Author's note: For the plot's sake, I can't tell you much, but thank you for all the reviews and keep them coming. They motivate me to write faster the more I see them.^^; As for what coupling we're dealing with here, mainly it focuses, as the summary states, on the trials of Chihiro and Haku's not-so-ordinary relationship and the not-so-ordinary obstacles that might come between them at lengths of time. And I'm sorry if you do not like Kesuke, I've gotten both kinds of replies about him from 'I kinda like him' to 'Kesuke must die'...Ehe...gomen? Hope you like my story though, even if you don't like Kesuke. As for the Queen, well you sure as heck better not like her, or else something's wrong! -_-
Hope that answers some questions. ^_~
Ordinary World: Chapter Seven: Androgynous MoonlightLin massaged her temples ruefully, trying to get the ringing of Haku's voice out of her ears. Ever since he had returned yesterday without Chihiro, or Sen as Lin called her in her own mind, he had been every inch the role of commander.
He was their commander after all.
But it wasn't his usual stoic but kind and forgiving manner. He was directly and overly oriented around different ways to bring people to the rebel cause, believing this the best way to usurp her Majesty and bring Chihiro home again. She had heard him mumbling Chihiro's name to himself while vigorously working on some new idea or invention that was to help their cause.
All Lin hoped was that, wherever Chihiro was being held, she was at the very least, unharmed. It was all Lin could do. For now, she tried to discreetly comfort Haku, reassuring him that yes, they would overcome, and yes, they would get Sen back, no matter what.
No matter what.
Until then, they could only plan. And while Lin was certain Haku had more on his mind than he let on, she never pressed the matter. It was his business what he did in order to accomplish his goals and she could not...would not stop him. He deserved the freedom of his actions that anyone did, freedom he had only experienced once Chihiro/ Sen helped him find his name all those years ago and had been, since, coming into slowly.
All because of her, Lin mused.
Sen, you are in all of our prayers, she thought fervently and pulled herself back to reality where the wounded needed caring for before the next rebellion, and upcoming uprisings needed to be discussed.
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There were only so many tears she could shed but whenever she thought she was at the well's bottom, more came streaming forth. And she hated herself for them...hated that weakness that she was tempted to blame on being human. Glaring at the wall across from her, she took a deep breath...in and out. Haku had gone. He was safe. That was all that mattered...
He's safe. It's okay. Everything is okay.
She lied to herself to make it easier to bear. But somehow, the lies weren't helping anymore than they had the day before. Previously, Kesuke had followed her in a less than dignified state and she supposed, tried to...odd as it sounded...cheer her up. This confused her. Why would he care? Why should he? He was a mere object of the Queen's in Chihiro's eyes, under that awful woman's control.
You're all bastards...
Her own words echoed in her ears and while she didn't regret saying it, she was slightly regretful for whom she had said them to. Kesuke had, for his part, not really done anything directly. He was under orders. It was the Queen she should rant and rave and spit at. It was the Queen she wanted to rant and rave and spit at. But it was Kesuke who had happened to be in her way. So, he got the brunt of her whirling emotions. Chihiro made a mental note to apologize later. Whatever the case, he had been strangely kind to her and he deserved at least that much, if nothing more, she reasoned strongly and rolled over on her side.
The plush blanketing was comfortable, overly luxurious even. For Chihiro couldn't have cared if it were a straw pallet she slept on, not in her current state. The walls were of a rich crimson and the curtains a velvety black, everything gilded in pure gold, jewels embedded in certain moldings. They could have been stone, old, damp and dank, overgrown in moss, a veritable dungeon and she would not have made the differentiation. She was somehow, beyond all the material and not quite to the level of uncertainty she was aiming for. Her mind was drifting and her eyelids began to get heavy the more she drifted...
Tap. Tap.
She sat up abruptly, startled. Where was it coming from?
Tap. Tap.
Eyes scanning the immediate area, she narrowed the area down to the outer balcony that came as a package deal with her room, a deal Chihiro would later redundantly state was little more than a blind man's compensation. Groaning, not wanting to deal with whomever it was The Royal-Pain-in-the-Arse-M-a-j-e-s-t-y sent to bother her, Chihiro eased off of the comfy bed. Still, if she didn't answer, then surely they'd come busting in with torches and the like, or that seemed the way things were done here anyway. And Chihiro would just rather not have to deal with pyros from another world at the moment. So thinking, she made her way to the double French doors and opened them, peering apprehensively out.
