Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: I don't understand why the genre of my stories changes in the middle. This was humor, but now its getting more to be more of a mystery? Action/adventure, later on…and fantasy. Oh well. I'm sorry if its less funny. I think I'm getting more sarcastic than guffaw "look at those two weird girls dancing like sluts to the Divinyls," ya know? Enjoy!

Laura and I woke up early the next morning (if you consider noon early) and were still stuffed from the six pounds of meat we each ate. That didn't stop us from running down to the kitchens, however, for a light breakfast of soup-in-a-bread-bowl. We didn't know if we were allowed to take our breakfast into the library, so we opted for heading out to the stables and sitting on the steps leading in, enjoying the cool morning - oh, alright, afternoon - air.

"I always dreamed of being somewhere like this," I said quietly, listening as the horses snorted quietly to themselves. The stable was warm inside, so our backs were warm, but the wind was sending Laura's hacked of locks about her face. My hair was braided back and hanging over my shoulder. Laura nodded and grinned through mouthfuls of steaming vegetable soup.

"It's incredible. Even brussel sprouts taste good here," I said.

"It's Brussels sprouts," Laura said thickly, looking up.

"Excuse me?"

"Brussels. Don't piss the man off, Tuna," she warned. I raised an eyebrow. "And WHOA! There are Brussels sprouts in this?" she yelped, staring at the soup. I ripped a piece of my bread bowl off and popped it in my mouth, chewing slowly. "Mm-hmm."

Laura looked at her soup doubtfully. "Are you sure? Because usually they make me hurl," she told me. I rolled my eyes. "Then we're extremely lucky we're in Middle Earth," I said dryly. She shoved me so hard that my soup bowl went spinning out of my hands and flipped end over end until it landed right-side-up. Laura and I looked at each other, wide-eyed.

"How about that library now, eh?" she said. I nodded, and we set off to find the place of many books.

1

"I don't get it…even in the worst Mary-Sues, the Mary-Sues and their respective lovers were the only perfect ones…so why is everything else morphing in this disgustingly precise dimension?" I asked. Laura looked grim. "Maybe we're infecting everything," she said glumly. We were walking through the palace, which actually resembled more of a manor, now that I thought about it. After all, forests weren't the most appropriate places for palaces to just spring up. Then again, where we were staying was a very far cry from anything I'd ever seen built by human hands, movie or real life or whatever.

"You think they'd put a sign around here, right?" I grumbled, growing increasingly nervous as we walked through the many halls. They all looked identical, I'll have you know. Eventually we came to a door that was larger than the others, and more intricately carved with symbols, vines, flowers, and the like. In fact, the center of the door was designed with a scroll, and the handles were in the shapes of large quills.

"I'm thinking this isn't the kitchen," Laura said thoughtfully, pulling open a door cautiously. We made our way in, looking around. The room was huge. It was too big to be called a room, actually. More like a building of its own. There were stacks and stacks of books, at least twenty feet high. There were no windows to be seen - during our stay in Mirkwood, we hadn't yet seen it rain, but apparently it does, and King Thranduil doesn't want his records to be ruined. The room smelled musty, like a library is supposed to feel, and much more preferable to the disgusting mix of air conditioner lint and body odor that was the fragrance of the library back on Regular Earth that I was familiar with.

"Wow," I said softly. "I could live here." Laura shot an odd look my way. I grinned, "I like reading," I said sheepishly, shrugging. Across the room and to my left there was a gilded arch and from it hung a translucent curtain. Past the curtain I assumed would be a room for writing. I placed a finger to my lips and lifted up the front of my skirt so I wouldn't step on it as we made our way through the library. I didn't particularly want to come face to face with Legolas at the moment. He might be looking for some nookie in the library, and as tempting as it was, I didn't think it would be a wise move.

"Where should we start?" Laura asked. I shrugged again. "Let's split up. I don't know if elves have their own fantasy novels - why would they need to? - and I'm willing to bet that most of this stuff is history…"

"That is a helluva lot of history. I'm glad I don't have to go to Mirkwood High, or something," Laura said, raising an eyebrow. I snorted. "Alright…I'll check out Mirkwood history. You check out Rivendell. Look for stuff that might mention visitors to the realms…they can't have ignored random teenagers dropping from the sky," I said, pulled toward the shelves of books like a moth to a flame.

"Yeah…random teenage girls in various states of undress," Laura muttered, remembering how we had both fallen in wearing tank tops and pajama bottoms. I blinked, wondering why the elves seemed to have forgotten that - and where our old clothes went!

Doesn't matter, Laura thought. I never liked those PJs anyway.

None of the scrolls were written in any language that I'd ever seen before, but oddly enough I could read everything. Unfortunately, stuff like this no longer surprised me. Hmph. If only I could do so well in German, Laura thought idly. I couldn't see her anymore, and I assumed she was on the other side of the library, busily researching away.

Most of the histories had to do with Sauron and the War of the Ring, or Morgoth before him. If I wasn't so distracted by my own problem - fading away and being replaced by a stupid Mary Sue - I would have stayed to read them all. This stuff read like a textbook, though, and I was quickly becoming distracted, even though it was far from boredom. Elvish history is a lot more interesting than Earth history, I'll tell you that. As much as Laura's thoughts proclaimed weariness and worry over what was going to happen to us, I myself was a history buff. I'd read the Silmarillion more than I'd read the Lord of the Rings, and back at home I'd had tons of books on ancient cultures and myths.

