- - DISCLAIMER - -
I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, but, at times, I think I do. That's why I'm so delusional. But, on a serious note, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!
Yu-Gi-Oh : Screw The Cards
- - Yu-Gi-Oh in a real-life, humorous environment.
Chapter 1: Life Anew
"Man, Yug," Joey said, sitting in a breakfast joint with Yugi, "I never thought about how much of life I missed out on playing that retarded-ass game."
"I know what you mean, Joey." Yugi responded, as he began to eat his pancakes. "I mean, we've spent most of our years sitting here making decks and finding out how to beat this card and what no and looked at the better things in life."
"Sex, drugs, and money!" They both said at the same time, giving themselves a high five, then laying back on their chairs, took a smoke on their cigarrettes.
"So, you seeing anyone yet?" Yugi asked.
"Yeah," Joey began to reply, "I'm seeing Mai right now, but then again, who ain't?" Joey finished as they began to snicker at the comment.
"Man, you're so damn lucky. I ain't got no one right now. I'm surprised Mai ain't come on to me."
"You're like three feet tall and you're like fifteen. Of course you ain't gonna get any being that short."
"Myeh, screw it. So, you gonna go to that concert on Saturday that Kaiba's hosting?"
Joey began to let out a mumbled comment and then said, "If I get an invite, I might. You know how much I really don't like him, but it's about time he's actually doing something with all that damn money he has instead of using it to buy machines that tell him how to beat a damn card."
"Yeah. I know Mai was invited and given an invite already and- -"
"SHE WAS WHAT!" Joey rudely interrupted. "How come she didn't tell me?"
"I don't know. You ask her. That's your issue."
"Ugh," Joey said, putting his hands in his hair, "I can't believe this."
Tea then enters through the restaurant door. She spots Yugi and Joey and walks over to sit down with them.
"Hey Yugi. Joey. What's up?" She said.
"Same shit, different day."Yugi said, finishing his meal, slumping down in his chair.
"Yeah, and I'm finding out that Mai got invited to Kaiba's concert and didn't tell me."
"Oh, you mean that same concert me and Yugi got invited to," She began to say as Yugi tried to signal her to stop talking, "with Green Day performing there?"
Joey's face then looked blank. Practically in shock by what Tea said, his mouth dropped, stunned that Yugi did not tell him.
"You see?" Yugi began, angered that Tea spoke up about it. "I told you to be quiet about us being invited. This is exactly how I told you he would have responded."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS YOU PIPSQUEAK?" Joey yelled, yanking on Yugi's shirt collar back and forth. "I THOUGHT WE WERE BEST FRIENDS!"
"Well," Yugi began, as Joey continued to yank on his collar, "I would have told you, but, YOU'RE REACTING JUST THE WAY I THOUGHT YOU WOULD HAVE!" Yugi finished, pushing Joey backwards causing him to trip over his chair and fall on his back.
"Guys," Tea said, beginning to warn them, "there are people here."
Joey and Yugi then looked around to see people staring them. Some had there eyes buldged wide open, some with their mouths dropped, some just dropping their eating utensils. Yugi and Joey, both embarrassed, got up an looked at everyone with their hands behind their heads as if nothing happened, laughing a slight bit.
In another part of town, Bakura sat on top of a roof committing very strange and evil acts.
"Alright, and now that you've screwed each other, go jump off the roof of this seventy-story building." Bakura said, seeming unsatisfied by what he was doing.
"Yes, master." The two woman said, as they then began to fall off the roof, under mind control of Bakura, naked.
"And I should stop their mind control right about..." Bakura said, waiting for them to fall at least halfway, "...now!" He finished, letting go of their mind control so they could feel the pain. Sighing, he continued, "How amusing. Mind control isn't any fun any more when you can't use it for anything purposeful anymore. I miss getting in that little brat's head. Sadly, life is hard when you don't have friends anymore. Maybe, I'll go home and watch 'The Young and the Restless'."
At his house, Bakura goes to his room and turns on his TV. As he's listening in to the show, he pulls out his entire collection of cards from his drawer, just looking at the purpose they no longer serve.
"I might as well give them a proper burial."
He then opened his closet door which was a portal into different dimensions and as he was deciding the dimension to put them in, a sudden call was let out.
"Bakura!" His mother called. "I have a turkey sandwich and some cookies down here for you."
"Mother is still here?" He thought in his mind. "I swore, I banished that over gaudy bitch to the Shadow Realm. Ugh, looks like I only have one option."
"I WANT TO BE ALONE, DAMMIT!" He yelled, dropping his cards by the portal and pulling out a knife as he sat by the television.
"Bakura," His mother said, walking into his room. "Why can't you just accept your mother's love? I'm only looking out for you and your interests. You don't have to start slitting your wrists every time I come in here.
"SHUT UP, MOTHER!" He yelled. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!"
Sighing as she began to speak, "I don't know why you turned out like this. What happened to the Bakura that was happy and loved me?"
"What happened to the Bakura that was happy and loved me?" He mimicked. "Who cares? You're pathetic. I'm going out and gonna' have a smoke." He finished as he left out the door.
Meanwhile, Mai and Serenity were walking around the city, talking about things in their life while looking at stores.
"So, you're suppose to be going out with Joey tonight?" Serenity asked Mai.
"Yeah," Mai began to answer, "hopefully, his luck is on his side tonight and doewsn't try to pull anything stupid."
"Joey's not a bad kid an all, he's just too goofy at times. Trust me. Since he helped me cure my eyes, I've had to listen to his terrible humor all the times. At times, he thinks he's great too, but he just embarrasses himself."