The sky was dark, littered with stars as it seemed was usually the case in this world, and a soft chill breeze swept across over and over.
Tap. Tap.
There it was again! Her eyes, sharper than they had been, examined the darkness, scrutinizing it in every way she could manage until a hiss of a whisper met her ears.
"Pretty! Down here. Come to the edge," a familiar voice called her and she found herself edging towards said edge of the balcony half-heartedly. Sure enough, the man of the hour, Kesuke stood there below it, looking somewhat androgynous in the moonlight. That was another thing Chihiro had noticed. Kesuke was attractive, but not in a typical way...he was pretty, not handsome, but pretty...Chihiro recalled the word Bishounen, and smiled slightly. Kind of like Haku...
Haku...
Her mind drifted for only a moment before Kesuke called to her again.
"Pretty, come down," he said.
"Why should I?" she replied. And he sighed. Of course she was still upset. His master, or rather, mistress, had taken away her best friend...and he was an accomplice of sorts.
"Look Pretty, I just wanna show you a place in the gardens I thought you'd like, alright? Geez...try and do something nice," he muttered the last part, trailing off slightly. Chihiro once again found herself feeling slightly guilty. Kesuke was not really the one to be angry at. It was the Queen, always the Queen. She decided to make it a point to distinguish clearly between the two, and subtly perhaps, shove it in the Queen's face exactly who she was feeling irate with.
Yes that would work nicely, Chihiro mused.
"Sorry...but I can't climb down off this balcony with this...thing on," Chihiro gestured at the gown and stuck out her tongue in distaste, a habit she'd never quite grown out of as a child.
"Ah, well that makes sense. I thought of that though. Here!" he tossed up some rolled up bundles and they landed in front of her. Picking them up, she also unraveled them to find a red tunic, black hakama and a pair of black boots. Without a word, she disappeared inside her rooms again to the given clothing on for size. To her slight disgruntlement, they fit very well and she had no reason to ask how it was that Kesuke had such a good eye for clothing size.
"And there's another thing," Chihiro pointed out as she strolled much easier onto the balcony, loving the feel of the hakama on her legs in contrast with the stiff brush of the previously uncomfortable long skirt. She heard him sigh in a rather melodramatic fashion and quirked an eyebrow.
"What is it this time?" he nearly sulked and her quizzical look turned to one more amused.
"You can't expect me to jump down there. This balcony is at least twenty feet up. I'm surprised I can hear you," she added the last part wonderingly.
"True, but you don't need to jump. Just fly," he supplied and Chihiro snorted.
"Excuse me?" He must be mad, Chihiro thought somewhat idly.
"You heard me Pretty, fly. You did it before when you came into this world right?" he articulated his meaning and she stifled a sound of indignation. That he knew her entire past here it seemed, disturbed her slightly. Nevertheless, she was compelled to respond.
"Yes, yes I did. But I had Haku's help. He did the flying. I just held on tight," Chihiro smiled faintly, if sadly and Kesuke was immediately sorry he had made her mention such a contemporarily difficult subject matter for her.
"Well, news to you Pretty, you can fly all on your own. Her Majesty would not have selected you otherwise, from another world or not!" he grinned at her shocked expression.
"Oh really? Well what else can I do then if she thinks I'm so great?" Chihiro felt like she was blind and being led by a stranger she didn't completely trust.
"Lots of things Pretty, but none that pertain to the situation at hand, I assure you. Now, come down to me Pretty," he laughed lightly at her, but it was not an unkind laugh. Strange, Chihiro mused and took a few steps closer to the edge of the balcony until she could fully lean out over it.
"If I die, when my spirit comes back I'll haunt you forever, and that's a more substantial threat here than most," Chihiro warned somewhat dryly and took a deep breath...and jumped. If she was the Chihiro from six years ago, her eyes would have been scrunched tight and so would she, in a fetal position be floating in the air. But the Chihiro of now, this one kept her eyes firmly open, and embraced the rush of magical air that surrounded her as her feet left solid footing. She gaped disbelievingly. She could fly.
"What'd I tell you Pretty? Now come down, so we can go. Mistress doesn't know about this little excursion. I highly doubt she'd approve of it either," he added ruefully and rubbed his head absently. She did so, if only because mainly she was still caught in the feeling; it was like a silvery aura of magic encased her and enabled her to float or fly with as much ease as her own two feet enabled her to walk.
