Title: The Goddesses Of Orlyism

Author: Crystyna

Disclaimer: Are you ready for this? I do not own: Legolas, Will, Elladan, Elrohir, Haldir, Glorfindel, Rumil, Orophin, Oropher (Legolas' grappa), Thranduil, or Jack Sparrow (CAPTAIN), or Merry or Pippin or anyone else who happens to stumble into my clutches…evil laughter

A/N: I can't respond to reviewers because currently I am in a car, driving to NJ with a lap top on my…er…lap…x] Happy Memorial Day, everyone.

No one got in our way as we ran as fast as our un-Mary-Sue legs could carry us up to our room. I think that they may never talk to us again, if they don't kill us in the morning. The looks of horror on Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir's faces was enough to send us into mad laughter, so we were clutching our sides as we ran. Amazingly enough, we made it back to our borrowed rooms without getting too horribly lost.

"We are so dead tomorrow," Laura said, throwing herself onto her bed. I nodded, pulling on a robe and sitting behind her to braid her hair, which was a few shades lighter than it had been upon entering Middle Earth, but I was too tired to notice. She did the same for me, braiding a French braid into my hair and securing it with a ribbon. I wasn't intelligent enough to do a French Braid.

"Wow, Tuna, this braid is amazing," Laura said, observing it in the mirror. I looked up, bewildered. "What?" She was looking at it, and evidently it wasn't the boring regular braid that I swear I had done. It was plaited, looking very exotic, and suspiciously like something Arwen had done in her hair.

"How did you do that?" she asked. I shrugged, "Elvish wine must have made me spastic," I said. She shrugged too and hopped into her bed, as I padded quietly over to my own queen-size and sinfully comfortable bed. We were asleep before we got to wish each other good night.

I woke up the next morning feeling distinctly different. I sat up blearily and rubbed my eyes. The first thing I noticed was that I had gone to sleep last night with my contacts on, and woke up without them. And yet, the world was perfectly clear. Frowning, I ran a hand through my hair - that was in a perfect braid, regardless of the full night's rest. I frowned deeper. Laura was still asleep in the bed next to me, and as I looked at her, I realized that her hair was indeed many shades lighter than it had been the previous morning. And it was longer too, quite a bit longer.

"There is definitely something in that wine," I muttered, walking over to the mirror and wincing as my feet met the cold floor. Damn elves and their wiggy body temperature. As I stopped in front of the mirror, and looked at myself I realized that I looked a bit different. My eyes were clearer, there weren't any dark circles underneath them, and my skin seemed smoother. It was still its shade of olive, but it was as unblemished as if I had just spent the better part of the day exfoliating. My lips were pink and not chapped, and my teeth were whiter than they would have been if I had spent a week's worth of professional dentist cleanings.

"Weird," I mumbled, walking over to the closet and pulling out a dress for today. I settled on a deep red silky dress, in fact it was just layers upon layers of fine cloth, so it was nearly translucent. I felt a grin tug at my lips, "Watch this be Elvish lingerie or something," I said, pulling it on after ducking behind some curtains. I walked over to the mirror again, and nearly had a heart attack.

"SWEET MOTHER OF SHIT!" I shouted, jumping a few feet away from the mirror. Laura woke up as if she had been shot. "Holy fu - what the hell are you screaming about, Tuna?" she snapped.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS IN THAT WINE? WHAT DIDYOU DO TO ME, LAURA?" I bellowed, still staring in the mirror. She walked over to me, grabbed my arm to turn me around.

She collapsed into giggles, "Someone's making you into a Mary-Sue!" she sing-songed. And she was right - the dress, which would not have fit me so snugly around the chest area, was now a bit tighter…and I sensed a bit of cleavage, even without the usual push up bra that was the only possible way to achieve such a trait. My waist was about an inch smaller, which wouldn't seem like much but certainly did a helluva lot when my…other assets were noticeably increased.

"This is awful…" I moaned, pulling my hair out of its braid and gasping as it cascaded down my back to my waist in waves of true raven…my eyes widened, the only thing that wasn't Mary-Sueified they were still the same light, light hazel-brown.

