A/N First of all, I hadn't intended it on being this long, but it is the prologue and chapter one. Um, I'm not sure how often I can update. My muse is kind of like the fur on a dog with mange--- Sparse and only found in small patches here and there... ; ) Also, thanks to all who reviewed my story Open Book. It is very appreciated! Well, that's about it. --Sarah
I don't own any part of Law and Order:CI. It's all Mr. Wolf's so please don't sue!
Prologue
There are things I always thought I knew. I'm a criminal profiler, it's my job. I look for the tiny details in everything. The details, which most people tend to overlook, are the key behind everything.
Everyone's story has all kinds of little details, like they're trying to give you clues about who they are without having to tell you directly. And if you are smart enough to look for these clues, then they'll know you listened, I mean really listened, and cared enough to figure them out.
That's what people wait their entire lives for; someone to figure out their details. And that's what I do, I figure out people's details.
Now, as much as I had prided myself on my ability to search out and find people's clues, there had been one person's details I had seriously, though inadvertantly, overlooked.
My partner, Alexandra Eames, is one of those people with many details, and most of them tucked away so you really have to search to find them. They are so hidden in the catacombs of herself, yet so worth the search to find them.
This is where my record of detail sleuthing becomes severely tarnished. For four years, I had the ignorance of thinking that I knew her details, all of them. Oh sure, I knew little things, like how she took her coffee and her secret satisfaction in coming off as a petite, vulnerable woman, when she is so much more intimidating than someone expects.
I knew big things too. What happened to her husband, still not so long ago in her mind and that ever present feeling of emptiness in her where her nephew once was. Yes, I knew details, more details than I could count. I just didn't see the one's that mattered most. And in missing these details, I had unknowingly missed details in yet another person --- Myself.
All of this is how I've found myself here, standing in the rain outside this enormous Catholic church, with it's entrance all made up in pretty ribbons and flowers. The sky is completely overcast, matching my current dispostion, as my eyes linger on the building before me.
You see, I'm supposed to in there. Well, actually I was supposed to be in there five minutes ago, presumably in a tux, with a bow tie and all that jazz.
Now, I wasn't supposed to be by the bride's side, but on her side. You know, sitting awkwardly in the pews surrounded by her family and friends, watching as she made her grand entrance.
But instead, I'm standing out here on the sidewalk, still in the clothes I had on last night, letting the rain fall on unhindered upon me.
The truth is, I don't want to go in there --- I can't. You see, it's my partner in there about to get married. I never even saw it coming. Can you believe that? A detective on the Major Case Squad and I never even suspected it.
What makes this so much harder to deal with is that now, when it's far too late, I can pinpoint the exact day when I should have realized my lack of attention.
The exact day when all of her details I had missed would come back to haunt me.
Chapter One
The Exact Day
Something was wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, just --- Different. Yes, things were just different enough to make me find myself standing in a hallway of an apartment building which is most definately not mine.
Actually, it's my partner's.
I feel a little weird about being here, outside her door. Not that I've never been here before. No, I've been here many times to have coffee or discuss a case. But I've never been here just to check in. I can't say I've ever done that before.
You see, she was different today. Not in the overly obvious kind of way, but more of a subtle change in mannerisms kind of way. I don't thinks anyone else seemed to notice, but I spotted it right away.
Today had been slow. We didn't have a case to go out on, just a mountain of paperwork piled on the corner of our joined desks. Now, I'm not one to talk about staying concentrated on one thing at a time. My mind tends to make more skips and jumps than two children playing hopscotch on the sidewalk. But Eames, she's the pennacle of concentration.
It doesn't matter how many monotonous pages she filps through on a daily basis. Unlike me, she just trudges on through nonstop, until she's found the bottom of the mound.
This is what makes today so odd. There was no trudging, only the continuous, and almost rhythmatic, sighs that lasted from early morning to the very end of the day. This then being coupled with the steady tap of her pen.
I don't even think she noticed when I had looked up to study her preoccupied face from time to time. It was almost as if she was a million miles away as her eyes shifted back and forth from the clock on the wall.
As the day wound down, there was still a partial stack of papers beside her, only half of what she normally did. And the final sign that had sealed my curiosity was when, at exactly five o' clock, she set down her pen, grabbed her coat and threw a quick goodbye in my direction.
She never just leaves at five, especially if there's still work to be done. And even after that she usually waits around to see if I'd like to grab a bite to eat or maybe a drink.
Yes, something was definately different and I needed to find out what it was.
My knock was tentative. I still had no idea of what I was going to say. After a moment of scrambling from inside, I hear her shout to come in. This yet again makes me stop and wonder. Alex never just lets anyone in, and it's not like she knew I was coming. Hell, normally there's about six locks that have to be undone and that's only after a thorough inspection through the peephole. This is New York, afterall.
Still, I enter cautiously and close the door behind me. She's nowhere in sight, so I step further inside.
Her apartment is almost the complete opposite of mine. If I had to describe it with a single word, it would be cozy. There's no real decor style, just kind of a mixture of many things.
