wrong, I'm not the girl that went to that party. She's gone, and she isn't coming back… just like Sean…" Dr. Grainer looked at Mrs. Camden and nodded.
"Ruthie, honey, you're my baby. I see you as the spunky, and sneaky one I've always seen you as. That's never going to change, and I think Ruthie is down there waiting to be let out." Annie said, holding back tears. "And Ruthie you could never fail us!" Ruthie jumped up and hugged her mother tightly.
"Mommy, I was so scared! I love you," She sobbed. Ruthie was happy Paige had talked her into to talking to someone. She was happy she could finally hug her mom without wincing, and feeling guilty. She finally felt like she could go home, as herself.
I cried out in pain,
When you walked by
I cried out in pain,
The day he died
I cried out in pain,
From every memory
I cried out in pain,
For my misery
I cried out but now I don't
Ruthie lay in her bed thinking she had two options, go to court or move on. She wanted to put Ryan in jail but she had little evidence of anything, she had Paige's testimony and the bruises on her arm made from the last time she saw him but that could only prove he was violent with her. A knock on her door jolted Ruthie out of her thoughts.
"Who is it?" Ruthie asked.
"It's Martin" Martin said opening the door. "Can I come in?"
"Sure" Ruthie sat up and sat on her bed Indian style.
"Um…" Martin sat on the bed across from her staring at the floor.
"I knew it" Ruthie said shaking her head.
"What?" Martin asked confused.
"You look at me different don't you?" Ruthie said, glaring at him.
"No, it's just, I… I don't… I don't know what to say to you," He said.
"You don't have to say anything," Ruthie said sharply. "I'm sorry, I can't do this yet, and I can't,"
"Do what?" Martin asked.
"Be a victim, I'm not a victim… don't give me sympathy" She just shook her head back and forth. "I'm not ready to act like I'm okay…"
"You don't have to" Martin said. "I came up to say I'm sorry, I'm sorry it happened. But it's ok to be a victim Ruthie. It's ok to let people care about you."
"I know but I can't" Ruthie stared at martin. He got up and left closing the door behind him. Ruthie looked down, she sighed and threw her pillow against the wall, and she got up and walked over to her desk. She picked up a locket she had in her jewelry box and placed it on the keyboard. Ruthie sat down and started working on the computer she finally printed out a tiny picture of her and Sean. She cut it into a heart and placed it in the locket, she put the locket on and just stood there with her hand on her neck. She didn't know what to do, but she knew what Sean would want her to do. He would want her to go to court. So she knew that's what she had to do. Ruthie wanted to let go of it, and she wanted to move on.