As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

The streetlights died out one by one as Aya drove the trailer through the streets. Morning would come soon, he supposed, but not for them.

He stole a glance at the sleeping Omi beside him.What would become of them? What would become of this promising young man? If Omi's future was bleak, then his would be dead. He was a worn out soul. There was a great difference between the futures of a vibrant spirit and a worn out soul.

But for all of them, night was endless.

It's not fair that we should all end up this way.

Omi stirred. "Where...?" he mumbled turning sleep-hazed eyes at the redhead.

"It's dawn, it's too early for you to wake up."

The tone was callous and cold, but Omi knew the words were meant. He smiled wanly at the driver. Sometimes, Aya seemed to be the father he never had. "No, I'm fine," he reassured his companion. "But you've been driving all night. Aren't you tired?"

"I can manage."

The fair-headed boy ran a hand through his tangled hair, chuckling softly. "You amaze me, Aya-kun, don't you get bored or sleepy? Driving through the night without anyone to talk to is so dull."

"No," he answered shortly. "Because I think."

"Reminiscing?" A dreamy look passed the younger assassin's rather feminine features. "It's hard to believe we ended up this way, ne? Everything seemed so normal already, like we were settling down."

We've always been fighting with one foot in our graves, what makes this any different? Aya almost said, but tact made him keep his mouth shut.

Omi continued. "But I liked living with Momoe-san the best. Even though we didn't get along very well at that time, and you were new and all...But at least, there we had somewhere to go home to," he paused waiting for a moment to see if Aya would respond. Apparently, the leader was in no mood to talk, so he went on. "Not that I don't think this trailer is a home, home is where the family is, and we're here. The idea of having one path to take, one place to return to after a hard journey is very enticing..."

The young marksman turned to gaze at the view outside. "...especially now."

"We're out of gas," Aya broke into Omi's daydreams. It wasn't that he wasn't listening, but what could he add to that?

It's all ending
We gotta stop pretending who we are...

The trailer's back door felt like a protective barrier to Aya as he stared at it forlornly. All the reason that had fled from him the a few nights before, starting from when he had seen Yoji kissing Ken, came flooding back in a nauseating moment.

Why he had confessed to Ken at such a time...

Why he had attacked Manx...

Why he had passed every single gas station despite the knowledge that their fuel was running out...

...Because there's no point in running away anymore. He touched the door handle tentatively. Ken and Yoji had been alone at the back all night, and with Yoji's
libido who knew what he would find there. He pulled the door open, relishing the click of the lock mechanism.

They could run away from the American army...

They could run away from Kritiker...

He could run away from his sister and his friends...

...But he could never run away from himself.

He had to face Ken's rejection….

He had to face Kritiker's authority...

I have to face this life long punishment I've received.

With a soft groan, the back of the trailer welcomed him, inviting him to step in, which he did with no hesitation. At the receiving area of the trailer, Yoji lay on the couch, cigarette in hand. The ashtray on the table held the butts that were witness to what had happened the night before.

Yoji flicked the burning stick in his hand over the overflowing tray. "He's in the video room."

Wordlessly, Aya acted on those words and proceeded into the next room where he found Ken staring blankly at the wide screen. He was watching an old mission tape. Persia's silhouette spoke of some mission that Aya had already forgotten about. The horror of forgetting about a mission washed over Aya. How could he forget about killing someone? He scanned the floor cluttered with old mission tapes. "Ken."

"So this is the end of the road, huh?" Ken stated blandly, his voice lacking even more emotion than it did the night before. It didn't take much brains to figure out what was happening. There would only be one reason to stop, and one reason alone.

"Let it out, Ken." The despicable authoritative note was still in Aya's voice, as usual. He cringed inwardly at the sound of it.

Ken continued to look at the flickering screen. "Let what out, Aya?" there was a slight acid in the way Ken spoke the redhead's name.

What you've been bottling up inside since last night.

"Can't take it if it isn't you, Aya?" a bitter laugh escaped the soccer player's lips. "Only you have the right to be sullen and silent, is that it?"

This isn't you, Ken.

Ken turned away from the TV and sauntered towards the Weiss leader, his eyes taking on the look of a madman's. "But I'll have to follow orders, don't I, Abyssinian? It's for my own good, isn't it?" he picked up a can of rootbeer standing by his feet and threw it at the VCR. The remaining dark liquid in the can spilled as it hit the machine squarely on the eject button effectively shutting the Persia on the screen up. "Tell you what," his voice rose a notch with each word until he was shouting. "I'm sick of this! Sick of everyone making decisions for me! Sick of having to follow orders! Sick of how sick I've become!"

