A/N- Thank you SO much for the reviews- I love getting feedback. I'll be posting quite frequently this week because I have a lot of the story written and I want to get it to you guys as soon as possible

Disclaimer- Guess what… I don't own The O.C.

Chapter 4

Marissa drove down the perfectly paved roads, the yellow line fading behind her. A small parking lot came into view, blanketed with tall trees and soft Californian grass. She pulled into the corner, and stopped the car, unbuckling her seat belt and swinging her purse over her shoulder. Her sandals flopped against the hard concrete as she walked past the crooked pine trees onto the beach. The sand buried itself between the cracks of her toes as she made her way over to the desolate life guard's dock. Standing in front of it, Marissa rested her hand on the railing, balancing herself from the power of the memories that involuntarily surfaced with the setting. Gathering her strength, she slipped off her flip flops and walked up to the top of the dock, the white wooden planks creaking beneath her bare feet. She looked out to the ocean and carefully unzipped her purse, taking the bottle in her hands. Like she was so accustomed to doing the summer before, she allowed the vodka to slip down her throat and calm her trembling body.

At the Cohen's, Seth and Summer sat together on the couch, watching an aged black and white horror film. Ryan slouched in the lone chair across from them, holding his head up with the palm of his hand. Even if he had a slight interest in the movie, it was impossible for him to concentrate. He just kept thinking of Marissa, and what he said to her. And how she should be there with him. About thirty minutes into the movie, Summer read his mind.

"This kind of sucks without Coop."

"Well why don't you give her a call? She can't still be having dinner, right?" Seth paused. "I mean, if that's okay with you, Ryan."

"Yeah, sure, go ahead."

Truthfully, Ryan wanted her there. He knew it would be terribly awkward, but he felt so alone. And he missed her.

Marissa felt her purse vibrate against her arm. She set the bottle on top of the uneven railing and fumbled through disordered objects, eventually snatching the phone in her hand. Wiping away a silent tear, she flipped it open and pulled it towards her.

"Hello?"

"Hey Coop. Listen, we're totally missing you. Do you maybe want to come-"

"Fuck."

She cut Summer off when the bottle of vodka started to shake against its slanted surface, and almost fell over the edge.

"Marissa? Is everything okay?"

Ryan, who had already been listening intently, let every one of Summer's words echo heavily in his mind.

"Uhh…yeah, I can't. Sorry."

"Where are you?"

"I'm…I'm here. I mean, I'm at the beach…I…"

"Coop, you're not making any sense."

"Sorry, I've…gotta go."

Marissa closed her phone and threw it back into the purse, gripping onto the bottle as she dropped her head. She was incoherent; her words were slurred, and she didn't want Summer to come try to rescue her self-destruction. The silent tears suddenly turned into loud sobs. She squinted her eyes tightly, trying to restrain the pain from surfacing once again. But it always did, and her drunken state made it worse. A kaleidoscope of scenes spun in her head; Trey attacking her, Ryan's breathless face, the blood stain on the carpet. They circled in her mind faster than she could process, and brought with them a cascade of memories from the year before. When he drove away to Chino, when she told him she loved him and he couldn't say it back. She hid her head underneath folded arms, crying louder and louder as the minutes passed by.

"What's wrong? Is she okay?" Ryan urgently questioned as Summer hung up the phone.

"I don't know. She seemed really out of it…"

"Where is she?"

"The beach…"

Without any hesitation, Ryan stood up and walked quickly out of the living room. He grabbed the keys from the counter and picked up his pace, slamming the door shut behind him as he ran down to the black Range Rover.

He drove to the beach, finding her red car parked in the corner of the abandoned lot. Running out to the long strips of sand, his head turned in both directions, looking for any sign of her presence. Then, underneath his feet, he saw a pair of black flip flops buried slightly underneath the sparkling crystals. Ryan stepped a little closer to the shore, hearing a small sound echo from the distance. He ran to the left, and found her standing on top of the dock, her head cradled inside her arms. Relieved to find her safe, he sighed deeply and took in her lonely posture. It wasn't long before he noticed the bottle of vodka standing upright next to her fragile body.

"Marissa…"

She straightened immediately, shocked to hear him speaking.