"So, lead the way," Chihiro prompted him and he did. Deceptively, the gardens were incredibly gorgeous, with lush foliage and flora piling upon itself everywhere, mixtures of heavenly scents swirling in constant motion in the vicinity. No one would ever suspect immediately that it was owned by a Queen with a black heart, Chihiro scorned the ignorant mentally, if only because she wished she was one of them.
"Slow down Pretty. You'll get ahead of me, get lost, and then what?" he chuckled and Chihiro did not reply but did slow her pace. She cast a sideway glance at him. He didn't even look evil; rather, he looked too soft and nice of a person to be truly dark. So, she wondered at his current predicament, and how much of it was of his own will.
"Have you always worked for her?" Chihiro questioned blithely and was observant enough to notice Kesuke flinch, no matter how slight.
"No," was his answer and she let him leave it at that since he seemed to prefer it.
"Are we almost there?" she felt like a child, imprisoned by them, so she thought, why not act like it?
"Yes...stop here," he ordered and she did. He stepped a few feet ahead, just enough to disappear momentarily into the forward darkness where Chihiro could not see him any more. Her discomfort level rose slightly; he might not be her enemy but he wasn't really her friend either.
"Kesuke?" she called and bit down a gasp as he reappeared out of the darkness, slipping in and out of it like the penetrating moonbeams.
"Okay, this way Pretty. I really think you'll like this," he smiled and held out his hand to her. She stared dumbly at it for a moment, and when her blankness turned to distrust and suspicion, he sighed. "Just trust me for a while, okay? I'm not going to do anything to you or your pal, even if he does come back for you," Kesuke reassured her.
"Fine," she consented but did not take his hand. Frowning slightly, Kesuke let it be and motioned for her to follow him and as she did, for a moment she was pitched into that blackness he had just disappeared into. She paused, uncertain.
"You see, or rather, don't see why I offered you my hand Pretty?" he chuckled lightly and Chihiro bristled at his teasing. Before she could respond though, somehow, something soft and warm...his hand...found hers in the darkness and lightly clasped it. "Alright Pretty?" he checked and when she didn't let go, he moved onward, Chihiro in tow.
As they resurfaced from the momentary sea of black, Chihiro almost shielded her eyes from the abrupt contrast as she took in her surroundings. Silver, white, moonlight and water...transparent beauty was all around her.
It was still apart of the garden no doubt, but the flora was more delicate, fairy-like even. Encrusted with their own natural sparkles that shone as genuinely as diamonds, the vines and flowers ran rampant in a beautiful wildness. Some of them circled around the central fountain and others crossed over each other. The fountain was crystal and transparently immaculate, the starlight shining through it to naturally illuminate the pouring waters inside.
"Is this magic?" she breathed, amazed she had any breath left to voice her awe.
"Yes and no. This world is not ordinary, as you know. So, in a sense, everything here is magic, the food you eat, the plants that grow, the people who live here...everything," he reasoned amicably and Chihiro turned to him. He did not look at her, presumably taking in the scene for himself, as he did every time he visited it, as if it were new each time as well. His eyes etched the feeling of a lost boy somewhere in the midst of that androgynous beauty and Chihiro could not quite find her usual boldness to ask him about that boyish sadness that made him seem younger than she suspected he really was.
"Thank you," she said simply and noted his lips as they curved slightly upward in a genuine smile. Absently, she released his hand that she had unconsciously held still, and walked over to the fountain's nearest edge, leaning on its surface. And she saw herself. Her hair was still up, in the precious hair tie from all those years ago, but she was in the given tunic and hakama, making her seem...not quite herself. The moonlight played on her features in a very different way than the way it did on Kesuke's. It made him seem estranged, yet beautiful. It made her seem...would magical be the word? Not a compliment for herself, but an oddity she knew she would have to later investigate, she surmised that it wasn't only the moonlight at work here.
It was her own perceptions as well.
But for now, she glanced over at Kesuke who, it seemed had been watching her---though he quickly looked in another direction---and shook her head. Things were not going as she had ever, ever, ever planned...ever. But as it was, she trusted in something Kesuke had said, that had indirectly made her feel better: '...even if he does come back for you.'
He had said it like he was certain that Haku would indeed, come back for her. She had thought so perhaps herself, but it was nice to hear it from someone else and know that against all odds, perhaps, just perhaps she wasn't fooling herself.
Kesuke wondered why he had brought her here and then remembered, as though he had been suppressing the reason to muddle his own thinking. She had been sad and he had wanted to help cheer her, in any minimal way he could manage. He supposed that was strange; he had never felt the need to help anyone, which has perhaps why the Queen had an eye for him, but then again...ah who knew? Not him. Even he didn't know his own feelings very well.
