Title: The Goddesses Of Orlyism
Author: Crystyna
Disclaimer: Are you ready for this? I do not own: Legolas, Will, Elladan, Elrohir, Haldir, Glorfindel, Rumil, Orophin, Oropher (Legolas' grappa), Thranduil, or Jack Sparrow (CAPTAIN), or Merry or Pippin or anyone else who happens to stumble into my clutches…*evil laughter*
Author's Note: Hmm.third chapter. I have no idea what's going to happen, would you believe it?!
TO THE LOVELY AND TALENTED REVIEWERS:
Radioactive Bubblegum You really think they're great? *gives lotsa Legolas toys* thanks….*grin* I don't like it. My funniness is not funny to me. I don't think LOTR self insertion fics are a strongpoint of mine...
Sugaricing: Hey, gray dresses can be pretty. Think, like, sparkly gray dresses. Laura's was platinum and mine was like….erm….charcoal? LOL…besides, they were elfishly made dresses so of course they are breathtaking….if only the gal's had the perfect Mary Sue body to put them in *snaps fingers* damn. Who writes this story anyway? She's not a very fair person…*grin*
Indil Elondili LOL, yeah I figured your name would be elvish…mine is Morharmaiel Anoron/Amrunelen Merkalote…I went to like five million different sites and picked my 3 favorite and BOOM there was a name.
Lily the Bucklander FINALLY, an honest person! LOL I agree, it was boring. And I did update htsah2.…enjoy *gives free popcorn*
Alassea2 I am updating, as requested. Unfortunately, my muse did not come with her daily supply of ideas, and so I'm gonna have to wing it this chapter…
Lady Dagger914 It is cool how they're telepathic. I wish I could make stuff happen at will…well, not really at will, because it was kind of random (like the Elizabeth thing) but still. *looks up events in The Random Events Dictionary (i.e. my mind) and decides which ones to add into the next chapter*
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Well, we're back, after the boing adventure that was the last chapter (oh, don't deny it, you know it was a snore jerker). Laura and I had just opened the door, and then our eyes fell out of our heads and rolled around spastically on the floor because our escorts were none other than:
*drum roll*
ELLADAN AND ELROHIR.
That's right, ladies, the two twin (as opposed to 3 twin, I wonder?) Sex *Gods* (which is something-gotten-heimer in german, thanks to my lovely friend Kathy's away message) were standing outside our door, looking at US. Yes, me and Laura were standing in front of the two prince-things of Imladris. Who knew that the offspring containing half the genes identical to Sir Eyebrows himself could be so fine?!
Half the genes, eh? Laura thought.
Go science class, get down wit ya bad self, I answered stupidly. Evidently, being in the presences of two fine, upstanding elf boys makes my mind warped back into the early nineties lingo. It all good…
Anyway, my job now is to describe the entire deliciousosity of Specimens E and E squared, otherwise known at Elladan and Elrohir.
You are such a fruit cake, Laura thought, oh so generously. I am very lucky that my mind works fast, because I realize now that we must have been standing in front of the Hot Twins for a while without saying anything. Its okay, thought, because we are so breathtakingly beautiful that they were just stupefied by our beauty and we were stupefied by their hotness so no wonder we were shocked into silence. Like Narcissa and that mirror thang. Good lord, I just thought "thang".
"What do they feed you in Rivendell?" Laura said appreciatively, while I only found the wits to nod. Oh good lord, there must be something in the water…The twins, however, looked puzzled. "Lembas bread is a favorite," one of them said. I crossed my eyes and then there were four - each of them looking at me, rather concerned. I grinned inwardly.
What are you up to? Laura thought to me suspiciously. I flipped her off in my mind, telling her to get out of my head, while I fell backwards in a "dead faint". I am such a good actress. My school play people can bite my ass, I deserve an Oscar for having the nerve to faint backwards onto a hard wood floor. God only knows if I could have knocked over a torch or something, and then where would we be? Roasting.
Drama queen, Laura thought exasperatedly, glaring down at me while one of the Twins (needs to be capitalized to emphasize their hotness - how did Laura describe them? Oh yeah, identical to Legolas except with long, dark hair) helped me up. "Are you all right, lady?" he asked. I nodded, "Yes, I'm fine, but I'm ever so hungry. My sister and I haven't eaten all day, I'm afraid," ritzing my voice up with an accent. Take that, Keira Knightley.
Laura rolled her eyes, "You can put her down now, my lord. Say, you two wouldn't happen to be twins, would you?" she asked, doing her cutesie blonde thing and twirling her hair - which seemed to me to be a bit lighter - around her finger. The Twins gave there full attention to her, but I was still being help up by Twin One, with his arm around his waist. I glared nastily at Laura, she had one-upped me there because I, unfortunately, am not blonde; therefore I cannot pull the cutesie blonde thing. Damnation.