"Yeah," Mai said, giggling a bit, "but, I guess that's what I like about him. So, you found anyone yet?"
"No, not really. Things haven't been working out very well with my 'ex's'."
"What happened?"
"Well, first, there was Tristian."
In a flashback, Tristian and Serenity are together at the movies.
"Screw the movie." Tristian said, then putting him arm around Serenity. "Wanna' have sex?"
Back in real time, Serenity continues.
"Then, there was Duke."
In a flashback, Duke and Serenity are on sitting on the Ferris Wheel, as they are now at the top, looking at the sky as Serenity has her head rested on Duke's shoulder.
"Screw the amusement park." Duke said, lifting Serenity's head. "Wanna' have sex?"
Back in real time, Serenity continues... again.
"Then, there was Marik."
In a flashback, Serenity is strapped down to a torture bed as the touring devices came closer to her, as she screamed and yelled. Marik stood there just watching.
"Screw the torture." Marik said, turning it off. "Wanna have sex and then get banished to the Shadows?"
"Wow," Mai began as Serenity's flashbacks ended, "how'd you end up with any of those idiots?"
"I guess I don't know how to pick men out." She said, making herself seem stupid, shrugging her shoulders as they both laughed.
"So, where are you and Joey both going?" Serenity questioned.
"Supposedly, this club downtown where someone's suppose to be performing."
"Oh, uh, David Chappelle?"
"Yeah, that's who. Joey's supposedly a fan of his."
"Of course. He always tries to steal his good jokes. Where do you think he gets his bad humor from?" Serenity joked, as they both began to laugh at the comment.
"So, you gonna ride in Joey's car?" Serenity said, beginning to giggle once again.
"Aw, hell no." Mai stated as they began to laugh again. "I told him we're taking my car. That broken down piece of scrap heap is terrible. No A/C, no radio, spring poking through the seat. Oh my god, I thought I was gonna die in that car."
"That's Joey for you. Surprising how he can't have luck in life as he does with those cards."
"Too true." Mai said, continuing to laugh at Serenity's jokes about Joey.
As they continued to kid around, they suddenly felt something very strange. They felt something suddenly pinch their butts. As they turned around, they saw Duke Devlin, walking right behind them.
"Oh," Duke said, acting as if he was innocent, "hello ladies. How are you today?"
"Alright, you creep." Mai said, insulted by his actions. "I'm giving you five seconds to step away from me before I make you call the cops after I beat you down."
"C'mon," Duke said, still playing around, "how can you say that? Can't you smell the sexual desire in the air?"
"No." Serenity responded. "All I smell is another loser who actually bought that Tag spray because the commercial says that women will become irresistibly attracted to you."
"Oh my god." Mai followed, as she began to laugh at Duke. "He's another one of those Tag losers?"
"Nah," Duke defended, "it's the Axe effect."
Both of them stood there, trying to hold in their laughter, but then burst into laughter, pointing at Duke.
"That's even worse!" They both said, at the same time, continuing to laugh and humiliate him, as they walked away from him.
"And get that dice out of your ear." Mai shouted as Serenity and her walked away. "It makes you really gay."
"So," Tristian said, walking out of a store right near Duke, "does the stuff work?"
"'Course it does." Duke said, denying what really happened.
"So, you scored?" Tristian asked, in anticipation.
"Yeah, I got some." Duke lied.
"Alright then. I just saw Serenity pass by. I'm gonna' try to score."
"Good luck." Duke said, sarcastically, rolling his eyes.
Later that night, Joey and Mai arrived at the club where they went out on their date. As they sat down and listened to the comedic styles of Dave Chappelle and the music in the background, they began to talk about things occuring in each others lives. As they shared there laughs and moments of truth, Joey finally brought up the question on his mind.
"So, what's this concert with Kaiba I hear about?" Joey asked Mai.
Mai began to responded, after she froze in the middle of drinking her drink, "How do you now about it? It's private and invite only."
"Well, I heard that you got invited."
"Yeah," She said, slowly drinking her drink, "I was."
"Why didn't you tell me? You know that you can talk to me about anything."
"Yeah, I know that, but I know how you are with Kaiba. Hun, know that things between us will stay the same. I'm just trying to protect you. I understand that there is an invite, but you know that Kaiba will do things to bring you down. Just like how you protected me back in the Battle City Tournament, I will protect you now."
"Thanks Mai." Joey said, understanding where she was coming from. "We can always catch another concert coming up."
"Yeah," Mai began to respond, "it'll be more enjoyable with you there, hun."
After they enjoyed their time, dancing in the club scene, Mai pulled up at Joey's house, dropping him off.
"Alright Joey, take care." Mai said, as she parked in front of Joey's house.
"I love you, Mai." Joey said, looking at Mai with his passionate eyes.
"Aww, I love you too, hun." Mai replied, feeling shy in Joey's presence.
As they kissed before departing each other, Joey then left her car. Happy to see Mai's smiling face as she left, Joey continued to smile as he walked into his house. Mai then pulled off as soon as she saw Joey go inside. She made her way, quickly, to Kaiba Corporation. As she went through the gates, after being identified by security, she parked at the front and began to walk up the stairs, to the entrance.
"So," Kaiba said, seeing Mai walk through the door, "did he ask you?"
"Yes." Mai answered, in a voice, trying to hide what she was saying.
"You get his hopes up?" Kaiba asked.
"Yes." She said, with a small tear hanging on her left eye.
"Good. Now, step into my office and let's talk about the future."
As Kaiba went into his office, Mai began to tear a bit and began saying repeatedly, "Why did I do that? I'm so sorry."
– To be continued, next chapter, "Reveal the Mystery of Your Work"