"Ken-kun..." Omi stood by the opening of the viewing room, his blue eyes wide with shock at what was happening to his normally amiable friend.

He gestured towards the scattered tapes around them. "How many of these missions can you say you truly remember, Aya? Huh?" he met his leader's gaze. "How many faces can you connect with names? How many of all we've killed? Can you tell me, huh?"

"We were doing what was right, Ken-kun," Omi protested, tears welling up in his eyes, denial stinging his heart like a hundred needles. "We were doing the right thing."

The soccer player laughed coldly. "So killing becomes right, because Kritiker said so," he tossed his head almost loftily. "You know what egotistic morality is, Omi? It's when something becomes morally good because it serves one person, the one person doing it, well. It's just a bonus that other people get pieces of the cake. Crumbs at least."

"Ken, stop this."

"Ken-kun, this isn't you!"

"Damn right this isn't me," the dark-haired boy moved for the door and pushed Omi aside. "My mother raised me not to kill."

Aya went after Ken and grabbed his arm, but Ken managed to tear the limb free of his leader's hand. At that moment, Yoji stood in front of the brunette.

"Out of my way, Yoji," Ken ordered.

Wordlessly, Yoji punched Ken in the gut sending the younger boy to the floor. He looked down at his lover. "I've got news for you, Ken, your mother didn't raise you to be gay, either, are you having regrets about that?"

"That's different," Ken spat out, glaring into Yoji's verdant orbs.

The younger blonde tried to help his friend up. "Ken-kun, we have to move. They've already deployed Special Forces to come after us..."

"Leave him alone, Omi."

Omi reeled back turning questioning eyes at Yoji.

"He has to come to terms with all this by himself. That we were never normal to start with."

Yoji turned his back on Ken and walked to the trailer door. "Come out when he's come to his senses. I'll stand guard."

"Yoji-kun..."

"At times like this, we're just teammates."

You and me
I can see us dying ... are we?

After what seemed like hours, Ken broke down, tears absent, but his breath ragged as though he was crying. He heaved and coughed, but still, nothing came out of
his closed eyes. When he opened them, they stared blankly ahead, pleading to some unknown god. Omi knelt beside him, rubbing his back, comforting him, but doing little since he needed to be comforted himself and none was offered him.

Aya stood back, watching.

"What is happening to us?" Ken rasped weakly.

"We're being punished," Aya replied coolly. A pair of pleading blue eyes stared into his purple ones. He nodded reassuring Omi that he knew what he was doing. "We've done some things and these are the consequences."

Ken lowered his eyes, the rest of his body following until he was curled up, his head on his knees, his arms hugging himself tightly. Aya signaled for Omi to leave, and the younger boy was quick to comply. When Omi was gone, Aya crouched in front of Ken. As if sensing this, the brunette spoke. "I'm not ready for this. I don't want to die."

"We're all afraid, Ken, the man who isn't afraid of anything is the greatest coward." A white hand lifted a tanned chin up. "Courage is when you face what you're most afraid of. A man without fears can never do that."

"Aya, why are you talking to me right now?"

The redhead smiled a miniscule smile that held only a bitter joy. "What you love is often what you fear the most."

"What do you love the most, Aya?"

"I already told you that."

"I love this life, Aya, I don't want to die."

Hush...Hush...darling

"I hope Ken-kun will be alright."

Yoji lit a cigarette. "He'll come unhinged if nothing changes. You know he did lead the most normal life out of all of us. And he didn't choose to become Weiss like the rest of us. My guess is he's still not used to this."

The smaller boy leaned on the trailer they were about to abandon. "First we lose the shop, now we're losing this..." he mentioned idly. Then a thought struck him. "Why were you so hard on him, Yoji-kun?"

"In life you need both a slap on the face and a kiss on a cheek. You can't have only one," he grinned wryly. "I know he won't be getting a slap from either you or Aya."

Hush... Hush... darling...

"Let's go."

Yoji and Omi turned to where the voice came from. Aya stood by the trailer's open door, and Ken was behind him, staring at the ground.

"We can enter the woods from here and head further south. When we're a considerable distance from the city, we can choose our path," Aya told them.

"So we move," Yoji said looking straight at Ken, dropping his cigarette and stepping on it while dusting his hands.

Ken nodded and they were off.

There they were, four stragglers, on the path that fate carved out for them. One was heading towards a new future. Another was moving on for love. The third would serve as support. And the last...

...The last was ready to face whatever life had to offer.

Hush...hush...

Don't tell me cause it hurts.