"What are you doing here?"

Her voice rang vibrations of anger through the air, and he remained silent, walking up to where she was standing. Her body shook from his closeness, and she looked away, trying to remain strong. But she was an absolute mess, and was too drunk to hide it.

"Come on," he urged softly, his hand resting barely an inch away from hers along the wooden rail.

"Come on, let's go."

"I'm not going anywhere."

She leaned over the side of the dock, her head staring down at the blanket of sand through dizzying floods of water. Her body shook violently as her thin fingers turned white from gripping onto the rail so tightly. Ryan began to get scared. He'd seen her depressed, but never like this. She had no control over herself. Her breath was limited, and the sound of her coughs echoed off of the chipped wood. The tears wouldn't quit.

At a loss, Ryan put his arm on her, stroking her back as she suffered through the climax of her drunken hysterics.

"It's okay…"

He spoke soothingly, trying to calm her down. But it wasn't working. He could feel her trembling underneath his hand, her breaths short, loud and staggered. Ryan took a step in closer to her, searching the sadness in her face. He looked to his right at the half empty bottle, and picked it up, holding the evidence of her self-destruction in his hand.

"Give that back!"

She sprung forward, trying to grab it, but he kept it behind him. Her face was tormented from the pain, and she tried to reach for it, but he held her back with his free arm.

"Give it back!" She screamed louder than before, the tears rolling down her neck. He stepped into her as close as possible now, pressing his body against hers. His hand massaged her shoulder, and eventually made its way down her back, relieving the built up tension with his touch. He put down the bottle and stepped into her a little bit harder. As he squeezed her frail body into his, she found herself succumbing to his comfort. She rested the side of her head against his cheek, feeling his hands travel up and down her back. Eventually, she stood up straight, and allowed herself to exhale deeply through the sobs. His arms still cradled her gently, and her more languid breaths were reassuring.

"Let me take you home…"

Marissa nodded silently, her cheeks still heavy with the tight redness. The tears continued to coat a new layer over her face, but her breath was the only sound she made. Ryan wrapped his arm tightly around her waist, and they walked up the beach together, listening to the sounds of the waves cascade across the wet sand.

They drove down the narrow road without a word. Marissa kept her head turned towards the window, letting quiet releases of water stream down her face. Her head thudded softly against the glass window as she looked outside to the peaceful land. The sky above was lit by thousands of tiny stars, some standing alone, others grouped in intricate constellations. There was one in particular that caught her eye. It kept its distance from every other shining vessel, and cast a strong reflective light over the darkness that surrounded it. Marissa became lost in its power, the tears no longer dropping rapidly from her eyes. Her mind began to roll in a slow, dulled fashion, unable to completely process her thoughts. All she could think of was the star, that seemed to be following the car down the winding path. And Ryan.

"I'm sorry…"

She stuttered, and slowly turned her face towards him. He looked at her, surprised to hear her speak. They had been driving in silence for so long, and occasionally he would look over at her to make sure she was okay. But he had been lost in his own thoughts for the past few minutes, staring ahead at the seemingly endless road. His mind played a string of memories across its canvas, and he became completely absorbed in their power. Each recollection surfaced in him with complete accuracy; the colors, voices, angles. They seemed to cover the glass windshield, floating over his eyes like a movie. Every scene brought a tearing Marissa, wearing a pretty pink dress on Valentine's day, or a long, red gown at her mother's wedding. He closed his eyes briefly, feeling like he was the only reason why Marissa cried. Hearing her voice next to him awoke his reverie, and he was uncertain of how to respond.

"It's okay…"

"No, it's not. I know…I bring back old issues for you."

"Marissa…"

"I could have been better to you…"

The sadness sneaked out of her eyes once more, and her voice raised as the words trailed from her lips.

"Marissa…come on. Don't do this."

"No, Ryan. You were right. There always is something coming between us. It's me."

She leaned over in the seat and picked up a wad of tissues from her purse. Her eyes closed, and she wiped away the wetness before it could dry in matted lines on her already tight skin. Ryan opened his mouth to respond to her, but closed it shortly after. He couldn't think of anything appropriate to say, and they drove the rest of the way without another word.