Saleairy woke screaming and crying. Carth also commented later that she'd been thrashing and decked him in the stomach. She was so frightened all her companions felt it and awoke. Even HK appeared at their door. Carth held her against him as she cried. She couldn't control the waves of terror and the only thing anchoring her sanity was Carth and the feeling that the people around her still loved her. They may even need her. Bastila meditated near her until a reasonable calm spread and she stood up again.

"Are you feeling better?" She still sobbed in silence against Carth's chest. Bastila looked just as disturbed. "I don't understand this. If you were so distressed about something I should've felt it."

"I get the feeling it's better you didn't." Carth said as Mission handed Saleairy a tissue. His voice bobbled into the lower tones of near choking concern. Canderous rubbed the back of his neck. Saleairy didn't cry often and even less often in front of everyone. She was always strong and when she reached her breaking point, she would often do so alone, away from others to avoid causing them distress. He remembered finding her once at her breaking point on the world of the Builders. They were preparing to leave and would do so at nightfall. Jolee and Juhani had accompanied her to the Temple and they faced Bastila. She'd walked away after all was said and done; she didn't have to ask to be left alone. Canderous felt something was wrong when she left with such a strange look. He followed her, the signs few and far between as to where she was going. He found her sitting on a boulder that overlooked the beach and shallows that were one over sized ship graveyard. She heard him coming and buried her head in her knees as she curled into a near fetal position. Canderous didn't fathom her crying but felt awkward all the same.

"Saleairy?" She tensed and he noticed she was shaking.

"Yes Canderous?"

"Is something wrong?" Canderous asked.

"Canderous, I'm not being a very good leader right now and I know that's what you respect me for, so please, do me the honor and leave before I embarrass myself." He realized she might be crying. She didn't move her head from her knees.

"I admire you for other things besides being a superior leader. You are strong whether you realize it or not. Mercy never made you weak like I thought it would. You did not kill Bastila where she stood because you knew you still had the chance to redeem her. You weep for her now because you hurt her and you're scared for her because she is too stupid to be scared for herself. You were always a better Jedi than the princess, because of what you're doing now. You weep now because you lost a close friend who battled alongside you like a true warrior would." She laughed.

"Canderous, I admire that you respect me but I have wept for things you would abandon me for."

"I would never abandon you and I know you feel pain every time you cannot save someone, even the insignificant lives we've dealt with. You hurt when you found out all the pain you caused as Revan, but you were always better than Revan at winning without hurting people because you know what winning at all costs feels like." She looked up at Canderous and he saw tears streaming from her face.

"I-"

"You are strong. Stronger than Revan."

"Canderous-"

"I will stay by your side no matter who turns against you."

"Then I won't let you down." She brushed her tears away, not willing to let her pain influence her followers. Canderous caught her before she fell off the rock and set her down, holding her like a child as he did so. She smiled and thanked him. She would bury the pain and move on for her mission and her companions.

That was what a real leader would do unless something caught them off guard and in bed, like it had with Saleairy now. Then she was not so terrified and much more was at stake. Now she was allowed time to let what had happened wash over her. Canderous felt moved to make a show of empathy and he wondered how.

"Some warriors are often plagued by nightmares of their greatest hunts, perhaps it was that simple." Big Z growled at a soft volume. It was almost a purr as far as Wookies were concerned.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mission asked.

"Perhaps you should. If it disturbed you so greatly, it might be worth telling us." Juhani said. "If not for our sake, for yours. You tend to keep some things to yourself to ensure we are all strong."

"I feel that perhaps part of the vision pertains to the Council." Jolee said. "Perhaps you want to tell an old man who can dispel some common fears about the Council?" Bastila remained linked to Saleairy, mediating and trying to help calm her and offer comfort. Carth cradled her as she curled in his lap, quivering like a newborn pup huddling close to its mother.

"Query: Is there something you needed killed Master?" T3 wasn't beside HK and Saleairy noticed despite her blinding tears. The door opened again and Canderous reappeared with a cold towel and brandy with sparkling glasses. He poured a tall glass with ice for Saleairy and handed her the towel. She buried her face in it for a long moment as Carth held her glass. Canderous poured everyone a glass and waited. Saleairy showed her face again. She wiped the remaining tears from her face and sniffled. She was given more tissues and she took the brandy from Carth. She took a quavering breath and didn't try to smile.

"I'm sorry I woke you all up." Canderous scoffed.

"The one time you seem to need our help and you're apologizing? You always listen to us, it's about time we returned the favor." Everyone stared at Canderous. "You're all thinking it. Drink some brandy and tell us what you need us to hear." She took a drink and coughed.

"I'm sorry if it feels like I keep you guys in the dark sometimes. I'm sorry if I've faltered and caused you pain. I'm sorry if Revan," She stopped. "I'm so sorry."

