The Sea and The Rhythm

Disclaimer- I don't own The O.C.

A/N- Hey everyone! Of course, I could not resist the urge to write a Ryrissa fanfic after the Dearly Beloved. This is the first chapter, I have a lot more done so far, so if you guys like it I'll post more later! Thanks!

Ryan stood up from his bed and reached over to the lamp, pulling its chord and illuminating the room. The time on his clock read 12:30, and he doubted he'd gotten much more than half an hour of sleep the entire night. He kept fading in and out, trying to ease the twisting knots that tightened inside of him. Every time he would achieve peace, on the verge of falling asleep, it surfaced in his mind again. The muddy colors of the room were just as vivid as they had been two nights ago, when he was lying on its floor. Splashes of blood traveled across the inside of his eyelids, followed by his brother's unmoving body. He tried a countless number of times to let the pain drop, but the anxiety wouldn't quit.

He pulled a wife beater over his head and walked over to the bathroom, splashing cold water onto his face. In the mirror, all he could see were the sullen traces of concern pressed into his eyes. He wiped the dripping water with a washcloth, and began to feel a salty sensation developing inside his tear ducts. Scrunching his face with determined restraint, he weakly banged his fist against the wall, and dropped his head to the floor. With little conviction, he walked out of the bathroom and down the steps to the large glass doors surrounding the pool house.

Crossing to the other side of the dimly lit infinity pool, Ryan opened the doors to the kitchen. He lifted his head and found Sandy standing near the refrigerator, the phone to his ear. Leaning against the other side of the island, with tears staining her red cheeks, was Marissa.

"Right, come over in the morning. Alright. You too, Julie."

Ryan and Marissa looked at one another for a split second, and then tore their eyes from each other. They hadn't spoken since that night, and neither knew what to say. Ryan hadn't known that she was coming over, but realized that she and Sandy must be working on her case.

"Hey, Ryan," Sandy said, breaking the tension. "I talked to Marissa. Your stories match completely."

"And Seth and Summer?"

"I'm going to need to talk to the four of you together tomorrow. For now, will you get Marissa set up in the guest room? It's late. And I need to make a few phone calls."

"Sure," Ryan said hesitantly. He had been trying his best to avoid her. Now it would be impossible.

Sandy directed his attention to Marissa.

"Get some sleep. We've got a lot of work to do tomorrow."

She sighed and tried to restrain the tears, but one involuntarily rolled out of the corner of her eye.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"We're gonna pull through this. Don't worry. We're in it together."

Ryan diverted his eyes as Sandy's words echoed through his head. We're in this together. He hadn't been there for her at all. He hadn't even asked her how she was doing, and when she tried calling him the morning after, he didn't pick up.

Sandy wished both of them a good night and walked out of the room, leaving the two of them alone. Ryan looked up at her, his eyes watching hers form more tears than before. He led them out of the kitchen without a word.

Inside the guest room, Marissa stood awkwardly around the bed, her arms crossed tightly around each other. She watched Ryan as he leaned over in the linen closet and grabbed two pillows, a towel and washcloth. He handed them to her, and smiled faintly.

"There should be some clean toothbrushes in the bathroom. Top Drawer."

"Thanks."

They both paused, waiting for the other one to say something. After a few seconds, Ryan looked at her bare shoulder, and rested his hand on it. Marissa could feel his heat warming her whole body, and didn't dare to look at him, until he began to speak.

"Listen, I…I don't know how to do this."

She pulled away from his touch and walked over to the bed, resting the pillows on the headstand.

"What?" she choked out, her back to him. "Be with a murderer?"

She felt the pain surging through her tear ducts, and squinted her eyes to keep from getting hysterical. Without turning around, she lifted the blanket and got underneath it, resting the side of her head on the pillows. Ryan looked at her with eyes full of sorrow. Hesitantly, he touched her back with the tips of his fingers, and felt her shake uncontrollably. Marissa could feel his stare on the back of her head, and she tried to stifle the tears. She closed her eyes, the wetness tightening her skin. Ryan leaned over, his head hovering over hers. He pulled the blanket up over her shoulders, and softly stroked her hidden arm. Her lips quivered, and he walked slowly away, closing the door behind him.

Once he was gone, Marissa let the hysterics pour out of her eyes. She didn't know how she was living with herself. She had killed someone. Taken their life away. The heavy guilt weighed down every corner of her body, pounding in her mind. Just twenty minutes of time passed by, and her life was completely destroyed. She was reuniting with her family, the aroma of a blue candle sending flames of warmth and happiness through her body. And then, minutes later, she was watching her boyfriend's life disappear through wheezing breaths. His face accented every drop of pain that tortured his weak body, and Marissa couldn't stand to watch as death crept over him. She had given him all of her heart, and if he wasn't there to nourish it, she wouldn't be able to go on. She wouldn't be able to live without him.

For the first time in a couple of minutes, Marissa inhaled a deep, staggered breath. She sat up in bed, looking out the window through opened white blinds. The sky was still black, and not a single star could be seen. She couldn't fall asleep, so instead, she tore the blanket off her legs, grabbed her towel and walked over to the shower. She turned the water on with no trepidation, standing right under its cold pressure. It gradually began to heat up, soothing the knots that aligned her body. For a moment, Marissa felt relief run through her.

"I saved him."

She spent one suspending moment with no feeling of guilt inside of her, and then it came crashing down inside her heart. No matter how hard she tried to convince herself that she was still a good person, that she had saved someone's life, she couldn't help but feel a deep remorse. She kept thinking of other ways she could have prevented it. She could have threatened to call the police, or hit Trey on the back of the head with the gun. But the only logical answer that resonated with her at the time was to pull the trigger. She didn't realize she was killing someone, she only thought she saving the love of her life. But once the bullet came into contact with his back, she felt the pangs of shock drop her heart to her feet. Everyone kept telling her that she was still a good person; that she did what she needed to. But the one person she wanted to hear it from didn't know how to talk to her anymore. She felt like a menace.

The thoughts resurfaced in her mind, and the soothing nature of the shower was becoming ineffective. Marissa turned the water off and wrapped the towel around her shivering body. She came back into the guest room, dressed herself in the pile of clothes that sat by her bed, and fell into a tortured sleep.

Ryan tossed in bed, wondering whether she was still awake. He wasn't sure if she was still crying, and was debating whether or not to go back to the guest room and stay with her. He wasn't even certain that it would be appropriate, considering that he didn't know if they were still together. They hadn't broken up, but they also hadn't spoken much to each other since the night it happened. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. All he knew was, the thought of her crying alone in that small room was unbearable. Before he could decide whether or not to go visit her, a slumber cast over his eyes, dulling his senses into a deep sleep.