Later, when he and she would go back to the palace, she would probably still be the cause of all his most recent mental and inner struggles with his own emotions. She would still probably the stubborn little girl who was plotting every single way she could to escape the Queen. She would probably still veritably hate them for what they...no matter how indirectly...had done to her.
He watched Chihiro sweep her small hand through the clear waters of the fountain softly and rubbed the bridge of his nose slightly. Hate.
Somehow that just didn't sit well with him.
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"Haku!" It was Lin...again. This was the fifth time she had called his name. This time though, she got a vacant stare and then a blink and then...
"Oh, Lin. I'm sorry. What was that?" She resisted the urge to smack either herself or him up the head.
"Haku," she paused and then drew up a chair near to his and sat in it, staring at him critically.
"What?" he sounded as lost as she was sure he felt.
"You have to sleep. You can't go on without it, and then lead us off into rebellion or on a rescue mission. Look at yourself Haku; you're hellish," she grinned and batted his arm playfully. To her great relief, he actually cracked a wane smile.
"I bet. But have you looked in your mirror lately?" he countered, letting the insinuation rest in the air.
"Yes, and I'm nowhere near as bad as you...stubborn dragon," she muttered the last part in exasperation.
"I can't sleep Lin," he said softly.
"Of course you can. Here it's easy. You, stand, walk over to your room, find the general vicinity of your bed and fall into it...not face first though...you'll smother yourself," she added, speaking in slow, pronounced segments to emphasize the simplicity of sleep and its wonders. And then she noticed; the dull and vacant look he had been wearing was replaced with something much worse that cut her to the thickest part of her empathy. Stark, undeniable hopelessness. "Haku..." she began but he cut her off with an empty laugh.
"I see her in my dreams Lin. She's...you know I love her. You know when we first met, well, not the first time but in person, face-to-face, everything was utterly platonic. Even when she left, it was still a deep friendship but nothing more. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and I guess they're right because by the time I saw her again, six years later, not but two days ago, I knew I loved her. But now...this absence...it's killing me Lin," he sighed and brushed his hair back out of his face. The usually sensual structure of his face was made somewhat haggard by the sleeplessness and overall lifelessness.
"If you love her, you have to sleep," Lin said bluntly.
"What?" he blinked dumbly.
"Who will save her if you die from exhaustion or battle because of exhaustion? Sure, we'll try but you're our mastermind and aside from that, who do you think she really wants to see when all of this is over?" Lin lectured him like the child she felt he needed to be treated like to get him out of his depressed stupor.
"You have no idea! This exhaustion as you call it, it's not under my control. I can't control the fact that I love her more than life itself Lin. I can't control that every time I close my eyes, it's her image against the black background or her voice I hear inside the empty silence!" His voice cracked at the last sentence and Lin took him softly by the shoulders, eye-to-eye with him; he had gotten taller over the years but Lin was always a very tall kind of being. Hands on his shoulders, she spoke more gently to him.
"You're right. I have no idea Haku. You shouldn't either and I'm sorry you do. But wouldn't you rather have the real Chihiro back to account for all those voices and images? You can only get her back if you're functioning properly. I think you know that best of all," Lin's voice was that of the comrade he had known since he first came to the bath house...to here...the voice of reason amidst his own personal chaos. And she was right. He didn't even deserve Chihiro if he was going to act like this, apathetic and selfishly desolate.
No more.
His eyes brightened ever so slightly, that familiar Haku magic coming slowly back into them and he, unhurriedly, took Lin's hands off of his shoulders.
"Thank you Lin. You're right," he smiled, the first real one he had shown in too long, in Lin's opinion and she grinned back and wasted no time in slapping him on the back playfully.
"Right then. Off to bed commander. You've got a lot of work to do when you wake up," she teased and sauntered off, patting herself on the back for a job well done, cleaning up after the boss and all that jazz...yup...that was Lin alright. Haku shook his head and as he made his way to his room, he paused by a hall mirror and did a double take. Lin had been right.
He did look hellish. After a moment, he rolled his eyes and entered his room, pushed the covers on the makeshift futon down and fell into it, as instructed.
And Haku still dreamt of Chihiro, but instead of lost or betrayed, she looked patient and he knew somehow, that she was waiting for him.
If all went according to plans, she might not have to wait too long either...