"Saleairy-" Carth began.

"Let her speak Carth. She knows how we feel." Jolee said.

"I am always sorry, even before I knew I felt terrible if I couldn't make things right or if I hurt someone. I'm not just speaking about physical pain either. I know I caused pain that stays longer than a wound. But I watched that pain that I didn't mean to cause turn to healing and greater strength. But when I think of what Revan has done, I can't see that happening. I've hurt so many that I can't see good coming from it. I'm not Revan. I am who I am now. But when I go to the Council, I know they see Revan. I know they see the pain I've caused and I know they can feel the pain I feel for it but I don't know if they can let me live."

"Saleairy, how could you think that?" Carth gripped her shoulders and shook her. "You are what saved the galaxy. Revan saved the Republic and then turned on it. Malak would've torn the Republic apart if you hadn't saved it, saved us all. And now, you're going to show then that Revan is dead because you saved the Republic and you won't betray it." She blinked and Carth stopped shaking her.

"She left a lot out of her vision. She has always felt what she said." Bastila said. Bastila touched her hand and she started. Bastila only took her hand once before. Before she left to face Malak, Bastila took her hand and their palms touched. Bastila didn't speak because her voice would be marred and tainted by the sinister emotions lurking in her from Malak and her own heart. She just held Saleairy's hand for a long moment and dropped it, moving to her knees. So much needed to be said that a simple touch spoke for them.

"Saleairy, you need to tell us more." Jolee said.

"Yeah, you don't have to hide from us. You never needed to." Mission said. Canderous refilled her glass of brandy and she trembled.

"I don't know if I can."

"Try." Zaalbar said. "We want to help you through whatever you're so upset about." She almost started crying again, the tears stood in her eyes and she was about to bury her face in Carth's chest again. Carth took her hand and entwined their fingers. His hand over lapped hers and sheltered it. She sighed.

"Query: What distresses you so Master?" HK asked as he gripped his blaster rifle. She took another drink as Carth held the glass. He'd never seen her hands shake so hard before. He held one hand still in his own and it felt cold. The other shook so that she dare not hold a glass any longer. Watching her in such a frightened state reminded him of when her hands shook so hard before. He was no force adept but he had a vision. He would've followed her to the end to fight Malak, but he was not allowed to. He wasn't sure what separated them but he waited for her return with more emotions than he claimed to understand. He started when he saw different scenery from the hall he paced near the Ebon Hawk. He saw Saleairy, poised near Malak as he was trying to regain energy. Her hand trembled as she held her light saber above him. She didn't attack.

"Why did you follow Revan?" She asked. Malak stood with obvious difficulty and the glass shattered around a captive Jedi corpse. It turned into a malignant remnant as Malak absorbed its power.

"The same reason Carth and your companions follow you." He threw her with his force powers and she landed against a captive Jedi knight corpse. It fell against her and as obvious as it was to Carth that it no longer lived, she cried out in pain for it. "You! You caused this. How can you cry for what you have brought to the pathetic fools that follow you?" Malak was close now; close enough to deliver a very fatal blow. "Tell me."

"Because I will never be Revan again. I will never be a hero and a murderer again."

"But you are my dear. How many have you killed to reach me and become a hero? And now you think you will end me or convert me back to what you claim as redemption? You are a fool." She dodged the blow and the captive Jedi made Malak's blade stutter, allowing her time to put distance between them. She drove him back and he took a hard blow, falling. Their conversation was muted and far away but as Malak passed on Saleairy cried out in pain. She was wounded worse than Carth had ever witnessed but her pain was due to the truth in Malak's words. She was a hero as much as she was a murderer.

"I am afraid what the Council will tell me. I had a dream and they wanted to, to strike Revan from me. I don't understand why. I am Saleairy. I know." She knew because her friends would not love and follow Revan. Carth would never love Revan as he loved Saleairy. "But they were trying to frighten me. I, I don't understand why but they wanted me to be a Jedi. They threatened to strike Revan from me but it felt like it would harm me. They said they would not harm me if I joined the Jedi again, followed all their rules. They asked me to leave this life behind, to leave all of you." She closed her eyes in a vain attempt to not cry. She wondered if she made sense, babbling about some nightmare. She knew she'd been repeating herself and she wondered if her fear was enough to breach the gap and pass on the understanding of what she was so distressed about.

"I think you have faced the worst possible thing you could imagine the Council doing to you, my poor little Jedi." Jolee said.

"What?"

"You're obviously anxious about what the entire Council thinks of you. You are simply afraid that they will harm you for Revan's actions. They would never harm you. They cannot. You are a Republic hero and a Jedi who faced the most difficult trials known to any human. They would not ask you anything more unless you wanted to do something. And they certainly would not ask you to leave the people who you love the most."

"That would be heartless and Jedi are all about heart, right?" Mission smiled.

