I'm so sorry it's been so long. I've totally ignored this story for more than a week and it's past time for a new chapter. Two new chapters, actually. The next one's coming in about ten minutes. I hope you like it, and Iknow you hate evil Dumbledore, so do I. It was a necessity.

Chapter Ten

It had been a month. One miserable month. He'd see her but he couldn't talk to her; he'd watch her but he couldn't touch her. Dumbledore always seemed to be there. But when they saw each other, their eyes would meet and the world would fall away.

First he'd just felt empty… but then he'd become bitter, like black coffee when he was used to cream and sugar. His students hated him more than ever, but he couldn't make himself care. He just wanted Lilly back.

He admired Lilly for keeping control of her temper. She was as kind and polite as ever—even to the Headmaster, who Severus couldn't speak to yet without raising his voice. But she was distant, like she was fading. George Weasley's noticed, too, he thought furiously. Severus had seen him. He'd tried to "comfort" her—because it was common knowledge around the school now—by putting an arm around her and assuring her she hadn't lost anything that great, but she'd just wiggled out from under his arm and walked away.

Severus had talked to the Headmaster about it twice, but he wouldn't relent, so each time he'd just gone back to his office—his depressingly empty office—and tried to work.

Lilly felt like she'd been sentenced to death. Four and a half more months… four more months without Severus. Kathryn didn't understand. She'd say things like, "You see him every day, what's the problem?" and "He's a git. Why is this such a big loss? Just take George back." So Lilly had stopped talking about him to Kathryn. She'd stopped talking to her completely when she'd asked what he was like in bed… The last thing she and Severus needed was for Dumbledore to find out they'd actually slept together.

Unfortunately, Kathryn was jealous now. She was angry because Lilly wouldn't talk to her and she was sick of Lilly moping. Kathryn went to Dumbledore.

Severus's mouth dropped open. "Who told you?" He demanded.

Dumbledore's frown deepened. "Does it matter? I asked you if it was true, Severus. Tell me."

Severus didn't answer.

"Tell me, Severus," he pressed.

"Damn it, Headmaster, yes. It's true and I'm not sorry."

"Clearly," he said coldly. "If I were you, Severus, I wouldn't yell like that. I can find a new Potions teacher easily, but there are few who will hire an ex-Death Eater. You've betrayed my trust, Severus."

"Not since the last time you told me that," he hissed. "I haven't so much as spoken to Lilly since Christmas."

"Oh? Then when did it happen?"

"Christmas Eve," he muttered.

"Didn't you think, Severus? You could have hurt her!"

"How?" Severus snapped.

"She's only just turned eighteen," the Headmaster said despairingly. "She's just—"

"She is considerably more than the young, giggling virgin you think she is," he hissed. "I can't believe your opinion of her is so shallow." He was shaking with fury. Severus took a deep breath. "I didn't force her into it," he said as calmly as possible. "It was as much her decision as mine. I didn't rape her, if that's what you think."

"No, that's not what I think," he said. "Well… You're the Potions Master, Severus…"

"I didn't make a love potion, either," he said, saying the words as if they burned him.

"Can I believe that?" Dumbledore asked, searching Severus's face.

"Give her Veritaserum if you like! Go ahead!" Severus realized with a pang that he had promised her they'd make that very potion before the year ended. He was splashed by a wave of desire to know about her. "Please, Headmaster," he said suddenly. "How is she?"

Dumbledore seemed to soften then. "She's fine, Severus. We're working on a Spell-Canceling Solution. She's very talented. You did well—teaching her, that is."

"I know… she was my best student. She was the one who made me hope that some students really do appreciate Potions… I miss her."

"I know you do," he said softly.

"Why won't you let me talk to her?" Severus said it more to himself than to Dumbledore. "She's old enough to decide for herself."

Dumbledore shook his head. "It's against school rules. I'm sorry."

Severus sighed and nodded.

Lilly had one picture of Severus. She'd bribed that weird Creevy kid into taking it for her. She kept it with her all the time, always wishing she could see the real man.

During Potions lessons, she'd ask Dumbledore why she couldn't keep seeing him. He'd always give her a different answer: "It's against school rules," or "He's too much older than you," or even, "He has a very dangerous job with Voldemort. Do you want to be that close to him and then have him be killed?"

And she'd respond, "So what?" or "I don't care," or even, "I've been pretty close to him already, Headmaster."

And that was how it was. And Dumbledore never gave in.

She'd never gotten an answer from him when she begged to know about him… but then she asked, with really very little hope, "Headmaster, please, tell me how he is," and he'd taken a deep breath and answered.

"He asked about you when I confronted him about what your friend Kathryn told me—"

"She's not my friend anymore," Lilly mumbled.

"—and I told him about your progress in Potions. He's well, but he misses you."

Lilly's face grew heavy with a deep sadness. "Tell him I miss him, too," she begged. "Tell him I love him."

Dumbledore bowed his head. "I can't do that. Now, add three drops of the—"

"Why not?" she demanded. "Why can't you tell him I love him?"

"Do you really love him, or did he give you a love potion?"

"He certainly didn't!" she exclaimed. "I can't believe you think that of him! Severus—"

"Professor Snape, Lilly," he interrupted.

"No," she snapped. "Severus. Severus may have broken one of your rules by being with me, but he would not do that. He wouldn't do it for anyone. Don't you know how loyal to you he is? It killed him to know that he was betraying your trust. He struggled so hard with himself to convince himself it was the right thing to do!"

Dumbledore shook his head. "He should not have broken the school rules. He knew better and so did you."

"Did you ever stop to think your rules might be wrong?" she challenged.

"He is a teacher here and you are his student."

"He was teaching me," she said. "It didn't affect the lessons. And he was teaching me more than Potions. He needs it, Professor. Don't you know what Bellatrix did to him? How can he heal when you won't let him?"

Dumbledore, it seemed, couldn't find an answer to that. Lilly left feeling angry and sad. She didn't like Potions anymore. Losing Severus, she'd lost Potions. Oh, she still liked making potions—that wasn't the problem. But Potions wasn't what it was when Severus taught it. He understood it like no one else and his teaching was what made it magic for Lilly.