Thinking about home got me worried again, and I started to flip through scrolls with more fervor. There was nothing, however, on two weird girls falling from the sky and rubbing shoulders with the crowns of Mirkwood. Any luck? I thought to Laura, but her mind was clearly elsewhere. Perhaps asleep. I sighed and placed all the scrolls and books back where they had come from, giving up for a time and sitting on the floor with my head resting on my knees. I examined the edges of my deep blue down listlessly, wishing the right book would jump out and bite me on the nose.

"Might I be of some assistence, my lady?" a voice asked out of the silence, causing me to squawk and leap to my feet. Gracefully, I might add.

"Pardon me, but have we met?" I asked, blinking at this new stranger. He (of course it would be a he) was tall and elflike, with long blond hair that was loose around his shoulders. I took in his hairstyle with a bit of surprise - it was strange to see and elf without the braids. I wondered if he was an Elvish rock star or something. Then again, remembering the lovely little songs that were sung at the festivals, I doubted very much elves even had rock stars. They might even be allergic to them.

"Forgive me, my lady; my name is Elu Calmcacil," he said. Oh, great. Enter the stalker, I thought meanly. But Elu Calmcacil didn't seem mean. He had kind dark brown eyes that looked rather concerned for me at the moment. "How are you faring, my lady? You seem to be a bit under the weather," he said. He had a deep, soft voice, and as he offered to help me up I saw he had large, calloused hands that looked as if they'd seen many years hard work. Well, of course they did, he was a hunter, after all. I smiled and took his hand as he hauled me to my feet.

"Were you looking for something?" he asked politely. "Oh! No…well, yes, I was, but it's of precious little importance. I was just about to leave, actually. Someone probably just borrowed the book I was looking for, is all," I said nervously. Legolas, Elladan, and Elrohir were one thing, but I didn't want to be in the presence of some strange elf, in a secluded library. With a difficult means of escape and hardly any knowledge of self defense. Elves weren't generally known for their cruelty, quite the contrary, but it was evident that Laura and I were in a Mary Sue; and strange OC elves had that habit of being depraved sexual predators.

That and the fact that I watched a helluva lot more Law and Order: SVU at home than was actually healthy. Makes an impressionable fifteen year old paranoid.

"Would you like me to accompany you back to your suite, then, my lady?" he asked, still as polite as ever, even refraining from attempting to touch me. I coughed and ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm my nervous. "No, that's quite alright. I'm sure you have a lot more important things to do…I'll just find my sister and be heading to bed," I said, even managing to smile a bit. I don't usually get nervous like this around men, even pretty ones like Elu was, and I didn't feel threatened. But something felt wrong, and the dim light of the library (apparently, elves don't need sufficient light to read) wasn't helping matters any.

"As you wish, my lady," he said, bowing and turning to go. "Master Calmcacil!" I called quietly, and he turned around as he heard my voice. "Please, call me Morharmaiel," I said. He smiled and nodded briefly, turning and vanishing out of my sight.

1.

"So this hunter just walks up and you decide to flirt with him?" Laura asked, sounding intrigued. I glared at her, still thumbing through random books and hoping the word "girl" jumped out at me. "I didn't flirt - I actually thought he was one of those Sue Stalkers. You know? Every Sue's got one, and we're quick on our way to becoming full blown portraits of perfection." I began to flip through pages more hurriedly.

Laura was sitting on the floor and leaning against the wall, with a book open on her lap. Her dress, blue like my own if slightly more ornate, was spread out around her ala Belle from Beauty and the Beast.

"Oh, right. And you just happen to go around all 'Please, call me Morha,' to potential stalkers. Wise move," she said bluntly. I felt my face get hot. "I don't think he's a stalker, though, Laura. He didn't seem skeevy at all. He actually seemed…kind of nice," I said, snapping yet another disappointment shut and spinning around to sit. I cradled my chin with my fingertips, disgusted at the lack of help this huge library was.

"So, are we talking potential love interest?" she asked, warming up to the subject. I sighed. "You know we can't do any of that," I said. She nodded, the smile slipping off her face. "We just have to focus on finding out what we can about the other girls. I have a feeling we probably won't like it." The feeling of dread that I felt since meeting Elu Calmcacil was increasing steadily, although that might have been the depressing atmosphere of this library. Perhaps libraries needed body odor and broken computers in order to be comforting, but I doubted we'd find any of those here.

"And then we have to find a way back…" Laura was saying. I nodded. "What a shame. I like it here. I at least want to try using a sword before we leave…"

"If we ever get the chance to leave." I was worried, and Laura was quickly catching on. "Yeah. But cheer up. It's not like this is the worst place to be."

"Right," I said, grinning at her. She grinned back. "I mean, we're surrounded by totally hot guys, we look like supermodels, and we get all these pretty clothes," she said, ticking each advantage off on her fingers, unadorned of any jewelry since we had discovered our theory about the necklaces. She raised a hand to her jaw-length locks, touching them distractedly. The princelings had yet to see them. She leaned back against the wall and gave a small cry when it failed to support her. In fact, the wall seemed to be shifting in. Laura leapt away from it and scurried over to me, as a narrow passageway was revealed. The wall gave way to steep steps, but they didn't go very far. I could vaguely make out a dance of candlelight towards the bottom.

"What do we have hear?" Laura breathed as both of us stared wide-eyed at the unexpected doorway. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Tuna? she thought to me.

Apparently, I thought back dryly. If the library couldn't help us…well, maybe these weren't all the books that Mirkwood had to offer.

A/N: Hurray for summer vacation. Hope you enjoyed this chapter (I know, I know…not as interesting/funny as the others.) Review, please!