"Actually, we are," the one who wasn't holding me said. Sigh, even their voices are identical. I could have so much fun with them. Just them, and me, in one room. With one bed. Maybe in those dungeons…handcuffs at my disposal…maybe a riding crop…
Whoa there, cow-girl. Kindly remember that I am in your head as well, and so don't need any visuals, Laura thought, glancing at me. I grinned.
"Allow me to introduce myself, I am Elrohir, and that elleth-chaser who is so reluctant to let go of your sister is my twin brother, Elladan. We hail from Rivendell - or Imladris, as you seem to know," Elrohir said. Check. Elrohir is the one in the burgundy. Did Laura mention that they have gray eyes? Really, really pretty gray eyes. In fact, their eyes were the only thing that they have different from each other - Elladan's eyes were dark gray (matching my dress) and Elrohir's eyes were light gray (matching Laura's dress). Coincidence? I think not.
"We have heard of you," I said, smiling up at Elladan and thanking my parents mentally for spending those four thousand smackers on getting me braces when I was in the fifth grade. "Really?" Elladan said, taking my arm and following his brother and Laura as we headed down the hall that was lit - surprisingly - by candles. Nobody sees the irony in this? It's just screaming California forest fire.
"Yes…Lothuviel and I come from…er…" What was I supposed to say? I couldn't say Mirkwood, obviously, and Rivendell was out of the question, and if I said Lothlorien then I could get caught in a lie quite easily. I raked my mind, scanning all the maps that I'd skimmed through and wishing I'd paid more attention to the names of all the places. Elladan was looking at me, rather puzzled, and I squawked out "The Blue Mountains".
The Blue Mountains?! There are Blue Mountains in Middle Earth? Laura practically yelled in my head. I winced and looked up at Ellandan, praying to the Valar (Good God am I getting used to this place or what?) that he had never been there.
"The Blue Mountains?" he said faintly. I smiled. "Yes, North of the Shire…our village is by the River Lune and it leads down the the Gray Havens. My sister and I had spent many a year there, watching the Elves leave,"
"And how would so young a maiden spend many a year?" he asked, with the infuriating superiority of an immortal elf. I raised my chin. "Perhaps you did not know, my lord, my sister and I are no ordinary maidens," I said.
Oh, don't start with the goddess crap, Laura warned.
"I'll have you know that we are half-elven, much like yourself, if I'm not entirely mistaken?" I said, fluttering my eyelashes. Laura mentally smacked herself, and then chased me around my brain with a broom.
Cool it, Lothy, that's what you told Legolas, I thought back, mentally brining out a blow torch. She ran out of my head very fast, before I had the chance to set her on fire, and, coincidently, fry my own brain. Being telepathic is hard work.
"Are you really?" Elladan asked. I could sense a torrent of questions coming on, and that made me nervous.
Our mother was an elf, and she left for the Gray Havens when we were young, our father raised us and then he died, so we were brought up in the village by the Blue Mountains. Laura constructed our life story beautifully. It was probably entirely unbelievable, so I had to rely on my own skill to change topics very quickly. I heard Laura telling her story to Elrohir, and Elladan (with his infuriated superior elf hearing) did not feel the need to ask me.
"What she said," I grumbled, realizing, unexpectedly, that we had come upon a stair way and were going to descend to the feast or what not that Leggy's daddy had thrown, in honor of the two gorgeous maidens that had graced Mirkwood with their presence and were about to steal the heart of every notable bachelor in the realm (including those visiting from Rivendell). What can I say, I was always a fanciful child and never very practical.
I just hoped they wouldn't ask us too many questions about our heritage, because neither Laura nor I had delved so deeply into Tolkien-lore that would could provide a stable explanation. In fact, the explanation that she gave was likely to get a few flames, if this were a fan fiction. Luckily, it is not a fiction, it is a historical account of my time in Middle Earth.
"Please welcome yet another pair of maidens who seem to have fallen from the sky in time to dine here with us tonight," came a booming voice from the center of the room. Elrohir led Laura down one staircase, and Elladan led me down another. I felt something itchy on my skin, and looked up. It looked like the stars were falling on us, but only Laura and I seemed to notice.
I hope I'm not allergic to this shit, Laura thought. I smiled, I'm not allergic to anything. I told her helpfully.
Shove it, Morha. And what did that fluffy bloke with the flowers on his head mean by "yet another pair of maidens"?! she snapped.
Beats me…and I think that 'fluffy bloke' is Legolas's daddy-o, hun, I answered.
Oh shizzle.
~*~.
A/N: And there you have it. The fourth chapter. I think its better than the third, but one can only hope. R/R please!