Okay, before you read, I have to explain Dumbledore. I know he's not at all like he is in the books but the change was necessary for plot reasons. I'm sorry! I don't like it either! But I hope you like the rest of it and please review when you're done!

Chapter Nine

Lilly had planned to go home for Christmas, but she and Severus had slept late and she'd missed the train home, so she found herself trying to explain to a skeptical Professor McGonagall that she'd decided at the last minute she'd stay.

It was harder to explain to her parents. They were kind enough, and they loved her, but they were strict. If they found out she'd slept with George, then Severus… She shuddered. Lilly hated to think what would happen to her then. So she scribbled something about having to stay at Hogwarts to work on an unexplained potion that took three weeks of unbroken work to finish and sent it off feeling mildly guilty. Both of her parents were Muggles. It had been quite a surprise when she got the letter, and it had taken awhile for her parents to consent to her going. In the end, Albus Dumbledore himself had come and insisted that she go. She never knew why he'd bothered. She was just another student, after all…

But she had come to Hogwarts, and she loved it. It was like home to her now… Lilly thought about what it would be like to leave. She didn't know what she'd do… She was a good student—O. W. L.'s in Herbology, Transfiguration, Charms, Astronomy, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Divination, and, of course, Potions. The only two she'd gotten O's in were Defense Against the Dark Arts and Potions… but she'd managed to pass all of her other classes except History of Magic. "Well," she'd said defensively when her parents had asked, "you try to keep all those names straight!" Unfortunately, they'd pointed out that she'd clearly managed to keep all of her measurements and ingredients straight in Potions, so it hadn't quite worked. It also hadn't helped that she'd not only failed, but she'd gotten a D—dreadful.

Lilly watched until her owl flew out of sight before she turned to leave. Christmas dinner would be starting in a few minutes and she didn't want to miss a Hogwarts feast. Nothing was better. Except, she thought, trailing off and trying not to think about it. She grinned, hoping she'd see him on the way to the Great Hall.

Severus took his seat in the Great Hall for Christmas dinner. There was only one long table set up today instead of the usual five. Only three teachers and five students were staying over the break. There were seven people at the table now… Severus looked around. Perhaps Lilly had gone home? She was old enough to Apparate… perhaps she'd snuck into Hogsmeade and gone home. He frowned slightly.

Then she hurried through the big wooden doors and took the last empty seat—right beside him. He glanced at her, trying to look like he was not glad to see her. He was fairly sure that they were a well-kept secret, but just in case… He wouldn't call her by her first name when others were around, and he was always "Sir" or "Professor" in class. Only when they were alone would he let himself call her Lilly, and her full first name, Lillyan, was kept only for their most intimate moments, and even then he would remind her of it only in the most private, secretive whisper. Still, there was not much that Dumbledore didn't notice. Severus was oddly mindful of her presence beside him in the way one is acutely aware of a wasp crawling up their leg. It was the same oddly stiff, uncomfortable feeling—he nearly flinched each time she touched him, even when it was the sleeve of her robe brushing across his hand as she reached for a bowl of soup. Because anything can be interpreted any way the interpreter chooses, he thought.

The Potions Master pulled a cracker with Minerva McGonagall, scowling deeply at the hat with the large stuffed vulture on top. It had been two years since that accursed Longbottom boy had dressed his boggart-self in drag and paraded him around the room for the entire third year class to see. Why couldn't they all just forget about it?

Lilly didn't laugh at the jokes the staff were making about Severus and Longbottom's grandmother. It wasn't unusual for her. She had a reputation in the school—and had for years—for being very defensive of him. She knew most of the teachers suspected she had an enduring crush on him, and her friends just thought she was stupid. Kind but stupid. She glared angrily as the Ancient Runes professor, who was laughing loudly about something she'd just said in reference to the incident. Then she looked at Severus, watching his face. She could see in his eyes that he was furious. It was like he would draw back into himself when he was angry. He was shaking. Lilly knew Dumbledore noticed, too. Severus had an incredible temper when he was angry. It was demonstrated in nearly every lesson he taught. As Dumbledore quickly changed the subject of the conversation, Lilly resisted the urge to take his hand and tell him he didn't have to listen to them.

She found it almost difficult to believe he'd ever been a Death Eater. He was so firmly loyal to Dumbledore and so clearly hated Voldemort above all others… But she supposed he'd been different. And Voldemort had made him do it. Lilly felt a surge of anger towards anyone who had hurt him so deeply. And Bellatrix Lestrange… Lilly didn't care about the laws—if she ever met Bellatrix, she'd kill her.

When dinner was over, Lilly stood up to leave, but Dumbledore said quickly, "Wait, Lilly, I need a word with you. You also, Severus."

Lilly sat back down, her stomach sinking. He knows… she thought nervously. Severus's eyes had frozen. He stared at his empty plate and she knew he knew it, too.

The table cleared. The dishes vanished, the others walked away to resume whatever they were doing to pass the time until term started again. When the hall was empty but for the three of them, Dumbledore spoke.

"It has come to my attention," he said heavily, "that there is more between you than Potions."

Severus saw Lilly look down at the table.

Dumbledore continued. "I cannot allow this in my school. It is not healthy and it is improper. I'm sorry."

Lilly looked up. "How… what are you going to…?" She trailed off.

"I am taking fifty points from Ravenclaw because you should have known better," said Dumbledore, "and, Severus, you will not be teaching Lilly any longer."

Lilly looked up angrily. "Professor Dumbledore, I don't have to stop taking Potions, do I?"

Dumbledore shook his head. "No, but I will be teaching you from now on."

Lilly sighed.

Severus spoke up. "Headmaster, this was not a conscious decision from either of us. How can we be expected to control it?"

"Perhaps you can't control your feelings, Severus," Dumbledore said coolly, "but you can control your actions. You've certainly had plenty of practice at that."

Severus became very tense very quickly. "Headmaster, I will not give up Lilly," he said angrily. "I love her too much for that."

"Do you really love her?" the Headmaster asked. "Or is she just another Bellatrix?"

Severus snapped. He whipped out his wand and pointed it evenly at Dumbledore. "She is not," he hissed, "like Bellatrix."

Lilly put her hand over Severus's and lowered it and his wand. "Professor Dumbledore, I'm old enough to have graduated already. I'm legally an adult now. I think I can make decisions for myself."

"You are a student at this school until you graduate. You can obey the rules or you can be expelled."

"I'd rather leave and be with Severus," she said.

Severus looked at her, startled. Lilly was maybe mischievous, perhaps didn't care much about rules, but she was serious about her lessons. He couldn't let her leave without graduating. He wouldn't let her destroy herself like that.

"Lilly," he interrupted her. "You can't give up school. You need to finish so that you can get a job. I don't want you to give up your life for me."

A tear ran down Lilly's face. "You're my life, Severus," she said hoarsely.

Lilly couldn't believe it was happening. Dumbledore had found out… he'd forbidden it. What could she do now?

Dumbledore coughed and Lilly brushed at the wet streaks on her face. "Once you leave this room," he said firmly, "I don't want to see you two together and I don't want you to even talk to each other unless it is academic. This is for you, Lilly. It may seem harsh, but it will help you in the long run."

Lilly nodded miserably, gripping Severus's hand tightly under the table.

†

There had been a last kiss before she'd left. There had been last whispered words… Severus had told her he wouldn't forget. He told her he'd still love her always. And he'd told her to come see him after she graduated.

Suddenly she felt the morning's feelings reverse themselves: she couldn't wait to leave Hogwarts now.