Title: The Goddesses Of Orlyism
Author: Crystyna
Disclaimer: Are you ready for this? I do not own: Legolas, Will, Elladan, Elrohir, Haldir, Glorfindel, Rumil, Orophin, Oropher (Legolas' grappa), Thranduil, or Jack Sparrow (CAPTAIN), or Merry or Pippin or anyone else who happens to stumble into my clutches…*evil laughter*
Author's Note: Hmm.third chapter. I have no idea what's going to happen, would you believe it?!
TO THE LOVELY AND TALENTED REVIEWERS:
SayDee27 because Im too lazy to log in: Boy do I know the feeling, I never log in when I review x] Yesh, I am sorry it took so long to update but I hope I can update more frequently now especially because next week is SPRING BREAK!!!! And worry not, my friend, the first five pages of htsah2 are typed up and ready for more!!!! CHARGE!!
Lady Dagger914: *takes a bow* Thank you, my dear...are you new to my madness? I don't think I've seen your name before, but then again, I don't often look at the names because I'm so ecstatic about actually getting a review. ANYWAY if you are new, welcome to the corner of insanity known as my ff.net account. Enjoy your stay and please, review again! x]
Sugaricing: Well hurry up and finish that homework then, I'm dying to find out what happens to my -egad- BLONDE HAIR!!! *hides* And x-ray glasses, hmm? *looks at Legolas* oh yes. These are VERY useful...'cause now I can SEE THROUGH TUNICS!!!!!!
Lily the Bucklander: FANGIRLISM IS GREAT! Except I missed the premiere of NED KELLY!! I USUALLY GO SEE ORLI'S MOVIES THE *DAY* THEY COME OUT AND THIS TIME I COULDN'T!!! WHAT KIND OF FAN GIRL AM I?!?!?! *weeps*
Indil Elondili: Jeez your name is a tongue twister. *grins* Yes, Will and Jack shall be arriving soon. I just have to figure out who they are going to fall on and when...I don't think I can put Orlando or Johnny in though, I think there's some rule against that sent by The Powers That Be in ff.net...but maybe they can make cameos...x]
The One Who Doth Remember to Curtsey: GO YOU!!! Also, YAY--Waffle Head was in the review!!!
Crystyna: *To Legolas* Don't you call her pathetic, boy. * and rant, rant, rant*
Legolas: *looks sexy*
Crystyna: *drool*
Huzzah, my responses to the reviews take up a whole page-ish!!!! GO ME!!!
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So, where was I? Oh yes, listening to the extremely gorgeous voice of the Prince of Mirkwood telling us exactly where to stick a pointy object if you are ever caught with a giant spider. Evidently, you'll have to be under the spider considering it's rather protected except for its "vulnerable underside".
Speaking of vulnerable undersides, I wouldn't mind if the walking, talking, breathing, air excreting sex GOD was caught under ME....but that's besides things.
You are so nasty, Laura thought. I glared at her, You know you're thinking the same damn thing, I thought back at her. She grinned and licked her lips, and I started laughing, which seemed to surprise Legolas a bit. Obviously whatever he was saying wasn't very funny, by the strange look he was giving me.
"I had a thought," I explained quickly. Laura rolled her eyes and touched Leggy's arm. "Ignore my sister, she has bouts of insanity sometimes, I'm afraid," she said, smiling up at him. "Its an illness, you know, I think she inherited it from our dear mother, Eru bless her so-" and suddenly there was a root that decided to stand up and trip my lovely sister, making her fall on her face in the damp Mirkwood earth. I bit back a grin and hurried over, "Oh, are you all right Lothuviel? Good Heavens, where did that root come from?" I said, trying very hard not to think about how I had just wished for a root to come up and trip her. Maybe we weren't lying when we said we were goddesses...
"You must excuse my sister, your Highness, she's a bit of a goose when it comes to moving about," I said, looking up at Legolas. He smiled and helped us both up, "One would think that you would have a bit more grace, being goddesses," he said, while Laura thought angrily You did that on purpose! I'm so going to get you back. And I answered, Nuh-uh, we're even now. And you still have his cloak, so shut up.
And we were walking once again. Do I really have to tell you that Mirkwood gets boring after, oh, say, a couple of feet of trees? And then, more trees? And would you expect that after you've seen a couple of thousand trees, all to brilliantly different in their green and brown tree-ness...there are still more trees! I was shocked, I can assure you.
