-Memory . I . Draco Malfoy –
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Thou art not thyself
For thou exists on many a thousand grains
That issue out of dust…
Measure for Measure – Shakespeare
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I sat on the Hogwarts Express, wishing I was back at Malfoy Manor. The last thing I wanted to be doing at this very moment was to be traveling to Hogwarts for my first year. It's not like I was afraid that I wouldn't have friends, or any of that silly nonsense, no. I was afraid of bigger things, things that I could be protected from in the cover of my room at the manor. The thing I was most afraid of was my mission from Papa. To befriend the Boy-Who-Lived. I had heard rumours that he was the same age as me, but had not known it to be fact until recently when Papa informed me that my only job as of now was to become this boys best friend, to find out what he feared, loved, hated, and feed this information to the dark man, in preparation of betraying this young boy. I had to do all this while keeping up the Malfoy name and honour, and not letting Harry Potter know my game. It would be a difficult task, but I would be able to do it of course.
I was a Malfoy.
He was inferior.
That was what I had been taught since the cradle, and The-Boy-Who-Was-Still-Alive was to become my friend, my servant. That way, Papa could give him to the dark man and we would never have to see him again. What I feared about this was that I would fail him, and Papa would give me to the dark man again. I know that Papa loves me, even if he doesn't show it. Mama tells me that it's true. I wonder if Papa would still love me if I didn't want to become friends with Harry-who-lived. What if Harry-who-lived was really a nice boy though? Would I still have to give him to the dark man if he was nice, and became my friend? This could be my chance to finally have a friend… someone to talk to about the dark man and what he does when Papa leaves me with him which is only for my own good of course because Papa loves me and would never ever leave me alone with him just because Mama tells me so it must be true because the dark man is …..
XXX
I walked through the train with CrabbeGoyle (their names had long ago melded into one being, two boys who would stand by me and protect me as long as it was for the cause of the dark man), searching for a glimpse of the famous Harry-who-lived. HE had to be all alone, and it would be me, Draco Malfoy, who would befriend him first. Because I was told by my Papa that it would be this way. At least this was the reason I gave myself and Crabbegoyle. I didn't understand why I was so intent on finding Harry-who-lived. But I did find him. And it wasn't in the state I had expected.
We entered the compartment, Crabbegoyle and me. I first noticed that the black head I had been expecting was not alone. There was a redhead with him, and I felt a flash of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. Harry-who-lived had found another friend. Now he might not want to be my friend. Then what would I do? The dark man would see to it that I was punished. I straightened up, and kept my Malfoy cool.
"Is it true?" I asked. "They're saying all down the train that Harry Potter's in this compartment. So it's you, is it?"
Harry-who-lived answered me, and he glanced at Crabbegoyle. I shrugged away the glance, figuring that Harry-who-lived must be smart enough to tell that these imbeciles didn't really matter to me, at least not in the way that he would be able to. I figured I would explain them, trying to get across in my tone that they meant nothing to me, that their presence wouldn't, couldn't, interfere between us, Draco and Harry-who-lived.
"Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle," I said carelessly, glancing at Harry-who-lived. "And my name's Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."
I heard the redhead cover up a laugh, and I turned to glare at him. So far Harry-who-lived didn't seem to be living up to the image my Papa and the dark man had painted, if he was talking to someone who laughed at a Malfoy. I told that redhead exactly what I thought of him, hitting him where it hurt. His family and social status. Everyone knew that was a weakness of the Weasley's. Pitiful.
I turned back towards Harry-who-lived, hoping to gain his friendship now that my competition has successfully been eliminated. "You'll soon find out that some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there." I held out my hand, willing Harry-who-lived to take it. He looked at it, looked back at me, and replied in a cool tone, "I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks."
I won't lie. I was shocked. I said the first retort that came into my eleven year old mind, not thinking how it might hurt Harry-who-lived, or keep our relationship from developing in the right direction. "I'd be careful if I were you, Potter. Unless you're a bit politer you'll go the same way as your parents. They didn't know what was good for them either. You hang around with riffraff like the Weasleys and that Hagrid, and it'll rub off on you."
Mind you, this was what I believed. Papa had always taught me this, and I believed it to be a reasonable argument. I thought it would be the last thing Harry-who-lived would need to come be friends with me, instead of the worthless Weasley. I could see that he was ignorant to the differences of the wizarding families, so I tried to push him in the right direction. That didn't quite work out. It only served to further infuriate Harry-who-lived, something that I would have to explain to Papa and the dark man later on and oh no they weren't going to be happy about that. I sneered at Harry-who-lived, refusing to let my disappointment show, and I walked out of the compartment, leaving Crabbegoyle to fend for themselves.