"You were right to be terrified Saleairy but that is no more than an outlandish nightmare." Bastila stroked her hand and got up. Juhani blinked.

"You truly have bore great pain. I think we are all just beginning to understand that. We will always be with you Saleairy Cheran."

"Query: Is Master feeling better or would it amuse her to see me make some organic meatbag dance?"

"Well, now that everyone is giving their heart felt advice, I should say something comforting." He leaned in closer to Saleairy and Carth until Saleairy looked him in the eye. "If those twisted old Jedi even think an unpleasant thought about you, they would have a blaster blot between their eyes."

"Oh how touching." Jolee said.

"Statement: I agree. My optical circuits are almost leaking." Saleairy leaned against Carth again and sighed.

"Thank you all for being there for me. You should probably try to rest more. I'll try to refrain from anymore screaming." Canderous chortled.

"Maybe if Carth hadn't let you fall asleep so quickly this entire episode could've been avoided." Saleairy chuckled as she leaned against Carth, watching them filter from the room. Carth offered her more brandy and she sipped it. She still gripped him with a binding embrace and she loosened.

"I'm sorry if I held you too tightly."

"You aren't a Wookie so no need to worry. Are you all right?" She nodded. He set the empty glass on the nightstand beside the bed and held her again. "It felt like you left something out. Do you want to talk about it? I don't know why you would tell me something and not Bastila or-" She was crying again and this time it was racking her entire body. It was so horrid Carth felt tears rising in his eyes for Saleairy. She spoke, tears still streaming.

"I couldn't tell them. They wanted me to give up everything Carth. I thought they were going to destroy everything I remembered. Then I realized they would leave the memories and make me leave you. They were going to make me loose you and they would let me remember what I lost." She cried into Carth for a long moment and felt a tear that was much hotter than hers. She looked up and Carth brushed his own tears away. She regained control of her voice. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"The thought of losing you is bound to upset me." She never saw Carth cry. "I wouldn't let them take you away."

"I've never thought about losing you before now." Saleairy said.

"I don't blame you."

"Even when we were on Taris I didn't want to think about being without you."

"You didn't love me back then." Carth said.

"I still didn't want to lose you. And you didn't even love me until I overcame what you feared was part of me. You could always love me but you didn't until you were damn well ready." Saleairy said.

"And you were the same way."

"Ah huh." Saleairy said with a scoff.

"When did you start loving me?" She giggled.

"I've always thought you were some sort of trouble maker but now I just find it more endearing."

"When did you start finding it endearing?" Carth asked.

"When I learned it wasn't an act for my benefit."

"What wasn't an act?"

"You." Saleairy said.

"I occasionally put a show on and let it go further with you."

"I know, Mr. Handsomest Pilot in the Galaxy."

"Wasn't it Universe?" Carth asked.

"I'm too tired to remember and don't try to over promote yourself." She rested her head against the pillows and sighed. "Is Dustil still on Telos?"

"Yes."

"I suppose I should look more presentable than I did at the Sith academy."

"Yeah." Carth rested his head on her shoulder.

"What does he think of me? I know you two talked that one night." She left Carth room to communicate with his son when aboard the Ebon Hawk, sitting in the crew quarters where she and Carth slept in the strange cots. She sat down to keep from pacing and shut her eyes to keep from being too anxious. When she opened her eyes, her friends sat around her. Big Z put a blanket around her and growled in a comforting tone. He didn't say anything but it was still reassuring. The rest of her companions remained silent like her, afraid to disturb the conversation. They all sat together in silence and it was the calmest moment of her mission when no words were uttered.

She wanted Carth to talk to Dustil and catch up before she entered the picture. Carth didn't blame her for his wife's death and she hoped Dustil wouldn't. They were similar but Dustil was so angry it caused her to be more wary of him than the average teenager. Carth could be just as angry and he was all those years of hunting Saul. She was able to help Carth let his anger go but she didn't know if she could help Dustil with anything. She recognized the look on Dustil's face when he first saw Saleairy. His impression only worsened when she defended Carth and handed Dustil the data pad that proved the Sith were evil. She wondered if Dustil would forgive her.

"He remembers the strong women who did great deeds of light in such a dark place. You did all those weird prestige acts before he left and the students told him what really happened."

"Why do you not sound convinced?"

"He is still very angry. We'll have some things to resolve." Carth said, sighing. Saleairy's heart jumped at the we in the sentence. "And yes I meant we. Dustil will get used to you. He'll probably even love you. He's a lot like me in that sense. The least we can hope for is becoming a family." Carth yawned.

"I've never been part of a family before." She was falling asleep and Carth's head on her was a reassuring attachment to reality.

"Why do you sound like you're warning me?" He smiled and resettled against her shoulder. "You'll do fine. He wants to get back to where we all should be."

"That would be more than I deserve."