"We're nearly there," Legolas said, with an almost uncanny ability to read my mind. Then again, nothing is uncanny if you can suddenly be telepathic and make roots stand up out of the ground. So within a few more centuries of walking and seeing such incredible scenery, we came upon a clearing, of sorts. There was a huge castle, built right into the - you guessed it - trees. It was made of wood - now where would they have gotten that? - and there were elaborate carving everywhere. It seemed to go on for ages, and didn't look at all like Lothlorien, which is what I was expecting. No, it didn't have an iridescent silver glow, instead there were torches, which made me wonder how safe it was to actually be in Mirkwood. For all there gorgeosity, elves may not be that smart. I mean, torches? In a forest? It made me think that giant spiders were the least of my worries.
Either way, it wasn't an eerie otherworldly glow of Lorien, even though Mirkwood, I suppose, is otherworldly, to me; instead it was quite homey. I bet even the dungeons are well kept, why would the dwarves complain about being stuck in Mirkwood?
Dungeons, Laura thought slyly. I bit my lip to keep from giggling.
There were a good number of elves milling about aimlessly, it seemed, bowing to Legolas as we walked by and looking strangely at Laura and I. I smiled back, trying to walk like a princess or a goddess or what not, and Laura did the same.
Don't you dare trip me, I thought to her. She winked back, but I think she must have known that if she did trip me, I'd do something far worse to her. Besides, as lovely as the dungeons sound, I'd rather not end up going there for scaring the bejeesus out of the subjects of Thrandude & Son.
"I am going to introduce you first to my father, and then we'll see what is to be done about you. You may want to leave out the part about the goddesses, and Amercien or wherever it is you say you're from," he said, grinning slightly at us.
Sigh, me and Laura thought simultaneously.
"Prince Legolas, before we meet your father, the King, do you think it would be alright for us to get changed...we're not exactly conservatively dressed," I asked, and Laura nodded, gesturing to her own white tank top and short cut off shorts...Legolas looked us over - YIPPEE! - and nodded, stopping an elleth (witness my superiors Elvish knowledge) and telling her to find us a room and let us change into something suitable to see the King. She nodded, not even looking at us, and started walking. Legolas told us to follow her, and like the good little subjects we are, we did. She walked fast and Laura and I, with our short human legs, had to jog to keep up. Did anyone ever tell you that female elves are extremely tall? I was pretty tall, being at least 5'6", and still she towered a good four inches above me.
She took out a key and opened a door, walking in and then opening a closet. She pulled out two dresses - ironically they were dark gray and light gray - and laid them each out on a bed. There were too beds, each four post queen sized beds with green silky canopy things, and the floor was marble or something, cold and tiled. Very chic, for people living in a forest. The walls were, of course, dark wood, and there were candles (oh great, more flames and wood) on the walls. There was only one dresser, but it was huge and looked like ivory. Someone's been hunting some oliphaunts...She turned to us with only a mildly surprised expression on her face, as if she was used to strange maidens being housed her.
Hey, she better not be too used to strange maidens being housed here, Laura thought angrily. I agreed. "Do ring if you need anything, mi'ladies," she said, nodding to us while taking in our strange attire with an all too casual gaze. She gestured gracefully to a silver bell hung next to the door, and turned to leave, closing the heavy wooden door behind her.
"Is it just me, or do you get the feeling that this is a bit routine for them?" Laura asked. I pouted and walked over to the arch that led to the balcony. Apparently it never rains or gets cold in Mirkwood because there was no door. The balcony was also made of marble and there were two metal chair things encrusted with jewels. I recalled how fond the king of Mirkwood was of his jewels. It seemed that since The Hobbit, he'd gained quite a few more.
"Laura, which book are we in?" I asked, walking back into the room after having gotten quite nervous from looking over the balcony railing. We were up pretty high. She shrugged, looking in the mirror and adjusting the neckline of her dress - she changed while I was by the balcony.
"You know, it kinda sucks that we're not Mary-Sues," I said, slipping the dark gray dress over my head and lacing it up in the front. Since we're not Mary-Sues, it was a bit loose in the front. We don't get the well endowment of Mary-Sues, I guess. Laura looked at me oddly, and then sat in front of the dresser and began to do her hair. I did the same, brushing it and leaving it where is was because there was really nothing that I knew how to do with it without mouse or gel or hairspray.
I wonder if they have indoor plumbing here, Laura thought.
"Don't count on it," I answered her, putting down the brush and standing up. They didn't have make up either, unfortunately. "So, I guess we should be getting....wherever," I said. Laura rolled her eyes at me, "Yes, Tuna, because we know where we're going," she said. And then, as if on cue, there came a knock on the door. We both hurried to open it, and waiting on the other side were our escorts...
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A/N: I don't like this chapter. I don't think its funny. I wasn't feeling funny today, hence the boring chapter. So I ended it before I could make it any more boring than it already is. Hopefully, I'll have more like with htsah2...