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The Queen meanwhile, formulated the remains of her own diabolical plans...centering around the very girl everyone else seemed to be thinking of, Chihiro, Pretty, Sen, all one and the same, and all at the center of a deceptive, and precarious scheme. She sat on her throne as usual, magic springing about in front of her in the air in different coded colors. Not taking her eyes away from it all, she noted a figure appear at her right.
"Kesuke, dear it's good to see you, how is the pretty one doing?" she asked conversationally.
"She is coping your Majesty," he replied carefully.
"Coping? That's a shame. I thought we'd been very hospitable," she commented.
"She is not used to the grandeur and it is a new place altogether...your Majesty," he reasoned.
"Ah, I suppose..." the magic snapped into nothingness and her eyes wandered over to Kesuke. He was the epitome of beauty, really. She might have sighed if it were not a complete violation of all she had trained people to believe her to be. So instead, she reached out to pull him to her.
"Your Majesty?" he questioned, and she was irked suddenly. It was not the first time she had made an advance on him, and, she added mentally, definitely not the last, but he had never been quite so...reluctant...
"You look tired," she finally said and he nodded, a little too quickly almost.
"Yes, I am your Majesty, forgive me," he beseeched.
"Of course love. Go, rest," she shooed him away, still secretly slightly upset, even angry with his sudden outright refusal of her...he had never exactly reciprocated but before now, he had not avoided her either. She wondered what the cause was and knew it would be apart of her multiple nightly wonderings for quite a while. As his form opened the double doors to exit, she called to him: "Good night Kesuke, I love you."
"Good night my Queen," he replied and she was not fooled by his change of the still formal title. He was still as platonic and oblivious as ever about how she really did love him...strange as it was. The Queen struggled with her own feelings. Her objectives needed to stay clear. She wasn't meant to love anyone, but she did and it was fogging up those same objectives.
This displeased the Queen as you might imagine.
So she brooded.
She brooded for hours...and when she finally retired to her chambers, she wondered still.
It seemed even this Queen, this instigator of conflict...it seemed that even she had all-too normal emotions.
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He checked on her, eyeing her sleeping form, bundled up in the many, many blankets provided for her. She had returned to her room earlier that night with his help and she had, against his wishes, flown for hours it seemed. She had loved it too; it was obvious and he had smiled as though he was partaking in her joy too. Now she slept the sleep of the just. And that was ironic because while she was just, the actions and circumstances surrounding her were not. His eyes darkened a bit.
Kesuke wondered why he was being so unnecessarily protective of this girl from another world, this Ogino Chihiro. Why was it he smiled when she smiled? Was his first love, honor, and loyalty to the Queen? Had the Queen not already chosen him personally? Should he not be content?
But he wasn't.
For every time he glanced in the sleeping girl's direction, be it while she was laughing, crying, or yelling, an unnamable warmth crept into him that the Queen had never been able to stir in him. It disturbed him. He should feel nothing. But unless nothing could be called something, that wasn't it. No, he felt something all right and that only meant one thing.
Trouble.
He felt suddenly, as he softly closed the door to Chihiro's room, like the least he could do, is truly befriend this girl. Even if he was supposed to be her enemy of sorts, it was obvious after his act tonight that that just wasn't going to happen. No, he even wanted to be her friend.
Maybe that would help him sort out some of the trouble he knew he was already knee-deep in and sinking.
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Chihiro had no prophecy in her dream that night, but something much better. She flew in her dream, but not on her own. No. She flew on a dragon's back and in the receding distance she saw a familiar castle and in the upcoming sight, she saw a beautiful sunrise of crimson and gold.
And she smiled a little, even in her sleep as the moonlight streamed in caressing beams down upon her relaxed face through the open windows...curtains thrown back too. Surely this dream was of the future...or something like it. Surely it meant Haku would return for her, just like she somehow knew he wanted to.
In fact, she could almost hear his voice, soft and heart-warming...hear his voice telling her just to wait for him.
Just wait for a little while longer.
In her dream she whispered on the dragon's back:
"I will wait forever."
That same softly androgynous moonlight fell down on a certain river god as well and for a moment, for the first time since their re-entry to this world, there was a slight respite of something resembling peace.
There, how's that? ^^ Thank you so much for all of your reviews. You make me ecstatically jubilant, you hear? ^_^
Keep the reviews coming; they're my motivation and inspiration for new chapters to come out. ^_~
If you didn't read the author's note at the beginning, read it. I answered some questions in it, most of them actually I think. ^^
-Kaji