"I don't know what you're complaining about," Laura said from behind the screen where she was changing. "I mean, I bet the Princelings are gonna be all over yo- SWEET BABY JESUS, WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?!" she shrieked, and I heard a rustle of clothing as she finished dressing and zoomed out from behind said screen. She was in very much the same state as I was, and it seemed that we both had gotten taller as well. Her silver blonde hair, which had once been dirty blond and shoulder length, was now also down to her waist, shining, and as stick straight as Legolas's. I burst our laughing as she surveyed herself in the mirror.

"Where did my body go?" she demanded. I shrugged, pulling on a necklace and a little ring that I found, with a sapphire in it. She did the same, pulling on a necklace and a little emerald ring. We both sighed and headed out the door.

"I feel like an idiot," I grumbled, trying to fix the top of my dress, oblivious to the strange stares that I was receiving. Evidently, Elf-maids don't go around fixing their…bazoomas…as they walk down a hallway to breakfast.

"Oh, shut up, they're not that much bigger," she said, looking quite proud of her own. "The thing that's is bugging me is this stupid hair…its so long! What the hell am I supposed to do with it?" she groused.

"Leave it there, duh…what else were you going to do with it? Make a cloak?" I asked. She glared at me.

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!" I teased her. She shoved me aside and I was caught instantly by a pair of strong Elvish arms. Laura gaped as she saw him, and I craned my neck around to see Legolas grinning above me.

"Quite a show you gave us last night," he said, his eyes twinkling. I flushed up to my hairline and realized that he wasn't looking at me eyes. Laura was having fits of laughter. I aimed a kick at her discreetly, trying to pry myself out of his arms.

"Yes, well, I'm always one for entertainment," I said nervously as he took my arm and folded it in his own. Now, Laura looked quite upset. She was, however, not to be left alone for long as Elladan and Elrohir decided to come up on either side of her and take an arm.

Pimpin', aren't we? I thought to her. I saw her wicked grin.

You can bet 'cha life, she thought back happily.

"Shall we proceed to break our fast?" Legolas said, aiming another heart-stopping grin at me. "Da," I said. He nodded, as if he didn't find it at all strange that I was struck monosyllabic, and we continued on.

All through breakfast Laura and I were the epitomes of grace and beauty - and I am not being sarcastic. It was the weirdest thing - at one point Laura was laughing so hard that it seemed like she would burst, but her laughs were quiet and measured, and very proper. In fact, in the middle of a "ha!" she looked quiet terrified at me.

What is going on? She wondered. I shrugged, frowning, and decided to munch on some fruit quietly. The Princelings didn't find it strange at all that yesterday we were shorter, rounder, flatter, and clumsier. It didn't seem odd to them that last night we were fifteen year old Regular Earthlings, and now we were some sort of half transformed Mary Sue type creatures.

"What would you like to do today, Lady Morharmaiel, Lady Lothuviel?" Elladan asked, nodding politely to both of us. We looked at each other, and shrugged. All three elves smiled at us, as if our shrugging was the most beautiful gesture we'd ever make. I rolled my eyes.

"How would you like a tour of the castle grounds? Perhaps some archery, or sparring?" Legolas asked.

"Ooh, could we ride horses!" Laura squealed suddenly, and then clapped her hands over her mouth at the high, false tone of her voice. I closed my eyes, as if in pain. Big mistake.

"Lady Morharmaiel, whatever is the matter? Do you feel faint?" Elrohir asked valiently, leaping up from his chair and kneeling before me. I opened my eyes, and stared at him. Legolas and Elladan were also looking very apprehensive.

"I'm fine," I said, exasperated.

"Forgive me, my lady, I thought you were ill," Elrohir said. I felt bad. "I'm sorry, its just…you three are making ever such a big deal about my sister and I," I said, biting my tongue as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Could I sound any stupider? Laura oggled at me.

Legolas smiled, pulling out my chair and offering me a hand up. I toke his hand, and he pulled me gracefully to my feet. I pouted upon hearing his next words. "Well, Lady Morharmaiel, 'tis not every day such beautiful maidens grace Mirkwood with this presence."

Somebody just shoot me.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update! This is for Laura, who was bugging me about it yesterday. Love ya, girl!

-Crystyna