There's a huge persian style rug covering the living room floor. Her living room set is like one of those modern leather deals and small antique tables are dotted here and there, 1920's era I believe. Knicknacks line the shelves, baseball pennants hang on the walls, and old books and newspapers are scattered here and there.
It always just has a homey feel to it.
Wandering over to one of the shelves, I grab a bottle of fishfood off the top before heading to the couch. You see, Alex doesn't have a dog or even a cat, she says they're too much of a hassle. No, instead she has Kirk and Herman, two bright orange goldfish strategically placed in a round bowl in the center of her coffee table.
As I'm shaking a few flakes into the bowl, I hear her voice call from the bathroom.
"I'll be out in a minute."
This poses a problem as I still have no idea what to say. All I can do is sit here on her fine leather sofa, twiddling my thumbs waiting for her to come out.
It's almost as if on cue that I hear the door swing open and a lightswitch turned off behind me. I don't bother to turn around because I can hear her coming.
"You're earlier than I had exp ---" There's a momentary pause before she venture's, "Bobby?"
Now, I could be wrong, but it sounded as though not only was I earlier than she had expected, but also not who she had expected.
"Yeah," I begin slowly as I rise off the couch. I'm searching for anything but coming up blank as I rub the side of my face awkwardly. This was most definately a bad idea.
"What are you doing here?" Her voice is curious, not impatient when I turn to face her.
''Well, I just ---" But I stop midsentence. Remember when I said earlier that she was different?
She still is.
I have seen Alex many ways. Street smart cop, playing a hokey bank teller or a lonely woman new to New York. All of these were part of her job. Nothing had prepared me for this.
A soft, flowered, silk skirt flowed down before ending in sumptuous ruffles just above her knees and a light green sweater hugged her closely, the top wrapping around her shoulders leaving her collar bone exposed. She wore just a little more makeup than usual, though not overplayed, just soft enough to bring out her eyes. Even her normally loose hair was pulled up into an elegant twist.
"You're going out," I stated after a moment, realizing I had been staring for far too long.
At this, she looked down to herself suddenly and smiled in amusement. "Actually, I am."
I felt like a complete jackass. It's just that I had never seen her so --- Femanine.
Well, not that I hadn't realized she was a woman before this, you'd have to be completely blind not to notice. I'm just used to her "I'm A Tough, Yet Professional Female Police Officer" look. Not this.
Things take yet another awkward turn as silence fill the room. I can't stop myself from shoving my hands in my pockets helplessly. Then, beyond my control, my eyes sweep across her once more. "So, you're going out." I realize I have said this already, but I'm still clueless as what to do.
Alex gives me a funny look before stepping around the couch. "Yeah." As she reaches down for a set of shoes, she laughs slightly. "Actually, I'm a little nervous about it all. I haven't been on a date in a long time."
This catches me by surprise. Not the fact that she was nervous, but the fact hat I hadn't even thought about her dating all all. I hadn't thought past her life outside of work and the occasional drinks we had.
After slipping on her shoes, she looked up to me witha small sigh of satisfaction. "Well, how do I look?"
I was a little speechless for a second before I gave a small smile. "You look great." She looked amazing.
She did her best, but it didn't stop the tiny bit of blush that crept up her cheeks for a mere moment. Then, as quickly as it had passed, another look came over her face. "Did you need something, Bobby?"
No, not now. Without even asking I had figured out why she had seemed so different today. Before I could flounder uselessly yet again, three short raps came from the door. I looked over in time to see Alex pat her hair carefully and smooth down her skirt before hurrying to open the door.
I once again had the feeling of being a jackass as I stood unnoticed by the man who stepped through the door to give Alex a gentle hug.
He was a little shorter than I was, with blond hair kept short and glasses. He wore a well tailored sports coat over jeans. A doctor or lawyer type if I estimated correctly.
It wasn't long before his blue eyes looked past her and sized me up slowly. Alex must have noticed the sudden tension because she quickly led him over to me.
"Jackson, this my partner I told you about. Robert Goren." Smiling up to me, she then pointed back to him. "Bobby, this is Jackson McCullogh. He's a partner of Tabor law firm downtown."
Bingo. He looked like a lawyer.
Giving his hand a quick, but firm shake, I nodded customarily. I didn't knowwhy, but for some reason I had an odd feeling about him.
I couldn't ponder it long though because he looked down to his watch, then to Alex. "We had better get going, the dinner reservations are in twenty minutes."
"Oh, okay." Alex looked around for a moment before grabbing her purse and looking back to me. "Bobby, could you ---"
I cut her off witha friendly wave of my hand. "I'll lock up for you."
She gave a grateful smile before taking Jackson's offered arm.
"It was nice meeting you, Robert," he said as they turned for the door.
Nodding in return, I watched the door close behind them. As I looked around the room for a moment, I couldn't help the odd feeling that lingered in my mind.
I take back what I said earlier about things being different.
Something was wrong.