XXX
I always knew that I would be sorted into Slytherin, but it still gave me a sense of accomplishment when the hat shouted out the house I now belonged to. I was cheered, if only as a polite gesture. Slytherin was pureblood, and purebloods were polite. I was, after all, a mere first year, even if I did carry the Malfoy name. I smirked at the condescending expressions on the upper-years. I would soon show them that I was not some petty first year. I would teach them once again to respect the Malfoy name. After all, I felt a need to make up for the earlier lack of power of Harry-who-lived. I needed to be able to show Papa some accomplishment at Hogwarts. He wouldn't take the first-year excuse. Malfoy's never let anyone tell them what to do. That had been drilled into my system over the years, and now it was second nature to need power, to seek it with a thirst unknown to the powerless. I may have only been a first year, but I had more power than any of my housemates, a fact they knew, and would soon learn anyways. It was my duty to teach them.
I immediately liked my head of house, Severus Snape. He had the right air about him, and I knew the Papa knew him. I decided that he was one person in Slytherin worthy of my trust. I went to him while the rest of my year-mates played silly games and gossiped. He seemed a little surprised that I would come seek him out, as his reputation was widely known, even to us measly first years.
"Mr. Malfoy. This is a .. surprise." Severus said, in a tone that suggested I should be at least a little fearful. I shrugged, and asked, "May I come in, Professor?" I believe that years of training was the only thing that kept Severus from showing how surprised he truly was, before he stepped aside to let me through. I walked into his private rooms, and seated myself in an armchair.
I told Severus what exactly my first impression of Hogwarts was, and instead of giving me the old "respect your elders and be kind to your year-mates" speech, he chuckled. Once he had stopped he turned to me and said, "Mr. Malfoy, you do not disappoint. But I believe it is past curfew. Please come back sometime."
I left, wondering what exactly Severus had meant, when I heard something whispering through the castle. I slowly drew my wand out, and prepared to defend myself against whatever was out there. I saw nothing, only heard whisperings that sounded strangely like a song. I shook my head as I reached the Slytherin common room, and decided to explore it another night.
XXX
The next few days passed in a flurry of activity. I had to establish the Malfoy name, try and begin to make life living hell for Harry-who-lived, and understand everything that was going on in my classes. I hadn't heard from Papa yet, although I was sure that he had heard of my failed attempt at friendship with Harry-who-lived. Maybe the Dark Man told Papa to give me more time, as it was only the first week at Hogwarts.
The headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, made me feel funny. I wasn't sure what the old man was up to, and I'm sure that's the way that he wanted it. His eyes were always twinkling, more than giving away the fact that he knew more than whomever he was talking to. It got eerie after awhile, and made me decide that he wasn't to be trusted. Call it Slytherin instinct. But Dumbledore seemed to have decided to pay attention to everything that Harry-who-lived was up to. I caught him watching Harry-who-lived more than once, that knowing gleam in his eye. It made me want to go up and put the old fool under veritaserum, to figure out what exactly it was that he wanted with Harry-who-lived. Maybe then I could get into his mind and make him want to be my friend.
It was Saturday and I had spent most of it in the library, putting the finishing touches on a particularly difficult potions essay that Severus had assigned. I believe that he did it to test the extent of the knowledge of us Slytherins, and to mock the Gryffindors in their lack of potions knowledge. The library was empty, which was reasonable, because it was late. Most other students were in the Great Hall, outside, or in their Common Room. I put on my overcloak and packed up my bag, leaving the library to the true bookworms.
The whispering started again. I glanced around me, making sure that I was alone. I cast a charm and strained my ears, trying to understand what exactly was being sung. All I caught was this:
Years before the peace is made
Best friends shall reign …
…Enemies will be thought to be
… snakes and lies with courage … fearful
Forever in peace will he rest
I didn't understand what the partial words meant at the time, but once I heard the whole song in completion I understood. And wished that there was something I had done to stop the events that were about to unfold.
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A/N: Sorry that this has come out so long after the last chapter! There's no excuse really, except for school. I decided to take my time with this chapter, because I've got a plan with where I want this story to go. I'm also going to be revising the prologue and the first chapter. So I can't promise that the next chapter will be out soon, but know that I am working on this story to make it better. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please review!